#169
Lee Han-sol continued his explanation vaguely and sporadically. So, the reason I started remembering the previous iterations was all because of Jung Yi-dam… it’s because he’s the protagonist and shares the system core… anyway, that’s why… and so on and so forth.
Only after hearing the entire disjointed explanation did Ki Baek-woo sigh with some relief. Then he glared at Jung Yi-dam with coldly hardened eyes. Unlike his anxious and intimidated appearance from earlier, his gaze was now filled with hatred. Behind his eyes, murderous intent swirled like smoke.
So that bastard has been using you like that all this time, hyung. All your suffering, the way we’ve ended up like this now, it’s all…
Even without saying it aloud, the meaning of his gaze was clear.
Jung Yi-dam met Ki Baek-woo’s cold eyes directly. The excited appearance from before—unable to contain his excitement and speaking urgently and haphazardly—had disappeared, and he had somehow become calm. Seeing Lee Han-sol and Ki Baek-woo together, whatever thoughts crossed his mind had caused him to sink into a cold detachment. A cold sneer briefly appeared and disappeared on his expressionless face. He spoke.
“What are you looking at? Lower your eyes.”
Jung Yi-dam’s voice was cold. It was not the wet voice that had been clinging to Lee Han-sol until just moments ago. His attitude was clearly confrontational. Ki Baek-woo’s jaw bulged firmly as he clenched his molars. An explosive tension hung between the two.
‘Are these bastards really crazy? Why are they acting up again?’
Lee Han-sol touched his forehead, reminded of how the two had been arguing over who he belonged to just moments ago. Why do these guys, who are supposed to be the original couple, ugh, always growl at each other? Of course, if they acted clingy together, that would be just as awful in its own way. In any case, he felt tired of the repeated psychological warfare. “Hey,” he interjected between them with an expression full of irritation.
“Stop revving up your nonsense engines and quit it. Since you two are talking now, Jung Yi-dam, just heal Ki Baek-woo. If you’re a first aid kit, just do your job as a first aid kit, why are you picking fights with innocent people? If you don’t want to die—no, if you do want to die, stop showing off. Don’t you know I’m the one in charge here?”
Jung Yi-dam stared directly at Lee Han-sol. His pitch-black eyes where pupil and iris were indistinguishable. With eyes like round clumps of black powder, he stared blankly at Lee Han-sol for a moment, then rolled his eyes meaninglessly. His expressionless face made it impossible to guess what he was thinking. Since Jung Yi-dam was someone who made incomprehensible and outlandish statements, Lee Han-sol roughly assumed that whatever he was thinking was strange, though he didn’t know exactly what.
Jung Yi-dam stood still like a doll and remained silent for a while. His black eyes were fixed on Lee Han-sol’s hand resting on Ki Baek-woo’s shoulder, as if nailed there. An intense, unwavering gaze. Then, as if reaching some conclusion, he opened his eyes wide and cursed, enunciating each syllable as if chewing them: “S-h-i-t-f-u-c-k.” Jung Yi-dam took a long, trembling breath as if trying to control his rising anger, then returned to his usual face. Muttering “in charge,” he pressed his temples firmly, then shrugged and approached Ki Baek-woo.
“Suddenly I feel like shit. I briefly thought about all of us wallowing in the mud together, like you were threatening, Han-sol… but that’s not right, is it? …So I have no choice. It’s unpleasant, but I have to use my ability.”
As you said, Han-sol, you’re in charge. How could I disobey the words of the one and only savior and love messiah?
Though his tone was sarcastic, Jung Yi-dam obediently stood in front of Ki Baek-woo and extended his hand. He removed the dressing bandage covering the left side of Ki Baek-woo’s face. Simultaneously, a bright light enveloped Ki Baek-woo. A yellow, warm light that disappeared into Ki Baek-woo as if being absorbed.
Lee Han-sol knew this was Jung Yi-dam’s healing light. It was an energy he had felt several times when he saved Jung Yi-dam and was torn apart by the jaws of destruction in return. Although it had prolonged his suffering rather than healing him… He shuddered slightly at the momentary memory.
Useless thoughts. Whispering to himself, he shook his head and looked at Ki Baek-woo. Although wary of Jung Yi-dam, Ki Baek-woo didn’t reject the ability. When his eyes met Lee Han-sol’s, he smiled awkwardly. His vaguely wavering gaze was exactly the same as when he had pleaded that he would do anything Lee Han-sol ordered. Because hyung told him to get treatment from Jung Yi-dam and recover quickly. Because hyung said that afterward, they would go home together. His eyes seemed to say exactly that.
Lee Han-sol couldn’t help but snort, laughing through his nose. The tray sitting beside him caught his attention again. I should finish returning this. Without saying anything, he picked up the tray and walked outside. The door closed with a thud.
The hospital room quickly became quiet, and simultaneously, cracks appeared in Jung Yi-dam’s expressionless face. He spoke softly.
“Ki Baek-woo, you’re just lucky.”
Ki Baek-woo’s eyes, which had softened when looking at Lee Han-sol, immediately sharpened. Jung Yi-dam didn’t care.
“No matter how I think about it, the place beside Han-sol was originally mine.”
“…Stop talking nonsense. I’m holding back only because of hyung.”
“Don’t you think so too?”
Jung Yi-dam whispered faintly, as if talking to himself, but loud enough for only Ki Baek-woo to hear clearly.
“I’m the protagonist of this game, and I’m the one who should be loved. You just happened to meet him before I did because you got lucky. It’s not some grand thing like fate… All the good things are supposed to belong to the protagonist. So it’s because the world was designed wrong that I couldn’t have him. Actually, I’m the one bound by fate to Han-sol… I’m the one who should love…”
“Hyung chose to keep me by his side. No matter what you do, you’ll never take this place, so stop your disgusting delusions and wake up.”
“…How shameless. When you knew nothing all this time. If it weren’t for you, Han-sol and I would have been the only ones who were everything to each other forever. Even if I died and disappeared, we would have remained connected spiritually. But because Han-sol knows how to love so perfectly, a nobody like you butted in late. And now you’re greedily monopolizing him… This is too unfair…”
“It seems like the one who needs to be hospitalized isn’t me but you. Do you know what people call someone like you? A psycho stalker, a narcissist living in delusions. If you were desperate to die and used someone else’s lover, you shouldn’t expect anything more. Who are you to be jealous of hyung and me?”
Love? You think what you’re doing is love? You’re just a shameless psycho who only cares about yourself. Even at this moment, you’re using hyung, yet you say he should have been yours? The one who deserves to be loved? Don’t make me laugh, no one loves a selfish piece of trash like you. No one.
Jung Yi-dam’s expression turned cold at Ki Baek-woo’s sharp criticism. The composure he had shown until just moments ago, as if having the upper hand in the conversation, disappeared instantly. His black pupils were as dark as an abyss. Pure murderous intent was all that remained on his face as he stared down at Ki Baek-woo. If he had a gun in his hand, he would have shot Ki Baek-woo in the forehead without hesitation, blowing his head off. If it were a knife, he would have stabbed it into Ki Baek-woo’s eyes right now, and if it were a sickle, he would have severed Ki Baek-woo’s neck with it.
What do you know to discuss my love? I was born to love. Don’t act arrogant because you’ve achieved love. You were just lucky.
Jung Yi-dam didn’t hide his intense sincerity.
No, I just want to kill him with my bare hands right now. I want to twist the neck of that bastard who doesn’t even feel sorry to me despite having perfect love through sheer luck. I want to rip open his stomach and tear out all his intestines. I really, right now, want to do that. What should I do? What should I do? What should I do? What should I do?
Ah, I want to die. This damn inferiority complex.
Just as Jung Yi-dam’s eyes were gradually losing focus due to his rising anger…
The hospital room door swung open. It was Lee Han-sol, who had returned after taking advantage of the time Jung Yi-dam was healing Ki Baek-woo to return the tray and dishes.
“What’s going on? I just stepped out for a moment, why is the atmosphere like this? Don’t tell me you two are at it again?”
Lee Han-sol’s face wrinkled harshly at the chilly atmosphere he felt as soon as he opened the door. Jung Yi-dam stared blankly at Lee Han-sol without any particular response. Eyes as unreadable as if carved from wood, dry and empty. An expression as mechanical as a doll’s. Lee Han-sol ignored Jung Yi-dam and walked toward Ki Baek-woo. He gently held Ki Baek-woo’s face with both hands, examining it from various angles.
“…At least the wounds on your face are all gone. Is the treatment finished?”
Ki Baek-woo nodded obediently, as if he had never been in a tense confrontation with Jung Yi-dam.
“Yes, it’s all done.”
“No other pain anywhere?”
“No.”
“If you’re lying, you’re dead, seriously.”
“I’m not lying. I have nothing to hide from you anymore, hyung.”
Although Jung Yi-dam was right there, Lee Han-sol focused only on Ki Baek-woo as if Jung Yi-dam didn’t matter at all. Despite his irritated tone, his concern for Ki Baek-woo was evident. Jung Yi-dam, who had been staring at Lee Han-sol as if observing him, laughed mechanically, “Haha.” Tilting his head and biting his chin like a gangster, his complexion was tinged with a weary boredom, as if he found everything utterly tiresome.
Jung Yi-dam gave a very delayed response to his conversation with Ki Baek-woo that had ended before Lee Han-sol entered.
“…Yes, you’re right. I might be a psycho piece of trash. But that’s okay, isn’t it? I’m the protagonist.”
You say no one loves me because I’m a selfish piece of trash? Why blame me for that? I’m the protagonist. If that’s what I am, then people should love me for it. They should have been willing to sacrifice their lives for a selfish piece of trash! Love has no conditions. Loving someone because they’re altruistic and not at all like trash, that’s not love. It’s just a collection of decent humans and a free textbook. Why does it have to be Lee Han-sol? And why is Lee Han-sol ultimately by your side? Why is he with an incompetent and pathetic bastard like you who only comes to his senses after being abandoned? Why! What qualities do you have that make him stick with you like an idiot till the end? Why do you two get to be together!!!!!!!!!!!!! WHY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Jung Yi-dam, who had screamed like a madman with bloodshot eyes, exhaled a long breath. Haaah…. His breath, still filled with passion, was as hot and humid as midsummer. Slowly scanning Lee Han-sol, who was only now looking at him with wide eyes, and Ki Baek-woo, who was scowling fiercely, he said:
“That’s proof that this world is wrongly designed. I’m the protagonist. There’s no way I should have such a miserable fate where I can’t experience true love even once. It should be me who achieves love eventually, even after betraying dozens of times and throwing dozens of tantrums. Right? It’s so damn unbearable I can’t live. This fucking world.”
Ah, I really want to die.
With a disgusted face that looked as if he might throw himself out the window at any moment, Jung Yi-dam spoke to Lee Han-sol. His voice was frighteningly low and dry, without the excited tone from earlier.
“So, Han-sol. Judging by how you called me, have you decided?”
“What?”
“Will you kill me?”
If you’ve decided, I’ll explain exactly what you need to do. Answer me.
Author: Hyacinthus B
Hyacinthus
