When Yeon Yiseo arrived in front of Jeremy’s house, the garden greeted him with a glittering sight: a deer figure from a big-box store, nearly as tall as Yiseo himself, adorned with small lights. His steps quickened.
He rang the doorbell and waited for Jeremy. But no one came out. He rang it twice more, then even knocked, but there was no response from inside.
Confused, he wondered what was going on. Had he come too early? No—that wasn’t it. Thinking maybe they’d stepped out, he crouched down on the front steps of the house.
The laughter drifting from other homes felt impossibly distant.
He couldn’t properly remember how he made it back to Rosa’s house after that. All that remained was the memory of falling seriously ill—his clothes soaked from the falling snow, his body exposed to subzero temperatures for far too long. And then, the memory after that was…….
Burning with fever, drifting in and out of consciousness, Yiseo was jolted awake as his body was shaken by rough, violent hands.
It was Jeremy. Panting through his fever, Yiseo barely managed to call out, “Jeremy……?” When he did, Jeremy roughly let go of him, dropping him back down.
“……My parents are dead.”
“……What?”
It felt like his head had been struck. A joke? No—Jeremy wasn’t the kind of kid to make jokes that vile. The other children from the foster home and Rosa, who had rushed in to stop Jeremy, stared at him in suffocating silence.
“They were attacked by a robber while buying your present. ……Your present. ……If only you hadn’t existed! If it weren’t for you, my parents wouldn’t have died! It’s your fault!”
Yiseo could only stare blankly at Jeremy, unable to believe what he was hearing.
Jeremy’s frenzied screams were still vivid in his ears even now. Even the sharp glint in Jeremy’s brown eyes as he glared at him. Yiseo lifted his face from where it had been buried in his hands.
After that, he went to Jeremy’s parents’ funeral, even though he hadn’t fully recovered—but Jeremy punched him, screaming that he had no right to be there, and Yiseo was driven out under the hateful stares of others. And after that……
“…….”
Yiseo rubbed at his dry, aching eyes.
Every time he let himself feel happy, every time he dared to hope, it ended like this—in a nightmare. Maybe his expectations were wrong to begin with. He had begged Jeremy countless times, apologized, pleaded for forgiveness. But no apology could bring Jeremy’s parents back. If Yiseo hadn’t accepted that invitation, they’d still be alive.
Even if it looked like Jeremy was holding onto Yiseo, Yiseo couldn’t let go of him either.
If it could all be repaid with money, that would be cheap. No amount of money could revive the two people who had already passed away. Both Jeremy and Yiseo knew that. And that was why this cycle would never end.
As if refusing to face reality, Yiseo squeezed his eyes shut and bit down on his lip. He wouldn’t cry. He couldn’t cry. Crying over something like this would never end. Instead, if only Alexander were here with him right now……
The moment that thought crossed his mind, Yiseo startled and blinked rapidly.
Why had someone so unrelated suddenly come to mind? It was probably because Alexander had always remained a good presence in Yiseo’s memories.
He was kind and warm. Shamelessly, Yiseo found himself wanting comfort from him. But this was an emotion he had to carry alone. He couldn’t indulge in the luxury of pouring his heart out to someone else and being comforted.
The tightness in his chest made it hard to breathe. It felt like the night would never end.
***
In the end, he didn’t get a wink of sleep. As if reflecting Yiseo’s depressed mood, rain began to fall. At first, it started with a few drops tapping against the window—tap, tap—but as time passed, it grew fierce enough for thunder and lightning to crack through the sky.
At the thunderous roar that seemed to shake even the air itself, Yiseo naturally thought of Alexander. Was Alexander awake right now? He hoped he’d gone to bed early, before the rain started.
As Yiseo stared out the window, the person responsible for keeping him awake until this hour naturally followed in his thoughts.
What on earth was he supposed to do to stop Jeremy from pulling something like this again? Taking even the rent money was far beyond crossing the line. But even if Yiseo confronted him, there was no guarantee Jeremy would listen.
Lying in the dark with the lights off, staring up at the black ceiling while his thoughts spiraled aimlessly, Yiseo realized that if he stayed like this until it was time to leave for work, he’d probably pass out. So he left early instead. He figured it’d be safer to doze off at the office if it came to that.
When he finished washing his face and looked in the mirror, his reflection was awful. His eyes were red from rubbing them nonstop to keep from crying, while his skin was pale enough to make him look like a zombie.
It seemed no one had arrived at the office yet. Well, it wasn’t even five in the morning, so that made sense. Even with an umbrella, the rain and wind were so fierce that parts of Yiseo’s clothes were soaked. After greeting the security guard on duty 24/7, he swiped his ID card and passed through the entrance. The moment he stepped out of the elevator, Yiseo froze.
Someone he hadn’t expected to see was there.
Alexander.
There was no way to know why Alexander was here at this hour. But it was a good thing. The moment Yiseo saw him, his facial muscles relaxed without him even realizing it. It felt like water had been poured over his hardened heart, softening it just a little. It surprised him that simply seeing Alexander could make him feel this way.
He remembered how they’d last parted, but based on the Alexander he knew, he didn’t think he’d hold a grudge for long. It was a one-sided belief—but still.
“Then we’ll proceed with that matter as discussed.”
So that was why he was here—work. Yiseo had sensed something different about him compared to usual, and quickly realized why. He wasn’t dressed as impeccably as always: no tie, and the top button of his shirt undone. He looked a little disheveled. Tired.
Alexander ended his call and looked toward Yiseo. It seemed he’d noticed someone stepping out of the elevator. When he realized it was Yiseo, he looked faintly surprised.
“Good morning, sir.”
Yiseo considered asking if he’d been okay through the night with all that thunder, but bringing up a topic Alexander himself hadn’t raised felt intrusive. There was also the chance Alexander wouldn’t welcome the question.
Though Yiseo greeted him, Alexander didn’t respond right away. He simply stared at Yiseo in silence. The gaze showed no sign of shifting, and just as Yiseo was starting to wonder why—
“Did you not sleep?”
“…Pardon?”
The question Alexander asked instead of returning the greeting caught Yiseo off guard. He’d expected Alexander to comment on his wet clothes. That miss only made him realize again just how bad his face must look. Rubbing his cheek, Yiseo lowered his head slightly.
“Yes… not much.”
An awkward silence followed Yiseo’s reply. Wondering if he’d said something strange, he lifted his head—just as Alexander continued.
“The pheromone clinging to you must be from that person you mentioned before. It’s quite strong. When you stepped out of the elevator, I mistook you for someone else.”
“There’s pheromone on me?”
The words that followed were deeply unsettling. And he hadn’t realized Hugo’s pheromone would still be lingering on him. He hadn’t even known Hugo had left something like that behind in the first place. He’d told him not to—but Hugo had ignored him and done whatever he pleased. The thought made Yiseo seethe.
A faint crease appeared between Alexander’s gentle eyes. He continued, brow slightly furrowed.
“You said he was someone you knew before. But it doesn’t seem like he’s merely an acquaintance.”
It seemed Alexander remembered the pheromone from that encounter when Hugo had threatened him using Natalie. Yiseo was about to explain—but Alexander spoke faster.
“I can roughly guess what happened after you were exposed to that pheromone. But it’s vulgar. Unrefined. It doesn’t suit you at all, Yeon Yiseo.”
The content of his words didn’t match his soft voice. Yiseo fell silent. Even with a head dulled by lack of sleep, he could tell Alexander was misunderstanding something.
“What are you talking about? What exactly are you assuming…?”
He forced down the tangled thoughts that threatened to make his words stumble. At Yiseo’s question, Alexander replied in a noticeably colder voice.
“I’m telling you not to walk around wearing cheap pheromones.”
It felt like his head had been struck hard. The sharpness of Alexander’s tone was something Yiseo had never heard before. Words he’d never expected to come from someone who was always so gentle and polite.
In all the time he’d known Alexander, he’d never heard him speak so decisively—no, there had been one time. Once, when Alexander had broken up with his lover. Because Yiseo had never imagined hearing such words from someone so kind, the shock had been all the greater.
