#120
Ki Baek-woo walked, making his way through crowds of people.
His urgent steps occasionally tangled in an irregular rhythm. Wherever Ki Baek-woo passed, people’s gazes poured toward him. Somewhere, someone seemed to recognize him, and whispers of “Isn’t that person…” could be heard.
The reason for the bustling crowd was because this was B District, which had three or four times the population of A District, and the reason people were making a commotion was because of Ki Baek-woo. To be precise, the issue was Ki Baek-woo’s appearance as he moved through the streets.
A hunter wearing dirty battle gear that still bore traces of the last raid. Tall and with exceptional proportions, he would undoubtedly stand out even in the most ordinary clothes. Such a person wearing raid battle gear—something non-awakened people rarely saw except on the news—naturally drew attention. And Ki Baek-woo cared nothing for such attention. In fact, he didn’t even notice it.
‘I can’t forget. Absolutely cannot forget.’
Ki Baek-woo was repeating only one thought. The address Choi Tae-hyuk had given him. That address, which he had repeated more than thousands of times on his way to B District, was so deeply imprinted in his mind that he couldn’t forget it even if he wanted to, but he didn’t stop reciting it. He felt anxious that the moment he stopped recalling it, he would wake up from a dream with his eyes open. That this might all be a fantasy or dream he had created and fallen for himself out of desperate longing to see Lee Han-sol.
Whether reality, delusion, or dream, he couldn’t end anything before seeing Lee Han-sol. Even if everything Choi Tae-hyuk had said mockingly to Ki Baek-woo was true. Even if it was true that Lee Han-sol had completely moved on from Ki Baek-woo in the meantime, and given that place to someone else… Ki Baek-woo just wanted to see Lee Han-sol.
‘A living hyung. A hyung who isn’t crying… Alive, smiling brightly as always…’
Desperately, he wanted to confirm that image with his own eyes.
‘You’re that curious about where your hyung is? Want me to tell you?’
Choi Tae-hyuk, who had asked this while repeatedly pushing Ki Baek-woo’s shoulder at the gate, seemed quite satisfied. The two had never been on particularly good terms. Choi Tae-hyuk was arrogant and irritable, while Ki Baek-woo was shy and the type to keep his mouth shut.
Additionally, Choi Tae-hyuk was infatuated with himself and looked down on most humans as pathetic, while Ki Baek-woo held some basic hostility toward everyone except Lee Han-sol. In different ways, both lacked social skills and sociability, so naturally they couldn’t become friends and treated each other like air. They had no interest or curiosity toward each other.
Choi Tae-hyuk, who had been like that, began to show one-sided hostility toward Ki Baek-woo after Jung Yi-dam appeared. More precisely, from the moment Ki Baek-woo began to get closer to Jung Yi-dam than Choi Tae-hyuk did. As if competing with Ki Baek-woo over Jung Yi-dam… Choi Tae-hyuk never missed a chance to attack and belittle Ki Baek-woo. Such a Choi Tae-hyuk wouldn’t miss the opportunity to crush Ki Baek-woo under his feet.
At the gate, Choi Tae-hyuk blocked the way of the wreck-like Ki Baek-woo and snickered as he talked at length.
‘Now I see you’re birds of a feather, right? Didn’t you start wagging your tail at Healer Jung Yi-dam the moment he showed up? But the C-rank you’re so desperately looking for is just as loose, so I don’t particularly need to pity you. Like attracts like, as they say—our ancestors weren’t wrong after all. Right?’
‘…Stop talking nonsense and just tell me where hyung is, that’s all I want to know.’
‘You don’t have the rank to order me around.’
‘……’
‘Look, I don’t care if you and that discarded item go around wagging your dicks and asses here and there. Where horny dogs pant around is none of my business. But when that affects me, it’s a different story.’
Choi Tae-hyuk wrinkled his face dramatically, as if acting. As if he had no pride in front of Lee Han-sol, he took another step toward Ki Baek-woo, who was looking down and listening silently. Then he sneered mockingly.
‘I find it hard to tolerate a mere C-rank sucking up to my hyung.’
‘If you want to put someone down while talking nonsense, just be satisfied with me. Don’t do that to hyung who has nothing to do with this. Just give me the address you know…’
‘I wish it was nonsense. Our eldest son at home grew up happily, innocent and kind… Choi Tae-hyun is a person with such a strong sense of service that he can’t leave inadequate people alone. Maybe that’s why he keeps getting entangled with frauds who have nothing but greed, like empty-headed foxes who show off just because they have decent faces…’
Just like your ‘our hyung,’ said Choi Tae-hyuk, giggling as if genuinely amused. He seemed satisfied with Ki Baek-woo’s face as he bit his already chapped lips until they bled, suppressing his temper.
‘I know Hunter Ki Baek-woo sings “our hyung, our hyung” all the time. I don’t particularly want to do something to make our Ki Baek-woo happy by telling him where he is. But it annoys me more that that bastard is sticking right next to Choi Tae-hyun and even coming to our house. Because the little one has a nasty temperament.’
Since I can’t accept such a pathetic guy, I’m telling our lovesick Hunter Ki to go manage that chihuahua. Take him away from Choi Tae-hyun. Got it?
As soon as the address in B District came out of Choi Tae-hyuk’s mouth, Ki Baek-woo ran urgently. While people tried to dissuade him, saying he’d die if he kept this up and please go home, he ignored them completely, and as Ki Baek-woo rushed out of the base camp at the mention of Lee Han-sol, people loitering around murmured. Of course, Ki Baek-woo paid no attention. He was only thinking about being able to see Lee Han-sol.
He thought it didn’t matter whether it was Choi Tae-hyuk’s brother or whatever. At that time, Ki Baek-woo sincerely felt that it didn’t matter anyway. He hadn’t seen Lee Han-sol for too long. During that time, he had dreamed too often of Lee Han-sol dying. Every time he saw Lee Han-sol dying before his eyes, a piece of Ki Baek-woo’s soul died with him.
Ki Baek-woo missed Lee Han-sol terribly. He felt like he would die from missing him, but all this time he had desperately restrained himself from looking for Lee Han-sol. It was harder than slitting his wrist. But he had to endure. Because Lee Han-sol had severed all connections and disappeared, finding Ki Baek-woo too disgusting to even look at. Ki Baek-woo wanted to obey that hatred. He trampled, burst, and burned the heart that urged him that he must see Lee Han-sol. He tore that constantly reviving heart like a rag. He acted like a person without a heart. He gradually became accustomed to that reality. Or so he thought.
Until Choi Tae-hyuk brought up Lee Han-sol’s name, he really believed that. But as soon as the possibility arose that he could see Lee Han-sol right away, as soon as there was a chance to know where he was… Ki Baek-woo could no longer contain his feelings. All the feelings he had suppressed burst out at once. He missed Lee Han-sol. At that moment, Ki Baek-woo simply missed Lee Han-sol terribly.
Unable to resist that overwhelming desire, he unconsciously rationalized.
“…I just need to see him from a distance.”
Yes, that’s all. It’s fine as long as I’m not discovered. It should be okay to just watch without appearing in front of hyung. No matter who hyung is with, whether he’s forgotten me or not… all that is fine. Because I won’t shamelessly ask for anything more. Just seeing hyung and gaining strength… since I need strength to destroy myself… just watching isn’t bad. It’s okay…
Ki Baek-woo repeatedly told himself this as he arrived there. A residential area connected by alleys. It was the place Choi Tae-hyuk had told him about. Feeling a surge of anxiety and tension, he paced in an alley two blocks away from his destination, reciting his mantra.
It’s okay if I just look. It’s okay if I just look. As long as I’m not discovered, hyung won’t have a reason to be angrier, so it’s okay. Yes, it’s okay no matter who hyung is with. Regardless of Choi Tae-hyuk, I’m fine with anything as long as it’s hyung. It’s okay. It’s okay…
His hands quickly turned cold. Ki Baek-woo held his hands together, hesitating for a while, then said aloud, “It’s okay.” He swallowed his trembling breath. Slowly, carefully, he approached his destination.
It’s okay.
Ki Baek-woo sat down beside a streetlight visible from the address building and rubbed his face with dry hands. It’s okay. He kept thinking. How long had he been sitting there like that?
Woof! The sound of a dog barking was heard. Ki Baek-woo raised his head from where it had been buried in his palms and looked at the place. There was a small dog and two men. He could hear affectionate conversation.
“Why do you always follow me out? Yo?”
“How long are you going to use that speech style? I told you, you can just speak informally.”
“It’s my choice, isn’t it?”
“Sure, speak comfortably like that,”
“Yo?”
“Ha, do whatever you want. If Han-sol likes it that way… And I don’t always follow Han-sol out.”
Ki Baek-woo stared at them blankly. A man resembling Choi Tae-hyuk, and Lee Han-sol. Large winter sneakers on his feet, an oversized half-coat that seemed to swallow Lee Han-sol whole. A thick scarf wrapped around multiple times with only his eyes peeking out… Ki Baek-woo, no, anyone passing by would be able to tell. Everything covering Lee Han-sol didn’t belong to Lee Han-sol.
Author: Hyacinthus B
Hyacinthus
