Touched by Fingertips (6)
I carefully held the cheek of Sa Hae-geon, who somehow acted like a coward only when it came to me. His body temperature, which had been lukewarm until just a while ago, had somehow cooled. As if sharing my warmth with him, I caressed Sa Hae-geon’s cheek for a long time before gently placing a kiss on the corner of his mouth.
Sa Hae-geon’s body flinched.
“How could we just be close brothers, Hae-geon?”
“H-hyung… W-wait. Wait, wait a minute.”
Sa Hae-geon’s voice trembled uncharacteristically. His complexion was pale, as if afraid to hear my words.
“I definitely don’t think of us that way.”
I could hear Sa Hae-geon rolling his eyes back and forth, trying to assess the situation. I stroked his lips with my thumb, gently playing with them before adding:
“And I never wanted us to be that way.”
Sa Hae-geon’s lips parted weakly. Was he scared again? I looked at his eyes trembling slightly from side to side, then slowly pressed my lips against his parted ones.
Sa Hae-geon still couldn’t gather his thoughts, just blinking his eyes even as I lightly bit his lip. Then, belatedly realizing the situation, his shoulders trembled. Soon, Sa Hae-geon’s hands firmly gripped my shoulders.
I thought he might try to push me away, but it was the opposite. Sa Hae-geon pulled me into the deepest part of his embrace, then buried his face in my shoulder. Then he mumbled in a disgruntled tone:
“W-why does hyung say such things so casually? Why… why do you keep confusing me? When you keep doing that, it makes me want to hope. Even though I know hoping leads to disappointment, it makes me want to hope…”
Sa Hae-geon continued grumbling without showing his face to me.
“You’re always like this. You only act interested in me when you’re teasing me. Do you think I’m a fool who doesn’t know anything?”
Sa Hae-geon jerked his head up and glared at me. The corners of his eyes were slightly puffy. I wondered if he had been crying, but his eyes were just slightly reddened with frustration and resentment—he didn’t seem to have shed tears. Still, I felt wronged.
What did I do wrong? It’s not a crime to realize my feelings late and try to express them to Sa Hae-geon. I met Sa Hae-geon’s eyes as he stared at me with an irritated look. Even while complaining to me, his eyes trembled slightly.
As if worried I might say something mean.
He wasn’t a cat, cautious about letting strangers approach yet unable to stay calm when that presence tries to leave. I slowly reached out and gently stroked Sa Hae-geon’s hair. His fine black hair was soft and cool. Sa Hae-geon seemed to not mind my touch, quietly allowing me to touch his head.
In that moment, Sa Hae-geon was like a puppy, but in a different way than before. I pressed into his scalp as if massaging it, then lightly kissed near the crown of his head. Sa Hae-geon’s shoulders flinched again. Soon he complained in a trembling voice:
“…I told you not to do that. When you keep doing that, I unconsciously misunderstand your feelings. I… don’t want to be disappointed.”
His mumbling words had no effect on me. They just seemed cute. And above all, even while saying to stop, Sa Hae-geon kept quietly allowing me to touch his head. If he really disliked it, he would have rushed away.
But it also seemed strange to keep touching his head after he said to stop, so I slowly withdrew my hand. As my hand moved away, Sa Hae-geon quietly raised his head to check on me. His eyes were like those of a puppy checking whether I was done touching him or if I would touch him more, which made me laugh involuntarily.
Sa Hae-geon looked at me as if asking why I was laughing.
“Just because. You’re cute, Hae-geon.”
In the past, he would have protested frantically, telling me not to say such things, but surprisingly, Sa Hae-geon said nothing. However, looking closely, his ears seemed to have turned redder than before. Even if he showed it less, he was still as embarrassed as before.
But something about Sa Hae-geon’s strangely subdued appearance bothered me. I was concerned that Sa Hae-geon might be thinking something else. After all, he was the one who thought my “dirty” comment was directed at him earlier.
“Hae-geon.”
“…Yes.”
“What should I do to make you hope again?”
Sa Hae-geon’s body flinched at my question. He looked at me with a confused face, as if he had heard something unbelievable.
“Should I honestly tell you that I want to not just kiss but also make love with you?”
“W-what, what are you s-saying…”
Sa Hae-geon’s face flushed hot. He had been so composed when he was saying these things himself, but now he didn’t know what to do, his lips twitching. But that was brief. After being shocked by the explicit words from my mouth, he belatedly understood their meaning and stammered:
“S-so now… it means I can hope… it means I can hope again?”
When I nodded, Sa Hae-geon’s eyes began to turn red. His eyes rippled like waves and quickly became wet. Soon, sniffling sounds were heard too.
Seeing this big guy crying sadly made me feel bad.
“N-no. Why are you crying, Hae-geon? I didn’t mean to make you cry… You didn’t dislike it, did you?”
Sa Hae-geon vigorously shook his head but didn’t stop crying.
“Stop crying, it’s giving me a headache. I’m sorry, okay?”
I tried various ways to comfort Sa Hae-geon, but he couldn’t easily compose his emotions.
“No, goodness… What made you so sad this time?”
At my question, asked as if I were soothing a child, Sa Hae-geon collapsed into my arms and sobbed.
“I’m not s-sad. It’s just, hyung doesn’t seem real… It feels like a dream…”
Sa Hae-geon’s nasal voice as he stammered his explanation looked only cute to me. Is this what they call having “rose-colored glasses”? If that’s the case, I must have been wearing them from the moment I first saw Sa Hae-geon.
Sa Hae-geon sniffled in my arms for a while, then quietly wrapped his arms around my waist. Then he buried his face in my chest and took a deep breath. With each of his movements, the scent of the same shampoo and body wash as mine tickled my nose.
As I gently stroked his back while embracing him, his sniffling gradually subsided. We remained holding each other even until Cream, who had been lying on the rug with her back down, yawned loudly, got up, and stretched.
Then gradually, Sa Hae-geon began to put his weight on me.
“Hae-geon, I’m sorry, but you’re a bit heavy…”
“…”
But there was no answer from Sa Hae-geon. Was he pretending not to hear me on purpose? I poked his back repeatedly with my index finger, but Sa Hae-geon only breathed evenly with no reaction to my touch.
A sudden ominous feeling came over me. The thought that he might have lost consciousness filled my mind. I hurriedly called out to Sa Hae-geon and shook his body.
“…Hae-geon?”
His body swayed back and forth as I shook it. An uneasy feeling crept up on me. I felt I could only be relieved if I checked Sa Hae-geon’s complexion. I carefully detached his face from my arms and examined it.
Contrary to my expectation, his face was just peaceful. As if he were in a deep sleep.
“What the…”
No, it wasn’t just “like” deep sleep—he actually was asleep. Sa Hae-geon was soundly sleeping, breathing softly. He had worked hard using his abilities in the field in the morning, and then cried his heart out at home, so it made sense that he would be tired. He would also have released the tension he’d been holding all day.
This was the first time I was seeing Sa Hae-geon’s sleeping face this close, and it felt… strange. Tender, pitiful, and also cute. Looking at his face gave me these complex feelings. I observed various parts of Sa Hae-geon’s face while stroking his straight, clean bridge of nose with my index finger.
Sa Hae-geon’s eyes, who had been sleeping with his weight awkwardly on me, opened slightly. With a dreamy gaze still full of sleep, he stared at me blankly, then reached out and pulled the back of my head. Then he kissed me on the lips, and as if nothing had happened, closed his eyes again and fell asleep.
Author: Hyacinthus B
Hyacinthus
