#155
Someone like me could die a hundred times and you still wouldn’t give me any chance, no matter what I do, hyung’s heart will never open to me… Did you come here to show me that whatever I’m doing is meaningless, pointless nonsense?
If so… then it’s finally over.
I’m completely finished now. Ki Baek-woo felt his vision going dark as these stumbling thoughts continued. It felt like he couldn’t breathe. Lee Han-sol’s hatred-filled voice lashed out at him as he gasped for air.
“If you’re going to act like this, I have my limits too. Ki Baek-woo, I really want to kill you. I want to die because of you. You’ve completely destroyed me. Do you understand? I’m now so crazy I can’t even think straight. I gave up all the goals I made while struggling twenty-five times. Because of you. Whenever you get involved, I act like an idiot.”
“……”
“Revenge? You’ll get revenge for me? Don’t make me laugh… How are you going to atone for this? After making me such a complete mess, how could someone like you possibly…!”
“……”
“Answer me, Ki Baek-woo. Unless your tongue’s been cut out, say something, anything. You said you wished I’d disappear from your life, that you were going crazy because you hated me so much. You spoke so well back then. Talk like that again. How are you going to handle this? What exactly are you going to do with me… How the hell are you going to take responsibility for this…?”
Lee Han-sol’s seething gaze glared at Ki Baek-woo. Resentment overflowed. His left cheek covered by a blood-stained dressing band, his pale face streaked with tears. Lee Han-sol roughly reached out as if he wanted to completely destroy Ki Baek-woo’s handsome face, which had become even more striking from being so gaunt. His hand grabbed Ki Baek-woo’s hair and violently pulled him forward. Ki Baek-woo’s head followed helplessly.
“Answer me… Really, unless your tongue’s been cut out, say something…”
Lee Han-sol whispered in a voice steeped in misery. His face, contorted as if about to cry, drew close to Ki Baek-woo. And he kissed him.
***
“…Ah.”
The kiss didn’t end briefly. Lee Han-sol, who had pulled Ki Baek-woo to him, immediately thrust hotly between those lips. Ki Baek-woo thought the wet, interlocking sensation was far too surreal. As if this wasn’t enough, even the weight of Lee Han-sol climbing onto the bed while keeping their lips persistently pressed together.
Lee Han-sol approached on his knees while pressing down and licking Ki Baek-woo’s lips. The roughly chapped lips, the tongue rubbing over them felt urgent. A slippery, moist sensation like wet soap. The firm, warm tip of his tongue. This was the sultry feeling of Lee Han-sol’s tongue that Ki Baek-woo had licked and swallowed in his imagination every single day without fail. What is this… suddenly like this… Ki Baek-woo’s thoughts scattered in confusion.
“Haah…”
The rustling sound of bedsheets being wrinkled could be heard. Lee Han-sol’s thigh rode over Ki Baek-woo’s awkwardly positioned leg, sitting close face to face with him. An intimate distance that created tension even without skin touching. At the body heat felt through clothes, Ki Baek-woo’s heart began to beat thump, thump, thump… so loudly it seemed ready to shatter. To the point where breaking into pieces wouldn’t be strange at all.
Ki Baek-woo felt dizzy at the sensation of neat teeth gently biting and pulling at his lower lip. The small, lovely teeth seemed to be pulling and chewing not at his lips but at his consciousness. A feeling of being separated from the world.
Was he dreaming?
He thought hazily. Perhaps this was a fantasy created by his unconscious from excessive shock. The final refuge Ki Baek-woo had created before both mind and body completely collapsed. His lips, now slick with Lee Han-sol’s saliva, and Lee Han-sol’s soft lips rubbing stickily over them were too ecstatic. Frighteningly so.
When had he ever felt something like this? Ki Baek-woo searched through his waterlogged mind while very obediently offering up his lips. Moments so dizzying they brought tears to his eyes from fear. His first masturbation thinking of Lee Han-sol’s bright smiling face, his first kiss when he learned that the inside of a person’s mouth was sweet and sticky like a soft peach, and that time when he finally pushed his own into the most secret place where no one had ever entered while their bare skin overlapped… Those desperate moments he wished would never end. Why was he feeling the ecstasy he felt then, now? He thought very slowly, having lost his sense of reality.
Surely hyung was hating me just moments ago…
Lee Han-sol had been pouring out harsh criticism until just before, acting frighteningly as if he would finally end his relationship with Ki Baek-woo. But suddenly why…? This might be his own fantasy created to escape from desperate reality.
If so, Ki Baek-woo never wanted to wake up from this place. Forever, if only he could… Ki Baek-woo thought desperately while clenching his fists with both hands pressed against the mattress. Otherwise, he felt like he would immediately embrace Lee Han-sol who was straddling him.
Haah, whenever Lee Han-sol’s long, deep breath came hotly through the gaps between their lips. Whenever he felt Lee Han-sol’s sweetness that he always recalled in the exhaled breath that invaded, tickling his palate. Ki Baek-woo wanted to growl like a sick animal and bind his body, pushing him down onto the bed just like that. He wanted to be intoxicated by his ecstatic body heat felt through every part with their entire bodies pressed together without gaps. And if he could be preserved in that state, stuck together forever, he would do anything…
Such desire spread through his blood vessels to every corner of his body, making it painful for Ki Baek-woo to endure. But the moment he reached out to touch Lee Han-sol, it seemed like the dream-like vision would all shatter, so he couldn’t move. If everything scattered like bubbles and he opened his eyes in vain…
Would hyung no longer be in front of me?
With that thought, Ki Baek-woo became desperate. He endured his desire by putting force into his hands supporting his body, veins rising on the backs of his hands from gripping so desperately.
“Mmm.”
Lee Han-sol kept pressing closer as if testing Ki Baek-woo’s desperation. Clinging to the surface of his lips and sliding without gaps, the tongue that kept poking at the corners of his mouth grew hotter and hotter. Every rustling movement scattered Ki Baek-woo’s rationality in confusion.
As if encouraging this, Lee Han-sol spread his hand that had been tangled in the short hair and cupped the back of Ki Baek-woo’s head, pulling him closer.
“Hh…”
He blew a breath that seemed to plead between Ki Baek-woo’s teeth. Closer. Just a little more, just a tiny bit more closer… As if making such a dizzying request, Lee Han-sol pulled Ki Baek-woo’s round back of the head and left cheek covered by the dressing band with melting touches.
Ki Baek-woo’s heart raced at the gesture that seemed to never want to separate. His breathing quickened and he wanted to immediately embrace Lee Han-sol face to face. The impulse to push his tongue into that small mouth until it was full and lick everywhere he could lick was boiling up. It kept feeling like Lee Han-sol wanted the same thing too, which was agonizing. It seemed like he too wished for not even a bit of space to remain between their pressed bodies and lips…
If this was really reality… couldn’t this act be some kind of signal hyung was sending? It could be a wordless gesture saying he’d give me a chance. If not that, maybe hyung still actually has me…
His body heated up and his thoughts flowed as they pleased. The arrogant delusion that Lee Han-sol wouldn’t do such a thing if not even a bit of him remained in his heart was raising its head. Ki Baek-woo was gradually finding it difficult to endure. And at that moment, Ki Baek-woo’s body swayed backward.
“Hh, uht.”
Lee Han-sol’s tongue suddenly pushed into his mouth and stirred deeply inside. As if it had been waiting, it immediately licked over Ki Baek-woo’s tongue and intertwined like snakes. The surface of their touching tongues burned hotly. Ki Baek-woo hoped his surface would melt and stick to Lee Han-sol’s. His weakened body could no longer hold up and collapsed completely. At the same time, there was a wet sound of their rubbing lips separating. The wet sound of two sticky things parting…
“……”
“……”
Hh, hh… Both of them panted while looking at each other. Ki Baek-woo’s eyes were still wet with tears that hadn’t dried. His reddened, weary-looking eye area, and desperate eyes that felt somehow blindly devoted. Lee Han-sol wordlessly rubbed his eyelids with his thumb. The tears gathered between his eyelashes were wiped away, and Lee Han-sol, who had been somewhat blurred, became clearer. He was…
“Hyung.”
Ki Baek-woo urgently raised his upper body, supporting himself on his elbows. The heat that had been melting his brain disappeared instantly as if cold water had been poured over him. His flushed complexion also turned pale in an instant. He doubted his own eyes. Lee Han-sol’s eyes that met his were wavering. He was crying.
“Hyung, why, suddenly why…”
“……”
“Why are you like this, don’t cry, I was wrong, it was all me, hyung…!”
Lee Han-sol was crying. After resenting and reproaching Ki Baek-woo, after passionately kissing and intertwining tongues, suddenly, without a sound.
Then was it because of me?
Is hyung crying because of me right now? Ki Baek-woo thought in confusion. Was I disgusting? Was it horrible to think that maybe hyung’s heart still had something left? Was I so creepy for arbitrarily assuming things from just one kiss, so… He felt a terrible sensation piercing through his spine. Goosebumps rose all over his body. Again.
I made hyung cry again. I, without getting tired of it, made hyung…
Author: Hyacinthus B
Hyacinthus
