Where There Is Sunlight, There Are Also Shadows (18)
Once he disappeared from sight, Mo Yeon felt as if his entire body had frozen, unable to move at all.
After standing still for a moment, Mo Yeon finally managed to lift his feet that had seemed glued to the ground.
Following the direction Tae Young-won had walked, he found the distance between them had already widened too much to catch up easily. Mo Yeon continued walking toward that distinctive head standing tall among the crowd.
The moment of hesitation from shock had been just a brief instant. He couldn’t believe Tae Young-won had gotten so far in that short pause.
He hadn’t hesitated even for a moment, hadn’t looked back once. Mo Yeon felt anxious wondering if Tae Young-won’s resolve was that firm.
He hated this situation—once again chasing after someone who was leaving. Nevertheless, he couldn’t help but keep moving his feet. Even though he wasn’t sure what he would do once he caught up, he followed blindly.
From the moment the crowd thinned out, they were approaching familiar streets near home. While rubbing his eyes, he realized he had closed more than half the distance between them. Perhaps because of this, Tae Young-won seemed to have already noticed someone following him.
“What did I do wrong…!”
With labored breathing, Mo Yeon shouted without thinking. The footsteps that had seemed like they would never stop finally halted at those words.
Still with his back turned, Tae Young-won sighed.
“You were the one who appeared out of nowhere and watched secretly. I didn’t do anything wrong, so why are you walking away like this!”
His body trembled. Unable to calm down, he clenched his fists.
Taking another step forward, he finally stood right behind Tae Young-won’s back.
After waiting silently, Tae Young-won finally turned around. Mo Yeon looked at the face that was finally revealed with resentment.
“…”
“…”
After staring at Mo Yeon silently, Tae Young-won spoke quietly.
“So company dinners are held at places like that these days.”
“…That’s not the issue.”
As Mo Yeon spoke quietly, Tae Young-won closed his mouth. It was clear that such things weren’t important to him right now.
Mo Yeon had been drinking while claiming to be at his part-time job. Tae Young-won might have been upset that Mo Yeon had made him worry, but he wouldn’t have abandoned him like this. Having spent enough time with Tae Young-won, Mo Yeon was certain of this.
But despite all the time they’d spent together, Mo Yeon had never seen this kind of reaction from Tae Young-won. That’s why he couldn’t think straight about what to do. No answers came to mind.
For Tae Young-won to be this disappointed in him, Mo Yeon should have done something much worse—like breaking a major trust or something similar.
He wouldn’t get this angry just because Mo Yeon had lied and hadn’t come home on time.
It must be because of the one thing he had asked of Mo Yeon.
“I just had some drinks. It’s not what you think, sunbae…”
He felt wronged. So wronged that his heart ached. He hadn’t even slept with another man, honestly, and Tae Young-won had forgiven worse things before. He had always been understanding until now…
“No, it’s not just having some drinks.”
“…”
Even if it wasn’t just drinking. Still.
“It was just drinking. That’s all. You have no right to be angry with me, sunbae.”
It might have been a bit stubborn, but Tae Young-won had always accepted Mo Yeon’s sharp complaints no matter how they came across. Truthfully, Mo Yeon had become accustomed to this. Even if he occasionally felt like he might be abandoned, that would only happen if Mo Yeon actually found a replacement.
But why? For something so trivial…
“We’re just sex partners, so why are you acting like I’ve hurt you? Why do you keep confusing me like this…!”
“…You.”
Tae Young-won spoke in a low voice and took a step closer. When their eyes met up close, Mo Yeon finally realized how much anger Tae Young-won was suppressing. After struggling to find words for a while, he spoke quietly.
“Do you know how I felt back there?”
“…”
His eyes conveyed an unmistakable sense of threat. Nevertheless, Mo Yeon refused to look away.
“How did you feel?”
Whatever his feelings were, if it was just anger about Mo Yeon’s lie, it certainly couldn’t have been as desperate as what Mo Yeon was feeling.
Although Mo Yeon hadn’t done anything right tonight, he genuinely resented Tae Young-won. He hadn’t expected him to walk away so easily. In that moment, he had felt something close to panic.
“What did I do so wrong? I just smoked a cigarette with Hyun-soo.”
Acting like he would always be understanding, but in the end abandoning him over something so trivial.
“Ha.”
As Tae Young-won let out a scornful laugh, Mo Yeon’s eyes grew even sharper.
“Why are you acting like I cheated on you when we’re not even dating? You were the one who confidently said it would be fine if I got a boyfriend. You remember that, right? For someone who said that, you’re looking quite insecure right now.”
As their eyes remained locked, his sorrow reached its peak. But Tae Young-won, who had been listening silently, coldly raised the corner of his mouth.
“Insecure?”
“…”
“Wake up, Mo Yeon. You’re the one who looks more insecure right now. Why are you so desperate, as if you’ve been caught doing something wrong?”
His clenched fists continued to tremble finely. His eyes were gradually growing hot.
“For me, it feels like if I had left you alone, something would have really happened with that guy, and that drives me crazy. You understand?”
“…”
“You’re right. I’m insecure right now. But do you think I’m just insecure? I’m about to lose my mind. That’s why I turned around and walked away. I was afraid I might do something terrible.”
He spoke in a dejected voice.
“If I had just beaten that guy up on impulse, I thought you might run away from me forever.”
“…”
“But damn… that’s what I don’t understand. Normally, I wouldn’t have a reason to be this angry, and if I wanted to beat him up, I could have done it and then never seen you again. But why.”
Mo Yeon didn’t understand those words either. Why he was so angry, why he himself looked so confused.
“If I could, I wanted to pretend I hadn’t seen anything. If our eyes hadn’t met, I think I would have just gone home, honestly.”
“…”
“Hearing you talk like this actually clears my head a bit. I think there’s something wrong with me, Mo Yeon.”
In truth, there had been many things about Tae Young-won’s words and actions that Mo Yeon couldn’t understand. Tae Young-won was the most difficult person for Mo Yeon to figure out. And he vaguely realized that Mo Yeon might be equally difficult for Tae Young-won.
So they had been a mismatched pair from the beginning.
Anticipating what would come next, Mo Yeon’s eyes, which had been staring straight ahead, gradually narrowed. As he sensed the end coming, his eyes quickly grew hot.
“I also think it’s strange that I’m feeling these shitty emotions just from seeing a mere sex partner with another man.”
“…”
“So let’s reconsider our relationship.”
Wanting to avoid crying more than anything, Mo Yeon bit his lip. Tae Young-won, still with a hardened face, nodded.
After taking a shallow breath, Mo Yeon opened his mouth. Genuinely afraid that Tae Young-won would leave right away, he reached out and grabbed his sleeve.
“…Can’t we go home together?”
Mo Yeon could see Tae Young-won’s jaw tightening. He couldn’t even gauge how angry he was.
“You said you wanted to pretend you hadn’t seen anything. Then just pretend you didn’t see it this time. …I won’t go to places like that again.”
“You… damn it… you have a talent for driving people crazy, Mo Yeon.”
“So you’re just going to leave me here?”
He didn’t answer. Seeing his complete unresponsiveness, Mo Yeon’s nose began to sting again. Out of defiance, he pointed to the opposite street with his finger.
“Will you be okay? Hyun-soo is probably still there.”
“…”
He spoke with clenched fists. Throughout his clumsy show of defiance, his voice trembled.
His venomous eyes were still glaring at Tae Young-won. But his whole body was shaking as if facing a frightening presence.
“Do whatever you want.”
“…”
“Let’s stop this. It’s not fun anymore.”
Mo Yeon’s hand, which had been gripping Tae Young-won’s sleeve, fell away. Once again, Mo Yeon had to watch Tae Young-won’s back. This time, that back seemed too distant to dare follow.
***
How much time had passed as he stood there like a stone?
It suddenly occurred to him that they had never trusted each other. Not once. Not just Tae Young-won—Mo Yeon had never trusted him either.
They were clearly people who should never have been entangled. If it weren’t for his yang energy deficiency, they would never have crossed paths in their lives, and it felt like they were both suffering needlessly because of it.
Left alone on the street, Mo Yeon leaned against the wall and stared at the empty road for a long time.
It was late, well past midnight. Before meeting Tae Young-won, Mo Yeon would never have been out on the streets at this hour, wallowing in self-pity.
But now.
“…!”
His eyes, gradually coming into focus, began to fill with wonder, and Mo Yeon hurriedly looked around the street.
With an unfamiliar sense of déjà vu, his breathing became increasingly labored.
He didn’t know when or how it had happened.
In this moment, Mo Yeon realized something he hadn’t noticed until now.
In Mo Yeon’s eyes, there were no ghosts to be seen anywhere.
