“Lucas, please…”
Iberis called out to Lucas pleadingly as he hesitated. To avoid any potential trouble if others overheard, he usually unified Lucas’s title to ‘Luke’ even when they were alone in the unit.
Occasionally, when emotions ran high during intimate moments, the name ‘Lucas’ would slip out unconsciously. Still, it was extremely rare for Iberis to address him by his real name. The last time he had used Lucas’s true name was when they met Winfried, if that even counts.
Perhaps because of this, Iberis calling him ‘Lucas’ while sober had a powerful effect. It was the first time since returning to the unit.
“Lucas.”
“…”
Crunch. Lucas gritted his teeth as if suppressing the desire raging inside him at the sweet voice wrapping around his ears. He then closed his eyes and took a deep breath before slowly straightening his upper body.
“Do you dislike it that much?”
“…Huh?”
Iberis, who had been sighing in relief at the receding warmth, opened his eyes wide at the curt question.
“It’s, it’s not that I dislike it…”
Is he angry? Iberis swallowed dryly, seeing Lucas’s stiff face.
“I’ll just drink some water for a moment.”
Lucas, who had fully risen by then, picked up the water bottle from the bedside table. He gulped it down. It was an attempt to calm his boiling insides, but it failed.
“Would you like some?”
“Umm…”
Iberis rolled his eyes as he accepted the water bottle Lucas offered.
“Don’t be so conscious of me.”
Lucas made a deflating sound and reached out to Iberis. He had no intention of forcing anything if Iberis was this reluctant. He straightened out the crumpled shirt with his hands and buttoned it up one by one.
“It seems you’ll need to change the lower part.”
“Y-yes, I should…”
Iberis quietly brought his knees together after checking his still-excited lower half. He felt embarrassed having his lower body exposed in front of Lucas. Fidgeting with his toes, he cleared his throat and spoke.
“This, um, I’ll calm it down myself.”
“How?”
“Well, can’t I just leave it alone until it cools down?”
Lucas raised an eyebrow, seemingly displeased with Iberis’s answer. Then he asked in a low voice. His words came out sharp due to his upset mood.
“Your lover is right in front of you, yet you insist on doing that?”
“What? *cough*…”
Iberis coughed lightly while drinking water, startled by the pointed question. He almost choked.
“Sigh, let me ask you one thing. Is there any other reason besides what you mentioned earlier?”
Lucas made an ‘oops’ expression before nervously running his hand through his hair. After taking a short breath, he asked accusingly.
“…What do you mean?”
“It might be just my feeling… but these days, it seems like you’re avoiding me, Major.”
“Ack, no!”
Iberis raised his voice in surprise, as if it was nonsense. He almost dropped the water bottle from shock.
“Why would I avoid you? What misunderstanding did you have…”
“Do I not look like that?”
“Huh?”
“It’s not just today. The day before yesterday, yesterday too… Recently, you’ve been stopping me whenever the guiding stage seems about to escalate. As if you’re reluctant to do this with me.”
Creeak. Lucas leaned forward, pinning Iberis with his arms on both sides of the bed. Then he deliberately brought up what had been bothering him for days.
“Th-that’s because it’s guiding during work hours, if we go further it might affect our duties…”
Iberis, feeling cornered, avoided Lucas’s gaze like someone hit in a weak spot. But soon, a hand firmly gripped his chin, forcing eye contact.
“Of course, we did talk about not overdoing it on weekdays during our vacation. But I’m honestly confused when you even avoid dealing with natural occurrences like this. You weren’t like this last week.”
“Last week was…”
Iberis’s voice grew smaller, unable to find a rebuttal. Indeed, in the first week after returning to official duties, when he got excited during guiding, he surrendered his body to Lucas instead of refusing. There were even a few days when they couldn’t stop midway and went all the way.
“If you don’t answer properly, I’ll think you dislike doing it with me.”
“I told you that’s not it!”
“Then what?”
Under the persistent questioning, small lips clamped shut like a clam. Iberis, unable to fix his gaze on one spot, darted his eyes around before finally opening his mouth hesitantly. A faint voice flowed through the slightly parted gap.
“…Stop it.”
“Pardon?”
“It’s a problem because I enjoy doing it with you too much!”
Iberis shouted, his eyes tightly shut as if he couldn’t bear to look at Lucas. His cheeks flushed for a different reason this time.
“Kissing is fine, but if we go further than that, it’s hard to work…”
Iberis covered his burning face with both hands. Over the past week, he realized that his concentration significantly dropped after receiving guiding from Lucas.
Even before they became lovers, it was difficult to regain focus right after guiding, but after dating, it was beyond words. After intense skinship with Lucas, his body felt languid, his mind floated, and his head went blank.
Even after returning to the office, he felt as if he was still with Lucas, making it impossible to focus on work. As a result, he couldn’t work properly all last week.
Judging that this couldn’t continue, Iberis had been putting on the brakes before the mood escalated to a dangerous level since the day before yesterday. In his mind, he was trying to prevent interference with his work schedule, but he didn’t expect Lucas to misunderstand.
“There are already many people waiting to criticize us, and I didn’t want to give them any ammunition. Especially today, we have the unit commander meeting and dinner in the evening. They’ll surely pick a fight if I show even a slightly disheveled appearance, so I was trying to be careful…”
“…It would have been better if you had been honest from the start.”
Lucas spoke with an embarrassed look as Iberis poured out his reasons, feeling wronged. In fact, he shouldn’t blame Iberis. It was he who had pushed, unable to resist a moment of desire.
“I was embarrassed… and my pride was hurt. I feel like an idiot who can’t separate work from personal life.”
“You don’t need to distinguish so strictly. You’re just a bit distracted until the aftereffects of guiding wear off, but you’ve never made a mistake in your work, right? That can’t even be considered negligence of duty.”
“Even if I haven’t made mistakes, it’s true that I can’t focus perfectly on work. It’s an important issue for me.”
Before meeting Lucas, Iberis led an extremely ascetic life. Moreover, as a soldier whose main mission was to tackle rifts, he suppressed his emotions and controlled his daily life as much as possible to remain unshaken no matter what happened.
But after meeting Lucas, his days that had been going round in circles like a hamster wheel changed. When private emotions mixed with their public relationship, Iberis lost control over himself. This made him feel increasingly anxious.
Although his authority as a superior in front of Lucas had long since disappeared, he didn’t want to give the impression to others, including Lucas, that he was losing his mind struggling with love for the first time in his life.
“So please try to understand, okay? Lucas.”
Iberis looked up at Lucas while quietly hugging his waist. Once he had known warmth, it was impossible to go back to how things were before. But as he got used to skinship with Lucas, it would gradually get better. Until then, he needed time.
“…I understand.”
Lucas sighed softly as he embraced Iberis, who was fearlessly burrowing into his arms. Asking him to hold back while clinging like this, though probably unconscious behavior, was torture for him.
“That’s unfair, aren’t you taking too much advantage of the fact that I’m weak to being called by my real name?”
Lucas grumbled, resting his chin on top of Iberis’s head.
“What’s unfair about it… If you feel wronged, you can call me by my name too.”
“Pardon?”
“It’s not like I stopped you, you just didn’t do it.”
Iberis pouted his lower lip and slightly puffed his cheeks. Even after becoming lovers, Lucas strictly called him by his title. The last time he was called by his current name, let alone his true name, was when confirming his name.
‘Hyun Eunsu.’
Recalling the moment Lucas had spoken his real name, the sensation from that time vividly came back to life. The thrill of feeling his body hair stand on end and goosebumps running all over, the heat that tightened and then released his solar plexus, coursing through his chest – remembering these sensations made him desire to experience that indescribable exhilaration again.
“…Were you perhaps upset that I didn’t call you by your name?”
Lucas cautiously asked, easily catching the emotion in Iberis’s voice.
“Ah, no? Not at all!”
“Hmm, really?”
“…Ugh. Well, um, I’m not upset, just a bit curious… I thought we could use casual terms when we’re alone… but you always call me ‘Major’.”
Iberis stumbled over his words, mumbling. Esper and Guide, Major and Captain. Their positions in society were different, but the two were the same age. Since they became lovers, he thought they could use names instead of titles in private quarters, or even speak informally, but Lucas still used polite speech.
It bothered him sometimes, feeling like Lucas was drawing a line, but he wasn’t upset. Absolutely not.
Author: Hyacinthus B
Hyacinthus
