#072
“No… why? For what reason?”
Carlisle shrugged.
“I don’t know either. I only realized it after being close to your body.”
I couldn’t find words to say.
I had been thinking at most of emotional lingering feelings or physical attraction, but contamination? And I’m being treated as a painkiller? So the sleeping next to me in the desert and the kiss-like thing at the lake were all kinds of tests?
As I remained speechless and dazed, unable to answer, Carlisle spoke dryly with a voice tinged with cynicism, interpreting my reaction however he did.
“It’s not contagious or anything, so you don’t need to worry about that. I won’t suddenly turn into a monster while sleeping at night and tear your head off.”
No, I wasn’t even thinking about that – why are you saying such creepy things? Now that I’ve heard such talk, I’m actually scared it might really happen. It seems like the game genre has been destroyed for a while now, but surely such a horror genre event won’t suddenly occur.
“I-I don’t think about that.”
More precisely, it’s a thought I shouldn’t have. Ominous imagination becomes reality.
A faint smile appeared on Carlisle’s lips as he looked down at me muttering what sounded like a resolution.
“If I sleep pressed against your body, it hurts less. The effect is better when kissing than just holding. So if we sleep together, it would be even better.”
Carlisle said things that couldn’t be heard calmly in a calm tone.
“If you don’t like it, you can refuse. I’m not going to stop expedition work just because I’m in pain, and I won’t overturn the contract just because you won’t sleep with me.”
“……”
Why is he coming out like that so uncharacteristically?
I suspiciously examined him. Given the personality he’d shown in this world so far, demanding forcefully would have suited him better. Like canceling the expedition if I didn’t listen, or saying it’s hard to worry about me when he’s in pain so I should figure it out myself, or that since I don’t care about him, he’ll leave me alone whether I die or not.
If he came out like that, I’d be annoyed enough to refuse first regardless of consequences (even if I’d eventually have to submit and beg on my knees later), but coming out like this… it makes me think of how Carlisle looked when I announced the divorce, making my heart soften. Maybe he’s aiming for that.
I sighed. At this point, there’s only one answer anyway.
Let’s think simply. There’s no point in questioning reasons in a fantasy game world. Emotions and desires aside, Carlisle Lightinger purely wants to sleep with me to reduce pain. Honestly speaking, this reason is the clearest and easiest to accept.
Thinking he’s not attracted to me in any way is somehow… disappointing. Maybe I’m still not getting my head straight. Maybe it’s me who has feelings and lingering attachment toward an NPC. That would be a meaningless emotion. What am I trying to do with an NPC? I’m going to abandon everything and leave once the quest ends anyway.
What’s important to me is finishing the quest. To do that, I need to receive Carlisle’s help to go on expeditions and safely collect the Fragments of the Sacred Tree. That’s all I need to remember.
Everything else is just dreams. If I could just return to reality, it wouldn’t be different from dreams. Being eaten by monsters, dying and coming back to life several times.
Sex with a man? That’s the same.
I’ve never tried it in reality, but if I’m going to try it anyway, a place like this – so to speak, like virtual reality – might be better. If I want to safely test whether I’m really a person capable of having sex with men, and the partner is even Carlisle Lightinger. His personality has gotten a bit strange now, but wasn’t he originally the one who made me contemplate my sexual orientation? There couldn’t be a better test partner.
I’ve been so focused on survival issues that I haven’t thought about anything else, but I’m not originally a person without any desires. Rather than relying only on my hands, it would be better to have a partner. Let’s just think of it that way.
But just deciding to think that way doesn’t easily make courage surge up, so I gripped the glass and boldly took a gulp.
“Urgh.”
It felt like my esophagus was burning up. It felt like I’d swallowed some chemical rather than alcohol.
“What are you doing, drinking it like poison?”
Carlisle chuckled at my behavior.
“Was it a proposal that required downing hard liquor? It’s not such a big deal for you anyway. At least I know you used to like sleeping with me.”
Crookedness returned to Carlisle’s expression and tone.
This bastard. When big brother here is generously trying to bestow favor, he’s making nasty comments again.
“If it’s because my appearance is scary or disgusting, just say you don’t like it. I said you could refuse, didn’t I?”
Carlisle reached out and picked up the knit he’d taken off. I glanced over Carlisle’s bare upper body again. I’d probably see the real thing properly if I looked at his back… the real thing is probably a dead tree. A contaminated, withered dead tree. So… a dying Sacred Tree.
He said he did work related to the Sacred Tree and received the Sacred Tree’s protection. I don’t think there were professions related to the Sacred Tree other than the Priest in the game… Anyway, if that’s true, it makes sense that Carlisle could see the Fragments of the Sacred Tree that even Taro couldn’t see.
I had no expectation of getting an answer, but asking wouldn’t be a loss, so I tried asking.
“What’s this work related to the Sacred Tree?”
At those words, Carlisle stared at me intently again. He didn’t seem annoyed by the questioning… what kind of expression is that?
“No, well, if you don’t want to answer, you don’t have to. I just asked since you brought it up first…”
“The role of protecting the Sacred Tree and the Administrator of the Sacred Tree.”
Unexpectedly, an answer came back. But since he answered so readily, I couldn’t tell if it was serious or a joke. So he’s saying he’s a guardian of the Sacred Tree. It’s such a fantasy-like role that it’s somewhat amusing, but since it’s a game world, it’s not exactly unfitting either. But as far as I know, there was no such existence in the game.
“Oh… really?”
I answered ambiguously, not knowing how to react. Even after I answered, Carlisle just quietly stared at me without adding anything. It felt like he was expecting some kind of reaction, which made me a bit flustered.
What am I supposed to say? Cool? But wouldn’t it be funny to say such things in this situation?
I avoided answering with a cough and decided to give an answer to the question Carlisle had asked before instead.
“That tattoo, no, stain… no, anyway, that thing doesn’t look particularly pretty, but it’s not scary or disgusting either. It’s just that having that as the reason makes me feel a bit strange… no. Never mind. I’ll accept the proposal. Your condition being good is good for me too anyway. But…”
I paused for a moment. I felt sorry that his body was contaminated and painful. But I still honestly felt resistance to being led along so easily according to Carlisle’s wishes. It felt somewhat unfair. A bit of spite welled up, making me want to scratch at him.
“But don’t interfere with the Eira matter anymore.”
Of course, it was also necessary business.
“……”
I was pleased to see Carlisle’s jaw stiffen. Whether he disliked it being illegal or it was because of his controlling tendencies, it seemed he really did care, so I deliberately brought up Eira’s name. When I’m about to sacrifice myself for the greater good, a little spite like this is okay, right?
“It would be even better if you helped when I occasionally need to bring her into the village.”
I stubbornly emphasized once more and slightly added to my request.
“……”
Carlisle didn’t answer. He just stared. As this went on, the temperature around us seemed to drop a little. Did I go too far? As the silence and cold gaze lengthened, my weak spite gradually died down. I slyly avoided Carlisle’s gaze.
“No, I mean… it would be nice if you could just pretend not to know, well, something like that…”
“Come to think of it, you said you couldn’t sleep well.”
Carlisle cut off my words and spoke abruptly. It was a sudden topic change. Carlisle, who had somehow come close, was bending his waist over me. With the lighting behind him, a threatening shadow fell over me.
“If you rely on alcohol, you’ll easily become an alcoholic.”
Carlisle’s large hand covered mine that was holding the straight glass.
“How about entrusting it to me instead? I can make you sleep soundly without waking up even once until morning.”
If heard affectionately, it sounds like he’s saying he’ll pat me and sing lullabies, but if interpreted roughly, it could sound like a threat to beat me until I pass out. But having lived long enough and properly grasping the atmosphere, I understood the true meaning of those words.
Carlisle tried to take the glass while scratching my palm. The small glass still had about half of the amber liquid remaining. I put strength into my fingers to protect the glass as if it were a lifeline.
“Well, I have more faith in this than in people.”
Desperately hoping my face wouldn’t turn red, I met his gaze.
Actually, I really needed alcohol today. It wasn’t for sleep anymore. Given the current atmosphere, it seemed like I might become sex partners starting today, and I didn’t think I could do anything properly while sober.
Author: Hyacinthus B
Hyacinthus
