Chapter 15
Han Taekyung was very frail even before he was born. No, that’s not enough to describe it—he had several close brushes with death. He was born with the umbilical cord wrapped around his neck, which caused him to be in a brain-dead state immediately after birth. The doctors suggested it might be better to give up, but his father didn’t abandon him. Desperate to save him somehow, he gave up his own life, put everything aside, and headed to Germany, where Han Taekyung had to undergo surgeries that even adults would find difficult to endure. He had several close calls with death during that time too, but he stubbornly survived. It was as if he had been born with the obligation that he must live—he had a tenacious life force.
Only after a year since his birth did he finally open his eyes and see the world. But that wasn’t the end. Perhaps because he had been lying down for too long, his body was stiff, his growth was slow, and his bones were so weak that they would break at the slightest impact. His digestive system was weak, so whenever he ate something, he would either get indigestion, vomit, or have diarrhea—one of the three. His allergic reactions were also so severe that at one point, he suffered from plastic allergies, at other times from wheat and milk allergies, and sometimes from sun allergies. But for him, when he was sick, he just had to cry and that was it.
It was his fathers who suffered. His big father, who raised him, would turn even paler and fret whenever he was sick, and his small father, who gave birth to him, would often hold him and repeatedly apologize while crying. Seeing the two of them like that, he felt that he shouldn’t be sick anymore, so at some point, he stopped crying even when he was quite ill and stopped mentioning when he was in pain. This maturity might have hurt the two of them more, but it was the best he could do.
Until he turned five, many things happened. Even when his twin siblings were born and grew up healthy, he, as the older brother, had to stay in bed, couldn’t hold his siblings, and naturally couldn’t act like an older brother. Instead, his siblings would approach their sick brother, reach out their hands, and comfort him. Every time this happened, Han Taekyung felt sad. And on the other hand, though he knew it was wrong, he envied his siblings who were born healthy and acted sulky for a while. As if understanding all his feelings, his fathers embraced all his sulkiness. How gentle and kind his parents were.
‘I won’t be sick anymore. Please don’t hate me.’
Afraid that his kind parents might hate him for his sulkiness, he said those words. His parents hugged him and cried. And that night, they held him and whispered that they loved him. Endlessly. They told him they loved him more than their own lives, and Taekyung was able to sleep peacefully in their arms for the first time in a long while.
After that day, he tried to get up on his own. Having been bedridden for so long, the muscles in his legs had atrophied, so at best, he could only walk around the house. But he didn’t give up. He diligently walked around the house with his siblings, and when it was hard, he leaned against the wall. He took his medicine well, and if food was said to be good for his body, he ate it diligently without being picky, even if it tasted bad. To avoid indigestion, he chewed 20 or 40 times before swallowing. When he was sick, he immediately said so and went to the hospital. After half a year of such effort, he was finally able to step outside the house. Holding his father’s hand, he walked around the garden for a long time. He walked diligently even without his fathers. Even when his chest felt tight and it was hard to breathe, he kept moving.
He didn’t neglect his studies either. Even though he couldn’t go to daycare or kindergarten with his siblings, he studied hard by looking up things online and asked his fathers to hire a tutor. His fathers never forced him to study. They just said, ‘You can do whatever you want to do.’ Every time they said that, Taekyung would say, ‘Studying is what I want to do.’ Sensing Taekyung’s determination, his fathers found him a teacher as requested, and Taekyung started studying Korean from the basics. After another half year, he became much healthier. So much so that the doctor said he only needed to come to the hospital once a week. So much so that he said Taekyung could go to an amusement park with his siblings… Taekyung was truly happy. Because it seemed like everything was over.
But the pain came back even stronger afterward. The sudden onset and the problems that came with it were bigger than expected. It was a problem that no one could handle. Neither Taekyung, nor his parents, nor the doctor who had been in charge of Taekyung all this time, nor even the most authoritative scholars and doctors on alphas and omegas from around the world could solve the problem that had occurred.
The family atmosphere turned gloomy again, and his fathers cried secretly every day after putting him to bed. They blamed themselves and struggled. It was all his fault. It was because he was born weak. Why wasn’t he born healthy? Why… am I like this?
Every day, Taekyung struggled with symptoms he had never experienced before. Gritting his teeth and trying to endure was useless, crying in pain was useless, and screaming until his voice was hoarse was useless. It felt like a monster was devouring him. Even entrusting his body to the doctor in Germany who had saved his life was useless. Nothing could save him. He wanted to die. He just prayed to God to kill him. At that time, Han Taekyung was only 6 years old.
Red spots appeared all over his body, and it seemed like those red spots bloomed with heat flowers, slowly devouring him. He was worried he might soon become a monster. It was then that his attending physician made a suggestion to Taekyung.
‘How about trying to move constantly without rest?’
If there’s no way to release the heat from your body, let’s try to deplete it instead. It was an unlikely proposition, but the doctor suggested that sometimes the simplest solution could be the answer, and his fathers agreed, wanting to do something. The most important factor was Taekyung’s decision. Taekyung hated everything. He was annoyed with everything and just wanted to die, but he didn’t want to break his fathers’ hope. So he nodded and agreed.
After that, he started doing many different sports. Not knowing which sport would be suitable, he tried various age-appropriate activities. Sometimes he swam, sometimes he did judo, and he also tried archery. Among them, swimming and taekwondo matched Taekyung the best. But once they discovered that swimming was counterproductive to Taekyung’s heat, he began to focus on taekwondo.
At first, he didn’t want to do it. Taekwondo didn’t seem to help his physical condition much. There wasn’t as much movement as he expected, and rather than tiring his body to remove the heat, it seemed more like watering the heat flowers to make them bloom more severely. Yet he couldn’t easily say he wanted to quit, partly because of his fathers who were desperately clinging to a sliver of hope, but also because taekwondo allowed him to practice mental discipline to some extent. Taekwondo required dominating an opponent with a single movement. It required patience and observation to see the moment when the opponent showed a weakness. Instructor Kim emphasized this aspect even more from the first time he met Taekyung.
‘Taekyung, I know it’s hard for you. But the more difficult it is, the more you need to stay calm and patient. You need to dominate your illness, not let your illness dominate you. Understand?’
‘So I need to dominate this illness.’
‘That’s right.’
Every time his illness challenged him, he had raised both hands and feet without even thinking of fighting back. Because he knew he couldn’t win anyway. But Instructor Kim thought differently. He knew that Taekyung had the strength not to lose to his illness and helped him fight and win against it. Following his teachings, Taekyung gradually became able to control his physical condition, and when he turned 7, Instructor Kim made a suggestion.
‘Would you like to participate in a competition?’
‘A competition?’
‘There’s a youth taekwondo competition. In my opinion, you have talent for taekwondo. How about giving it a try?’
‘…I’ll try.’
His fathers initially opposed the idea. They were worried that his illness might relapse or that he might get hurt. But Instructor Kim persuaded them that by going to such places and experiencing many challenges, Taekyung would be better able to control himself and overcome his illness. His fathers asked Taekyung once more for his opinion.
‘Will you be okay?’
‘You don’t have to do it if it’s too hard for you.’
At that question, Taekyung realized. His fathers knew that he wasn’t particularly eager to exercise. They also knew that he didn’t really want to do taekwondo either. So they were saying that if Taekyung was doing it reluctantly, he didn’t have to go that far. Taekyung suddenly became alert. Worried that he might make the two of them cry again, he shook his head.
‘I want to compete. I want to do it. Please let me do it.’
He strongly asserted his opinion, and reluctantly, his fathers allowed Taekyung to participate in the youth taekwondo competition. And on the day of the competition, Taekyung realized his choice had been a mistake. The enormous venue, the many peers who had come with dreams, and above all, the various pheromones he could sense began to constrict the still young Taekyung.
‘Taekyung, stay here. I’ll go register and come back.’
‘Okay…’
Instructor Kim temporarily left Taekyung in the waiting room. Sitting blankly in the empty waiting room, Taekyung suddenly felt goosebumps all over his body.
Author: Hyacinthus B
Hyacinthus
