Trying hard to suppress his urge to stare, he greeted approaching people, and from then on it became somewhat easier.
It seemed there was a reason for his groundless confidence that he was prepared.
‘Perhaps I’ve been practicing for this moment my entire life?’ The thought crossed his mind as he found it completely natural to act so nonchalantly.
Although he’d heard explanations about temple life several times and researched it, actually being there was quite different from what he’d imagined.
No matter how much renovation work had been done, it would obviously be much less comfortable than his house in Seoul. That was temple life, of course, but standing in front of what appeared to be the living quarters, he found it difficult to step forward.
Thinking about whether Mo Yeon might be shivering in this single-room chamber every night, he concluded that he should increase the amount of his donations starting with today’s visit.
During his walk along the path, he was able to hear more interesting stories.
The current head monk wasn’t the one who had looked after Mo Yeon in his childhood, but he seemed to have some lingering memories.
“Did he smile often back then?”
“He cried sometimes, but would stop immediately if given a rice candy. The late Monk Hye-un used to say that his family misunderstood him as a troublesome child, that he was a pitiful and beautiful child. That’s all I knew. To be honest, my memories beyond that are hazy…”
He couldn’t hear about what connection Mo Yeon’s parents had with the temple, or what circumstances led them to leave him there. All he could learn was that they had briefly entrusted young Mo Yeon to the temple, and he had returned to his parents’ care shortly afterward.
One thing he could infer, however, was that whatever Mo Yeon alone could see must have been one of the triggers.
From living together, he roughly knew how Mo Yeon got along with his family.
It was a complex emotion now, but at the time, Monk Hye-un must have believed that a parent’s embrace was best after all. He’d said it was surprisingly uncommon for parents to come back for their children after the initially stated period. So the monk probably saw hope in Mo Yeon’s parents’ return. It’s just that what he thought was best didn’t go as planned.
As a result, when Tae Young-won first met Mo Yeon at school, a very dark shadow hung over his face. Without any hint of a smile and with his pretty face completely covered, he first met Mo Yeon as someone who created a gloomy atmosphere just by standing nearby.
After returning from the walk filled with long conversations, Tae Young-won respectfully said:
“I’ll look around by myself from now on.”
As the retreating figure of the head monk, who had bowed with hands pressed together, disappeared, Tae Young-won directed his steps toward where Mo Yeon had been diligently doing something for a while.
In truth, he had been barely restraining himself from watching whatever Mo Yeon was doing. Throughout, Mo Yeon had been squatting, his face hidden by a straw hat, yet Tae Young-won recognized him immediately.
‘What exactly is he doing?’
And even now, his appearance remained the same.
As the distance decreased, Tae Young-won’s mind became somewhat confused. Seeing him up close, he was squatting and pulling weeds so skillfully.
‘Could he be naturally suited for mountain life?’
That would be troublesome…
Fortunately, one positive thing was that he himself was calmer than expected.
Would Mo Yeon get angry upon seeing him? Would he be disgusted? Would he show cold disappointment? Originally, he thought he would only be fearful of such reactions when meeting Mo Yeon.
But now, standing before him, he only wanted to see him and hold him. If Mo Yeon would allow it, that is.
The only disappointment was that he still couldn’t see his face. Only the top of his head with the large straw hat was moving diligently at his feet.
If he had come just in time before Mo Yeon completely forgot him, that would be fortunate. As long as he hadn’t completely forgotten, that would be enough.
Seeing those nimble hands pulling weeds, he realized that if he left him like this, Mo Yeon might truly forget him forever and become stuck at the temple.
Who would benefit from just leaving him alone?
“…After a little while, you won’t even think about me.”
Moreover, if Mo Yeon truly believed those words, if he thought it was all just a momentary delusion, Tae Young-won might go mad with the injustice. He couldn’t bear to see such a thing even if his eyes were filled with dirt.
“…”
As he stood silently looking down for a moment, Mo Yeon finally seemed to sense his presence and stopped moving.
Still squatting in front of Tae Young-won, Mo Yeon slowly raised his head.
And the moment that longed-for face was revealed, Tae Young-won unconsciously gasped.
Fuck, fuck, fuck…
Whether sunburnt or just hot, his cheeks were flushed red, and dirt was smudged here and there, making him look completely filthy.
Looking at what might be the dirtiest face of Mo Yeon he had ever seen, he had to clench his teeth.
Why were his eyes getting hot of their own accord?
If he had known this would happen, he shouldn’t have thrown his sunglasses into the car earlier but brought them along.
He immediately tensed his eyes, but controlling his eyeballs was never an easy task, even for Tae Young-won.
Nevertheless, because he had to manage it, he took a moment to catch his breath. Then slowly curved the corners of his mouth upward. As he had always done.
The moment their eyes met, he knew. It didn’t matter how much time and effort it would take now. Anyway, it seemed he couldn’t live without Mo Yeon anymore.
Was now the right time? If Mo Yeon called it an exaggeration, could he confidently say it wasn’t? Would Mo Yeon be able to believe his sincerity? He kept asking himself these questions on his way here.
And Tae Young-won was certain.
He liked this person to death. He never wanted to be apart again.
Therefore, he absolutely couldn’t show an unsightly appearance right now.
The corners of Tae Young-won’s mouth curved in what he knew to be his most charming expression. It was also the face that Mo Yeon liked the most.
“Hello, have you been well?”
“…”
Having greeted him with the appropriate expression and voice, he gradually gained confidence. Part of it was because he had just realized something he hadn’t known before.
He had always wondered why he started living this way. It was a survival method he had figured out entirely on his own, without learning from anyone.
And today, he could finally discern the reason for all the time he had spent walking this path.
Perhaps I’ve been practicing all my life for this moment.
Chilling and Sweet
Since returning from Seokdam Temple, Mo Yeon had been enjoying his own private vacation.
Too much time had passed to reverse the decision to take a leave of absence in the middle of the semester. It was almost the end of the term, and Tae Young-won was busy preparing for exams. Because of this, Mo Yeon had more free time.
Unlike his determination to leave completely, he had returned home earlier. Though it ended somewhat anticlimactically, the time spent wasn’t wasted.
One recent change was that Mo Yeon, who used to gaze out the window so much, now stared at a small potted plant just as intensely.
The occasion for getting the pot was nothing special.
“You decided to find a part-time job slowly, so is there anything you want to do while resting?”
“Not really… Ah.”
After thinking briefly, Mo Yeon seemed to suddenly recall something.
“I’d like to pull some weeds.”
“…”
As he said this, Mo Yeon clenched both fists as if missing the feeling. Tae Young-won’s eyes wavered.
That day, Tae Young-won hurriedly took Mo Yeon somewhere.
And so, at the flower market he was visiting for the first time in his life, Mo Yeon carefully selected and got his first cactus pot. At the temple, Mo Yeon had found quite an interest in pulling weeds and plowing fields. He could enjoy something similar without having to tend to fields in the mountains.
“It’s nice because it’s easy… but I’d like to try growing something more difficult too.”
“Just say the word.”
Tae Young-won, who had made a bold promise, stroked Mo Yeon’s head. To prevent Mo Yeon from saying he wanted to return to the mountains again, he planned to provide as many potted plants as Mo Yeon desired.
“I can buy you a field too. Let’s just move to a place with a yard.”
“Oh, that’s too much.”
Of course, Mo Yeon, who had no way of knowing Tae Young-won’s true feelings, smiled comfortably while looking back at the cactus. Whenever he saw this expression, Tae Young-won found it hard to look away.
“…”
But suddenly, as if remembering something, Mo Yeon raised his head and stared directly into Tae Young-won’s eyes.
“By the way, I have something to tell you.”
“Hmm?”
“About my leave of absence.”
From what Tae Young-won had observed, Mo Yeon was quite diligent about maintaining his grades. Since he hadn’t left right at the start of the semester, it was clear how much consideration had gone into the decision to take a leave of absence.
Since the decision was made because of him, Tae Young-won couldn’t feel at ease for a while even after they returned home together. However, Mo Yeon didn’t seem to regret the decision at all.
When Tae Young-won offered to find a way to withdraw the leave application if possible, Mo Yeon immediately declined. His refusal was so firm that Tae Young-won couldn’t even ask for the reason.
“There’s another reason I told you not to worry about it back then, sunbae.”
And now Mo Yeon seemed about to tell him that reason.
“What is it?”
“Actually…”
At the time, he had just taken it to mean he shouldn’t worry, but what on earth was Mo Yeon trying to say with all this build-up? His heart beat faster with each passing moment.
“The tuition refund… I donated it all to the temple when I went there.”
At Mo Yeon’s words, Tae Young-won’s eyes widened for the first time in a while.
Author: Hyacinthus B
Hyacinthus
