Healing from Dystopia 59

#059

“What do you think I did that for?”

Carlisle whispered lowly. It was a voice so low and deep it seemed to resonate in my heart.

“What?”

“I’m asking what you think I did that for.”

“That… how would I…”

How would I know, that’s what I asked you, what am I supposed to do if you ask me that back—I was about to retort when my body was suddenly pushed.

Bang.

Before I knew it, I had entered the room and the door closed behind me. The problem was that Carlisle was still standing right in front of me.

The hand that had been gripping my shoulder was now holding my chin. Our eyes met again. Carlisle’s gray eyes were looking into mine. It wasn’t his usual cold gaze. It was somehow melted yet blazing, eyes with a reddish tinge.

With our lips almost touching, Carlisle stopped moving and quietly looked into my eyes. Just for a very brief moment, as if giving me one last chance to refuse.

“Time’s up.”

Did the given time even last a second? Along with the low whisper, my waist was pulled. Our bodies stuck together without a gap. As if until now he had been letting me run away, as if I no longer had the right to refuse, in an instant my entire body was trapped by powerful strength and hot body temperature. I couldn’t move at all, as if wearing prisoner clothes that bound my body.

Our lips connected and a hot, wet tongue pushed in, filling my mouth completely. The hot flesh pressed and rubbed against my tongue as it retreated in surprise. It was like swallowing a fireball. His lips, tongue, and breath were shockingly hot.

“Mm, mmph!”

Carlisle caught my hands as I belatedly tried to push him away. As if we were lovers whose hearts were united, long, firm fingers dug between my fingers. He pressed my body with his body and gripped the back of my neck with his other hand. Pinning me down so I couldn’t move or escape anywhere, Carlisle ravaged my mouth to his heart’s content.

My lips were sucked and my tongue was sucked. The foreign tongue that had entered deeply tasted and rubbed everything in my mouth. It persistently licked my mucous membranes and stole the saliva that had pooled because I couldn’t swallow it all. My breathing became so disturbed I thought I’d suffocate. No, I was actually suffocating. My face reddened and my mind grew distant.

I hit his shoulder with my one free hand. Only then did Carlisle’s lips move slightly away. I tried to turn my head and avoid his lips to breathe, but Carlisle twisted his head and persistently followed my lips.

“W-wait, I can’t… breathe…”

I panted. I hadn’t intended to plead, but with my ragged breathing mixed in, it sounded that way. But I was too busy trying to catch my breath to think about such things. Carlisle’s lips changed direction. Hot lips bit my earlobe and sucked my earlobe.

“Ngh!”

Wet flesh dug into my ear. My shoulders automatically hunched up. The hand that had been caressing the back of my neck traveled down my spine, stroking my lower back and gripping my buttocks. At the same time, Carlisle’s firm thigh pressed firmly between my legs.

“Ah!”

Wait, not there.

Just as the alarm bells rang at the overly explicit movement and I tried to come to my senses, lips attached again. Tongues wetly tangled and breaths became one. Unlike before, slow and intense movements completely occupied my mouth. Rubbing under my tongue, rubbing the roof of my mouth, going deeper to rub even the soft mucous membranes near my throat. My lips, my tongue—no, my entire mouth felt like it would melt into a mess. Had I ever kissed someone like this? Had I done it in dreams? No. I had never even imagined such a kiss was possible.

“Uh, mm…”

My head emptied blankly. The strength drained from my hands on his shoulders too. When the wet lips finally separated after a long time, my legs had lost strength and I couldn’t stand alone. If Carlisle hadn’t been holding me, I would have collapsed right there.

“Haa, haa, haa…”

I leaned my forehead against Carlisle’s shoulder and gasped for breath. I felt like my soul would leave my body. No, it was already halfway gone. I could see Carlisle’s chest heaving in my field of vision. The only consolation was that I wasn’t the only one excited, wasn’t the only one breathing hard.

Carlisle cupped my cheeks with both hands and lifted my face. I didn’t have the courage to meet his gaze, so I cast my eyes downward. I was making excuses in my mind that this whole situation was because of alcohol, but I knew better. The alcohol had worn off long ago.

Carlisle wetly bit my lower lip and released it. He licked it sticky with his tongue, then pressed our lips together and separated with a smacking sound. It was a ticklish finish. Only then did I slowly raise my gaze.

A complete reddish hue had risen in Carlisle’s gray eyes. They seemed both melted and burning. He often had these eyes. When hunting monsters. It was the look that came out when he was excited.

He doesn’t want to kill me right now, does he?

Carlisle’s thumb swept across my lips. Looking at Carlisle’s wet lips, mine were surely just as wet. Was it only my lips? I could feel hot heat from my face too. Even without looking in a mirror, I could imagine what state I was in, which made me even hotter. Why isn’t there a Tranquility Potion at times like this?

I grabbed and pushed away Carlisle’s hand that was touching my face. My pushing hand was actually trembling, making it pathetic.

Anyway, this made it clear that what Carlisle had done underwater in the dungeon was indeed a kiss. Why is this bastard doing such things to me? But I didn’t plan to ask further. I didn’t know what kind of answer might come… and whatever answer came, it would be awkward for me to react. Though I was curious.

“I wonder why.”

Carlisle muttered above my head. When I glanced up, he was staring down at me. His expression was hard to read, making it difficult to know what he was thinking.

I thought it was a soliloquy, but was he asking me? Come to think of it, I had been asking about the reason for his actions in the dungeon lake. Now the recent actions were included in that question too.

But Carlisle was Carlisle.

“Think about it yourself.”

Instead of teasing or giving a proper answer, Carlisle tapped my cheek and stepped back. As soon as he left the room, my legs gave out and I slumped down while still leaning against the wall.

“I’m screwed…”

I held my head in my hands. My heart was pounding like it would burst and my face felt like it would bleed. It wasn’t only my face that had heated up. Even though I was alone, I kept my legs drawn together. Because the area below my stomach, between my legs, was burning hot.

There was no way Carlisle didn’t notice it had gotten hard. His thigh had been pressing firmly against it.

“I couldn’t help it since I was stimulated…”

I made excuses with my mouth, but I couldn’t not know my own feelings. Reality’s memories that I had forcibly hidden and turned away from leaked out. The reason I suddenly announced divorce to the game’s Carlisle. The reason I suddenly quit the game I was doing well at.

The real-life Carlisle I first encountered, Carlisle in the beach event, Carlisle underwater in the desert hidden dungeon, and… the Carlisle from just now all pressed and pressured me. To reveal my true feelings now. That lies wouldn’t work.

I had gotten aroused by a game character. And not even a female character, but a male character. It was shocking enough to realize I wasn’t heterosexual, but the one who made me realize it was a game character. I couldn’t help but feel extreme reality shock. Was there another person who realized their sexual orientation through a game character rather than a real person? Not long ago, I had scoffed at foreign topics about people feeling love for AI, thinking it wasn’t normal.

‘Normal or abnormal isn’t the issue at this point.’

“How am I going to look at Carlisle’s face now?”

With such a long way to go, the future looked dark.

***

Carlisle stood frozen for a moment after leaving Raon’s bedroom.

“Right.”

Carlisle muttered.

“Why did I do that?”

Carlisle touched his lips. The sensation of soft lips being crushed and clinging was still there. The relatively cool body temperature, dry and firm shoulders, small and soft buttocks that fit in one hand, and also…

‘No, that’s not what’s important.’

Carlisle realized he had completely forgotten about his pain for a while. It wasn’t his imagination.

The heat and pain that had taken over his body and wouldn’t disappear at some point usually became severe enough to make him want to die after expeditions, tormenting Carlisle. That’s why he sought out the priest before anything else when expeditions ended. But Carlisle had completely forgotten he needed to find the priest until just now.

This time too, as the expedition neared its end, the prepared medicine and cigarettes had almost run out as usual. Normally, he would have spent painful sleepless nights suffering from high fever every night. But not this time.

He wasn’t unaware that the reason was Raon, who had been sleeping attached to his body every night. He couldn’t not know. After sleeping together, his fever clearly went down, the pain subsided, and his body felt much lighter.

“A living, moving painkiller potion?”

Author: Hyacinthus B

Hyacinthus