Chapter 16
“Yes, you’re right. I overstepped.”
By nodding several times and agreeing with her words, the CEO seemed to have given up on recommending me. It was fortunate that I didn’t have to endure this situation any longer, but something inside me had already been crushed.
“Director, please let go of your anger too. Only Jung Jiin-ssi will feel embarrassed.”
“It’s not the actor’s fault. I’m sorry… I just really hate compromising when it comes to my work…”
At the senior’s words, the director glanced at me and apologized gruffly. He wasn’t terribly authoritarian or obviously materialistic. He hadn’t called me here with the intention of insulting me. The same was true for UB’s CEO.
No one intended it, no one planned to throw stones, yet strangely I felt beaten and tattered. However, I composed my emotions and bowed to the director.
“Not at all, Director. I’m sorry for disrupting the gathering. It’s an honor just to have met you.”
“Today is a good opportunity to introduce Hongseo to these important people and attract investment. It would have been difficult to arrange without CEO Myung’s help. So Director, please let go of your anger now.”
Seemingly trusting her words quite a bit, the director visibly softened his expression. She appeared to have a deep connection with the director. Only after seeing the director’s face relax did the CEO seem to catch his breath.
“I’ll wrap things up well with Jung Jiin-ssi. Jiin-ssi, shall we talk for a moment?”
The senior sent me a meaningful look. There was nothing more to hear or say about wrapping things up, but I had no choice but to follow her toward the door.
As I headed toward the exit, that man’s voice came from behind me.
“What was it, Fly? There was that song, you know. The one where they rotate their hips amazingly. Let’s see that dance.”
“Yes, then, if you don’t mind, I’ll show you briefly here.”
In Hongseo’s subsequent answer, no humiliation could be found. But just because it didn’t show on the surface didn’t mean that position was pleasant. Being good at enduring pain was different from not feeling pain.
Even after leaving the reception room and entering the corridor, the tightness in my chest didn’t improve at all.
I’d received worse treatment at auditions. Informal speech was basic, and there were casting directors who wouldn’t even look at me while I acted, just vaguely listening to my voice before gesturing for me to leave. I’d worked with senior actors who treated me like a portable ashtray, and I’d acted under directors who violently cursed “shibal shibal” at actors and staff in the style of 20-30 years ago.
Compared to them, Director Kang Woohyeon wasn’t even in the rude category. He hadn’t poured verbal abuse on me. Yet the sense of humiliation was stronger than those previous experiences. It wasn’t Director Kang Woohyeon’s problem.
The senior, who had briefly checked her appearance in a mirror taken from her clutch bag, turned to look at me and smiled.
“We saw each other briefly at Knox Hotel last time, but this is our first time talking, right?”
“Yes, sunbae-nim.”
“Since we’re both in this mood, let’s talk over a drink.”
I didn’t think having drinks with a senior more than twenty years older would improve my mood. But like in the reception room, I had no right to refuse now either.
Like someone who had frequented the place, she crossed the living room by the shortest route without looking around or hesitating.
Meanwhile, the excitement in the garden was reaching its peak. There were guests dancing with their jackets off, or their high heels removed. Like the age group in the second-floor reception room, most of the people laughing and enjoying themselves in the first-floor living room and garden were also middle-aged or older. It clearly seemed to be a party for investment attraction or promotional purposes.
“……”
Following the senior who was walking straight to the bar, I had to slow my steps. The conspicuous trio I had encountered at the gate was talking with several people in front of the bar counter.
“What kind of alcohol do you like? Shall we drink something strong?”
“I’ll have the same as you, sunbae-nim.”
The senior, who had taken seats on stools about three or four seats away from the group the man belonged to, asked the baby-faced bartender for two glasses of strong whiskey with just one ice cube each.
I couldn’t know who had invited the man today or whom he had come to meet. But it was fortunate that he hadn’t been in the reception room earlier.
Since he was standing facing the bar, I couldn’t tell if he had noticed my arrival. But whenever I looked at the senior, his profile caught in my field of vision.
“Is it okay if I smoke?”
“Yes, of course.”
I looked down at her hands taking out a thin metal case from her clutch and silently waited for her to speak. Inside the case, long white cigarettes were neatly arranged.
“Don’t take the director’s words too harshly.”
“Not at all. How could I be offended?”
“What’s there to hide between fellow actors? Why wouldn’t that situation be offensive? It’s fucked up.”
In her tone, I could sense something like a weary anger, remnants of anger that had weathered but not completely disappeared. The atmosphere was different from when she had skillfully managed the situation in the reception room.
After taking a deep drag of her lit cigarette, she exhaled thin, long smoke and said:
“To put it bluntly, it’s not like I went out begging for a role, so why should I be called here and have to listen to that kind of talk?”
While I agreed internally with her frank statement, outwardly I only smiled ambiguously. Even though she was voicing my feelings, it didn’t particularly make me feel better.
“I know Actor Jung has been in the industry for a few years, but we’ve never worked together. I’m Seo Euiju… you know who I am, right?”
“Of course. I eagerly watched <Channel> that you were in recently.”
She just laughed briefly as if she had no interest in such obvious pleasantries.
Glasses filled with dark amber liquid were soon served in front of us. The barely diluted whiskey burned hot down my throat and warmed my insides. I felt like getting drunk. I felt like becoming a mess.
Over the senior’s shoulder, boisterous laughter erupted from the group the trio belonged to. It wasn’t easy to distinguish just one person’s voice from within.
“I thought your looks were really something when I saw you at PD Hwang’s table last time. You looked classy on screen too, but the screen can’t keep up with you in person. If I were Jiin-ssi, I’d feel wronged. I’d believe it if you said you were in your mid-twenties.”
She herself, who was saying this, looked like she was in her forties despite approaching sixty. That wasn’t just due to the power of medicine.
“With a face that money can’t buy, a young and sexy body… and now you’ve got some recognition to back you up. But it seems our hubae lacks worldly wisdom. Or… do you already have someone looking after you, so acting is just a hobby?”
Her gaze, exploring with raw interest, stuck to me stickily.
Though expressing it indirectly, she was ultimately asking if I had a sponsor. This wasn’t my first time hearing such a question. Each time, I had avoided answering altogether by laughing awkwardly as if embarrassed. This time was no different.
After exhaling cigarette smoke once more at length, she took out a business card from her clutch bag.
“I don’t make this kind of offer to just anyone. I’m not some pimp connecting people with nobodies calling themselves businessmen. I feel bad as a sunbae seeing Jiin-ssi, who has everything but can’t move forward.”
“……”
I silently looked down at the thin rectangular piece of paper held out in front of my chest.
“You’re not a rookie anymore, so you wouldn’t have the naive expectation that things will work out just by working hard. In this world, even office workers can’t succeed just by doing their job well. How long are you going to be called to places like this like an entertainer and see dirty things?”
The word ‘entertainer’ caught my ear like a fishhook. My heart pounded as if it would explode, and the sense of humiliation that had somewhat subsided raised its head again.
It wasn’t the worst verbal abuse or harassment I’d ever heard, and Director Kang Woohyeon hadn’t thoroughly crushed my pride to the end. The reason I felt so dirty finally became clear.
My appearance, prettily ‘prepared,’ standing before people with money, status, and power, waiting to be chosen while being appraised.
Though called an actor in nice terms, I was really no different from those in the garden pool providing entertainment with their youth and physical charm. Would calling me an entertainer really be an exaggeration?
Author: Hyacinthus B
Hyacinthus
