Haon was asleep, sharing the same pillow as Inho. The soft breaths passing between his slightly parted lips brought Inho immense relief.
Even though he was the one in pain, he felt a deep sense of reassurance just by watching Haon breathe peacefully. It was a ridiculous thing.
A faint smile touched Inho’s lips as he gazed at Haon’s face for a long time before closing his eyes. When he opened his eyelids again, Haon was still there. He mentally traced the round forehead revealed beneath the thin strands of hair, the beautiful curve of his eyes, and the lips resting below his prominent nose, engraving each feature in his mind.
Since he couldn’t imprint Haon’s existence within his body, he used his eyes to do so instead. Finally, he moved close enough for their bodies to almost touch and gently brushed the tip of his nose against Haon’s. The even rhythm of Haon’s breathing became clearer.
He hadn’t meant to wake him.
As he carefully rubbed his nose against Haon’s, the arms that were holding him tightened. When he lifted his lowered gaze, he met Haon’s blinking eyes. A sharp pang went through Inho’s chest.
He knew he should say something, but strangely, his mouth wouldn’t open. He figured he was still groggy with sleep.
“Did you sleep well?”
Haon asked him instead. His voice was nothing like Inho had expected.
Haon studied Inho’s complexion, touching his cheek and neck to check his temperature. Then, he gently pulled the blanket Inho had over him down to his chest. His expression was as calm as his voice.
“You must have been very surprised.”
Inho’s eyes widened slightly at Haon’s words. Surprised? That was what he should have said.
“They said it was because you suddenly became agitated due to the medication.”
A warm hand reached for Inho’s face. Haon gently stroked Inho’s cool cheek and the corners of his mouth as if to comfort him.
“It’s all because of the medication.”
Haon whispered.
“They say even taking too many suppressants is dangerous. Just like sleeping pills or tranquilizers.”
The hand that had been caressing Inho’s pale face moved down to his chin and then his neck. Ointment had been applied to the spots Inho had frantically scratched with his nails. Haon’s fingertips traced the area around the wounds.
“So, don’t ever take too much medicine again.”
Inho, gazing intently into Haon’s brown eyes, nodded slightly. Then, he reached out with the arm that had the IV drip and cupped Haon’s cheek.
Their lips briefly touched and parted.
Haon, smiling softly, pressed his lips against Inho’s palm that was covering his face and asked, “Do you want to sleep a little more?”
Inho smiled back at Haon and offered a reply. He didn’t want to fall asleep, but his still heavy body didn’t seem willing to obey his will. Haon must have sensed this, as he gently stroked Inho’s eyelids.
He touched Inho’s eyes and closed them gently.
But Inho opened his eyes again. His face was full of things he wanted to say.
“Did you eat the sandwich?”
Haon’s lips curved into a wide smile at the unexpected question. His eyes glistening, Haon shook his head apologetically.
“Not yet. Let’s eat together later.”
Worry clouded Inho’s eyes, which were already starting to close again. His heart ached as he thought Haon looked even thinner.
“Your arm must be uncomfortable.”
Haon gently stroked the arm with the IV line connected to it.
“They said once this is all in, they can take it out.”
The IV drip was preventing Inho from moving his hand freely. Inho tried to show his relief by raising one corner of his mouth. Haon met his gaze and continued speaking slowly.
“After they take out the IV, we finish the remaining tests, and you eat something.”
Inho nodded along to Haon’s words, then watched him silently when he paused. In the quiet, the irritating sound of the humidifier gradually began to fill his ears.
At the same time, a piercing pain, like being stabbed with a needle, constricted his chest. It was a familiar sensation, so Inho didn’t even flinch.
But Haon seemed to notice.
“Shall we go home right away?”
Inho stared at Haon intently before closing his eyes on his own and answering, “Yes.” The sound of the humidifier no longer reached his ears. The pain constricting his chest also disappeared. All with just Haon’s voice.
***
The doctor recommended that he stay hospitalized for another two or three days, but they decided to go home. They left the hospital building immediately after completing only the necessary tests.
Haon took care of all the medication prescribed to Inho by the hospital. Inho promised to only take the medicine Haon gave him.
The two were inseparable. They didn’t let go of their tightly clasped hands even when getting into the taxi or taking off their shoes back home.
“Let’s stay downstairs for a while.”
Haon said, leading Inho into his room. He explained that the stairs were steep and would be difficult to go up and down, so they should sleep in his room for the time being. Inho didn’t refuse.
“Do you want to wash up?”
Haon asked, looking up at Inho who was rubbing the back of his hand as he opened the door. He had already moved Inho’s clothes and toiletries to his room in advance.
“Shall we?”
Inho asked back, his expression much softer now that they were out of the hospital. He kissed the back of Haon’s hand, implying he wanted to wash up together. Haon didn’t reject his suggestion either.
They headed to the bathroom, undressing each other. When Inho instinctively went to pick Haon up, Haon shook his head and said he would walk on his own. He took Inho’s hand and went to the bathtub first, turning on the hot water.
“Let’s wash up and go to bed early today.”
Because they had stayed to hear the test results, it was already late. If they took their time washing in the bathtub and came out, it would be time to sleep.
“Or shall we watch a movie and then sleep?”
Haon stepped into the bathtub one foot at a time, holding Inho’s hand tightly as he asked. Inho followed Haon into the tub.
“Anything is fine.”
Inho replied with a faint smile. He still didn’t seem to have fully recovered his strength. Even stringing together a few words seemed difficult. Although he didn’t show it outwardly.
They sat facing each other in the spacious bathtub. Haon, sitting between Inho’s legs, raised his knees and placed their clasped hands on them. Then, he wrapped the bandaged hand with the towel he had prepared.
“I met a doctor who is close to Inho-ssi.”
“Hyo-jeong Noona?”
Haon, recalling the name from the business card, said yes. Hyo-jeong hadn’t been able to come when they were discharged because she was busy with appointments.
“I thought you might have met her.”
Inho rested his elbows on the edge of the tub, adjusting the water temperature. He had noticed the sandwich in the refrigerator. It was something Hyo-jeong often bought. Inho would often give her bread from that shop whenever he came to the hospital.
“She said to come back for tests when it’s convenient.”
“Whenever Haon-ssi wants to go, let’s go together.”
Inho lowered his gaze and poured warm water over Haon’s shoulder. Haon mirrored his action.
“Didn’t she say anything else?”
Haon stopped his hand and dipped it into the warm water. He wiggled his fingers aimlessly beneath the clear water before slowly opening his mouth.
“It’s a secret.”
The splashing of water broke the silence that had settled.
“I’m not going to tell you.”
“Because Inho-ssi also hid that he was sick.”
Haon lightly splashed the water. His smiling eyes were directed at the bubbles, not at Inho. Inho couldn’t answer easily. He couldn’t think of anything else to say. It seemed his still-stiff mind hadn’t returned yet.
“Why didn’t you tell me?”
Haon, who had been smiling gently, tapped Inho’s hand and wrist.
“Hiding that it was your rut period, and secretly taking medication.”
He murmured, massaging Inho’s large hand as if giving a massage. The face enveloped in the warm steam gradually flushed red.
Inho let Haon touch his hand as much as he wanted, biting his lower lip gently. If he had endured just a few more days, he would have gotten through it without incident. Lately, even he had thought his condition was worsening, but they were all temporary symptoms.
It was just a side effect of not adjusting to the new suppressants. If he hadn’t gotten heated arguing with Haon about the hospital issue that day, he wouldn’t have been found out.
Inho knew that telling Haon his current feelings would only upset him more. That’s why he chose his words even more carefully.
“You should have told me if you were hurting.”
While Inho was contemplating, Haon picked up the thread of their conversation again.
“If I don’t say anything, Inho-ssi gets upset too. I… I’m upset too.”
He trailed off at the end of his sentence and was about to splash water again. Inho gently stopped his hand, intertwining their fingers. He added a subtle pressure so Haon couldn’t pull away.
“Because you said you liked that I was perfect.”
He hadn’t meant to say those words. Inho, his eyes crinkling slightly, deeply regretted the words he couldn’t take back.
“I tried not to show any flaws.”
Even as he regretted his words, his tongue, as if drunk, carelessly revealed his inner thoughts. The splashing water and steam had made his mind hazy.
In truth, Haon’s words about liking his perfection had been weighing on his mind the whole time. He had been constantly anxious that Haon would discover that he was far from perfect.
Gradually, he started experiencing indigestion, and he frequently vomited in the early hours of the morning. Inho’s body was quietly breaking down. He was only grateful for Haon’s oblivious nature, his inability to easily notice changes.
Every time Haon failed to notice his weak side, Inho felt a sense of relief. He was confident he could hide it like this for the rest of his life. That was the case until just a few days ago.
“I won’t do it again.”
Inho, embracing Haon who had buried his face in his knees, apologized quickly.
“It’s not because of what Haon-ssi said that I hid it. My personality is just like this.”
He belatedly added that it was all his fault, but Haon didn’t lift his head. He just kept his face pressed firmly against his knees, his arms wrapped around his legs.
Inho repeated his apologies, holding Haon tightly. There was nothing else he could do.
It wasn’t until the water had completely cooled that Haon allowed Inho’s gaze to meet his. He slowly lifted his head and wiped his water-soaked face with his palms.
“I… I like Inho-ssi.”
His voice, having regained composure, resonated quietly. Haon looked straight into Inho’s dark eyes, where his own reflection was visible, and said,
“I just like Inho-ssi. Just… because it’s Inho-ssi.”
