Chapter 53
[……I’m in front of your house now.]
[……]
I looked up at the desk clock on the table. It was a little past 10 o’clock. The person who said it would be difficult to leave work before 11 was now in front of my house. After hanging up, I unconsciously fumbled around looking for alcohol.
It was certain that he had checked the letter as soon as I sent it, and came running immediately after confirming it. Otherwise, there was no way he could be here 30 minutes after I sent the email.
I put down the empty glass on the floor and went outside.
Standing in the narrow space of the landing in front of the entrance, I looked down at him in the alley. He was leaning against the wall of the house across the alley, looking up at me.
He had rolled up his shirt sleeves to his elbows, and though he was wearing a tie, the knot was loose, and the top button of his shirt was undone. He wasn’t holding his jacket in his hands either – wherever he had left it. His hair, which had always been neat as if touched by a professional even when not in a suit, had fallen down to cover his forehead. It was the most disheveled appearance I’d seen of him so far.
Even as I went down the stairs, opened the gate, and came out, he didn’t budge. He just watched me while maintaining his posture of leaning loosely against the wall with both hands shoved in his pants pockets. Since he didn’t seem to have any intention of approaching, I shuffled closer in my slippers.
“Thank you for the flowers.”
“……”
I was the one who had been drinking, but his eyes were hazy and moist. Maybe it was because of the orange streetlight illuminating the alley from about two houses away.
I had thought about acting casually as if it was no big deal. Wow, so Lee Han-ssi was that person from back then. I guess we really do have a connection. How have you been all this time? You’ve changed so much I didn’t recognize you. Did you grow a bit taller too? If you recognized me, you should have said something from the beginning… something like that.
But the situation had already flowed to a point where that was no longer possible. It wasn’t my personality either.
He kept his eyes on me while tapping the wall with his shoe heel.
“Lee Han-ssi… recognized me from the beginning, right?”
“……”
“But why… didn’t you say anything? If you had acknowledged knowing me first, I would have…”
I swallowed the words “recognized you right away.” It seemed like it would sound like I was blaming him.
He stopped tapping the wall with his foot and dropped his head completely. He exhaled a deep sigh with his lips tightly shut. His broad chest rose and fell greatly.
When he finally opened his mouth after a long while, his voice was locked tight and cracked.
“No matter how I looked, Jung Jiin-ssi didn’t seem to remember. There was no need to… push past stories on someone who didn’t remember.”
“It wasn’t that I didn’t remember, I just… couldn’t recognize you, Lee Han-ssi.”
“……”
With his head still down, he turned his face sideways to look at me.
“I remember. How we met, what we talked about, what we… did.”
His eyes, which looked moist as if soaked with moisture, shook strongly while listening to my words. I carefully pulled his arm as I tried to find traces of his past self in his face that was biting and chewing his dry lips.
“Let’s go inside and talk. This place is a bit…”
He followed me silently.
Since the space was narrow, he had to wait a couple steps below while I opened the door lock. He didn’t seem particularly impatient or nervous. Rather, he reminded me of… a dejected child who had been caught playing a mean prank and was just waiting to be scolded.
As soon as I opened the front door, the bright floral scent that had been filling the narrow space rushed to my nose.
“Come in.”
Taking off his shoes and stepping up to the living room/kitchen area, he calmly looked around the space. His gaze swept over the dark brown door with torn parts here and there, the magnetic coupons from delivery companies stuck to the side of the refrigerator, the crude curtains, and finally stopped at the flowers stuck in a tumbler on the dining table.
Before going into the room, I turned around and opened the cabinet to get another glass.
“We don’t have a vase… so I put half in another tumbler and placed it in my room.”
“Did I…”
As if he had no interest in how I had handled the bouquet, he quickly brought up a different topic.
“You sent the email knowing that person was me, right?”
When I took out a glass and turned around, his face under the fluorescent light was as haggard as his voice.
“Is it true that you remember everything?”
I nodded while putting the glass down on the counter.
“How should I take your words that you remember? Jung Jiin-ssi… does hyung also…”
Looking confused, he shook his head and swept his face broadly with his hand. He bowed his head deeply and swept back his falling hair several times.
“No matter how long I waited, no email came.”
“……”
“Even though I had set up notifications, I checked directly every day just in case… at some point it just became a habit. It was an inbox that had been empty for 7 years… but… suddenly a notification came…”
For a moment, I thought I could see his past self overlapping with his profile as he rambled like he was reciting.
I had thought he would wait for an email, but I didn’t know he would wait for 7 years. A day or two, a week… at most a month. He was at an age where he would quickly fall for someone else and quickly forget. I thought he would quickly shake off something like a brief connection from a travel destination.
Not for his sake, but for my own sake – afraid of the emotions that would make me miss and suffer – I had made such cowardly excuses to myself for not being able to send the email.
Even while saying I wouldn’t send a letter, I couldn’t throw away the note with the address. I tried to forget, thinking the more I remembered in detail, the more painful it would become, yet I didn’t want to completely forget either. I was contradictory throughout.
A brief fling. A rather cute and heartwarming memory I could smile about when looking back. While trying to dismiss it lightly as that kind of incident and ignoring my own feelings, I didn’t know he had been waiting for my email for 7 years.
“I’m sorry… for not sending… the email…”
I had no such intention, but my voice trembled. Flustered, I stopped speaking and bit my lower lip hard. I gripped the edge of the sink behind me tightly.
He slowly raised his head and approached me with slow steps. His long arms embraced me without hesitation. It really was like that. It was closer to an act of enveloping rather than a hug. As if trying to protect me from danger, or as if trying to cover and hide me.
His warm lips touched right by my ear. The strength that embraced my entire torso including my arms gradually grew stronger.
“You didn’t throw it away. The fact that you kept it… that you didn’t forget me… that’s enough.”
It’s okay. It’s okay.
Rubbing his lips against my ear, he repeatedly murmured.
■
Paeli in mid-May was a time when the peak season was gradually beginning. With the maximum temperature exceeding 20 degrees, people could enjoy swimming for 2-3 hours at midday, and once the temperature was warm enough to enter the water, people began flocking to resorts throughout Europe.
It was a season of heavenly weather that was neither hot nor chilly, continuing every day.
At that time, Jiin was working in the main restaurant hall of ‘Mio Palazzo’. After graduation, he had considered pursuing business administration or tourism industry, but ultimately chose to start practical work as soon as possible.
The main restaurant, which was also the place where breakfast was served to guests, was the only one among the three restaurants operated by ‘Mio Palazzo’ that had no break time between lunch and dinner. Guests or outside customers could enjoy simple dishes anytime during business hours. But of course, general meal times were naturally busier.
It usually became quiet after 2 o’clock. That day too, until Silvio appeared after returning to the hotel from spending time at the private beach, only a young couple with a child remained.
“Wow… the weather was really nice today. It was almost like early summer. Once I got in the sea, I didn’t want to come out. I guess I overdid it. I’m starving to death.”
As soon as Silvio spotted me, he poured out words rapidly and took a seat on the terrace seating where sunlight was pouring down.
Silvio’s parents were long-time customers of ‘Mio Palazzo’. Since their family owned two or three villas in famous resorts throughout Europe, they only stopped by ‘Mio Palazzo’ about once every 2-3 years, but even that was enough for Jiin and Silvio to have a familiarity as if they had somewhat shared each other’s growth process.
Silvio, who had just passed his twenty-ninth birthday, had quit his job after his transfer to an advertising agency in Paris was decided. Like the children of other wealthy customers who visited ‘Mio Palazzo’, he was also a case of success at an earlier age than ordinary people.
His life in Paris, which was guaranteed the best treatment including an apartment, car, and even a housekeeper to take care of household affairs, would begin in September. He was staying at ‘Mio Palazzo’ for a week to have some time to himself before enjoying a full vacation in July and August.
“You said you’re starving to death. I have to go back to the counter and hand over the order form before they can start cooking.”
Silvio, who had been chattering for a while showing diving videos he filmed on rocks at the beach, finally laughed heartily and sent Jiin away.
When I turned around, a new customer had taken a seat in the meantime. Though it was terrace seating, it was a shaded spot that didn’t receive direct sunlight.
Asian tourists, including Koreans, were rare in Paeli itself. This tendency was even stronger back then than now. Since it was extremely rare for a young Asian man who wasn’t with family to visit alone, the new customer was quite noticeable.
The young man was glancing this way with a stiff expression and posture. When passing in front of his table, Jiin smiled as warmly as possible. It was to make him feel even a little more comfortable. The young man also nodded back, but his expression didn’t seem to soften much.
Jiin, who had delivered Silvio’s order to the counter, decided to personally attend to the new customer. Though he couldn’t be certain of his nationality, he thought the young man would feel more comfortable if he, being the same Asian, served him.
The antique terrace with stone railings was filled with white sunlight that seemed freshly washed and gentle breeze. If it weren’t for work, it was weather that made me want to grab a book and go down to the beach.
“Hello. If you’re not ready to order, shall I make some recommendations?”
“……What?”
“I was wondering if you needed help.”
“Ah… yes. I…”
The young man who had been staring blankly up at Jiin flipped through the pages of the menu book. Whether he enjoyed outdoor activities, his solid neck and ears revealed under his short-cut hair were nicely tanned, but his long neck and even his earlobes were blushing red.
Author: Hyacinthus B
Hyacinthus
