#141
Lee Han-sol had seen the whole world turn its back on him. He had seen people who smiled to his face suddenly change. So Lee Han-sol could tell without any particular incident.
Whether it was Kim Jin-oh or Ham Yun-ah, Seo Hee-ju or anyone else, everyone he thought of as friends would be the same. Looking back, even if they had never ignored or mocked him, never put him in trouble or made a fool of him. This was just how this cursed world was designed, so he naturally believed they would act that way, and he tried to ignore them. The moment you trust humans, you get hurt, so Lee Han-sol worked hard to sharpen his edges to avoid trusting.
But they were always there. Always at a similar distance, persistently staying put. As if they were real. Still, it didn’t matter. Even if they acted so skillfully that it was admirable, even if they tried to deceive him, Lee Han-sol was fine. He just had to not believe them. Until now, no one had ever held Lee Han-sol and begged him to believe that their true feelings for him remained unchanged from the beginning, that they genuinely liked him just as they had from the start, please believe me—no one had pleaded like that. There had been no room for doubt. Unlike now.
Now, Lee Han-sol was not okay. He couldn’t easily dismiss Kim Jin-oh and Ham Yun-ah. They looked like Ki Baek-woo to him. They seemed to be saying that nothing had changed even now, that contrary to his negative thoughts, they had always been here, that they were real, so he should believe them. No, it felt like they were forcing and pressuring him.
It’s not just you who’s suffering, we’ve been suffering too. You’ve always condemned and ignored our sincerity because you were hurt. That’s your own problem and none of our business. It was hard. Everyone had a hard time because of you. Ki Baek-woo suffered just the same. He struggled just the same. He was controlled by the system just the same, and couldn’t escape just the same. So why are you being such a selfish disgusting pitiful pathetic bastard stuck in self-pity with your useless stubbornness.
Even if Ki Baek-woo escaped the system, nothing really changed.
After all, Lee Han-sol, you’re the biggest piece of trash.
With conflicting hearts and clashing thoughts, Lee Han-sol was driven to his limit. His mind felt shattered, breaking into pieces and scattering. So Lee Han-sol couldn’t hold back anymore and lashed out. He glared at Kim Jin-oh and Ham Yun-ah.
“Do you think I’ll believe you when you act like this? Am I that ridiculous to you? Is deceiving me that fun? Is that why you’re still doing this shit? Do I still have some juice left for you to suck out?”
“What? Juice, what? Ham Yun-ah, what is he talking about…?”
Kim Jin-oh looked at Ham Yun-ah with a blank face. Equally clueless about the situation, Ham Yun-ah shook her head with a vacant expression. Seeing them exchange glances infuriated Lee Han-sol even more, and he shouted, “Wak!”
“Don’t roll your eyes and mock me right in front of me! It makes me feel like shit! Just answer my question! Am I that…!”
Am I that easy to push around? Why do you pretend to be close, why do you keep pretending to be friends and stick around, why do you pretend to care about me! What do you want from me by doing this! Unfortunately for Lee Han-sol, who was about to demand answers, he didn’t succeed. It was because of a tactless interruption.
“Does he think the gate is a playground… Creates all kinds of trouble and instead of feeling ashamed, he’s sitting around playing house.”
“Yun Sung-jun?”
Kim Jin-oh recognized the man as he turned toward the deliberately loud voice. Yun Sung-jun, who was grouped with them for this raid, was a C-rank hunter and a young man of similar age. Lee Han-sol’s brow furrowed deeply as he watched the man’s swaggering behavior.
What’s with this punch-machine-looking bastard? Is he butting in because he wants a strong punch to the face? I’m already pissed off enough, and now some random piece of shit I’ve never seen before is picking a fight… I want to kill him…
Lee Han-sol gritted his teeth as Yun Sung-jun interrupted what he was saying. Seeing this, Yun Sung-jun smirked smugly. As if they were birds of a feather, he nudged the side of a similarly swaggering teammate standing next to him and snickered.
“If you join someone else’s raid, you should either do your job well, or if you lack the ability to do that, at least try to please others. If you can’t do either, shouldn’t you at least stay out of sight somewhere?”
“What? Yun Sung-jun is suddenly so pissed off.”
“It’s fucking annoying how he shows no sign of embarrassment. His appearance is irritating enough, and his behavior… How can anyone work when one person makes everyone feel so bad?”
Were they having a conversation or making an announcement? Yun Sung-jun’s group was laughing so loudly that their gossip reached Lee Han-sol’s ears completely. If it had been about something else, Lee Han-sol would have immediately jumped up and started with a flying knee kick to their faces. But the reason he was holding back for now was because Yun Sung-jun’s group was telling the truth.
Lee Han-sol had been unable to concentrate throughout the raid. He kept getting lost in thought and making mistakes, causing the formation to crumble. Even if it was just a C-rank gate suitable for their level, it didn’t mean he could ignore pre-arranged tactics or formations as he pleased. No matter how complicated Lee Han-sol’s current state of mind was, or how difficult it was to maintain sanity with his wavering feelings and worsening mental symptoms, that was Lee Han-sol’s problem and had nothing to do with them.
‘They have reason to be annoyed.’
Reflecting on himself, Lee Han-sol understood why Yun Sung-jun was acting out. Then he exerted a desperate mental effort. He started counting to 100. He made the extremely rational decision that he would refrain from murder no matter how annoying Yun Sung-jun was until he counted to one hundred. Because Lee Han-sol, while having a broken personality, was not the type to deny facts.
Anyway, unaware of Lee Han-sol’s inner thoughts, Yun Sung-jun continued to babble. Perhaps thinking that Lee Han-sol’s silence meant he was intimidated or hurt, he was getting increasingly arrogant. Of course, Lee Han-sol, who was hardened by all kinds of gossip both direct and behind his back, wouldn’t care about such trivial matters. There were few words that could truly torment Lee Han-sol.
“Did you know? He’s that guy.”
“Which guy?”
“Ki Baek-woo.”
“Are you serious? He’s that C-rank? The one who deliberately ran away just to screw everyone over?”
“Aren’t you scared? There was breaking news not long ago about someone dying and coming back to life during a raid, making a huge fuss. But this guy is not only fine but even has the nerve to be shameless. Just looking at how he’s mooching off the raid, he seems to have no conscience.”
Lee Han-sol, at the center of the contempt, is not hurt by any words. He doesn’t get sad because of someone’s single remark. Except for one thing—anything related to Ki Baek-woo.
Except for those unwanted remarks like Ki Baek-woo being broken, or not being able to do anything, or trying to die… besides those, Lee Han-sol truly had nothing that could hurt him.
You’re saying I made Ki Baek-woo that way? No. I didn’t do anything wrong. I didn’t drive him to his death. It wasn’t because of my unnecessary stubbornness, it wasn’t because of my useless feelings, which are worth less than dust—that’s not why he ended up that way. I… but you bastards, what do you know to be talking like that?
Eighty-eight, eighty-nine… Lee Han-sol, who had been counting numbers, lost his composure at the sudden mention of Ki Baek-woo’s name. He’d come all this way to avoid hearing that name, even if it meant enduring insults that were etched into his ears about being a nuisance or trash, and now why was that name suddenly coming up? I said I don’t want to think about it. I said leave me alone! Lee Han-sol’s eyes flew open. He grabbed a stone lying next to his thigh and jumped to his feet.
‘These miserable bastards, I’ll kill them all.’
He turned his body toward where Yun Sung-jun’s group was.
“Hey, you son of a bitch…!”
The final part of his cry scattered without a trace, just like the conversation Yun Sung-jun had interrupted earlier. His cheeks, which had been flushed red with anger, immediately returned to their normal color. His bold movements, which had seemed unstoppable, abruptly halted.
“What the hell is that?”
Lee Han-sol was a bit speechless at the sight before him. He was bewildered. It was absurd. He couldn’t understand it, and he felt awkward. Then he quickly became irritated.
Ham Yun-ah was grabbing Yun Sung-jun by the hair and shouting something at him.
“Why did you suddenly butt in and pick a fight! Why are you provoking Lee Han-sol when he’s already sensitive!”
“Argh! Shit, let go of this! Ham Yun-ah! Hey, you think I won’t hit you just because you’re a woman? Ow! Let go while I’m still asking nicely!”
“Are you proud of that, you crazy bastard? With your ugly face and foul mouth, you have nothing to be proud of so you brag about that?”
“Are you crazy, argh! Kim Chang-sun, Kim Chang-sun, come quick and get this lunatic off me!”
Ham Yun-ah was straddling the fallen Yun Sung-jun, grabbing his hair and shaking it wildly. She didn’t forget to occasionally raise her knee to press down on his back. Although Yun Sung-jun was shouting for his friend, there was no response. That was because Kim Chang-sun was also in a difficult fight.
“Kim Jin-oh, why are you, urk! Why are you going crazy!”
“Yeah, your face.”
“What the fuck, gah, hey I can’t breathe, let go of this!”
“Yeah, your face.”
“Your friend, ack, insulted, gasp! Yun Sung-jun, eek!”
With his collar in Kim Jin-oh’s grip, Kim Chang-sun was being shaken like laundry being wrung out. Due to his shaking head, he seemed to be getting motion sickness, as occasional groans of “ugh, ugh” could be heard.
Lee Han-sol stood still, dumbfounded. There was no role left for him to join the fray, as Ham Yun-ah and Kim Jin-oh were already marking each person. Lee Han-sol aimlessly looked at the stone he was still clutching tightly.
Lee Han-sol was the one who was insulted and angry. But it was Kim Jin-oh and Ham Yun-ah who were now furiously fighting.
What is this?
Author: Hyacinthus B
Hyacinthus
