Touched by Fingertips (5)
I avoided Sa Hae-geon’s gaze while roughly pressing my throbbing temple, which might have been just my imagination. He kept pushing his face closer and urging me to answer.
“Why aren’t you answering?”
“…Could you move your face away first? You’re too close, Hae-geon.”
Sa Hae-geon had his face pushed almost right in front of my nose. Our foreheads were already touching. The distance was so close that if either of us moved wrong, our lips might meet, which made me nervous.
“I don’t want to.”
But Sa Hae-geon shook his head while keeping our foreheads pressed together. Since both our bangs were between our foreheads, my forehead stung each time Sa Hae-geon shook his head. I reached out to push him away as he was acting like a big puppy, but this persistent guy grabbed my hand and urged me to answer again.
“Hyung, your answer.”
“Why are you so obsessed with my answer? There might be questions I don’t want to answer.”
Sa Hae-geon stated flatly.
“Because I prefer certainty.”
“About what exactly?”
“That you won’t have relationships with anyone but me, and that you and I alone…”
I covered Sa Hae-geon’s lips with my other hand to stop the series of statements I couldn’t bear to hear. My face flushed hot just from listening to what he was saying. How could a twenty-one-year-old have so little shame? How could he say such things so casually? No, wait. Is it perhaps because he’s young?
Even amid this situation, I avoided Sa Hae-geon’s direct gaze. If this continued, I would get caught up in Sa Hae-geon’s pace again and end up agreeing to some ridiculous request. This shouldn’t happen. I really needed to respond firmly.
All this time, because I kept pretending to give in to him, Sa Hae-geon clearly didn’t know his limits and was being stubborn or making unreasonable demands. He was cleverly testing how far he could push.
Just as I was about to speak firmly, something hot and wet suddenly touched my palm. Wondering why my palm would be getting wet, I tilted my head and met Sa Hae-geon’s eyes. He smiled at me, the corners of his eyes curving upward.
I felt something slippery between my fingers again. It seemed that Sa Hae-geon’s… tongue was freely moving around my palm. I was appalled at his ridiculous behavior and tried to pull my hand away, but the more I did, Sa Hae-geon grabbed my hand even tighter and continued playing with his tongue.
At this rate, my entire palm would become soaked with Sa Hae-geon’s saliva. He even gently bit the flesh of my palm with his teeth, careful not to hurt me.
He’s not a puppy… Although I occasionally compared Sa Hae-geon to a large dog, he wasn’t actually a real puppy. Yet here he was, mouthing at me like this. Did Sa Hae-geon really intend to become a dog?
The sensation of something hot and slippery sliding back and forth across my palm was so ticklish that it was hard to endure. I twitched and gave Sa Hae-geon an incredulous look.
I couldn’t understand. Well, Sa Hae-geon was always incomprehensible, but this was going too far. Of all people, why would someone with OCD do this?
Sa Hae-geon gripped my hand tighter every time I tried to pull it away.
“Hae-geon, stop now.”
“…”
He pretended not to hear and continued nibbling on the flesh of my palm.
“It tickles. I said stop, didn’t I?”
Only when I finally used a stern voice did Sa Hae-geon let go of my hand. He seemed to check my reaction for a moment before gently wiping my wet palm with his sleeve. If he was going to wipe it like that anyway, why make it so wet in the first place?
I quietly looked at Sa Hae-geon before shaking my head.
“Are you a puppy? Why are you licking my palm so disgustingly?”
“…Am I, am I disgusting?”
At the word “disgusting,” Sa Hae-geon’s eyes widened like saucers. Thinking I was calling him disgusting, his pupils trembled from side to side. With a face that clearly showed he was hurt, he stammered in disbelief.
“I, I might have gone a bit too far, but was it that dis…gusting?”
Seeing his concerning reaction, I quickly shook my head and explained.
“No. No, Hae-geon. I’m not saying you’re disgusting, but my palm is dirty. I was just handling my phone, so my palm must be dirty, and you licked it. I didn’t mean your saliva was disgusting.”
But Sa Hae-geon’s face showed no signs of brightening. Seeing him suddenly become dejected and lower his gaze, when just moments ago he had been acting so smugly, made me anxious. I fidgeted and examined Sa Hae-geon’s expression.
It didn’t look particularly bad, but it didn’t look good either.
“Really. Why would I think you’re disgus… Ah!”
My lips, which had been urgently trying to continue speaking, were blocked. Sa Hae-geon had suddenly pressed his lips against mine while silently looking down at the floor. Sa Hae-geon’s soft lips repeatedly pressed against mine like a stamp and then pulled away.
“Uh… What is this…”
I couldn’t even finish my sentence and just opened and closed my mouth. My brain was busy trying to figure out Sa Hae-geon’s inexplicable behavior, but I couldn’t understand the reason no matter how much I thought about it. Meanwhile, Sa Hae-geon kept kissing me like a bird pecking. It seemed like a light kiss without much meaning, but even with this seemingly meaningless act, my cheeks began to flush against my will.
“Hae, geon… No, mmph. Let, me… Ah, let me speak…”
I couldn’t connect any words. Sa Hae-geon’s kisses only stopped when my lips became numb. Touching my lips, which felt swollen from the continuous attack, I asked Sa Hae-geon.
“…What exactly were you doing?”
“Kissing you.”
He called it kissing, but it was essentially like being hit on the lips with lips. Sa Hae-geon’s kisses were that aggressive and inconsiderate. Like a child throwing a tantrum.
“But why suddenly…? Were you lacking Guiding? Your wavelength doesn’t seem bad…”
At my worried question, a slight crease appeared between Sa Hae-geon’s eyebrows. He surveyed my face with a dissatisfied expression, though I wasn’t sure which part of my words displeased him.
“Do I need to be lacking Guiding to kiss you? Isn’t a kiss something that can be done lightly between close hyung and dongsaeng?”
“Hae-geon.”
“It’s just a kiss, not something grand like making out or sex.”
“No, what are you…”
“Of course, even that much of a kiss is more than I could hope for.”
I couldn’t stop Sa Hae-geon from spitting out such raw words. Somehow it felt like he was criticizing me. Sa Hae-geon’s behavior, repeatedly mentioning “close hyung and dongsaeng” while trying to silence me, was bothering me.
He surely knows that we’re not the kind of relationship that can be simply summarized with such words. What part exactly made Sa Hae-geon so upset?
“Hae-geon. You know better than anyone that we’re not in a relationship that can be clearly defined as just ‘close hyung and dongsaeng.'”
Sa Hae-geon’s pupils trembled finely at my words. His gaze was unstable as if he were frightened. To my eyes, it looked like he was afraid of what would come out of my mouth.
“St-stop there. I’ll… I’ll listen to the rest, later. Tell me later. Just now, I… I was wrong.”
Sa Hae-geon, who usually did as he pleased, rarely admitted his mistakes and showed vulnerability. And paradoxically, seeing his vulnerability made me vaguely understand the reason. The reason why Sa Hae-geon insisted on that expression while doing things or making demands that close hyung and dongsaeng wouldn’t normally do.
It seemed to be Sa Hae-geon’s own defense mechanism. So Sa Hae-geon was afraid. Afraid of the answer I might give to his previous confession. No, perhaps it had been from even before that confession.
Just because he acted nonchalant didn’t mean he actually was. He just didn’t show it to me. Pretending to be weak because he liked that I worried about him, or actually pushing himself to the point of collapse, would also be extensions of that.
I finally understood Sa Hae-geon’s behavior – acting strangely but always backing away in fear at the most important moments. It felt like finding a puzzle piece that fit perfectly in place. A puzzle piece I had been looking for for a long time.
Author: Hyacinthus B
Hyacinthus
