Bombshell Statement (10)
“If you were me, could you believe those words now, sunbae?”
“I can believe them now. I’ve been doubting it myself all along.”
There was no wavering in his low voice. This only made Mo Yeon’s thoughts more complicated.
“You’re probably just reluctant to let go now that someone else might take me.”
Finally, Mo Yeon shook off his arm and stood up.
He felt he needed to avoid physical contact first. Everything in his life had changed since his skin touched Tae Young-won’s. He didn’t know how his heart might be led astray again.
As Mo Yeon put distance between them, Tae Young-won exhaled dejectedly. Watching him slowly rise, Mo Yeon shouted sharply.
“You told me not to like you before, said you hated that sort of thing, so why are you suddenly acting like this?”
Contact with Tae Young-won had always been an irresistible temptation for Mo Yeon. That’s why he couldn’t help but react so sensitively.
“You just don’t like the idea of someone else having me. You said it was a useless emotion, that you could never understand things like dating. That you didn’t need it. That such feelings always led to an end.”
“…”
“Are you saying now that your lifelong thoughts have changed because of me? Who would believe that…”
What confused Mo Yeon most was the timing of Tae Young-won’s change in attitude.
From the moment Mo Yeon gave up everything and confessed, Tae Young-won had been acting like a completely different person.
Even after Mo Yeon said he could see ghosts. He couldn’t understand the intention behind this behavior. Tae Young-won was acting like he wanted Mo Yeon even more than before.
No matter how he thought about it, it didn’t make sense.
“Why can’t it change because of you? So many things about me have already changed because of you.”
“…”
“I thought true love had to be pretty and beautiful, and that it had nothing to do with me.”
Mo Yeon had thought the same. He never dreamed that something like love would exist in his life. However, hearing someone like Tae Young-won say things he might have said himself was quite a fresh shock to Mo Yeon.
“As you know, I was born this way, an idiot who only knew how to hide it but didn’t understand anything else.”
“…”
“But I’m becoming more convinced. I’m just this selfish and rough person, so it took time to realize.”
He paused for a breath, then opened his mouth again.
“At least for me, it’s not always a pretty feeling. That’s why I didn’t recognize it.”
This feeling that Mo Yeon experienced for the first time wasn’t particularly pretty either. He had constantly denied it, and as soon as he realized it, he drew an end to it. His first love had been nothing but a struggle to avoid getting hurt.
“I didn’t know what I wanted either. That’s why I kept hurting you.”
“…”
“I’m sorry.”
He didn’t approach Mo Yeon any further. Maintaining the distance Mo Yeon wanted, he spoke quietly.
“So please don’t say being with me is more terrible than seeing ghosts.”
Mo Yeon sighed quietly.
Yes, as Tae Young-won said, love might indeed be far from beautiful.
He wasn’t sure if it was the same for others. Tae Young-won said he was a rough person, but so was Mo Yeon. For him too, love was entirely confusing and bitter.
That’s why he had only tried to run away to avoid getting hurt. He was defensive, so defensive that he even confessed to escape.
Truly, it’s not a beautiful picture.
In that sense, it was certain that Tae Young-won had felt a confusion similar to his own. However, it was hard to believe that what Tae Young-won felt was exactly the same as what he felt. He felt that this thought would likely never change.
In the silence, he quietly regulated his breathing for a long time. Mo Yeon slowly shook his head.
“…That’s probably a misunderstanding.”
Unlike before, his voice, devoid of emotion, was indifferent. But his cheeks were already wet.
“You must have been affected by the ghost story. They say people often confuse it with sympathy. It makes you want to help me. But as I said, I didn’t confess hoping for that. Even if I’m suffering from ghosts that aren’t visible to you, that really has nothing to do with you, sunbae.”
It seemed he hadn’t properly heard what Mo Yeon was saying. Mo Yeon truly didn’t want anything from Tae Young-won.
Perhaps he did want to want something. But if he hoped this time, the next wound he would receive seemed impossible to bear. Mo Yeon was already struggling enough.
“Do you think I’m mistaking sympathy for something else right now?”
And at Mo Yeon’s words, Tae Young-won raised the corner of his mouth. His crooked smile clearly revealed his displeasure.
“I guess Mo Yeon must really like me, to see me as such a kind-hearted fool.”
“…Or maybe you just temporarily regret it.”
“…”
“Honestly, that’s understandable. You really liked that part of me, didn’t you?”
Wiping away the tear drops on his chin, Mo Yeon rambled with a tearful voice.
“From the beginning, as soon as I took off my pants, you fell for it… But that’s just a phase. Soon enough, you’ll be freely wielding that thing around. I’ve seen and heard enough.”
Sniff.
Somehow, the more he spoke, the more sorrow welled up. Letting out a sob-mixed breath, Mo Yeon rubbed his eyes roughly with his sleeve.
“Anyway, even if you like me, it’s not me you like, it’s that part of me.”
“Do you think I can’t tell the difference? You really…”
“Sob”
Mo Yeon raised his arm and buried his eyes in his sleeve. Seeing this, Tae Young-won let out a small laugh. Though it was a smile that seemed incredulous, every word Mo Yeon was saying now was sincere.
Even if Tae Young-won did like him a little, he wouldn’t understand Mo Yeon’s desperation about ghosts or his long-standing wounds. After all, since this feeling started with interest in that part of him, getting tired of it would happen in an instant.
“Every time you said it was a useless emotion, I tried to sort it out over and over. But what can I do if it’s not working, *sob*. Did you think I’d immediately say yes and date you now that you’re saying this? You’re really selfish…”
The tears wouldn’t dry no matter how much he wiped them away. Mo Yeon shook his head at Tae Young-won as he approached. As Mo Yeon stepped back further, Tae Young-won’s face distorted.
“…My head hurts too much.”
“…”
“I want to be alone.”
Having continuously depleted his emotions, he had no strength left to talk. As Mo Yeon hung his head low, Tae Young-won cautiously approached.
Mo Yeon, who had said he wanted to be alone, weakly rested his forehead on Tae Young-won’s shoulder.
“I’m sorry for making you think so much.”
“…”
His tightly closed eyes tensed, and Mo Yeon rubbed his cheek against Tae Young-won’s shoulder. He really didn’t want to think anymore.
“I want to sleep.”
“…”
“Just hold me until I fall asleep.”
He spoke with a trembling voice. Tae Young-won silently embraced Mo Yeon’s shoulders and laid him on the bed.
Mo Yeon, wrapped tightly in the blanket, covered himself up to his nose. Tae Young-won held Mo Yeon with the blanket and patted his back.
With each breath, it felt like a familiar scent was seeping into his lungs.
Tae Young-won’s scent, always refreshing yet comforting, felt good. The warmth enveloping his body also seemed much more suitable for him than other people’s.
“When I wake up, I want to be alone.”
“…”
Even while thinking he wished Tae Young-won would disappear from his sight, he didn’t want to shake off the hand patting him.
He wished he could keep being held like this, yet at the same time, he desperately wanted to be alone.
What was this feeling? He wanted to calm his confused mind.
If only he could go somewhere where no one could find him, that would be so good.
Tears flowing down his temples continuously soaked the pillow.
“…Think about it again. Even if you’re sure, think again. Whether you would believe those words if you were me.”
“…”
“Don’t look for me, don’t pressure me to believe you, please just…”
So annoying. Making him fall in love first, then not letting him leave. Tae Young-won was truly an irritating person. Though his sobbing breaths were gradually subsiding, the sadness remained.
He hated this unsettled feeling. He wanted to be calm.
“If you really care about me, leave me alone this time. From tomorrow morning, please…”
“…”
“Just let me be.”
His eyes closed comfortably. Already drained of all energy, it felt like his unconscious was being sucked into the bed.
“And, I don’t smell any alcohol on you, sunbae…”
Before falling completely asleep, Mo Yeon mumbled one last time.
In the darkness, a quiet stillness flowed.
Finally, his sobbing breaths gradually became peaceful.
Author: Hyacinthus B
Hyacinthus
