#145
He tried to put murderous intent in his gaze. He hoped that Choi Tae-hyun would either be frightened or completely fed up and disappear without doing anything more. But as usual, nothing went the way Lee Han-sol wanted, and his plan to intimidate was completely derailed by the murmuring of apartment residents who were peering into the house.
“Oh my, oh my! He’s moving! He’s talking! The young man isn’t dead, he’s alive!”
“Ah… really? That’s a relief… Now that we know he’s alive, it feels awkward to keep watching… I should go…”
“Yes, yes. The young lady from 401 should go inside. Anyway, this is such a relief, my goodness, my goodness. Yes, with such a pretty face, you shouldn’t die so soon. You’re still too young.”
“Oh dear, we almost made a terrible mistake. Young man, I’m sorry! People get a bit meddlesome with age. But it’s good that nothing’s wrong, hohoho. We’ll just go back inside now.”
“Whew, what a relief. With my 20 years of experience as a locksmith, I don’t usually get startled like this… But I just happened to see a news story about young people dying alone yesterday… Haha. Anyway, since everything seems fine, I’ll head out too. Oh, right, you young manager there! Call me again when you need a lock installed. I won’t charge a service fee next time.”
With everyone talking and dispersing as they pleased, Lee Han-sol lost his resolve. He was in an energy-depleted state after spending days awake, only moistening his throat. The noisy outside, people smiling and greeting each other. Lee Han-sol felt miserable. Look at this. I’m the only one suffering like this. While those ignorant humans are laughing just fine. I’m the only one who’s become a bundle of nerves because of Jung Yi-dam. Becoming terrified by the occasional kindness offered to me, worrying and suffering over such trivial things…
I definitely can’t let Jung Yi-dam die. That bastard must suffer eternally. I absolutely don’t want to kill him. I shouldn’t trust anyone.
So get away from my house. I’m sick of this. Lee Han-sol consciously repeated his listless hatred. Go away. All of you. Choi Tae-hyun, you go away too. Whether Choi Tae-hyun knew Lee Han-sol’s inner thoughts or not, he casually picked Lee Han-sol up.
‘Let’s go to my place for now.’
It wasn’t even funny. What kind of relationship are we supposed to have? As if he was really worried. Lee Han-sol clenched his teeth and immediately struggled to escape from his arms. Choi Tae-hyun paid no mind and picked up Lee Han-sol again. Lee Han-sol immediately escaped, and Choi Tae-hyun again, and again… They had been engaged in this pathetic physical struggle for quite some time.
Why should I be doing this? Why won’t they just leave me alone?
Feeling irritated, Lee Han-sol suddenly felt a surge of sorrow. He shouted with all his might.
‘Just go away!’
‘Han-sol, stay still. Let’s not do this here, let’s go to my place.’
‘I called you a stalker, and now you’re actually stalking? When someone ignores you that much, shouldn’t you take the hint and leave? Are you stupid? Who are you to interfere with me? Who are you to come to someone else’s house and make a scene! Who do you think you are!’
‘I’m your landlord, so cut me some slack. You haven’t visited, and I can’t reach you… That’s why I did this. I’m sorry.’
Hearing those words, Lee Han-sol truly wanted to let everything go. His nose stung. Even though he didn’t believe in such things, Lee Han-sol wasn’t a fool and knew what kind of words would follow such statements. He felt the urge to plant his fist in Choi Tae-hyun’s mouth. He didn’t want to hear it.
‘I came looking for you because I was so worried. I’ll replace the door with a new one, so please don’t be angry.’
He really didn’t want to hear those words. Should he just tear off his ears? I don’t want to hear this. I don’t want to hear it! Lee Han-sol was furious and groaned, “Ah, ah, ahh, this is so fucking shitty, so fucking awful, just die, die now,” while repeatedly hitting his head. Choi Tae-hyun opened his eyes wide and grabbed both of Lee Han-sol’s wrists. Lee Han-sol didn’t know what to do with emotions that made him feel like he was about to go crazy and jump. Choi Tae-hyun in front of him rippled as if submerged in water. Reality was exceeding Lee Han-sol’s threshold.
‘Why are you doing this?’
‘What?’
‘Why is everyone like this? Why suddenly like this? Why now, what’s your intention? Do you want me to really go insane?’
‘Uh, Han-sol, I’m sorry. I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have acted on my own. Don’t cry.’
‘Everyone’s like this. Ki Baek-woo too. It’s always Ki Baek-woo who’s the problem. This time too, it’s all because of Ki Baek-woo. Ever since that guy suddenly appeared and whined, everyone’s been giving me hell. Something definitely changed because of Ki Baek-woo. You said you hated me. You hated me, didn’t you? You definitely did, so I just told everyone to go die. Me too, I had no choice. I didn’t start it… But why are you saying you’re sorry now? Why are you saying you like me now? Why are you like this? Why are you saying you’re worried now, such awful bullshit, I really want to kill you, you know? Do you know what this is…!’
Choi Tae-hyun patted Lee Han-sol with a face that seemed to say he was sorry to death. He tried his best to understand Lee Han-sol’s incoherent, rambling words. Not knowing that this made Lee Han-sol feel even more burdened.
‘No, Han-sol. I’ve been worried about you from the beginning. I’m sorry if it felt like I’m only doing this now. I’ve been constantly worried…’
‘Who are you to worry about me? Who are you anyway? Who are you to me, to…’
‘Uh… I thought we were really close… We saw each other every day. Aren’t we friends?’
At those words, tears began to stream from Lee Han-sol’s eyes. Lee Han-sol gritted his teeth. He thought of Kim Jin-oh and Ham Yun-ah. A strange feeling poured from his head to his toes. It was a feeling he couldn’t identify. Lies. He simply couldn’t believe it.
‘Why do these bastards all decide to be my friends on their own? I don’t have anything like that. Why do they secretly, on their own…’
‘If we’re not friends, then… I’m just worried because I like you, that’s all…’
‘What?’
‘I said I’m worried because you’re someone I like. Naturally, when you like someone, you worry about them, you want them to be healthy, and when they don’t respond, you wonder if something’s wrong.’
‘You… what…?’
‘I like you. You always say the entire human race hates you, but I like you? I want you to be happy. Really.’
And our Ppomi likes you so much too. She’s been so gloomy lately because you haven’t visited. So please overlook what happened today. Let’s go to my place. You don’t like being alone.
Lee Han-sol felt his strength drain away at Choi Tae-hyun’s words, which he was delivering while gauging Lee Han-sol’s reaction. It felt like a giant hammer smashing his head. Boom, boom. Cracks kept forming in the wall Lee Han-sol had painstakingly built over twenty-five deaths, in the conclusion that had been beyond doubt. He shouldn’t believe it. Because all feelings are connected, and if he starts believing one thing, everything will shake. If his heart wavers, he won’t be able to endure.
The present trying to overturn him, and Ki Baek-woo…
While Lee Han-sol was lost in thought, Choi Tae-hyun quickly led him to his own house. Then he wrapped Lee Han-sol in a fluffy blanket. Like a newborn, Lee Han-sol was laid on the bed wrapped in a blanket, and like a newborn, he began to be cared for.
***
“Guess what’s on the menu for breakfast today.”
Choi Tae-hyun’s tone is like he’s dealing with a child. Lee Han-sol, lying in bed, glared at Choi Tae-hyun with all his might. His already upturned eyes narrow fiercely.
“By the way, Han-sol is really cute right now. You should see yourself.”
Is he trying to sleep with me now? Lee Han-sol gritted his teeth inwardly.
He couldn’t understand what Choi Tae-hyun wanted to do with him. Looking at how he was babbling nonsense like “cute” and whatnot—which wouldn’t work at all—he was clearly mocking him, but Lee Han-sol seriously wondered if that was why he had brought him here, just to do that. It was very unpleasant and a bit shameful. I know better than anyone that I’m not cute. Lee Han-sol bit his lip hard after inwardly sneering. Whether Choi Tae-hyun didn’t notice or was deliberately doing this to tease Lee Han-sol, he continued to be snarky.
“Can I take a picture?”
“Why are you beating around the bush asking me to kill you?”
“Just one. You’re just too cute.”
Cute my ass. I’m already stressed, and now why is this guy doing this to me? I want to kill this bastard, kill this bastard’s younger brother too, and just die myself. During the time he had been repeating the same period after the main story began, Lee Han-sol had acquired various abilities. Among them, the field he was most confident in was self-objectification. Excellent meta-cognitive abilities. Understanding his position.
Such a Lee Han-sol always judged himself objectively. Things like “I guess I’m… pretty decent. Hehe” didn’t exist for him.
Why do I suffer like this? Why do I have to lose Ki Baek-woo to someone else? I’m just trying my best because I don’t want to lose him, so why am I criticized? Taking something away is worse, isn’t it? So why is no one on my side?
At the end of questions that only brought back sneers and pointing fingers with no one answering, Lee Han-sol finally found an answer.
It’s because I’m a foreign substance. In this kind of world, a disposable character who gets quickly dealt with couldn’t be likable. Whether in behavior or appearance, I had to be someone hateful who they wanted to get rid of as soon as possible, because then it wouldn’t matter if they killed me any way they wanted. No, because that’s what would excite people.
After realizing this, Lee Han-sol began to avoid looking in mirrors. He couldn’t stand seeing his own reflection. His upturned eyes looked insolent, as if the concept of manners didn’t exist for them, and his smooth-lined nose felt so bland that he thought it would be better to crush and eliminate it. His lips were disgustingly noticeable. They seemed to float in mid-air in a different color from everything else, and he thought he would tear them off if he could. Once he started feeling this way, the negative impressions continued endlessly. He was unbearably embarrassed that he had once mistakenly thought he looked somewhat decent.
That’s why Lee Han-sol felt shame when his appearance was brought up. Of course, he was usually isolated so he rarely heard such comments, but regardless, saying things like “you’re pretty” or whatever was the easiest way to humiliate Lee Han-sol without mentioning Ki Baek-woo’s name.
So he truly wanted to know.
“How can you be so different from Tae-hyuk even though you’re the same age? If Tae-hyuk were wrapped in a blanket like this, people would think he’s crazy. But Han-sol really looks like a baby right now. A very difficult baby to raise.”
Did Choi Tae-hyun want to attack his complexes and mock him, or was his kindness all along a strategy hoping for this moment of humiliation to be more dramatic?
Author: Hyacinthus B
Hyacinthus
