What Kind of Relationship (2)
Sa Hae-geon’s house was just as I had left it. It seemed he had gone out searching for me as soon as he confirmed I was gone. I stepped inside, eyeing Hae-geon who was standing firmly behind me, blocking my escape.
Despite my worries during the journey home that Hae-geon might immediately try to put the shackles on me, he simply arranged our shoes without saying anything. Hae-geon glanced at me as I slowly made my way to the sofa, then sat down first.
When I sat down far from Hae-geon, he stared at me intently. Though it didn’t feel forceful, his gaze made me uneasy, and I unconsciously scooted closer to him.
Finally, when he confirmed I was close enough, Hae-geon spoke. Was he going to give me a stern talking-to? I wiped my sweaty palms on my pants as I listened to him.
“What was the main reason you left the house?”
He seemed to remember what I was about to say earlier. His fairly rational and normal question made me glance at him briefly before answering.
“…Because I felt like I would be imprisoned forever.”
Hae-geon didn’t try to deny it, make excuses, or act bewildered at my words. He just kept silent. …I suppose he’s admitting that he had such thoughts. He’s honest, at least.
But I didn’t dislike that about Hae-geon. If I really hated coming back to this house, I would have tried to shake him off somehow.
“Is that all?”
“Of course, there are other reasons too.”
“Tell me the other reasons.”
“Well…”
The words didn’t come easily. That his overwhelming emotions kept flowing into me through the Guiding. That I felt uncomfortable and scared by these nameless emotions I hadn’t known about before, and didn’t want to know about, knocking at my heart, trying to color me.
I couldn’t possibly say that. As I remained silent, Hae-geon tilted his head and looked at me. Perhaps because they had been wet with tears, his dark blue eyes looked especially moist today. At some point, Hae-geon’s face had come close to mine.
We were sitting face to face, with about three finger-widths between us. He had approached gradually without me realizing. I blinked blankly and tried to back away a beat late.
But Hae-geon gently gripped both my shoulders first.
“The other reasons, hyung.”
“Uh, yeah…”
Even though I was wearing a thick padded jacket, I was acutely aware of Hae-geon’s large hands on my shoulders. It felt as vivid as if they were touching bare skin. I needed to give Hae-geon the answer he wanted, if only to get away from him or maintain an appropriate distance, but I couldn’t think of a suitable response.
It was just a moment ago that I had decided to speak honestly, now that things had come to this.
Perhaps telling Hae-geon everything about my feelings might be a slightly different matter this time. I racked my brains trying to choose appropriate words to substitute for that part.
But being poor at improvisation, I couldn’t come up with anything suitable. As I just moved my lips without saying anything, Hae-geon spoke.
“Is it difficult to say?”
“…Mm.”
“Is it something I need to fix?”
Absolutely not. I was the one who first suggested the Guiding, and I was the one who persuaded Hae-geon to receive Guiding again when he didn’t want to. There was no way Hae-geon had anything to fix.
“No, it’s not.”
Despite my clear answer, Hae-geon spoke urgently, as if feeling anxious.
“Even if it’s hard to fix, just tell me. I’ll try to fix it somehow. Okay?”
“I’m telling you, it’s not that.”
“Then what? Is it burdensome that I like you?”
“It’s not that either. Don’t jump to conclusions, Hae-geon.”
“You’re… you’re not saying anything, so I’m anxious. I’d rather you cursed at me or got angry. I wish it was a problem that could be solved that way.”
Hae-geon’s eyes were trembling slightly. Tears were starting to well up in his cold-colored eyes again. I gently wiped the corner of Hae-geon’s eyes with my thumb, where teardrops were about to fall. Teardrops clung to the tip of my finger.
“Don’t cry. Stop crying. Okay?”
Strangely, when Hae-geon cries, when he makes a crying face, when he starts to sniffle, my heart softens. Honestly, this was the first time my heart had softened at someone else’s tears, so I was in quite a troubled situation myself.
‘…I’m the one who wants to cry.’
I clenched my fist with the teardrop-stained thumb, swallowing a sigh inwardly. Hae-geon still stared at me with eyes full of tears. His long eyelashes, clumped with tears, trembled as if tense. Why does Hae-geon keep making my heart soft?
Is it because he’s good-looking? Or because I find him quite cute, to the point of comparing him to a large dog? Or is it because his emotions are lingering somewhere in my heart?
I couldn’t guess at all. But one thing was certain, I just wished Hae-geon would stop crying.
“For now, just know that it’s because I felt like I would be imprisoned forever. I’ll tell you the other reasons later.”
“Then, hyung.”
Hae-geon continued with a trembling voice.
“How about living together instead of imprisonment?”
“…What?”
My eyes widened at the unexpected words. Hae-geon blinked his sea-like eyes slowly and said,
“If you were worried about being imprisoned forever, we could live together instead of imprisonment, right?”
“…”
I barely swallowed the laugh that was about to burst out. Hae-geon probably didn’t know, but for Espers and Guides, living together wasn’t such a light matter. Especially for a high-ranking Guide like me, bound by special contract to the Center.
But I couldn’t flatly refuse Hae-geon, who was staring at me with eyes full of expectation. I couldn’t laugh it off saying he was too ignorant of the ways of the world. Instead of scolding him, I decided to change the subject. As I abruptly stood up, Hae-geon jumped up in surprise.
Hae-geon looked at me nervously, seeming to think I might have stood up to leave the house. It was quite cute how he became timid in these moments, despite seeming to know me well.
Watching him worry, I carefully chose my words before speaking.
“First, let’s go get Cream.”
Hae-geon, who had been staring at my lips with anxious eyes, let out a thin sigh. As if calming his tense body, he squeezed his eyes shut then opened them, mumbling a response.
“…Okay.”
Then he tidied up my appearance with his large hands and gently grabbed my padded sleeve, looking at me.
“Yeah… Okay. Let’s go. We should go.”
As I watched him pulling my sleeve and walking ahead slowly, I unknowingly smiled. I realized this fact in front of the mirror attached to the shoe rack in the entryway.
Until we took the elevator to the parking lot and got into Hae-geon’s car, I kept my hat pulled down low. And Hae-geon stayed close to me, leading the way as if protecting me. Our feet kept bumping due to the excessively close distance, but he didn’t mind at all.
With Hae-geon’s help, I managed to get in the car and we headed to my family home. Even without me having to recite the address, Hae-geon naturally drove to my family home. When I quietly stared at his profile as he drove, Hae-geon flinched and explained.
“I know most things about you, so…”
“Yeah. I thought so.”
“Yes.”
“But how did you know I was at the Central Terminal and come find me?”
Honestly, I was really surprised when I saw Hae-geon appear at the terminal looking for me. How had Hae-geon been so sure I was at the Central Terminal? Did he have someone helping him? Or was there some other device I didn’t know about?
Hae-geon’s lips opened quickly.
“Your phone.”
“My phone?”
“When I went to get Cream, I saw your work phone at your house.”
“…And?”
“I just installed GPS tracking on it, just in case.”
Right. There was no way he tracked me through normal means. I had already expected that much. But still, messing with my work phone is a bit… As I remained silent with a sour expression, Hae-geon apologized.
“I’m sorry.”
“…What are you apologizing for?”
“For messing with your work phone. I won’t do it again.”
Hae-geon guessed the correct answer more easily than I expected, and I wasn’t as upset as I thought I’d be. So I just nodded. Even without me adding that it was okay, Hae-geon’s cheeks began to turn a light pink, as if dyed with flower water.
