Chapter 18
“Can I see your hand?”
I said, extending my palm toward him. After staring down at it as if my hand were a trap, he soon offered his long, large hand.
While I undid his expensive watch buckle, he silently let me do as I pleased. He was watching me with eyes curious about what I was trying to do.
On the inside of his solid wrist, the marks I had left remained faintly. Even though it had been a little over ten days, I could still make out the bluish bruise around the bite marks.
“The marks are still there.”
The man laughed in a low voice.
“Were you that curious?”
“On your shoulders and back too… are they still there?”
As if I might strip off his jacket and shirt right then to check for myself, I placed my hand on his shoulder and asked. His eyes looking at me blinked slowly. With his eyebrows and eyes close and deep-set, they gave an exotic yet serious impression.
“I knew you had prey tendencies mixed with degradee and brat tendencies… but do you perhaps have sadistic tendencies too?”
A smile still lingered on his face. When he asked if he could put his watch back on now, I nodded and let go of his wrist.
The car was speeding toward the grave of lights below. I had no intention of playing dumb about what act was implicitly promised at the end of heading to his destination. But there was something that needed to be clarified before we went to bed together.
I spoke while watching his profile as he fastened the watch buckle and adjusted his shirt sleeves.
“You… Lee Han-ssi, you have dom tendencies, right?”
“……”
“When you asked me if I was prey last time. I didn’t answer properly then… but to be precise, I don’t think I’m a lifestyle practitioner.”
He turned his body more toward me while deeply embedded in his seat. Though it was a casually comfortable posture with his temple leaning against the seat, his eyes and expression waiting for my next words without rushing were serious.
“I like sex where I’m physically overpowered, and I want to be pushed to the extreme even if I refuse… regardless of my protests. Dirty talk… I like both hearing it and saying it, and I get excited by acts that cause shame. So if I had to choose similar types among BDSM tendencies, it would be right to say I’m a mix of prey, brat, and degradee.”
It was something I couldn’t bring myself to say even in front of Yoon Juho, with whom I’d been physically involved for several years, albeit intermittently. That’s why I’d always only gotten second best in my relationship with Yoon Juho.
Even setting aside that my targets for sex and romance were men, preferring sex where I’m crushed by force and coercively pushed… I wasn’t the type who could comfortably reveal such preferences to others.
But why? I could say it in front of this man I’d only met three times. Maybe because he had revealed himself first as a hunter.
“But I don’t feel stability from commands or orders, and I don’t feel pleasure from making my partner angry by disobeying orders. That day… in Bangkok… I asked you to be rough, but I don’t have that kind of sex… every time. Even if you become my partner… Lee Han-ssi, you might not be satisfied.”
He, who had been listening intently, raised his body from the backrest. Then he rested his elbow on the armrest and propped his chin.
“So you don’t want a dom-sub relationship and don’t have sub tendencies?”
I nodded at his neat summary.
He dropped his gaze to around my feet. After being lost in thought for a moment, he spoke in a calm voice. With his gaze still directed downward, it almost sounded like he was talking to himself.
“Is it that important whether you’re a lifestyle practitioner or not?”
“……”
“Since Jung Jiin-ssi spoke honestly, I’ll talk as I am too.”
He lifted his eyelids and looked straight at me.
“When someone who’s my type deliberately pokes and provokes trying to get my attention, or falsely begs me to stop because they’re afraid of too strong pleasure… I get excited by that. I want to endlessly inject pleasure into such a partner while physically overpowering them, until they reveal the bottom of their instincts.”
He stretched out the hand that had been propping his chin and touched the lapel of my jacket.
“Not because I want to show off that I’m physically superior… but because I want to see a partner exposed to pleasure beyond normal thresholds.”
We gazed into each other’s eyes with the armrest between us. The car was now running with the Han River on our right. But neither of us paid any attention to the changes outside the window.
His hand approached me and traced the back of the lapel, the folded part, with his fingertips.
“No matter how sexually aroused you become, reason doesn’t crumble that easily. When you feel like you’re going to bounce too far from your socialized self through education, you stop out of fear. And I… don’t want to stop there. I want to forcibly bounce out beyond the line together.”
“……”
“Of course, I mean I want to do that with a consenting partner.”
His hand that had been tracing the back of the lapel withdrew without entering inside the jacket. My breathing, which had unconsciously tightened while his hand was touching me, loosened. It already felt like we had entered foreplay.
This time he fumbled over the controller on the armrest with his long fingers. My gaze went to his particularly neatly trimmed fingernails.
“In that sense, I only expressed myself as a hunter for convenience, but I’m also not interested at all in mentally controlling and dominating a partner. BDSM isn’t just about sadism-masochism and dom-sub relationships.”
“……”
“Whether you’re a lifestyle practitioner or not, such distinctions don’t matter, do they? I’m actually relieved that Jung Jiin-ssi doesn’t ask me to hit you.”
Author: Hyacinthus B
Hyacinthus
