# Chapter 37
“Do you like me?”
At my sudden question, Heerim slowly blinked his eyes. He seemed unable to understand what I meant. I exhaled softly and asked again.
“I’m asking about your feelings for Son Jaeo as a person, not just as a Guide. Heerim-ssi. Do you like me?”
“Ah…”
Finally understanding my question, Heerim took a step back with a dumbfounded expression. His gaze wavered unsteadily. I didn’t rush his answer but waited for him to speak.
In the middle of the busy street, silence fell between just the two of us. People glanced at us as they passed by, seeing us standing in their path. As Heerim’s silence lengthened, I too began to feel impatient.
Maybe this wasn’t the right place for this kind of conversation. I regretted my impulsive question.
“Heerim-ssi. Let’s just forget what I just said…”
Just as I was trying to salvage the situation, Heerim, who had been frozen in place, covered his mouth and slowly nodded.
“Yes. I… like you.”
Despite his very quiet voice, I heard it clearly. I held my breath for a moment, then released it slowly several seconds later.
I had my suspicions, but to think he really liked me.
My heart began racing madly. A strange euphoria stirred in my stomach. But I tried to maintain my composure, not showing my emotions.
“I don’t dislike you either, Heerim-ssi. And you’re not some object that I can throw away. But sometimes… no, often, I find it hard to trust you.”
I spoke while observing Heerim’s reactions.
“Honestly, even now, I’m doubtful whether your answer is sincere. You’re always hiding something from me.”
Heerim’s expression gradually hardened as he listened silently to my words.
“Can you tell me what that is?”
Heerim stroked his face once, then moved his lips slightly. I waited for his answer, extremely tense. It felt like I might cough up my heart.
Meeting Ha Suan today had made me realize something. I wanted a more solid relationship with Heerim, not one based on purpose or utility.
I wanted to break through the hard shell surrounding Heerim and discover his true self inside. For that to happen, Heerim needed to talk to me. If Heerim told me everything about himself, I was ready to open my heart to him. Even if not as lovers, we could at least be good friends to each other.
“Jaeo hyung.”
Heerim called my name with his eyes tightly shut. I stared at him with an expectant face.
“I’m sorry.”
What followed was an apology that seemed to crumble. I froze in place like a broken robot, trying to decipher the meaning of his apology. And a few seconds later, I understood what it meant. Heerim had no intention of telling me anything. He had no attachment to forming a deeper relationship with me from the start.
Even though he said he liked me. Why?
“Are you saying I shouldn’t trust you?”
“…”
Looking at Heerim with his head lowered, I bit my lip. My shoulders, which had been tense, slumped down. The blood that had been rushing through my body moments ago turned cold.
Why am I disappointed? I already knew I wasn’t part of Heerim’s world. A self-deprecating smile escaped my lips.
I couldn’t even be sure that Heerim’s feelings for me were real. He was clearly mistaking his emotions, stemming from the strange sensations during guiding. The emptiness, disappointment, and bitterness I was feeling now must be for the same reason. I tried hard to rationalize this to myself.
“Okay. I understand. I won’t ask anymore.”
I calmly took Heerim’s hand and performed a light guiding.
“Hyung? Ah…!”
Surprised, Heerim raised his head and let out a small exclamation. His hand instinctively tried to grip mine tightly. I put his hand down as if shaking it off.
“But I can’t be friends with someone who hides things from me. Is it because you can’t trust me either, Heerim-ssi?”
“No. That’s not…”
“No. It’s fine. You don’t have to say anything else.”
Instead of listening to Heerim’s excuses, I took a step back.
“Just this much.”
With my finger, I drew an invisible line between Heerim and myself. The gap was neither wide nor narrow, but just the fact that there was a line created a significant mental distance.
“As a Guide and an Esper. Let’s maintain just this distance. Us.”
***
“Ugh.”
The moment I opened the office door, cigarette smoke hit me. I waved my hand in the air and surveyed the office. The atmosphere in the office seemed unusual.
The Director, who usually strictly observed the no-smoking rule indoors, was smoking, and Jeongmun, who had a calm personality, was glaring at his laptop with a grim expression.
“Did something happen at the office while I was away?”
I lowered my voice and asked Heerim, who had followed me in.
“They’re stressed because of the NECC broadcast earlier.”
“The major rift, that one?”
“Yes.”
The two of us acted as if nothing had happened outside. But that didn’t mean the conversation between Heerim and me hadn’t occurred. An invisible line had already been drawn between us.
“Haah. Those crazy bastards!”
Suddenly, the Director pounded the desk with her fist, making a loud bang.
“I had my suspicions, but I didn’t think they’d go this far. Level 10? Are rifts a joke?”
She pressed her forehead and stubbed out her cigarette on the wooden desk. Amid the heavy cigarette smell, there was a faint burning odor.
“Calm down, noona. We just need to find it first.”
“That’s exactly why we’re in this mess, because we can’t find it!”
Jeongmun tried to calm the excited Director, but it was of little use. The Director irritably took out another cigarette from her pocket and put it in her mouth. Looking now, it seemed she had been using the desk as an ashtray, as there were unfamiliar black burn marks scattered across it.
“Ugh…”
As I kept frowning because of the cigarette smell, Heerim blew air with his mouth, making a “whoosh” sound. Then, a light, refreshing breeze quickly brushed past my face, instantly driving away the stale cigarette smell that filled the interior. Breathing became pleasant again.
I glanced at the Director and Jeongmun, who hadn’t yet noticed me, and spoke to Heerim.
“Is it a big deal? The NECC said not to worry.”
“Hmm…”
Heerim stroked his chin with a very dissatisfied expression. Anyone could see he wanted to contradict my words. Wondering if I had said something wrong, I tilted my head.
“Is there really a problem?”
“No. You’re right. You don’t need to worry, hyung.”
Heerim composed his expression and smiled awkwardly. That reaction made me feel even more uncomfortable.
“Right? It’s okay not to worry? I looked up articles earlier, and they said the rift preparations are well in place.”
Just as I was trying to lighten the mood, the Director approached us, exhaling cigarette smoke. The smell that Heerim had just cleared away returned.
“Jaeo-ssi, do you believe what those NECC bastards say?”
“What?”
“No. It’s ridiculous. They’re telling us to just trust them. Are they gods? Why should we just believe?”
“Um… Director, do you dislike the NECC?”
Come to think of it, everyone at the Earth Peace Research Institute showed nearly hostile reactions whenever the NECC was mentioned. I couldn’t understand why they reacted this way toward an organization with so little information available.
“Yes. I dislike them. I fucking hate them!”
The Director must really hate them to use such profanity. When she exhaled a heavy cloud of cigarette smoke in her fury, Heerim’s face wrinkled intensely.
“Can you stop smoking?”
“Do I look like someone who wouldn’t smoke? That bastard…! Haah. Damn.”
The Director, who had been speaking heatedly, swallowed her words when our eyes met. Meanwhile, Heerim blew air again to disperse the cigarette smell. At the same time, the cigarette in the Director’s hand went out as if the fire had died.
“Oh, come on. You’re so fussy! Fine. Smoking only ruins my lungs anyway. By the way, Heerim, you… never mind. I’ll tell you later.”
I noticed that the Director kept glancing at me and stopping mid-sentence. It seemed there were things she couldn’t say in my presence. As I was about to return to my seat, pretending not to notice, Heerim spoke.
“Jaeo hyung. Do you want to go home now?”
“Yes. It’s better to leave since there’s no work.”
“What? I’ve only been at work for three hours, excluding lunch break.”
“I’ll pay you for the full day. Don’t worry and go. You’ve been through a lot lately. Go home and rest.”
Both of them urged me to leave at once. I should have been happy about the early dismissal, but somehow it felt like I was being driven out, which didn’t feel good.
“Okay.”
But what could I do when they told me to go home? I packed my things with a bitter feeling without asking further questions.
When I left the office, it wasn’t even 3 o’clock yet. The streets were filled with people dressed brightly. The weather had improved significantly, and everyone seemed to be out enjoying it.
I contemplated what to do with my early dismissal but decided to return home. I had nothing particular to do, and my mind was too unsettled to want to do anything.
After boarding the bus home, I naturally took out my phone. Indeed, the major rift announcement from the morning seemed to be a hot topic, as the main portal site still only had stories about the rift and the NECC.
Most were articles reassuring people by acknowledging the efforts and merits of the NECC and Director Kim Hyungjin. Among the similar posts with just changed titles, a new article appeared stating that the government would allocate a budget of 10 trillion won for the NECC to eliminate the major rift. I carefully read the article that had been posted about an hour ago and then examined the 62 comments below.
– I agree with this… Humanly speaking, Director Kim Hyungjin should be given more money.
↳ 22222
↳ Thank you to Director Kim Hyungjin and the Espers who always work hard for national security in unseen places.
– Hello, Director Kim Hyungjin. I’m Choi Jin-young, a 3rd grader at Hanguk Elementary School. My dream is to be a Guide. How do I become a Guide?
↳ “How do” X “How to” O
↳ Kid, if you want to be a Guide, study spelling first.
– Honestly, I don’t even know what NECC does, but they get 10 trillion? Damn, that’s all my taxes.
↳ Here’s another one pretending they’re the only one paying taxes.
↳ Your mom raised you without knowing what you’re doing on the internet.
All kinds of comments were attached to the article. Although money is a topic everyone reacts sensitively to, there were many supportive comments. The minority of comments expressing dissatisfaction were being countered with replies.
People’s trust in the NECC was that tremendous. I think it’s justified too. Considering there are countries that have been devoured by rifts due to the absence of Espers, we were able to maintain our daily lives without worry thanks to the NECC.
“Jaeo-ssi, do you believe what those NECC bastards say?”
I recalled the Director’s sarcastic words, as if it was absurd.
“Then who should I trust…”
Thinking about it again, I found it ridiculous. Who’s really acting suspiciously?
If someone asked me to choose between the Earth Peace Research Institute and the NECC for which one I trusted more, I would obviously choose the NECC. There was no comparison between the NECC, recognized and revered by society, and the Earth Peace Research Institute, filled with people whose purpose I didn’t understand.
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A popup button appeared as I was about to exit the screen. Normally, I would have pressed cancel without clicking anything, but I pressed the “like” button, soothing my hurt feelings from throughout the day.
Author: Hyacinthus B
Hyacinthus
