#107
It’s impossible to know when the dreams began. When he first became aware of them, they were just very blurry, brief scenes. A whitish black mass like a smudged pastel drawing. If Ki Baek-woo hadn’t been someone who went in and out of gates until he was sick of them, he wouldn’t have known it was Annihilation.
The Annihilation, like acrid smoke, grabs and shakes something before pushing it into its mouth. Then it stops. Plays again. The Annihilation, like black smoke, grabs and shakes something before pushing it into its mouth. Stops and repeats again.
His dreams were like that back then. Like a short flash file repeating endlessly without stopping.
‘How useless. I’m already on edge these days because of hyung, and now these meaningless dreams are just making me tired.’
Ki Baek-woo would think such thoughts as he rubbed his forehead with his thumb due to the throbbing headache. He didn’t take it seriously. In fact, he had no time to worry about other things because of Lee Han-sol’s suddenly changed attitude. Han-sol who seemed to love Ki Baek-woo less all of a sudden. Han-sol who acted like he might leave for anywhere at any moment…
Ki Baek-woo was pouring all his mental energy into somehow resolving this situation that he didn’t want to accept. He was fully alert every minute, every second. All thoughts in his head other than Lee Han-sol became tangled beyond recognition and receded like the tide to an unknown place.
‘I need to get Han-sol hyung back to normal. I can do it. I just need to try hard. If I do well and make hyung feel better again… then it will be fine.’
But Han-sol’s mood showed no signs of improving. No matter what Ki Baek-woo did, Han-sol seemed uninterested. This can’t be happening, this can’t happen…. Ki Baek-woo panicked. Confusion, anxiety, fear. These emotions that had always been his, which Ki Baek-woo was newly facing, grew in proportion to Han-sol’s indifference.
Ki Baek-woo didn’t want to admit that he had no influence on Han-sol’s state, that he had been completely pushed outside the line. He couldn’t accept that it was Han-sol himself who had pushed him outside that line. The moment he acknowledged it, it would be over. He would fall straight into hell. Alone without hyung…
Meanwhile, his dreams gradually became clearer. Like a restored film, scenes gained substance in between and grew longer. And then came the day when Han-sol finally asked, ‘Think about it. Do you really think you can’t live without me?’ The day when Han-sol looked at him with indifferent eyes, as if he would immediately leave his seat and depart the moment Ki Baek-woo answered ‘yes’…
‘You’ve already kissed Jung Yi-dam. Stop pretending…’
Those chilling words that eventually came from Han-sol’s mouth were followed by a coup de grâce.
‘Why do you make hyung so disgusted? It’s sickening to hear, Baek-woo…’
That was the day. Banished to the living room, he spent the night in despair, thinking, crying silently. Oh I want to die, I hate this, what am I going to do now, how can I live, hyung said I’m disgusting, he found out, hyung discovered what a horribly repulsive person I am, because I did something so stupid it makes me nauseous, I made hyung hate me by doing something so crude it wouldn’t be enough to butcher myself millions of times and turn into minced meat, I made this happen with my own hands…
Ki Baek-woo curled up on the sofa, pulling at his hair in fear. He was so gripped by terror he could barely breathe. As he repeated this until he drifted into a light sleep from exhaustion, the dream played out in a clear scene as if the final puzzle piece had been placed.
It was at a gate. All S-rank hunters, including Ki Baek-woo, were gathered in one place. If so, the gate rank must have been higher than any level they had seen before. But why…
‘Why is hyung here?’
Lee Han-sol was walking behind the hunters who were moving forward in a group, slightly separated from them. Limping steps. Tired face, torn lips.
‘Why is hyung…?’
Han-sol looked pained. His expression was heartbroken. He looked tired, exhausted, and hurt. Ki Baek-woo’s heart pounded rapidly at the sight. A chill ran down his spine. If it wasn’t a dream, he would have rushed over and embraced him immediately. He would have asked a thousand times who had done this to him. And that bastard must be killed. No matter what it took, he must, absolutely must be killed. No one in the world could be cruel to Lee Han-sol. He was not someone who should have such lonely eyes.
While hyung is here like this. Where am I and what am I doing?
Ki Baek-woo felt hatred toward himself in the dream, the Ki Baek-woo who was there. Even if this situation was just an illusion in a dream, if Ki Baek-woo was truly Ki Baek-woo, he couldn’t act like this. He should have rushed there immediately, knelt before Han-sol, and begged desperately. He should have licked the bottom of Han-sol’s combat boots until Han-sol smiled again.
But Ki Baek-woo continued to ignore Han-sol. Even when Han-sol hung his head and aimlessly kicked the ground with his combat boot. Han-sol’s old habit of tapping the floor with the toe of his shoe when feeling awkward or embarrassed. Ki Baek-woo recalled how Han-sol would raise his head after fidgeting like that and laugh, “Heehee.” Han-sol would always say the same thing in such situations: “Oh well, what can you do,” in a defeated voice, as if he had given up.
Han-sol was looking at Ki Baek-woo’s back with a gaze that suggested he had given up on something. Ki Baek-woo didn’t look back. Han-sol’s eyelids moved roughly, closing and opening. Still, Ki Baek-woo didn’t turn around. He was saying something to Jung Yi-dam who was hovering beside him. Han-sol couldn’t call out to Ki Baek-woo. Oh well, what can you do. With that air about him, he just limped along, following at the end of the raid formation. No one there paid any attention to Han-sol. Not even Ki Baek-woo.
This is insane.
Even knowing it was a dream, Ki Baek-woo felt his mouth go dry. This isn’t normal… It’s just crazy. He was certain. It’s a nightmare. This is punishment for betraying hyung, for doing that unthinkable thing with Jung Yi-dam and then pretending nothing happened. I lied to hyung because I wanted him to love me as always. This is the price for that sin…. He wanted to end the dream. Though he had this dream repeatedly, it had never appeared so clearly, nor had the fragmented scenes ever connected into one continuous scene like this. Because of that, at first he couldn’t properly grasp what was what. But if it was like this.
It’s horrible…
Ki Baek-woo wanted to strangle and kill the dream version of himself who was clinging to Jung Yi-dam and ignoring Han-sol, as if he had completely lost his mind. This was a situation that shouldn’t exist even in falsehood. Unbearable anger and hatred boiled up. Don’t do that to hyung. Even in a dream, don’t do that to hyung. You’re a parasite who can’t live without hyung, why are you acting like this? I don’t want to wrong hyung even in dreams, I’d rather die than do that, please…
Despite his struggle, the dream world continued as if nothing had happened. It was a strange scene, as if his consciousness might stop. It was terrifying. Ki Baek-woo was scared to death seeing Han-sol looking pitiful like an injured small animal. Scared that he might be the one who caused that wound, it seemed that way, and even though he knew it wasn’t something that happened in reality, he wanted to scream. And then the Annihilation appeared.
It was that scene from the dream that had repeated sickeningly.
‘What is this?’
Ki Baek-woo couldn’t think in front of that sight.
What is this… now? He couldn’t understand. Where had the other hunters gone, why was Han-sol there like that. This doesn’t make sense, what is all this? It felt as if someone had grabbed him by the ankles and shaken everything out of him. His mind went blank and he forgot how to breathe.
Bang! There was a loud noise. It was the sound of the Annihilation, the monster, throwing Lee Han-sol.
“Han-sol!”
Jung Yi-dam screamed like a tragic protagonist in a movie. Han-sol couldn’t even groan in pain. Ki Baek-woo couldn’t breathe. Why can’t I breathe? What is breathing? What is all this? As Ki Baek-woo gasped, heok, heok, terrified, the Annihilation picked up Han-sol again. Blood trickled down his milk-drop face.
This kind of… this kind of unsettling scene should not be dreamed of, even in dreams. Ki Baek-woo couldn’t distinguish whether this was a dream or real, no, what a dream was, whether it was an illusion or reality, and was just sweating cold sweat.
Stop.
He barely managed to think. Stop. I’m sorry, I was wrong, so please stop now. To hyung, I did that thing with Jung Yi-dam instead of Han-sol hyung, I don’t know why I did such a pathetic, nauseating, miserable thing, and so I made hyung angry. I disappointed him, made him feel betrayed. Someone like me dared to do that to hyung. It’s all my fault so I don’t mind being punished… but stop this.
He begged. Not knowing who he was begging to, he just prayed to any god. Like a beggar.
