Chapter 86
I was even afraid to look back.
How tremendous his courage was to chase after me despite the possibility of being rejected, cast aside, and having his pride severely wounded.
I wiped my still-wet face. Walking forward on legs that felt like they might buckle at any moment, I had no energy left to avoid the puddles scattered everywhere. When I entered the gate of my accommodation, not only my shoes but also my socks and the calf portion of my pants were soaked through.
“Are you… back?”
Hyunsoo, who had been washing dishes, slowed his speech when he saw my disheveled state. Only when I saw him staring at me with wide eyes did I realize I must look like someone who had lost his mind.
I swallowed dry saliva and squeezed out my voice, trying to appear as normal as possible.
“The rain was coming sideways, so even an umbrella was useless.”
“Should I bring you a towel?”
When making such kind offers, Hyunsoo’s voice was blunt, but that was just a disguise to hide his embarrassment. Normally I would have chuckled at how cute he was, but today I didn’t welcome even his kindness. I felt extreme fatigue just from exchanging a single word. I just wanted to lie down.
“My feet are wet anyway… I’ll do it myself.”
One big step from the entrance, which was about the size of an unfolded ramen box, and I was at the mat in front of the bathroom. The narrow bathroom with old blue tiles on the floor and white tiles on the walls served as both bathroom and laundry room. I took off my clammy socks, threw them into the washing machine, and washed my feet with the shower head.
I unconsciously lifted my head and met eyes with my reflection in the mirror hanging on the wall. I quietly averted my gaze. I pulled the emotions that were trying to surge up firmly inward.
I took off my jacket, hung it on the hook attached to the door, and washed my face. My appearance after washing wasn’t much better. Even though I hadn’t cried at all, I looked like someone who had cried their heart out. Or like someone with a severe cold.
When I came out of the bathroom, Hyunsoo was still in the kitchen.
“……”
He had apparently changed the water for the flowers and was just setting down a tumbler on the table.
“You always do this kind of thing, hyung… Oh, by any chance, wouldn’t it be okay to just use tap water?”
“No, it doesn’t matter.”
I shook my head at him as he looked anxious and walked to the refrigerator. After nearly a week, the fragrance of the flowers was no longer as strong as before.
Behind me as I looked for beer, he asked.
“Hyung, I heard you got an advertisement offer?”
His voice was excited.
“…I don’t know yet. It’s before the contract.”
“Come on, you’ll get it.”
I straightened my back and opened the beer can while saying indifferently.
“Is being cast in Director Hwang Sooyoung’s drama that amazing? The drama hasn’t even started filming yet.”
“Well, there’s that too, but…”
Hyunsoo shrugged his shoulders and unusually hesitated. I drank my beer while watching him roll his eyes as he unnecessarily wiped the table. The quite large amount of liquor and beer I had drunk at the karaoke seemed like it never happened, as the beer went down smoothly.
Finally, Hyunsoo looked at me sideways and opened his mouth. The corners of his mouth twitched like someone trying to hold back laughter.
“Last time when I ran into you at the alley entrance, hyung. The person who was with you then… that’s him, right?”
“……”
“Hanseo Group, the family that owns all the prime companies… their youngest son.”
I felt like letting out a bitter laugh. Suddenly it felt like everyone around me was talking about him.
After only being hesitant at first, once he started talking, Hyunsoo actively showed his curiosity.
“You’re someone who’s not interested in that kind of thing, hyung. At first I wasn’t sure… but when I looked it up, the face matched. What kind of… relationship is it?”
Though he was asking what kind of relationship it was, Hyunsoo had the exact same expression as those people at the dinner gathering. Crude interest motivated purely by curiosity about others. He clearly already thought of me and him as being in a half-sponsor relationship.
I felt like I had been covered in filth while naked and driven before people, trembling inside with humiliation and shame that went beyond displeasure.
An impulse arose to corner Hyunsoo and ask what exactly this “that kind of thing” was that I supposedly wasn’t interested in. But that would just be taking out my anger.
I unconsciously crushed the beer can in my hand while suppressing my voice.
“I told you he was a friend I knew from Italy who I happened to meet again. I only found out this time when we reunited that he was from that kind of family.”
“Ah… really?”
At my sharp tone, Hyunsoo hesitantly backed down.
“I’m tired… I’m going to lie down for a bit.”
I ignored him as he looked at me with a face that said he’d made a mistake, and went into my room.
I carelessly threw the jacket I’d been carrying on my arm onto the chair and changed out of my wet pants. I turned on the air conditioner in dehumidifying mode. I plopped down on the bed holding the beer can. I didn’t even turn on the lights.
The flimsy window occasionally rattled in the wind and rain.
I needed something to do, but nothing would come to hand. I sat in the darkness mechanically drinking beer.
I think I handled it fairly well. I did handle it well, right?
A deepening relationship meant that the shock and pain he would receive later would also become stronger. The command to stop here, before that happened, had already been input. Until I met him today, my heart hadn’t been able to agree with that.
I had enumerated countless reasons why it would be okay to continue the relationship with him.
Because it seemed like he didn’t get along well with his older brother Lee Seogyeong, to the extent that everyone acknowledged it. Since we were both men and he was from a chaebol family, there would be no occasion for him to introduce me to his family as his lover, and endings like cohabitation or marriage would be unthinkable anyway.
So shouldn’t I consider the possibility of facing Lee Seogyeong again through him to be almost nonexistent? Then couldn’t I keep it secret from him forever? If I just kept my mouth shut…
He wouldn’t know that I had been captivated by such thoughts for the past few days.
I set the quickly emptied can on the floor and leaned back to lie down.
I remembered his words when he once complained jokingly that it wasn’t about bringing someone home. I had no choice but to agree with those words, albeit belatedly.
‘I’m your lover now, right, hyung?’
After we had sex in this bed, he had remained inside me. His face as he pestered me to call him my lover was vivid behind my closed eyes.
I covered my eyes with my arm and chuckled.
‘When we met again, I thought I had really caught hyung’s interest this time. So honestly, I was quite excited. But… this time wasn’t it either.’
What do you mean it wasn’t? You were right about what you thought. This time we even decided to become lovers.
I was pretty good at acting, but… to be so completely fooled like that. My lover, you’re really younger than me.
■
“I’m certain. That woman, she can’t be human. I know.”
With Yoon Juho’s line as ‘Jeongseol’, the first script reading for <Eternal Night> was concluded.
To be precise, it was a reading targeting only the main and supporting actors before the official reading with all the actors, so the scale wasn’t that large.
The reading was held on the first floor of ‘Wellmade’, the production company’s office. It was the same building I had visited for the audition with Director Hwang Sooyoung.
Though I couldn’t make hasty judgments from just one script reading, I felt I could understand a little why all her works achieved success.
The passionate atmosphere of the script reading, where the director, writer, and actors engaged in serious and heated discussions about character analysis directions, was reminiscent of an amateur theater company’s rehearsal rather than a TV drama.
When the reading ended, applause and cheers erupted. Director Hwang Sooyoung, who had maintained a serious expression throughout, also smiled as she took the microphone.
“Thank you for your hard work, all the actors. Actually, after doing the first reading, I always get a certain feeling. Whether this project will work out well or not… I think everyone else probably felt the same way, but <Eternal Night> has a really good feeling. Well then, let’s meet at the dinner gathering.”
After briefly finishing her remarks, Director Hwang Sooyoung stood up first with the writer. Just as everyone was about to become disorderly, a directing staff member again focused people’s attention.
“Thank you for your hard work, actors! You’ll receive the bound scripts at the full reading in 5 days, and we’ll read through episode 3 then! Uh… and on that day, the lead actors. Actress Park Seyeon, Actor Yoon Juho, and Actor Jung Jiin. The three of you are scheduled to film a simple greeting video, so managers please take note… Uh… and the other announcements are… about this much. Please come to the gopchang restaurant we informed you about in advance! Since this is the first reading and first dinner gathering, please attend without exception!”
As people’s attention began to scatter and they started murmuring, the staff even stood on tiptoes while raising their voice. In the excited murmuring, I also pushed back my chair and stood up.
Jaewoo, who had been waiting in the staff seating area lined up along the wall behind the actors’ seats, approached to collect the script.
“Hyung, good work…”
“You’re going to the dinner, right?”
Yoon Juho, who had been sitting next to me, handed his script to his manager while cutting off Jaewoo’s words. Then he added without even waiting for an answer.
“No matter how much of a you, you’re practically a lead actor, so you wouldn’t skip the first dinner gathering.”
I wasn’t one of the members who stayed until the very end, but I seemed to have attended dinner gatherings faithfully during filming periods, if only for the staff’s morale. Yoon Juho’s assessment seemed to be different.
“You like gopchang and makchang, that kind of stuff. Different from how you look. I’m going ahead.”
Yoon Juho placed his hand on my shoulder with a pat, squeezed it once firmly, then let go. Unlike me in jeans, a t-shirt, and a pressed-down baseball cap, he looked perfect even for a main cast script reading, as if he had come for an interview shoot.
As I watched him leave first with his two managers, I spotted someone walking toward me from across the room and quickly bent my waist.
“Jiin-ssi, Jiin-ssi.”
The person approaching with quick steps, crossing paths with Yoon Juho like a baton pass, was senior actress Seo Euiju.
“Senior-nim, thank you for your hard work.”
She grasped my hands with both of hers and patted the back of my hands. It was a friendly gesture as if we were particularly close seniors and juniors.
“Jiin-ssi, nice to see you. Nice to see you. Since I was late today, I’m only greeting you now.”
She had appeared hurriedly in the first-floor hall just before the reading started, when everyone had already taken their seats.
“I actually had something to say to you.”
When she glanced at him, Jaewoo tactfully moved away. I was led by her to move to a corner.
“About last time, I think I made too much of a mistake. I’ve been feeling bad about it.”
“Ah… yes.”
Would I be scolded for not contacting her even once after receiving her business card? Or… would I hear another sponsor offer?
I was tense with such thoughts, but I was quite flustered by her actions of actually comforting me with an expression that couldn’t be more apologetic.
“I’m not someone who’s slow with industry news. But if it didn’t reach my ears, I couldn’t have thought about it.”
“……”
“Since I didn’t know, don’t be too hurt. Okay?”
She grasped my hands again and looked up at me with an affectionate face.
“Are you going to the dinner?”
“Yes… what about you, senior-nim…”
“I like dinner gatherings too and would like to join, but… with Director Kang Woohyeon’s work and so much else going on… I’ll definitely attend the full reading.”
After briefly greeting me, she looked for her manager and received her phone. I stood there blankly watching her hurriedly leave the venue, casually waving to people’s greetings.
I mulled over what she had just told me. What was it that she didn’t know about?
“Hyung, let’s go quickly too. Director Hwang Sooyoung’s projects even have different dinner venues. Here, it’s a Korean beef gopchang restaurant. You’d wake up even from sleep for this, hyung.”
Jaewoo, who had approached me, urged me on while showing me the location of the dinner venue he’d found on his phone.
It can’t be. I must be overthinking.
I tried hard to deny the ominous premonition and followed Jaewoo.
■
Author: Hyacinthus B
Hyacinthus
