80
* * *
Contrary to Samin’s worries, the house Doun arrived at was actually tidy. There were a few pieces of laundry scattered around here and there, but not to the extent of being a flaw.
‘No, why is this here!’
Samin went around frantically picking up the laundry, but Doun just looked around the house decorated entirely in Samin’s taste. The interior that fully revealed his preference for colorful things was exactly like Samin’s house. A bit chaotic but warm and lived-in.
After telling him to look around the house as much as he wanted, Samin hurriedly finished his shower. Changing clothes and coming out to the living room, Samin found Doun looking at a plaque engraved with the Prime Minister’s name.
“It’s a plaque that only safety-first guild masters can receive, so it has some rarity value. As far as I know, I’m the only one who’s received this?”
When Samin casually approached from behind and spoke, Doun just nodded without showing any sign of surprise.
“…Yeah. I think so.”
“I’m all ready, should we go now?”
Doun nodded again, and Samin, who had grabbed his car keys, sneakily took Doun’s hand. He thought Doun would be startled and pull away, but unexpectedly, Doun only looked at their clasped hands and didn’t shake off Samin’s hand.
‘Lee Doun is even more soft today.’
Samin’s eyes narrowed. If the depression that made Doun like this had a form, he would have beaten it to a pulp long ago. It was regrettable that he couldn’t.
* * *
The pitch-black dawn sea rolling with waves was quiet with hardly anyone coming and going. Every time the sea breeze mixed with the irregular sound of waves and salty scent blew, Doun’s expression only grew stiffer.
Doun had once sought out the sea to die. He was soaking his heavy body up to his waist when he heard splashing sounds, then a passerby came running and shouting.
‘Hey there!’
In the end, Doun couldn’t die that day. It seemed like he would cause trouble for the witness. At the beach he had sought out to die, Doun instead had to apologize profusely to someone whose name and age he didn’t know and return home soaking wet.
‘It’s all in the past though.’
Walking on the sandy beach where his sneakers kept sinking, Doun stared at the sea and said.
“What do you honestly think when you look at me beside you?”
“That you’re incredibly cool and admirable but also pretty and lovely so I want to kiss you?”
Doun let out a laugh as if absurd.
“Don’t I look like someone whose head is messed up?”
“What’s wrong with hyung’s head? I also often don’t know what I want to do and life gets boring a lot.”
Samin walked swaying with his hands stuck in his jeans pockets. The way he walked precariously as his feet sank deep into the sand and his balance shifted was exactly like his free-spirited self.
“Liar.”
“Come on, hyung. Where’s someone who’s happy all the time? My mom used to say that life is originally tough to live but you live for the pleasure of somehow finding modest happiness. She meant that happiness isn’t life’s default setting.”
“Good words.”
Doun moved his steps slowly while looking at the pitch-black sea. He had never met Samin’s parents, but just from the fragments melted into Samin’s words, he could vaguely tell what kind of character they must have.
Doun recalled faces he missed.
Once upon a time, Doun also had parents who would say words that became pillars of support for his heart. They passed away in his twelfth year, hit by a drunk driver.
Along with Doun’s younger sibling who was two years old at the time, they died instantly on the spot. When the ambulance arrived, it was already too late to help.
The young elementary school fifth-grader whose baby fat was just starting to disappear wore the mourner’s armband. With help from unfamiliar relatives he had barely seen a few times, Doun held his parents’ and sibling’s funeral like that.
“I’m taking my medicine properly, so why is this happening?”
Doun let out words to himself in a voice mixed with laughter. Actually, he hoped Samin wouldn’t hear while also wanting him to respond. It was contradictory thinking, but there was nothing he could do about it. He was shaking, unable to get his bearings.
“Hyung is doing well. From what I can see, I think hyung has those thoughts because he’s cold toward himself. You have a higher ranking than me who’s rich, handsome, and capable, you have a prettier face and nicer personality, yet you always blame yourself for not doing well.”
“You’re saying I’m doing well?”
“If hyung isn’t doing well, then all the hunters in our country should quit being hunters. Not just conquest, but hyung works hard to get better. You take your medicine regularly and move around trying various things. You’re doing well. Really.”
The words he had desperately wanted seeped into his ears. While Doun was grateful for them, his first thought was that he shouldn’t whine to Samin anymore. It had reached a point he could no longer tolerate.
“Yeah. I only said depressing things. Sorry.”
“What’s there to be sorry for again? Geez, are you going to leave your reliable boyfriend candidate aside to make soup? You can tell me everything. I like whatever hyung says.”
“Honestly, once or twice is fine, but if you keep listening, you’ll get tired too. It’s okay. I’m better now.”
Doun was smiling awkwardly, but he didn’t look like he had gotten better at all. Samin stopped for a moment and chose his words. He felt Doun stepping beside him in the sand.
“I want to know much more about hyung than hyung thinks. I didn’t say anything because hyung seemed burdened by it.”
“Still, you wouldn’t want to know about depressing thoughts.”
A self-deprecating laugh was heard. Samin slightly lowered his head and looked at Doun.
“Why not? If I know when hyung is depressed, wouldn’t it be good because I could comfort hyung or make you happy? Hyung, I want to know. So tell me. What are you thinking about right now?”
Doun avoided Samin’s sparkling eyes as he smiled gently. Strangely, when he looked into those honest eyes, he felt naked. He didn’t want to show all his ugly and pathetic sides.
“Samin.”
“Yes.”
“Why do you really like me? Honestly, it seems like there’s no reason for you to like me.”
Doun remembered the words Samin would rattle off to him whenever he had the chance. Pretty, cool, cute, and so on… They weren’t adjectives that suited him at all. In Doun’s opinion, the only thing he could claim superiority over Samin with was at most his ranking.
“To be honest, I didn’t like hyung from the beginning and want to be a fan or anything.”
Samin took his hands out of his jeans pockets and crossed his arms.
“At first, I had a period where I lived disgracefully wanting to somehow steal hyung’s 1st place. There was a time when I would explode with inferiority complex just seeing hyung’s nickname and hate you inside.”
He thought Samin had been his fan from the beginning. At this unexpected statement, Doun unconsciously held his breath.
“Why is that Magnetic bastard still 1st place when he’s not even active? Why can’t I beat that person? What’s so special about that bastard, really.”
At Samin’s unguarded words, Doun’s head whipped around. Samin’s expression as he muttered while looking at the sea was the same as usual.
“That’s what I thought. Honestly, I was planning to climb to higher floors and actually did. The funny thing is, Magnetic kept being 1st place. Hyung, honestly I really tried until I was about to die, you know? I even limped for two days from potion side effects.”
It was an unexpected story. Doun nodded slightly and muttered.
“…Yeah.”
“While Jiyoon noona and the guild members begged me to rest and I was lying down, I couldn’t let go of my obsession. So I kept rewatching hyung’s videos…”
Samin paused to catch his breath and looked at Doun.
“At some point I started feeling that way. Fucking annoying but I had no choice but to acknowledge the skill, that kind of thing. After what those fucking Chronos bastards did to hyung became known, when I watched videos of hyung’s conquests, hyung really looked more amazing. Meeting hyung in person, he was much cooler than I thought.”
Doun didn’t avoid Samin’s gaze. Somehow it felt like he should.
“My speaking skills are really terrible so I can’t say cool and impressive things, but Magnetic was just fucking awesome. From then on, you became an object of admiration. No matter how much I struggled like a dog, bled from my nose, and chugged potions while going through towers, I still couldn’t beat hyung.”
“…”
“If I couldn’t beat you, I thought I’d just acknowledge the ability hyung has. To be honest, becoming hyung’s fan at first was also a kind of mental victory. Since I couldn’t beat this person, I couldn’t stand it unless they were amazing.”
Samin’s such raw inner thoughts came as a shock to Doun. He had thought he was just a crazy guy who fell for his crying and pushed to date him, but it was completely different.
“Even when I drew the wish artifact and called hyung and sent texts, I didn’t have feelings of wanting to date. I just wanted to bring you to our guild and go through towers together while learning know-how, and it would be nice to drink and become close. Just about that much?”
“…How is it now that it’s actually like that?”
Doun, who had been consistently silent, asked back while hiding his anxious trembling. The loud splashing of the waves sounded particularly loud. The saltiness in the sticky sea breeze that brushed his face like a caress seemed to clear his mind.
At the question demanding an answer, his lips that had been attractively closed curved upward. Samin smiled clearly even with the dark night sea behind him and muttered as if overwhelmed.
“How is it? It’s so good that every day feels like a dream.”
“…”
“Besides, I’m hyung’s one and only male boyfriend candidate.”
Samin playfully bent his upper body and suddenly brought his face close to Doun’s. Doun, who stood still without avoiding the face that came right up to his nose, felt like crying.
He felt like he might drown in Samin’s affection.
Author: Hyacinthus B
Hyacinthus
