Chapter 58
He had expected that when the alcohol hit him harder, he would fall asleep without any chance to make mistakes. But there wasn’t even a sign of sleep coming.
While the acquaintance was stubbing out his cigarette, he refilled the acquaintance’s glass and said:
“I hope you didn’t find it unpleasant.”
The acquaintance shook his head while unnecessarily wiping his mouth with the back of his hand.
“What’s there to be unpleasant about? You said I looked like a protagonist, that’s a compliment. Though my acting today wasn’t that good.”
He pulled both legs up onto the metal chair, raised his knees, and placed the glass he had filled on top of his knees. He could clearly feel his gaze on his cheek. It was so vivid and ticklish, like being caressed by hand, that he scratched his cheek with the hand that wasn’t holding the glass.
“Actually, I’m also… not the type of person who boldly pushes forward with what I want to do.”
He turned his head to look at him. Looking down at the glass in his hands with a furrowed brow, he seemed to be carefully choosing his words.
“I can relate more to… the kind of emotions you feel toward your family. The sense of duty that you must perform your given role well… that sort of thing. In my case, unlike you, it’s different from sacrifice based on warm family love.”
He had been speaking slowly and calmly, but then suddenly emptied his glass as if downing it all at once. Just as he had done for him, the acquaintance also filled his glass while waiting for the next part of the story.
“The woman my father remarried raised me, and I grew up knowing her as my mother. Around fourth grade in elementary school, I found out that wasn’t the case…”
Having said that much, he slowly exhaled a deep sigh and caught his breath. Then he shook his head and made his tone lighter.
“There’s a more complicated story to it. Setting all that aside… anyway, my relationship with the mother who raised me isn’t bad either. Because I don’t want to disappoint either my father or mother, because I don’t want to hear from any family member that I’m not qualified… I think I’ve been desperate until now.”
There were aspects similar to his situation, and aspects that were different. Although they weren’t talking about specific circumstances and complex emotions, that alone was enough to draw out empathy.
“Rather than admirable filial piety wanting to make them happy, it was more like… not wanting to be cast out… closer to struggling desperately to protect my place. I kept pressuring myself that I had to accomplish at least this much… and I never tried to look back at what I as an individual liked and wanted, apart from roles or duties.”
He stopped stroking his glass and looked this way. His nose bridge, lit by the room’s dim orange lighting, cast shadows over his lips.
“When I saw you on stage earlier, at that moment you seemed… to be breathing solely by your own strength… like that.”
He had to admit that a traveler he had only met three times had seen through his inner self. It was difficult to receive his gaze as if his naked body was exposed. However, the acquaintance didn’t avoid it. He swallowed dry saliva and slowly opened his lips.
“If you think about it carefully, you probably have at least one breathing hole like that too. You might just not have noticed it yourself.”
“Yes, that’s right. I do.”
He nodded with a faint smile on his lips. It was a peaceful face as if embraced in heaven’s bosom. That would be a heaven that existed only within him, one that no one could invade and destroy.
He was someone he would spend at most a few days with before parting. Because he wasn’t someone who was part of his life, perhaps he could reveal his weaknesses more boldly.
“……”
“……”
For much longer than 5 seconds, much longer than 10 seconds, he didn’t avoid eye contact. The moment of looking into each other’s eyes in silence was comfortably like a lie. It felt as if leaning toward each other for a kiss would be the most natural act that could happen next.
However, the acquaintance didn’t follow the natural progression.
He escaped the atmosphere by stretching, checking his wristwatch, and raising his voice in pretend surprise.
“It’s already 2 AM. Shall we sleep? I have to be at work by 11 tomorrow, so I think I need to get up and move by 9. Do you want to wash first?”
He didn’t forcibly demand to be looked at. He didn’t show signs of resentment or disappointment either.
While he was washing, the acquaintance sat and drank more. No, the alcohol had barely decreased. He was just sitting blankly under the pretense of drinking, listening to the sound of rain. The sound of rain? No, he was listening to the sound of water leaking from the bathroom through the thin walls.
After showering, his body, which came out wearing only jeans with no shirt, looked more solid than when clothed. He seemed slightly thin, but his basic frame and torso were on the thick side. His well-trained, agile muscles were sleek without any exaggerated feeling.
Unable to find where to look, the acquaintance’s gaze wandered in the air for a moment. When he got up to clear the table, he strode closer and stopped his hands.
“I’ll clean up while you’re washing. Just leave it.”
From his bare body and wet hair, he could feel cool moisture along with the scent of soap.
The acquaintance, who had fled to the bathroom, stood under the lukewarm stream of water with his eyes closed for a long time.
It wasn’t that he had no proper romantic experience or experience of love, nor that he had never had encounters that led to good atmospheres. He had experiences of showing mutual interest, taking time over a certain period to get to know each other, dating… kissing, or pseudo-sexual acts like manual stimulation. But he had never developed into a serious romantic relationship.
There were various reasons for this. Not being able to be completely honest about his sexual orientation was one of them.
He dreamed of sex in a primitive state that would blow away reason.
While he didn’t dislike gentle kisses, warm embraces, or considerate caresses… he couldn’t help but desire kisses that seemed to bite lips, arms that squeezed tightly to the point of restraint or pressure, and beast-like penetration that seemed to strike his entire body. But he lacked the confidence to demand such sexual relations from a partner. Knowing it conflicted with his outwardly gentle and calm usual appearance, he couldn’t reveal such a self even more.
The moment he saw his bare upper body, he sensed that he had the power to realize his desires. Just by lying closely on top of his body, he would be able to completely dominate him.
“Hmm…”
The acquaintance closed his eyes and lifted his chin. He swept back his hair while receiving the stream of water pouring directly onto his face.
While washing off the sweat that clung stickily to his entire body with foam, his cock had become hard. Even though he had abnormal sexual desires, his libido itself wasn’t particularly strong for his age. To get an erection just from seeing a man’s bare upper body.
Tightly closing his lips to prevent any sound from leaking out and breathing only through his nose, he gripped his hot cock and rubbed it quickly. His chest pounded larger than usual as he suppressed his voice and breathing. He caressed the flesh of his chest, lower abdomen, and buttocks himself, urging ejaculation.
The sensation of climax came easily. As heat rushed to his head and his body felt lifted in an ascending sensation, strength naturally entered his toes planted on the floor. He bit his lower lip tightly until it turned white.
“Hah… hng… hoo…”
Looking down at the semen being swept away by the stream of water, the acquaintance leaned his shoulder against the cold tile wall. His strength completely drained, and his eyelids and hands trembled. He had to lean against the wall like that for a while, steadying his breathing and composing himself.
Having ejaculated once, at least he could prevent the disgrace of getting an erection while lying in bed.
When he returned to the room, he was lying on his side facing the wall on the bed closer to the door. A thin sheet was precariously draped over his waist, making it look like he was naked at first glance, but the legs extending under the sheet were wearing jeans.
Everything was arranged exactly as when they first entered the room. The balcony door was closed, and instead the dense shutters of the outer doors were open downward. Through the gaps, the wet light from the street and the pattering sound of rain were seeping in.
The acquaintance, who had turned off the lights, approached the bed and lay down while deadening his footsteps. Despite being as careful as possible, the old mattress and frame let out a creaking moan.
“……”
The alcohol was no help at all. All his nerves were focused on him in the next bed. He could clearly feel that he was the same, without asking or answering. He was just pretending to sleep; there was no way he had fallen asleep.
All he had to do was get up and stand in front of his bed. No words would be necessary. If he carefully crawled into the bed next to him and lay down, he would quietly turn to look this way, and then all he had to do was meet his eyes.
He wouldn’t refuse. He would turn toward this direction, and those bright eyes would look straight at him in the darkness. Without shyness or hesitation.
Their dry lips would flutter and touch each other, creating electricity. Perhaps just by carefully taking each other’s lips into their mouths, his cock might become hard. He might pull his waist back to avoid being caught.
If he put his hand inside his jeans, gripped that hot and hard swollen thing, and excited him more…
“Hmm…”
The acquaintance sighed and supported his clasped hands under his head.
It would be such a simple thing, but he wouldn’t do it.
Not for his sake. It was to protect himself.
It was enough to have revealed each other’s weaknesses and shared special empathy. If he came to know the sensation of lips pressing against lips, the heat of wet tongues rubbing together, the thrill that large hands exploring bare skin created on his skin, the sensation of being connected to the most intimate parts and reaching the peak of pleasure… it might not end as cute and heartwarming memories. He didn’t want to suffer from longing. It was better not to know him as a vividly living reality.
In the meantime, his eyes had completely adjusted to the darkness.
The acquaintance, who had been looking up at some unknown pattern carved on the ceiling for a while, changed his position. He thought to put aside his thoughts and really try to sleep now. He folded his arm and placed it on the pillow, resting his cheek on it as he lay on his side.
“……”
“……”
In the meager dim light, his two eyes were clearly directed this way. He felt breathless as if all his imaginings had been read by him.
“Hyung.”
Author: Hyacinthus B
Hyacinthus
