The man looked down at me expressionlessly. He multiplied into two, then three, then blurred in all directions. Tears streamed down my face as I stammered. I slowly collapsed forward, clutching my hand.
I was dying, but it wasn’t as scary as I thought.
“It hurts……”
When I came to, a blinding incandescent bulb pierced my corneas. I raised a hand to block it. The light dimmed slightly, and I slowly looked around. Colorful wallpaper. A wooden drawer. A bed and a small room.
The man I’d seen last wasn’t a hallucination.
In the end, I couldn’t escape.
Both ankles were bandaged like my wrists had been when I’d bitten and clawed them. Surprisingly, there were no shackles to restrain my feet. I wanted to sit up and check, but I groaned and lay back down. My body ached from struggling through the rough mountain path.
I swallowed hard. Even though I’d been recaptured and locked up again, I didn’t feel as devastated as I thought I would.
I’d nearly died from a venomous snake bite, but I didn’t feel relief or gratitude for surviving. I just thought, Death isn’t so scary after all.
The man entered the room at the precise moment I opened my eyes, as if he’d timed it. He carried a tray with a bowl. Setting it on the drawer, he held a small bowl to my face and offered it.
“It’s porridge. Aren’t you hungry?”
“……”
I stared at him, bewildered. I’d expected punishment. I licked my lips suspiciously, then whispered,
“Why… no punishment?”
“What do you mean? Punishment?”
Did he really not know? I couldn’t answer. He set down the porridge and added with a faint smile,
“Are you talking about hide-and-seek?”
“……”
Hide-and-seek? I didn’t understand what he was saying. Confused, I stared at him. Hide-and-seek? Was that what he called what I’d done? I’d risked my life hiding in the dark mountain, even gotten bitten by a snake in the cold, and he called it hide-and-seek?
I was furious. I couldn’t control my emotions. I snatched the porridge bowl and hurled it at the wall. It shattered, scattering porridge everywhere.
“Get out!”
“……Siwoo.”
“Hide-and-seek? Hide-and-seek?! Did it look like hide-and-seek to you? Did it look like I was just playing hide-and-seek when I was crouching in the cold, getting bitten by a snake? I won’t eat. Get out!”
“……”
The man tilted his head. He’d clearly heard me, but he didn’t get angry. He just looked at the shattered bowl and muttered, What a waste…
“I’ll make more.”
“I said I won’t eat!”
He gathered the broken pieces onto the tray, then left the room. I was speechless. He didn’t even respond. He ignored me as if he hadn’t heard a word.
I bit my lip. I was so frustrated I could scream. I clutched the white blanket, my head throbbing from the emotional turmoil.
A few minutes later, the man returned with more porridge. This time, he stood farther away and lifted a spoonful.
“It’s still hot. I’ll blow on it. You must be hungry.”
“I said I won’t eat! I told you I won’t!”
I screamed like I was in despair. He still acted like he couldn’t hear me, blowing on the steaming spoon. When he brought it to my mouth, I slapped his hand away.
The spoon flew, hitting the wall and clattering to the floor, splattering porridge everywhere.
The man looked at the fallen spoon, then took a big step toward me and reached out.
I flinched, grabbing his wrist to block him.
But he didn’t hit me. He just gripped my face and squeezed.
I grimaced, trying to turn away, flailing my arms to push him off. The harder I struggled, the tighter he held me, climbing onto my body.
“Why won’t you eat?”
“I don’t want to.”
“Why? You’re hungry.”
“I won’t eat anything from you. I’d rather die. Just kill me. It’ll be better than this shit.”
Death… I wasn’t afraid anymore.
“You won’t eat? You’d rather die?”
“Yeah. I’d rather die.”
“I think I told you not to say that. Die? You? Die? And leave me? Who said you could leave? Eat. You have to eat.”
The man tilted the porridge bowl into his mouth, then immediately pressed his lips to mine.
He squeezed my cheeks so hard tears welled up. His tongue forced my lips apart, shoving hot porridge into my mouth. It was so hot I screamed. My throat burned as I swallowed it.
He kept his tongue in my mouth until he was sure I’d swallowed, then pulled away. I gasped for breath. My stomach burned. He wiped my tears with his thumb and whispered in my ear,
“If you don’t eat, I’ll shove it in your mouth like this. Like now. Hurts, doesn’t it? Uncomfortable? Do you feel like eating now?”
A strange sound escaped my throat.
I wanted to cry, but no tears came. I was wronged. I was furious. I felt like I was going crazy.
I shook my head frantically.
The man took another spoonful of porridge, then forced my mouth open and pushed it in.
***
“The redevelopment is finally confirmed this time. They say they’ll demolish it after the election. Want to visit before then?”
My aunt was fundamentally indifferent to me. She’d only taken me in after my grandmother died because she didn’t want to be accused of abandoning her nephew. She wasn’t maternal or responsible, and expecting familial love from her was difficult. But she was inherently kind. The fact that she’d raised me, a child not her own, to this age was proof. Once I was old enough to live alone, I moved out to avoid burdening her with guilt.
The news that redevelopment was confirmed in that neighborhood was something I’d heard at least once a year for the past 15 years. It was where I was born and raised. Of course I was curious. Several times, I’d taken the bus to the neighborhood but never actually went inside. I had to keep my promise to my mother.
“You’re not my son anymore. You’re the convenience store grandmother’s grandson, got it?”
That was my promise to my mother. For 15 years, I’d kept it faithfully. I avoided that neighborhood so I wouldn’t be tempted to visit home.
Even though redevelopment had been delayed for 10 years, I didn’t think it would happen overnight. But for some reason, I wanted to see the place where I was born and raised before it was all gone. I wanted to touch the only place left with memories of my mother before it was demolished.
Maybe the guilt over the stalker, the police, and what happened to my girlfriend made me long for my mother’s embrace. Fortunately, the day after my aunt called was a weekend, and on impulse, I took the bus to my old neighborhood.
They say 10 years can change everything, but this place was the same. The stubborn old residents had left, and it was desolate. Most of the abandoned houses were half-collapsed, and the eerie atmosphere was marked by faded, torn “Danger” signs. Only the red ink remained, warning of restricted entry.
I climbed the winding uphill road. As I walked the familiar path, I was glad I hadn’t come at night. If I had, I’d have been too scared to even look around from the entrance. It was the kind of place where ghosts would appear. After walking about 30 minutes from the entrance, I finally reached the end of the neighborhood and found my grandmother’s convenience store.
The sign was half-fallen, creaking, and spiderwebs blocked the entrance. I stood blankly in front of the store, lost in memories. I’d loved this place as a child.
I used to say I wanted to live here. My favorite food was the cocoa from the vending machine, and my mother would straighten out crumpled bills to buy me a 100-won cocoa.
Author: Hyacinthus B
Hyacinthus
