I didn’t understand what that had to do with me, but if it wasn’t something that would hurt me and was just about stacking dominoes, it wasn’t so bad. Still, I couldn’t trust him, so I hesitated and asked, “……Is that all?”
The man knew what I was afraid of. He stared at me, then suddenly smirked. He placed the tteokbokki in front of me and took out a pair of wooden chopsticks from the bag, aligning them neatly.
“I want to be someone you need.”
“……”
“So let’s play dominoes.”
“……”
I couldn’t comprehend the connection between his terrifying declaration and the domino game. My ordinary mind couldn’t make sense of what this madman was saying. But one thing was certain: no matter what, he could never become someone I needed.
“Eat.”
I cautiously picked up the chopsticks and put a red rice cake in my mouth. My eyes watered. I couldn’t hold back and quickly stuffed the tteokbokki and sundae into my mouth.
The short meal lasted about 10 minutes. It wasn’t because he told me to stop, but because there was nothing left to eat. After watching me devour the food, he handed me a glass of cold water.
I took it, tasting it cautiously with my tongue before gulping it down. Unlike the suspicious food he prepared, the packaged food gave me some comfort. The fact that he could buy it from outside meant there was still a way out for me.
After I finished the cup, he handed me a warm mug of cocoa, as usual.
I took the cocoa and drank it, watching him. He took the empty mug and examined it thoroughly before looking up at me and saying, “Let’s go to the bathroom.”
The man treated me like a child, feeding me and taking me to the bathroom.
Since I had been holding it in all day, I nodded without complaint. He picked me up again and carried me to the bathroom.
I fidgeted and mumbled, “I can walk on my own.”
“Can you?”
He didn’t seem to understand, pressing his hand against my left ankle, where the 10-kilogram shackle was attached.
I didn’t answer, remembering how I had tried to stand properly but always collapsed under the weight.
He didn’t seem to care and placed me on the toilet. He stood in front of me, showing no intention of leaving. I looked up at him, hoping he would go, but he didn’t seem to plan on it.
I sighed inwardly and grabbed my thighs. Had I gotten this used to it? I hated it. I frowned as I urinated in front of him, my thighs pressed tightly together.
He silently waited until I finished, then roughly wiped me with toilet paper before lifting me up again.
I glared at the back of his neck as he carried me, doing everything for me.
What was he thinking? Did these gay people get some kind of thrill from watching this?
I thought of Cha Hae-joon, the gay man I knew.
As I recalled him, my vision blurred. The empty space in front of me darkened and twisted, creating black holes. The holes distorted eerily, expanding and contracting in a strange rhythm. I stared at them, narrowing my eyes. When I pressed my hand against the man’s shoulder and trembled, they were all faces. The faces swirled like black holes. Staring at those chilling holes, I raised my hand and rubbed my eyes. When I blinked again, the black holes filling my world were gone. I was still being carried by the man, and the background was the old corridor.
My face paled as I searched my mind.
Cha Hae-joon. I had only meant to recall the face of a senior I knew, but this was like……
It brought an enormous shock.
I was on the verge of a panic attack.
The man set me down in the bathroom and adjusted the water temperature before slowly washing my body.
He squeezed body wash onto me and rubbed it all over. I stared blankly at the corner of the bathroom wall.
I tried to recall again.
The face of my aunt, whom I had lived with for over ten years but couldn’t remember, or the man she used to see. What did the club president look like? And what about Jin-wook? And Cha Hae-joon?
As I struggled to remember, my hand suddenly shot forward.
A fist swung toward me as if to strike. I flinched.
“What’s wrong?”
I grabbed his forearm and groped my way up his face like a blind man—forehead, eyebrows, eyes, nose, mouth.
I didn’t want to accept it.
So I denied it.
“No.”
I pulled my hand away from his face and reached for the floor. The man seemed about to question me further but closed his mouth. He glared at me before lifting my washed body.
Then he said, a little fiercely, “Let’s play dominoes.”
***
Hae-joon sunbae and I moved to a café to work on our midterm project.
Our task was to design and plan a machine for our final project. The café had a study room with a large table and various board games.
On the table were Hae-joon sunbae’s laptop, my notebook, and a file containing Understanding Mecha (Volume 1), borrowed from the library, and award-winning design blueprints.
We were planning a stress-relief switch. Of course, my opinion wasn’t considered at all—it was entirely Hae-joon sunbae’s decision. He said the professor gave extra points for unique and intriguing items.
Hae-joon sunbae sketched the detailed design, while I took notes and organized them into a PowerPoint. As a result, I often had nothing to do.
I clicked my pen a few times, feeling restless.
He glanced at me as he drew and pointed to a board game box on the side.
“Why don’t you play something?”
“How am I supposed to play a board game alone?”
“There’s dominoes.”
He had somehow spotted the domino box mixed in with the other board games.
As soon as I flipped open the lid, small domino tiles spilled out. I cleared half the table and began placing the tiny tiles, no bigger than a thumb.
I placed the red ones together, the blue ones together.
I aligned the green, yellow, and black tiles in order, almost completing a star shape. When I looked up, Hae-joon sunbae had stopped sketching and was staring at me.
He was looking at the neatly arranged star-shaped tiles on the table.
Author: Hyacinthus B
Hyacinthus
