Chapter 105
“……You came?”
He spoke awkwardly.
“I hope I didn’t take time from your busy schedule.”
I was just as hesitant.
“No. Not at all. Come in.”
Shaking his head in denial, he rubbed the back of his neck and took a step forward.
Despite his declaration-like statement that he wouldn’t step back, that he wouldn’t disappear from in front of me, he was withdrawn. It was probably because he hadn’t expected me to take any action first.
What words was he planning to say this time after coming all this way? — The worry that people who have given up initiative to their counterpart can’t help but have would be gripping him. It wasn’t difficult to predict that.
Passing through the corridor, he led me to a room furnished as a reception room. It was a space I hadn’t seen during my previous visit. Like his bedroom and dining room, an unobstructed Han River view spread out refreshingly to the south.
Though it was a space with high ceilings and of course sufficiently spacious, compared to the size of the mansion I had roughly estimated from outside, it didn’t feel like the main living room. It wasn’t the kind of impersonal modern or classic space you’d typically imagine when thinking of a chaebol family’s home either.
The space that maintained dignity through restraint while sufficiently revealing his taste through the sofa’s design, voluminous large floor lamps, and cushion colors was interesting in how it resembled him.
Particularly, the artwork hanging on one wall caught my attention.
It was an acrylic painting depicting a sunrise over the sea. The sun rising while tinting the sky pink was creating dazzling golden ripples on the calm emerald sea.
Since Paeli faced the sea to the west, sunsets were beautiful but naturally you couldn’t see sunrise over the sea. However, the overall color tone of the painting itself evoked memories of my hometown’s atmosphere.
“It looks like Paeli, doesn’t it?”
“……”
As if reading my thoughts, he said that.
When I turned around, he was taking in both me and the painting in his view, hands stuck in his jeans’ back pockets.
“When you become an adult, you start associating and imagining only within your own experiences. Though it’s a painting of sunrise, to my eyes it somehow looks like Paeli’s sunset…”
I looked back at the painting.
According to what he had told me, Paeli would be a place of deep meaning to him.
The space where childhood ended and the place where he transformed from boy to man.
“Sit down. This is my reception room where I spend time with close people when they visit. Though there aren’t many people I’d call close.”
He pointed to a comfortable-looking long three-seater sofa.
“For drinks… what would you like?”
“I’ll have iced coffee.”
Nodding, he picked up the phone on the console behind the sofa and ordered drinks from somewhere. As I’d felt before, he didn’t seem to prefer having employees follow him around like shadows. It felt like a system was perfectly established to minimize the frequency of face-to-face contact.
With a corner between us, he sat cross-legged in a single chair across from the sofa where I sat. With his elbow resting on the armrest and his upper body leaning forward, it didn’t look like a very comfortable position.
Wearing neat-silhouetted jeans and a plain black short-sleeved t-shirt, he looked quite different from when he was performing official roles in suits.
His basic posture was much more relaxed, and his expressions were more varied. Accordingly, his overall atmosphere changed, making him look three or four years younger than usual.
People in his position usually don’t choose jeans even for casual wear. But for him, who was only twenty-seven, taking off his suit and putting on jeans seemed to be more than just a matter of clothing.
Would it be too much interpretation to feel it as a kind of small ritual to temporarily put down the constraints and obligations of having to take responsibility for a part of Hanseo Group’s management?
As I looked up from his simple-designed indoor leather slippers with closed fronts, scanning his outfit, our eyes met as he had been following my gaze.
Had I been staring too much? Embarrassed, I unnecessarily loosened my neck and threw out a light topic first.
“Why have you been… working from home lately?”
As if it was awkward to answer, he fidgeted with his clasped hands for a moment before smiling wryly and speaking.
“Yujun kicked me out saying I was ruining the office atmosphere.”
“……”
“It’s been about… three days?”
With his head slightly bowed, he glanced at me.
“I watched the script reading video well.”
“Ah…”
The day after returning from Hongcheon, there was the first full script reading. As announced in advance during the supporting cast reading, the two lead actors and I filmed separate greeting videos.
I hadn’t thought he would have watched the video uploaded to the video sharing site the very next day. Though I knew he was following me on SNS, I didn’t know he would check parts beyond my personal account.
Even though it was a video made publicly accessible to anyone, thinking that he had watched it made my face heat up as if he’d caught me in an embarrassing moment. Just as he hadn’t wanted to show me his ‘prince playing,’ I didn’t really want to show him the appearance of ‘talent Jung Jiin.’
I especially didn’t want it to seem like I had a pleasant time laughing harmoniously with Yoon Juho right after returning from Hongcheon.
“That’s… because it’s work… actually, I didn’t really want to laugh…”
Just as I was about to make excuses urgently and somewhat incoherently, an employee appeared with coffee. I could have continued talking, but my mouth closed without my realizing it.
Coffee was placed in front of both him and me along with a few simple cookie pieces. Using double-walled heat-resistant glass cups with a cup inside a cup, even though it was iced coffee, no water droplets formed on the surface.
Even after the neatly retreating employee disappeared from view, I waited a bit longer. I had no interest in the drinks, but my throat was so parched I couldn’t help but drink.
Putting down my glass as if I’d just chugged a refreshing beer, I decided not to delay any longer. I wanted to quickly relieve the pressure of fear he might be feeling as much as I was nervous, perhaps even more.
“I’ll take responsibility.”
“……”
“You said to take responsibility since you first met me at thirteen and became twenty-seven like that.”
“……”
“Lee Han-ssi, I came because I want to take responsibility.”
Like someone facing a movie’s climax, he covered his lower face with his large hand. He seemed to have forgotten even to blink his two eyes fixed on me.
“I thought a lot after returning from Hongcheon. Whether I’m really someone who intends to end this relationship… I tried to look at myself honestly.”
I forcibly kept my gaze, which kept trying to fall downward, tied to his eyes. At this moment, I didn’t want to avoid his eyes.
“I said I didn’t think I could change as a person, but… if Lee Han-ssi still has the heart to accept me, I want to take it back. Honestly, I… don’t want to end it.”
“……”
His pupils, which had been looking at me without moving, slowly turned downward.
Only then did I realize I couldn’t keep my hands still. My hands that had been clasped on my knees were gripping each other so tightly they seemed to be squeezing each other.
Confessing like this in front of someone who said he wouldn’t give up on me was this difficult…
Just imagining his feelings as he had chased after me every time made my entire chest ache dully.
Unclasping my hands, I confessed while clenching my fists tightly this time.
“Back then too… in the past too, I was a coward. I was afraid of missing someone I couldn’t meet and becoming difficult… so I pretended it was just a pretty memory. But this time, I don’t think I can.”
I suddenly realized while speaking. When I brought out more of his past self, I wasn’t using formal speech with him. Like in the past then.
After smiling darkly at the thought of how scary the unconscious was, I conveyed my final sincerity to him.
“Rather than people seeing us as having a sponsorship relationship, losing you and regretting it… that’s much scarier.”
Like someone who had heard astounding news, he frowned. His lips moved as if he would say something any moment, but he couldn’t manage any words for quite a while.
In the not-at-all hot temperature, ice slowly melted. The ice in the iced coffee melted and clinked as pieces hit each other.
At this moment of looking directly into his eyes, I felt even the very faint hesitation that remained completely disappear.
“Hana…”
“……”
His frowning eyes widened.
“Lee Han.”
“……”
“Hancheoeum-ssi.”
“Wait… stop for a moment, I feel like I’m going to die.”
He stretched one arm toward me while turning his face away. His earlobe visible toward me was flushed red. Just like twenty-year-old him had done in front of me.
“Your name that I couldn’t call because I was cowardly… in the future, by your side, will you let me… call it often?”
My voice trembled. I wasn’t ashamed of that trembling. I naturally revealed my emotions as they were. Not the emotions of a role I was playing, but the honest emotions of human Jung Jiin.
Uncrossing his legs and standing up, he moved to the sofa where I was sitting.
Like touching a fascinating object he was seeing for the first time, he slowly reached his hand toward mine. The moment our hands touched, I gripped his fingers tightly with force.
He swallowed dry saliva once.
“What to say… it’s a situation I didn’t expect at all…”
“Tell me you’ll accept me. That you’re still waiting for me…”
“……”
From the closer distance, his eyes slowly explored me. He was looking at me with emotion as I revealed my impatience with desperate longing for him.
Soon he shook his head slightly. Looking down at our hands tightly intertwined like an untangleable skein, he said:
“What kind of words are those? I waited until I became twenty-seven, do you think my heart would have changed in those few days?”
Though he was trying to speak jokingly, I could feel the surging waves of emotion in his voice.
He wrapped his other arm around my shoulder. His hand that had been gently stroking the end of my shoulder suddenly applied strong force. My body leaned against him, and his lips touched my temple. A soft low voice whispered like complaining:
“Words like saying let’s end it… I’ll make sure you can’t even think of them again.”
His voice, which no one but me could hear, was like a prayer.
Author: Hyacinthus B
Hyacinthus
