#90
I couldn’t understand it.
That man had deceived my uncle. It was adultery beyond deception, practically insulting my uncle’s love.
On the day he announced the divorce, my uncle cried to me and said: If he had known it would turn out like this, he wouldn’t have chosen that man. If he had known love could be this terrible, he wouldn’t have even started.
I had felt sorry for him. Because it seemed like I had driven away the new happiness that had come into his world. There were even days when I suffered, unable to shake the suspicion of whether there would have been no problems in their love if it hadn’t been for me.
But it had already happened. Just as spilled water cannot be contained, the scars carved into us didn’t disappear, and eventually the two of us came to live separately.
‘Can you really live alone? Sanho… Uncle doesn’t have confidence. Living alone is too scary and frightening.’
‘I’m scared too. I don’t have confidence I can adapt either. I’m frightened. But…’
‘……’
‘But I’m more afraid of not being able to handle this situation. Uncle didn’t do anything wrong, but… I’m afraid I might come to resent uncle just for choosing that person, for such a trivial reason…’
‘I’m sorry, Sanho. I’m sorry. I’m really sorry…’
“I couldn’t bear it.”
It hurt. I couldn’t tell if it was my cut hand that hurt, or my burning stomach, or my throbbing head.
“The first few years were okay. I thought it was unavoidable. I tried to think I was being punished for giving you bad memories. But, Sanho…”
“……”
“I lost all my family in an instant. Nothing was left. I didn’t have confidence to digest that reality…”
So you met him again? The very person who destroyed everything? How could you casually meet someone who insulted love in the most terrible way?
Just thinking about that moment made me feel like I was going to die, and I had struggled for 10 years.
“Don’t say it.”
There was a buzzing sound in my ears. It sounded like throbbing, or like scraping metal with something sharp.
“I don’t want to hear it…”
I didn’t even want to ask if that was love. Because whether it was love or not didn’t matter. The choice of someone who ruins themselves because they don’t want to be lonely – that wasn’t something others could stop.
Who should I blame? I had lived that way myself.
I decided to run away. From the manager, from Jin Woohyeon, from my uncle. Even knowing that there were more than one or two problems that had suddenly hit me, I irresponsibly turned my back.
But I couldn’t even run away properly. I hadn’t even taken ten steps after leaving the cafe when someone grabbed my arm.
“…Let go.”
I tried to shake it off but it didn’t work as I wanted. Instead, I felt like I was staggering as if I was the one being pushed.
“Wait… I just want to be alone for a moment.”
“Sanho hyung.”
Jin Woohyeon turned my body around completely and stretched out both hands to grip my shoulders tightly.
“If hyung moves like that, you’ll fall. I’m worried you might get hurt.”
“……”
“I’ll let you be alone.”
Jin Woohyeon’s face came into focus in my blurred vision.
“I’ll take you somewhere where no one is.”
The place Jin Woohyeon took me was his car. Opening the back seat door for me, he let me go and whispered,
“Call me if you need anything.”
Sitting in the car that had darkened to a blue hue, I thought.
Was I too slow? Was I too lacking and foolish, left alone clinging to things I should have properly graduated from?
Dwelling on why this happened, how it came to this, was foolish. Because nothing would change even if I did, and it wouldn’t get better either. It would only fall into a vicious cycle of self-pity.
Yet I couldn’t help but think about it. I wanted to understand it that way, to resolve the things that had painfully accumulated inside me. The things I couldn’t pour out or digest kept feeling like they were blocking my breathing.
“……”
I don’t know how long I stayed like that. I wondered if crying would at least clear my insides, but what usually overflowed easily seemed blocked somewhere and couldn’t flow properly when it mattered.
If there was something fortunate, it was that my heart gradually became calmer. The emotions that seemed ready to burst and shatter into pieces at any moment began to slowly settle.
Only after breathing became much easier than when I first entered the car did I think of Jin Woohyeon’s presence. He was quietly waiting for me while leaning against the car. His gaze was fixed on a distant place, worried I might feel burdened.
That silent affection made me happy, sorry, and on the other hand, tender.
After hesitating for a moment, I raised my hand and tapped on the car window. Small but clear, knock knock, and then knock knock again.
Then the door opened, and Jin Woohyeon bent down to meet my eyes.
“Are you okay now?”
“……”
“You didn’t cry.”
His quiet gaze swept over my face for a moment.
“It’s okay to wait more. I’ll stay outside until you sort out your feelings.”
I shook my head side to side.
“…Come sit next to me. Let’s talk.”
Instead of answering, Jin Woohyeon closed the door. Going around the hood, he opened the opposite door and got in next to me.
“I was wondering what to say first, but I don’t have confidence to say it properly.”
Jin Woohyeon hesitated and then answered,
“Then let me try speaking first.”
“……”
“Listen and do as you feel. You can argue, get angry, anything is fine…”
“Okay. I’ll do that.”
After a short silence, Jin Woohyeon opened his mouth.
“What my manager hyung said about promises and agreements was real.”
That’s how his story began.
“If it had been a typical role, I would have refused to appear, but it happened to be a catalyst role. Since there was a case where someone who appeared as a catalyst in another series previously had their recognition skyrocket, the agency thought this would be worth doing.”
Instead, there was a request to refrain from excessive romantic entanglements. Since they didn’t know how he would be active in the future, it was better to have no scandals or controversies.
Shake things up but don’t ruin your image. Act freely but don’t choose anyone. It was an appearance accepted under quite restrictive circumstances, and Jin Woohyeon said he had no complaints.
“I thought it wouldn’t be difficult. I had never been that serious about anyone in my life. Actually, I was even worried. That I might be indifferent because no one would appeal to me.”
“But…”
“I met hyung.”
“……”
“Hyung is right. I like hyung, and hyung came to choose me. Then this is also a story related to Yoo Sanho.”
His hand wrapped around mine. Warm body heat gently covered the back of my hand.
“I missed the timing and couldn’t bring it up. It might be an excuse, but I was constantly busy after entering the show… Maybe I was complacent. I might have thought it would work out somehow.”
That’s why he was sorry, Jin Woohyeon apologized to me.
“What did your manager hyung say when he gave you that money?”
“That I should have chosen you.”
His overlapping hand flinched.
“He said he hoped I would take that money and choose Chan instead of you.”
“…Will you do that?”
His fingers, filled with tension, dug between my fingers.
“As he said, will you choose Chan hyung instead of me?”
The tension in each joint was clearly transmitted. Was that why? Even knowing it was a serious atmosphere, a silly laugh leaked out.
“No. I won’t do that.”
I would have refused no matter how much was in that envelope.
“But I don’t want my choice, and my feelings, to ruin your life as an actor. I wanted to coordinate that part with your manager.”
“I…”
I’ll handle it. He was about to say that but suddenly shut his mouth tightly. Then he hummed briefly. Because he knew I wouldn’t want that.
“I’ll arrange a meeting. So hyung can fully understand this situation and also give your opinion. I’ll talk it out well and compromise in front of hyung.”
“Yeah. Please do that.”
“And… I’m sorry.”
He turned the hand he was holding over and gently tickled my palm with his thumb.
“For making you have that experience, I want to apologize. I think it must have been absurd and unpleasant. I’ll tell my manager hyung to apologize too.”
I nodded and said,
“I’m glad I met you, but what if I become an obstacle in your path?”
“Hyung.”
“I don’t dare hope for the same degree. But I hope it’s at least similar. Just as you were luck to me, I also…”
As I spoke, I wondered if it was greed, but whatever.
“I want to be your luck too.”
I want to be a good person to you. I want to make you laugh. I want to become someone who can give you freedom and healing.
I wanted to become your memory or blessing like that.
“We can’t be similar.”
When I flinched at those words, Jin Woohyeon gripped my hand tightly and added,
“Are you afraid hyung might be my misfortune?”
“……”
“I think the day hyung came and bumped into me was the luckiest day of my life, so how could hyung be misfortune to someone like me?”
When I turned my head, our eyes met directly. Jin Woohyeon was looking at me as if it was natural. Continuously from when he got in the car until now.
After looking at him for a long time, I finally opened my mouth.
“Woohyeon.”
“Yes, hyung.”
“Do you want to kiss?”
Author: Hyacinthus B
Hyacinthus
“Do you want to kiss?” BABY this escalated again 😭😭