Hurriedly paying the taxi fare, Haon clutched his wallet and got out of the car.
“Hah….”
Fortunately, his wallet was in his pants pocket. His habit of keeping important items in his pockets had saved Haon. If he had lost his wallet in addition to his phone, the situation would have been even more hopeless.
Haon stumbled and quickened his pace to avoid the stinging raindrops. The raindrops, which had gradually thickened while he was in the car, had now turned into a downpour.
“It’s okay… it’s okay…..”
He pressed down on his throbbing left chest and repeatedly blinked to clear the rain obstructing his vision. It felt as if his stomach was filled with boiling water. He covered his mouth, fearing that he would vomit blood along with the water if he opened it.
Haon was not in a state where he could think clearly.
The heat of the heat cycle, which paralyzed his reason, always stole Haon’s memories. Haon didn’t even remember getting out of the taxi, nor did he know why he was outside. He only had one thought: to quickly return to his cozy home and lie down. Despite being a deserted street, the very fact that he was outside with no place to hide terrified Haon.
I need to hurry home, lock the door tightly, and sleep clutching the kitchen scissors. So that no one… no one will encounter me.
He bit the tender flesh inside his mouth, desperately trying not to lose consciousness. The torn piece of flesh lingered in his mouth, and he spat it out with his saliva. He retched, washed his face with rainwater, and headed towards the entrance of the familiar building.
The moment he crossed the threshold of the entrance, a sigh of relief escaped his lips.
It’s okay now. Once I get inside, no one will be able to touch my body.
Haon, his eyes unfocused, stumbled and fell while climbing the stairs. Thanks to reflexively reaching out his hand, his palm hit the ground instead of his face. If he hadn’t used his hand, his nose bone would have been broken.
“Ah…..”
However, his hand was not unscathed.
Haon clutched his throbbing hand and crawled up the stairs on his elbows and knees. Because it was an old building that was not properly maintained, all sorts of trash and dust were rolling around on the stairs.
But Haon didn’t care and crawled with all his might, his bare skin scraping against the floor. The sudden onset of heat symptoms felt slightly different from usual. He didn’t know why.
“It’s okay…..”
Normally, he should have lost his reason by now. By now, he should have been clutching his hungry stomach and picking up any food he could find.
Strangely, he wasn’t hungry. He just felt a dampness behind him.
Haon swallowed his tears, relieved by that fact even as he crawled on the dirty floor. The sensation of heat rising in his body and his underwear becoming tight was terrible, but he was relieved that he wasn’t seeking food. It was also fortunate that there were no people coming and going in the building.
Barely making it up to the fourth floor of the dilapidated boarding house, Haon squeezed his eyes shut and then opened them. His vision was tilting along with a severe ringing in his ears.
“I… made it….”
He kept soothing himself as he finally reached his door. He murmured endlessly, feeling like he would lose consciousness if he didn’t make a sound.
Haon opened the cover of the door lock with his rain-soaked hand and pressed the password.
I want to open this door quickly and jump onto my cozy bed. He thought he would be able to do that soon.
“Huh….”
However, the warning beep signaling that the password was incorrect amplified Haon’s fear.
Panicked, Haon shook the firmly locked doorknob. Naturally, the door didn’t budge.
“Why, why….”
He mumbled in a slurred voice and slowly repeated the same password. The result was the same. The door didn’t open.
This can’t be happening.
Haon had used the same password ever since he came to Seoul. He always used the exact same password for his personal locker when he worked part-time. It was so that he would never forget it.
“Ugh….”
He sank to the floor, clutching his head as the throbbing headache intensified along with the ringing in his ears. Because he had lost his phone, he couldn’t even call for help right now.
Could it be that I didn’t pay the rent? Is that why the landlord changed the password?
He tried hard to work his heavy head, but no answer came. Feeling like he would lose consciousness again if he stayed like this, he started biting the already raw flesh inside his mouth again.
The more the metallic taste of blood spread in his mouth, the more his breathing quickened. Even though he was just sitting still, his breathing automatically became rough. It felt like someone was pricking his lower abdomen and perineum with needles.
“Hiss, ah….”
Haon covered his mouth, from which strange sounds were leaking, and blinked his wet eyes. The sound of the television coming from the next room made him realize he shouldn’t stay here any longer.
The man next door was an alpha.
“Isn’t it too dangerous to live here alone?”
Along with the sudden thought, a familiar voice brushed past Haon’s mind. It was definitely a voice he knew, but the current Haon couldn’t immediately recall the owner of that gentle voice.
He simply repeated the thought that the place he was in was by no means safe and got up. His legs gave out, and after falling several times and getting back up, he went back down the stairs.
Where should I go? He clutched the stair railing, hitting his chest as he felt like he was suffocating. The breath he inhaled deeply wouldn’t come out properly.
As he pounded his chest hard to exhale the inhaled breath, tears burst out along with it.
“Hngh… cough, hh….”
Anxiety swept over him, as if he had forgotten something important. Exhausted, Haon slumped down on the stairs and leaned against the rusty railing.
Now he didn’t even know why he was sitting here. He had forgotten that he had failed to enter the password and had fallen because his legs had given out as he tried to go back up.
Fresh bruises bloomed on top of the already bruised hand. Soaked in the rain, Haon shivered, constantly looking around. His brown pupils trembled endlessly.
“Hyu, hyung….”
Then, out of the blue, he called out for Seong-gu hyung, who couldn’t possibly be in Seoul. When there was no response no matter how many times he called, he looked for his grandmother, and in the end, he even cried out for his mother.
Haon was not in his right mind. He shouldn’t have been relieved just because he didn’t feel hungry.
“Uh, Momma…..”
Just then, someone spoke to Haon, who was sobbing like a child. It was a man’s voice.
Due to his worsening tinnitus, he couldn’t hear the surrounding sounds properly. The voice that he could vaguely hear felt somewhat kind. The face obscured by tears also seemed to be smiling.
Haon, who was shedding thick tears, accepted the hand that was trying to lift him up.
But this was only for a moment.
“Le, leave me alone….”
A strong smell of alcohol emanated from the stranger who was groping his waist.
Haon, terrified, pushed the man away, saying he was alright. Then, the hand that had been caressing his waist suddenly grabbed his wrist and pulled him upwards.
“I’ll help you,” the drunken voice slurred, grinning grotesquely.
“I don’t, need it.”
Haon, who had grabbed the railing again, shook his head. The skin that had been touched by the rough hand felt like it was burning.
His body was getting hotter and hotter. An unknown liquid flowed out even more between his buttocks. Why is this happening? Why is my body always like this?
“Do, don’t…!”
The stranger kept pulling Haon’s wrist. He claimed to have suppressants at his place and tried to forcibly take Haon away. Haon couldn’t overpower him.
Haon knew that well. He was aware that no matter how hard he pushed, it would be useless. It would only make the situation worse. That was what Haon feared the most.
But… he didn’t want to go.
“Ugh, ack! What the fuck!”
He didn’t know where he got such courage. Haon bit down hard on the back of the stranger’s hand, even as he wondered inwardly.
“I said stop! How many times do I have to say it!”
He felt strange, hurting someone else’s body, yelling, and pushing them away. He had only ever been hit in his life; he had never hit anyone else.
Yet, Haon was struggling, throwing clumsy punches. Haon cursed and raged at the man who kept grabbing his body until the end. It didn’t feel like the sounds were coming from his own mouth. It was unfamiliar and frightening, and at the same time, it felt like he could finally breathe.
Some people who heard Haon’s piercing screams came out onto the stairs, annoyed by the noise. Thanks to them, Haon was able to break free from the man and run away.
As he burst out of the building, the cold raindrops cooled his stinging cheeks. He had been slapped on the cheek when he bit the man’s hand, but strangely, it didn’t hurt.
Even after leaving the building, Haon yelled at the empty air like a madman. Even though no one grabbed him or followed him, he screamed not to touch his body.
He looked like a person climbing a mountain and shouting at the top of their lungs. Or maybe he had really gone insane.
The heavy sound of the rain masked Haon’s screams. Swallowing rainwater, Haon wandered the empty streets clutching his stomach. His eyes held a look as if he was searching for someone.
He roamed the streets in the rain for a long time like that. He couldn’t go far and circled around the old boarding house building where he lived. It was because he was easily frightened.
Haon, who had been looking for someone, rubbed his throbbing stomach and swallowed saliva mixed with rainwater. The terrible pain that surged up from his lower abdomen passed through Haon’s pounding heart and rose to his hot throat.
“I’m hungry….”
The pain soon turned into hunger.
What came into Haon’s blurry vision was an old supermarket. He moved his legs as if possessed, looking at the supermarket sign with faded letters.
“Heeuh….”
It was as painful as someone squeezing his internal organs. If he didn’t put food in his stomach right now, it felt like his stomach would burst. That’s how hungry he was.
The saliva pooling at his trembling lips was all washed away by the rain. Along with the tears that kept falling without stopping.
