# Chapter 57
Fired? Surely not the fired I’m thinking of?
I froze in my seat, shocked as if someone had struck the back of my head hard.
“Hyung, you won’t have to pay any termination fee, and you don’t need to do any more Guiding.”
I finally understood what it feels like when people say their vision goes white from mental shock.
“Why, why? Then what about Heerim’s Guiding? If I’m gone, what about the Guiding, the Guiding?!”
Despite wanting to speak more calmly and rationally, my body trembled and my mind clouded, making it difficult to form proper sentences.
“You saw it yesterday. I found a new Guide.”
“What…?”
“So hyung, you’re fired.”
Heerim smiled bitterly. Unable to be a stern and cold boss, he still couldn’t look me properly in the face.
“I’m sorry.”
Heerim stood up and walked toward the cafe exit. Everything happened so quickly that I didn’t even have the presence of mind to stop him from leaving.
What is happening right now?
Still unable to believe the situation, I stared blankly at his untouched chocolate frappuccino.
What’s going on? He found a new Guide? While telling me not to Guide others? Why?
I couldn’t understand what had happened, and countless questions swirled in my head.
Could it be that he preferred someone else’s Guiding? Yes. That might be why he’s been letting me rest all this time. Because I was a nuisance. Because he found someone else. Otherwise, Heerim, who always wanted to stick by my side, would have no reason to fire me. Does this mean his roundabout way of saying he wants to break up with me?
“Break up…?”
Already anxious from the extended break, my thoughts spiraled to extremes.
It felt like standing alone before ruins devastated by a storm. What am I supposed to do in this situation?
I remained in my seat, dazed and lost. Then suddenly, I remembered Heerim’s confession that he had sent into my mind before.
“I like you. A lot.”
My chest ached. That image of him tearfully, shyly telling me he liked me as he jumped into the flames after my confession couldn’t have been a lie. Though I didn’t know the reason, I couldn’t let Heerim go like this.
“Heerim!”
I immediately stood up and rushed out of the cafe. Fortunately, Heerim hadn’t gone far. Afraid he might run away, I hurriedly ran toward him.
“…Jaeo hyung?”
Heerim looked at me rushing toward him with a startled face, frozen in place. He probably didn’t expect me to chase after him.
“You’ll fall!”
“Ah!”
No sooner had Heerim finished speaking than my toe caught on an unfinished sidewalk block. As my center of gravity tilted forward and I was about to fall flat on my face, a strong, large arm wrapped around my waist.
“Ah…”
A troubled sigh came from above my head. When I looked up, I saw Heerim biting his lip hard. An unintended action, perhaps, as his face showed bewilderment.
“I was just worried you’d fall…”
Heerim hastily unwrapped his arm from my waist while making excuses. Feeling urgent, I immediately grabbed his wrist.
“What you said earlier, does that mean you want to break up with me?”
Contrary to my expectation that he would immediately deny it, Heerim remained silent. I felt as if all the blood in my body was draining away.
“You said you liked me. You said you were sincere. You told me not to abandon you. So why are you abandoning me first? Are you playing with me?”
Unable to bear Heerim’s silence, I poured out words I hadn’t properly organized in my head. At my accusations, Heerim’s already pale face turned ashen. He seemed to feel guilty.
Seeing him open and close his mouth as if trying to choose his words but ultimately saying nothing, I realized that he was truly saying goodbye to me. I felt like I needed to do something immediately, but not knowing what, I just became increasingly desperate.
“Hey! Is this really the end for you and me?”
Eventually, I forgot we were in the middle of the street and raised my voice. Fortunately, it was a neighborhood where elderly people of modest means lived, and no one had come down the hill on this weekend morning.
“Hyung…”
After a long pause, Heerim finally spoke.
“It’s better to end this than to watch things go wrong.”
“What does that mean?”
“Because of me, you’re experiencing things you shouldn’t have to. You’ve nearly died twice while working with us.”
“So what? You saved me, didn’t you? Did the Director say something? Did she tell you to make me quit?”
“No. It was my decision.”
Heerim stated firmly.
“Hanyoung noona only warned me since she knows it’s good for us to be together, but I’ve been pretending not to know. And it’s true that you almost died because of me.”
As I thought. The Director must have given Heerim the same guilt trip she gave me. But I couldn’t blame her. After all, the decision to fire me was Heerim’s.
They say the worst person in the world is one who gives and then takes away. That’s exactly what Heerim was doing. One moment acting like he would give me everything, and the next pushing me away overnight.
“Fine.”
My anxious and fearful feelings soon turned to devastation. Trying to hear Heerim’s excuses would only hurt me more.
“Let’s end it.”
I weakly released Heerim’s wrist, turned my back to him, and climbed the hill. It was more like running away than accepting the situation.
Right. Maybe this is for the best. Life had become somewhat more comfortable, and getting a job at a stable, solid company would be much better than the suspicious and dangerous Earth Peace Research Institute. If that happened, I could even try having a proper relationship. Just as I was no longer necessary for Heerim, I didn’t need to like Heerim either.
“Ah. Damn. This is driving me crazy.”
I wiped my tear-stained eyes with the back of my hand and stood still. Despite my desire to break up with Heerim cleanly, a clingy attachment held me back.
I stood there for a long time, hoping. I thought I wasn’t particularly greedy for relationships, but I was wrong. I didn’t know I could be so pathetic.
“Let it go, Son Jaeo.”
Heerim didn’t appear. It was only after feeling utterly miserable that I began to walk. The pain of my first breakup at twenty-four years old pierced my heart, but there was nothing I could do. The harder things were, the faster I needed to shake them off and forget.
***
The day after Heerim gave me my termination notice, a large sum of money was deposited into my account as severance pay. It seemed I really had been fired. Since I hadn’t worked there for even a year, they didn’t have to give me this money, and I wasn’t sure whether to be grateful for their consideration or angry that they were giving medicine after causing the illness. Regardless, the money itself wasn’t at fault, so I decided to accept it without saying anything.
And my first breakup in life wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be. It was fine except for the part where Heerim would suddenly come to mind, making me cry, feel empty inside, binge eat like crazy, and then throw up everything I ate.
“Are you sure you don’t need to go to the hospital?”
“Yeah. I’m fine. It’s just heat exhaustion.”
Jaeyeon examined my face with a worried expression. I’d never had an upset stomach in the morning before, but due to the aftermath of last night’s binge eating, I’d embarrassed myself in front of Jaeyeon as she was preparing for school. I was dizzy from vomiting in the bathroom for a long time, but I was really fine.
“What do you mean you’re fine? You seem to have lost a lot of weight too. Can you even go to work like this?”
“Ah, right. I got fired.”
“Huh? Whaaaat?!”
Jaeyeon’s eyes widened like saucers, and she jumped up from her seat. I had intentionally spoken casually so she wouldn’t be alarmed, but it was of no use.
“Why?! I was going to ask Jeongmun to take more photos of our babies next time!”
Jaeyeon was more upset about no longer being able to request photos from Jeongmun than about her own flesh and blood being fired. I felt empty for having hesitated to tell her the truth right away for fear she might be upset about my firing. But still, her nonchalant reaction was better for me.
“To be honest, it was a bit of a weird place. Even the name was Earth Peace something or other. What are they, Power Rangers or something?”
“Haha…”
So Jaeyeon also thought the Earth Peace Research Institute was strange. She never said anything, so I thought she hadn’t given it much thought.
I smiled awkwardly and picked up the backpack from the floor, handing it to Jaeyeon. She sighed with an “Eh-hew” at my gaunt face, then grabbed her bag and slung it over her shoulder.
“So what are you going to do now?”
“Hmm… I’m going to attend a computer academy. I need to get certified and find a proper job.”
I had already been looking for a good computer academy since yesterday.
I planned to get certified before winter and submit my resume to small and medium-sized companies. I didn’t intend to go to the company Ha Suan had proposed. It was certainly a good offer, but I no longer wanted to rely on others’ kindness. I had lived quietly on my own until now, so it wouldn’t be difficult. Besides, I now had some financial breathing room, which had been suffocating my life until now, so there was no need to struggle desperately. It was an opportunity to live a life for myself, not just for earning money.
“Jaeyeon, let’s move to a better place after you take the college entrance exam.”
“Huh? Why suddenly?”
“I’ve been thinking about moving for a while. Once you get into college, let’s move to a two-room officetel near your university.”
“I could live in a dormitory. Where would we get money for moving? And I’ve grown attached to this house, so it’s fine.”
Jaeyeon waved her hand in the air, questioning the idea of moving. But I knew very well that she wanted to leave this house more than anyone. She stayed late at school for night studies because she couldn’t do anything in this house that didn’t feel like a home. There was no way she could study properly in this small, shabby house that was sweltering in summer and freezing in winter. Yet, the reason Jaeyeon didn’t show enthusiasm at my suggestion to move was largely due to money concerns.
“I’ve saved a lot of money for moving. You don’t need to worry about that.”
“…My college entrance exam is still a long way off. My head hurts, so let’s talk about it when the time comes.”
Not wanting to burden me, Jaeyeon pouted and left through the front door. After seeing her off, I went to my room and lay down. Though the day had just begun, I was already exhausted.
Creeeeak.
As I shifted my body, a sound came from the bed mattress. Even though Heerim had fixed it last time, the spring had given out again quickly. Having bought it secondhand at a very cheap price, it seemed to have completely reached the end of its life.
I lay on my side and looked at the spot where Heerim had lain when he was drunk. That memory felt like ages ago. It seemed like my briefly enjoyable daily life had become as insignificant as the broken spring.
As memories of my time with Heerim, big and small, surfaced, the lingering attachment I had tried to bury stealthily revived.
After a long deliberation over whether to press the call button on Heerim’s number, which I still hadn’t deleted, I burst into tears again.
I had to admit it now. After breaking up with Heerim, I was not fine at all.
Author: Hyacinthus B
Hyacinthus
