#121
“Like a stalker. You.”
“Where can you find a stalker as kind as me? Always dressing you up when it might be cold, walking you home together.”
Choi Tae-hyun gently speaks while needlessly adjusting the scarf wrapped around Lee Han-sol’s neck. Those clothes hyung is wearing, the scarf, they must all belong to that man. Ki Baek-woo recognized it immediately and whispered to himself, it’s okay. It’s okay. It’s okay. Because hyung… is right there. Nothing else matters.
“See, I knew you were following me home…”
Han-sol says gruffly, then turns to walk away while holding the dog. Tae-hyun smiles and follows closely behind.
“I’m not escorting Han-sol, I’m escorting our Ppomi.”
The two of them walk away. It’s okay. Crouched behind a streetlight, Baek-woo kept thinking. Yes, it’s okay. I saw hyung. Everything’s okay… But it’s a bit strange.
Why isn’t it not okay?
Baek-woo quietly looked down at his reddened, cold hands. Under his right hand is a long scar.
“Ah.”
He groaned briefly, clutching his head and burying his forehead in his knees. He hated himself for not being okay. Hated himself enough to want to kill himself.
***
Han-sol had been doing relatively well during this time. He slept and woke up regularly. He ate meals consistently at set times. It was mostly a healthy diet. He also had snacks in between, which, unlike his meals, were mostly sweet and soft items loaded with sugar.
That’s not all. These days, Han-sol goes out for walks exactly thirty minutes every day. It wasn’t aimless wandering looking for someone to vent on; it was simply time spent walking quietly. On days with clear air, he would sit quietly on a park bench. During those times, he would people-watch, observing with half-closed eyes, focusing mostly on tolerable humans rather than the fucking types he wanted to beat to death. Honestly, he thought all humans were the same fuckers, so what was the point of watching them, but anyway, he did it because he was told to.
After that, to keep his time from floating and to avoid getting buried in unsolvable thoughts, he did as many things as possible. His hands had no time to rest recently. Han-sol realized for the first time that so many hobbies existed in the world. Until now, all he had done to kill spare time was play mobile games, browse community sites, watch TV, and rea…ding. He was newly embarrassed by his past self as he tried various activities. He somewhat regretted the days when he cursed, “May all the earthlings living happily in this world just die,” simply because he didn’t know how to spend time alone.
I guess I was just an idiot who didn’t know anything. Han-sol readily admitted that. As he’d said before, though he was a madman with an unsound mind, he wasn’t a loser who denied objective facts. Of course, he did add this self-justification afterward:
‘What can I do? I’ve never properly spent time alone until now. Baek-woo probably doesn’t know about these things either.’
I was stuck with that bastard all day, so there was no such thing as boring time. When that dog left me alone to run off to Jung Yi-dam, I wasn’t in the state of mind to do these things… I’m not saying I don’t know these things because I’m a terrible loner with no friends and an ignorant idiot who knows nothing.
While thinking these thoughts to himself, Han-sol nevertheless drew pictures. No matter what he did, the results were always as bizarre as the wool felt he once made, but he worked hard regardless. He colored in coloring books or made sunflowers using strange items like diamond cross-stitch. He specifically chose a sunflower design because he remembered hearing somewhere that sunflower pictures bring money. Money didn’t matter to him as he was destined to die soon anyway, but he thought that as long as he was doing something, it might as well have one more benefit.
When he built miniature cars, a nostalgic memory came to mind. A childhood memory from before the Destruction arrived. The playground of the elementary school he attended for just over two years. He remembered how miniature car races were always held in the corner of the school playground after school because they were so popular back then. It was a memory of peaceful times he had completely forgotten. It was a bit surprising that toys he played with before the Destruction were still being produced.
What else did he do? He also did origami, built robots and ships from assembly kits. He even did cross-stitch and knitting. Han-sol surprisingly concentrated well on such delicate tasks, though the results were always terrible. Fortunately, he didn’t feel particularly self-loathing in front of results that looked like worthless trash even to his own eyes. Having no expectations for himself was helpful sometimes.
Recently, he had cleared out one room and was focused on creating a Lego town there. A room of ordinary size that could fit one bed, one desk, and one closet. To make it truly like a town, assembling Lego all day for several days wouldn’t be enough.
Lastly, Han-sol learned to play the piano. He could now play “Chopsticks,” which Ham Yun-ah, Seo Hee-ju, and even Kim Jin-oh seemed to know how to play. Piano, of all things. As Han-sol tapped the keys tan-tan-tan tan-tan-tan with his two index fingers, he wondered if this was what cultivation meant and became somewhat absorbed in himself. Of course, the impressive accompaniment that required duet playing was entirely handled by Choi Tae-hyun sitting next to Han-sol. Either way, since the essence of “Chopsticks” was tan-tan-tan tan-tan-tan, Han-sol was quite satisfied with that.
Tae-hyun was kind.
Everything Choi Tae-hyuk had said before suddenly appearing, ruining Han-sol’s mood, and completely messing him up before leaving was true. As Tae-hyuk claimed, Tae-hyun seemed like a somewhat lacking person, Han-sol thought.
‘He must be doing this for me because he’s a deficient guy with judgment issues.’
Han-sol’s relatively peaceful existence was all thanks to Tae-hyun. Stopping his habit of clinging to people he didn’t particularly like out of fear of being alone, eating meals despite coming to Zone B all by himself, sleeping well and waking up, walking with Ppomi and consequently getting exercise himself. And even thinking less about useless, shitty thoughts because he was busy doing this and that. All of this was possible because Tae-hyun stuck by his side and personally helped with each thing.
“Han-sol, it’s snack time.”
Han-sol, who had been fully focused on assembling Lego on the floor, looked up. Tae-hyun held out a red heart-shaped plate. On it was a fudgy brownie topped with a scoop of vanilla ice cream.
“The plate shape is weird.”
“Why? Isn’t the heart pretty?”
“Just how many plates do you own…”
Han-sol said as he put down the Lego and took the plate. Tae-hyun often brought out new plates.
Once when Han-sol asked if there were about a thousand dishes in this house, Tae-hyun had given a lengthy speech about how different foods match with different tableware and the importance of plating. When living with Baek-woo, they only had two rice bowls, two soup bowls, three side dish bowls, and two each of small and large plates… He briefly wondered whether it was strange that he thought those were too many plates back then, or if it was strange that Tae-hyun collected plates as if he had five thousand mouths.
“Let’s continue with our Lego after eating this.”
Tae-hyun sat down next to Han-sol with a friendly laugh. Tae-hyun had long legs, so he looked a bit awkward sitting cross-legged.
So having long legs isn’t always good. Baek-woo also… hmm, damn it. Han-sol was thinking habitually when he suddenly felt irritated. You’re doing great, Han-sol. Bringing up Baek-woo, Baek-woo with everything. That name has become your habit. Just because you felt a bit better lately, you’re falling back into it. All the time, no rhyme or reason. Han-sol sourly poked at the brownie with his fork.
“Eh? Han-sol, don’t eat them separately, eat them together.”
Tae-hyun’s hand, holding an identical dessert fork, suddenly entered Han-sol’s field of vision. He must have found it amusing that Han-sol was eating the ice cream and brownie separately. Tae-hyun, with a smiling face, scooped up the dessert and held it in front of Han-sol’s mouth. Then saying, “Here, aah,” as if coaxing a child who wouldn’t eat. While thinking that Tae-hyun was a kind guy but fucking annoying at times like this, Han-sol roughly opened his mouth and ate it.
“How is it? It tastes better together, right?”
“Hmm…”
“Since you’re not cursing, I can tell you like it. I know that much about you now.”
Han-sol thought about the point when Tae-hyun seemed to start deliberately paying attention to him. It was after that day. Right after Tae-hyuk had suddenly barged in, caused all kinds of trouble, and left.
Author: Hyacinthus B
Hyacinthus
