“Yes. Didn’t you know?”
“No, this is the first time I’m hearing about it. Could Revril really be here?”
“Yes.”
Herder looked at me with a stunned face for a moment, then put down his teacup.
“Call Revril right now.”
“Why? I don’t really want to see her here.”
“I have something to say.”
Since I thought he would call me even if I went back to my room, I went into the sitting room. When Herder saw me, his face showed surprise, then he smiled quietly.
“I didn’t expect you to come all the way here.”
Then Herder spoke to Selena like he was trying to manage the situation.
“Selena, go upstairs first. I have something to discuss with Revril separately.”
Selena looked unwilling but got up like she had no choice. She gave me a sharp look and passed by quickly. When I stood back a little, Herder pointed to the chair in front of him.
“Sit down.”
I slowly sat down across from Herder. He looked similar to before. His belly was not big, so it seemed he hadn’t had a baby. But his usual shining eyes were gone, and he looked strangely tired. As soon as he saw me, Herder said,
“No matter how much I think, I can’t understand Lord Cedric. He seems innocent, but why is he so thick-faced?”
I had no words to argue with that.
“What exactly are you doing here?”
“……”
“I didn’t think so much, but you really are pathetic.”
I heard all kinds of words, but now I just accepted them. Strangely, the talk about Cedric being connected with Selena stung inside me like erosion, but harsh words toward me felt better than that.
When I still stayed quiet, Herder shouted, probably frustrated.
“Revril, if you have a mouth, answer me.”
Still, I didn’t have the confidence to look Herder straight in the eyes. I lowered my head and said what was in my heart.
“I have no shame, but I have to live.”
“What do you mean?”
“Cedric is the only one who can save me.”
Herder looked at me with his mouth slightly open, as if in disbelief. I spoke honestly.
“If Cedric helps me, I can get free from my sins and debts.”
“Revril, you really…”
“Then, Herder, can you give me two million crocks without any condition?”
Herder looked at me as if I were a monster. Her eyes showed disbelief mixed with surprise.
“So, Cedric said he would do that?”
“Yes.”
Herder turned his head and sneered.
“Ridiculous. Revril, do you really believe that?”
“Cedric said so. If I just cooperate…”
“What cooperation?”
I couldn’t say that. The reason I stayed in this mansion was to spend the night with him. I didn’t want to tell Herder something like that.
When I kept my mouth shut, Herder smiled knowingly.
“He’s probably just testing you.”
“……”
“Besides, if he really had feelings left, he wouldn’t leave things so irresponsibly. He would have asked to get back together by now.”
I had no words to reply to that. I didn’t know if Cedric was irresponsible, but he never said he wanted to get back together first. He also put up walls.
Herder looked at my condition and chuckled softly.
“Anyway, those kinds of people get arrogant if you treat them a little well.”
“Please stop talking like that.”
I was really tired of it. From Cedric’s mother to Herder, to the social circle, and even Selena—they all ignored me as if I was not allowed to come close.
Herder frowned in disbelief. Since the topic was open, I said what I wanted to say for a long time.
“Do you feel good when you keep ignoring me like that?”
“Revril, why all of a sudden…”
“You ignored me from the start. You thought I couldn’t do things because I came from a bad family.”
“That’s because you, Revril…”
“And Cedric still has feelings for me.”
I blurted it out. Actually, it might be true. Sometimes, when I saw the way he looked at me or held my hand, I couldn’t say he had no interest at all. Besides, I wasn’t sure about his heart, but didn’t he say he wanted my body? He said that to the servants too.
Herder stared blankly as if shocked, then suddenly opened his eyes sharply.
“Revril, since it’s come to this, I’ll be honest. I hate you. No, to be exact, I hate that Cedric became head of the family.”
“……”
“Also, it bothered me that a nobody from a small family became the lady of the Jedburgh family. Now, he’s acting like he cares a little, but I think you’re just imagining things…”
“That’s not an illusion. Cedric still…”
“Revril, the more you say that, the more miserable you get, don’t you?”
I wondered what else Herder knew. I was sure Cedric had some interest in me. So I thought this was my last chance.
When I stared silently, Herder laughed bitterly.
“You really don’t know anything. Or you’re shameless.”
“What don’t I know?”
Herder shook his head and said,
“Cedric has no interest in you. Well, maybe a little regret because you lived with him for three years as his wife.”
“……”
“But that’s in the past. Cedric is going to get engaged to Selena. I think I said that earlier, but why don’t you understand?”
I wanted to argue again, with the same words. But somehow, no words came out. Maybe because hearing ‘miserable’ hurt.
“No one wants to be involved with you anymore. Who would want to connect with someone from that family? Cedric too.”
“……”
“And you left Cedric first.”
“That’s true, but…”
“Now, you shamelessly come back only because Cedric is useful to you, right?”
“I…”
“Revril, from what I see, you are a very bad person. I didn’t want to say this, but how is this different from using a person?”
I gripped my trembling hand tightly and barely said,
“I’m not using Cedric. Right now, it’s just that we both…”
“I don’t know what Cedric said to you, but it’s probably not sincere. He’ll just play with you a little and throw you away.”
“……”
“Also, you know Selena has been very sensitive because you’re staying at this mansion lately, right?”
Then wouldn’t it be better to leave? Why stay here and be in a sensitive state? While I thought that, Herder said one thing.
“Don’t try anything and leave now.”
Hearing that made me want to stick around even more.
“As I said before, I can’t leave.”
“Revril, are you really crazy?”
“You’re not officially engaged to Selena yet.”
“That’s true, but Cedric will soon give her an engagement ring. Batis told me Cedric visited a famous jewelry store in the capital.”
“……”
“At this point, why don’t you just say you will leave? Don’t regret it when you get thrown away later.”
Hearing ‘regret,’ I gripped my trembling hand and barely said,
“I won’t regret it.”
I wouldn’t believe anyone’s words anymore. Before, I vaguely believed Cedric’s mother’s words and messed things up. If I had just trusted Cedric, things wouldn’t have gone so wrong.
“I really didn’t think so, but you don’t talk sense.”
Herder shook her head like she was tired of me. She didn’t say more and got up. Herder glared at me once, then left the sitting room. I sat there for a moment, then turned my head to look at the garden.
The heavy rain was hitting the glass window. The rain seemed fierce, like it wouldn’t stop anytime soon.
Cedric came back exactly three days later. I wanted to prove what Herder said was true. I secretly thought he had a little feeling for me.
Strangely, when Cedric arrived, Selena treated the servants nicely. Cedric didn’t say anything even though Selena was in the mansion. He passed by as if it wasn’t his concern. Selena looked at Cedric full of hope, but he stared at me. His bright blue eyes flashed with desire for a moment, then he passed me and said one thing.
“Revril, come see me for a moment.”
