65
* * *
The last day of Yeoun Guild’s 3-day 2-night team-building retreat.
Late morning, after the group had heartily eaten the ramen that Doun and Samin had cooked, they loaded their suitcases into the car and gathered in the garden.
“Wow. We really had fun. People definitely need healing.”
“It was an even more rewarding and enjoyable trip with the unexpected harvest from the dungeon conquest.”
“Oh, right. Jiwon. When are you going to sell what we collected from the dungeon?”
“The recent magic stone purchase prices aren’t good, so I’m thinking of waiting and watching, but do you need the payment settled quickly even if we take a small loss?”
“No. I was just asking out of curiosity.”
Kim Chansol grinned, mimicking Dong Jiwon’s formal speech pattern, which he often used since his father was a former military man.
“I gained weight just eating and sleeping here.”
“You’ll lose it all once you go into the tower and suffer like hell anyway. Don’t worry, hyung.”
The atmosphere among the other guild members chatting was also bright and lively. Only Doun was awkwardly smiling, forcibly trying to fix his gloomy expression. The guild members glanced at such a Doun and had the same thought.
‘He seems really bothered by falling behind on the 55th floor conquest?’
While Doun joined Yeoun Guild and the existing conquest team conquered towers in the 40s and held a team-building retreat, other guild alliances wouldn’t have just been twiddling their thumbs.
Especially in the alliance that had been aiming for the first conquest along with Yeoun, there were three large guilds gathered that were called “corpses without pride.” Since they had even completed sponsorship deals with major corporations, it was practically a matter of time before they succeeded in the first 55th floor conquest with various interests intertwined.
Though Samin had set a goal to steal back the highest floor guild solo conquest title, it was still premature. Doun hadn’t even conquered the 50th floor yet, and he needed a bit more time to smoothly blend with the existing conquest team.
It had only been a little over two weeks since Doun joined the guild. No matter how skilled Doun was at adapting his behavior to others, there were clear limits. All the other guild members knew this, but only Doun himself didn’t.
‘I feel like I’m holding them back, so it’s hard to face them…’
He wished they would at least say something. The guild members ate breakfast, chatted, and played silly pranks on Doun as if nothing had happened. Even Samin, who had been looking forward to the guild’s first 55th floor conquest more than anyone.
“Hyung. While I’m taking you home, can’t you let me come over and order me something to drink?”
Even though his goal had been stolen by another guild alliance, his expression didn’t change at all as he spoke affectionately and flirted.
“…Not today, can you come later? Tomorrow or the day after that.”
Doun couldn’t bring himself to refuse outright and just blurted out whatever came to mind. He didn’t have the confidence to face Samin or other guild members today. He was so full of sorry feelings and guilt that he wanted to quit the guild and disappear somewhere no one knew.
“There’s nothing wrong with that. Hmm… Then I’ll just take you home today.”
“Yeah. That’s right. Come later. Later…”
He was clearly restless and unable to focus on the conversation. Samin decided to give the troubled Doun some time.
He’d thought it was impressive that Doun had endured the team-building retreat with that worrying personality, but it seemed he’d finally overloaded. The timing of receiving the news this morning wasn’t good either.
“Nothing left behind? Even if there is, we can get it delivered later so it doesn’t matter.”
Samin said to the group gathered in the garden.
“I swept through everything as I came out last, and there didn’t seem to be anything.”
Satisfied with Hong Chan’s diligent answer, he slowly scanned the pension building full of various memories.
The bench where he’d sat side by side with Doun looking up at the stars, the garden where he’d comforted Doun who was crying over the sudden birthday cake, even the path where he’d supported drunk Doun as they walked.
‘If only that damn notification hadn’t come on the last day of the team-building retreat, I could have left hyung with only good memories.’
Somehow it left a bitter taste.
“Alright. Since we had fun, let’s also work hard on tower conquest now. Rest well when you get home and I’ll announce the schedule later.”
The eventful team-building retreat came to an end like that.
* * *
Throughout the ride home in Samin’s car, Doun couldn’t hide his troubled mood.
“Hyung. Can I come to your house to eat tomorrow? If you don’t want to, we can eat together next time.”
“Huh? Oh, tomorrow? Yeah. Come tomorrow. I’ll buy you food.”
Doun nodded, thinking he couldn’t even mooch a meal when he was already holding others back and being a nuisance. He couldn’t keep being depressed and droopy like this forever.
‘First, let me figure out how to catch up on the floors I’m behind on…’
He already knew that hiding and avoiding like before wouldn’t change anything. He wanted to stay here even if it meant being as shameless as possible while Samin and the guild members were being considerate. It was because he’d become helplessly addicted to the affection he’d once tasted.
‘Floor 55 was taken by others, but if I work harder than now, I’ll definitely get floor 56…’
Doun steeled his wavering heart several times. He stubbornly stood at the apartment complex entrance, refusing Samin who insisted on carrying his suitcase all the way to his house.
“Then rest well and call me if you’re bored. You can text too, and video calls would be even better but hyung won’t call, right? Anyway, I’ll call before coming to your house tomorrow.”
“Yeah. Drive safely. Thanks for taking me home.”
“Thanks my ass. Then I’m really going. You have to contact me, hyung. If you don’t contact me, I’ll come chase you down?”
Samin seemed reluctant to leave Doun alone and lingered for a long time. He even touched his hands and was clingy for a while before finally leaving with relief only after Doun glared at him slightly.
He’d had a weak, dejected expression the whole time, but it seemed he’d regained the energy to glare at least.
Doun, who had been watching Samin’s car disappear into a dot, slowly headed home. Entering the quiet house, he slowly breathed in.
The strange dusty smell mixed in the air felt unfamiliar since he’d left it empty for several days. Standing silently at the entrance like he was nailed there, he took out the birthday gifts he’d carefully packed in his suitcase one by one.
Among the various gifts, one particularly caught his eye. It was the thick bundle of papers that Samin had said he’d put in as a fake.
‘He even gave me an S-rank artifact, but I made him miss the first conquest because of me. What a guy with no ulterior motives…’
Though he felt sorry to the other guild members too, Samin was definitely the one he felt most ashamed toward. He’d received too much from him. It was all Samin who had made him able to decide to be active as a hunter again, who had introduced him to reliable colleagues, and who had comforted his weak mental state.
‘First, clearing floor 50 is urgent, so let me check more videos and review what I practiced.’
Doun placed the gifts on top of the bedroom storage cabinet. The storage cabinet that had been placed just for show quickly filled up. Looking at it like this, it really seemed like he’d only been receiving, making him feel sorry again.
‘…I should wash up.’
He’d once seen on the internet that depression was water-soluble. Doun thought it was baseless nonsense. If this terrible feeling that choked his breath was an emotion that could be washed away with water, it should have disappeared that day when he went to the sea alone.
‘…Annoying.’
Doun squeezed his eyes shut. Entering the bathroom, Doun not only soaked his body in the overflowing bathtub but even dunked his face in. However, the shitty feelings didn’t disappear. They only deepened.
The self-destructive bathing ended only after his obsession with being helpful for conquest reached its peak. Doun sluggishly emerged from the bathroom. Water was dripping from his hair, but even the time to dry it felt precious.
Carelessly placing just a towel on his head, he sat on the bed and sighed. The suitcase that needed organizing was still sprawled in the living room, but he didn’t have the luxury to care about it.
His head was packed full of floor 50 that needed immediate resolution and the floors after that. There was no room for travel luggage that could be put away anytime.
Doun, who still found the system window awkward to face every time, called it up and searched for Yeoun’s 50th floor conquest video.
Then he silently and persistently absorbed the video that flashed so constantly it made his eyes dizzy. When there were parts he didn’t understand, he checked again and again, thought, and predicted.
‘This was the part they taught me during practice, right?’
His eyes were dry and his face was hot, but there was no time to complain. How long had he been absorbed like that? A loud ringtone rang from his quiet phone.
“…What?”
Doun glared at his phone, irritated by the broken concentration. Then his mood deflated helplessly at the name that appeared on the screen.
[Kyung Samin]
When he reflexively pressed the call button, a sulky voice came through.
-You do answer calls at least? What are you doing that you’re not replying to texts or looking at messages? I said I’d come chase you if you didn’t contact me, didn’t I?
“Ah. I was washing up and checking videos… Sorry.”
-What videos? I told you to rest at home today, but you couldn’t stand it and watched conquest videos?
“Yeah. I’m behind so I need to catch up quickly.”
Though he tried to maintain as calm a tone as possible, his impatience couldn’t be hidden, as Samin seemed to let out a small sigh before suddenly saying this.
-Hyung. You’re bothered because another alliance cleared floor 55 first this morning, right?
Hit right on the mark, Doun was about to lie and say no but bit his lip. What was the use of denying it here?
“…Yeah. I feel like it was delayed because of helping me.”
-I knew this would happen. Hyung. Let me say just one thing.
“…”
-That wasn’t taken because of you, hyung. Don’t worry about it.
The firm tone almost sounded like he was angry. Doun became a little dejected.
‘He’s human too, so he must be annoyed talking to me…’
From Samin’s perspective, the person he’d enthusiastically promoted as rank 1 and brought to the guild was not only not performing but constantly making depressing comments and not even earning his keep. Thinking from his position, he should be grateful just for having put up with his depression-soaked whining until now.
“…Sorry. Aren’t you a bit annoyed talking to me?”
The voice delivering the apology was full of self-deprecating laughter. Even he found his own depressed behavior annoying, so he could easily imagine how it looked to others without asking. He probably looked like a pathetic guy wallowing in self-pity.
-Haah…
Sure enough, Samin’s deep sigh, who had always only comforted him, came through the phone.
‘I shouldn’t have said that…’
Heat suddenly rushed to his eyes. Maybe he’d expected that Samin would comfort him with strange but affectionate words. When he actually heard what seemed like an annoyed sigh, shamefully, sadness washed over him. It was the moment when shallow breaths leaked between Doun’s trembling lips.
-Hyung.
“…What.”
-I miss you.
“What?”
-What do you mean what. I said I miss you, hyung. I can tell you’re sitting in your room fidgeting around. Wouldn’t it be nice if I just came over to comfort you, hug you, and even give you kisses? A handsome guild master is on standby 24/7, so why doesn’t our hyung contact me first?”
Instead of scolding him to stop making depressing comments, Samin just poured out embarrassing sweet talk.
‘Still, he’s not annoyed with me… What an idiot.’
It felt like his heart had crashed to the bottom from that one sigh of Samin’s, then found its place again. After deciding to return with difficulty, Samin was the only person he could trust, and his heart swelled again at the fact that he wasn’t hated yet.
-Hyung. Are you listening?
Even though Doun wasn’t responding, he wanted to hear Samin’s voice persistently talking to him from close by. Finally, he scattered all the system windows filling his vision.
“Do you still want to see me?”
-Why are you asking something obvious? My heart is in front of your house right now. Totally.
How did a guy who only said exactly what he wanted to hear appear? Doun didn’t want to lose this disaster-like affection that had come to him like a miracle.
He looked out the dark window and hesitated for a long time before blurting out his true feelings.
“…Then do you want to come to my house now?”
Author: Hyacinthus B
Hyacinthus
