#87
Bae Taeseong is a good person. Though rough around the edges, he’s warm, and with his characteristic refreshing and honest nature, he makes people comfortable.
The other day, on the way back after going through a heat cycle. Even when hit with his pheromones pouring out abundantly in the car, I wasn’t afraid – perhaps it was because I unconsciously believed he wouldn’t harm me.
‘I suppose I have that much favorable feelings toward him.’
But if you asked whether that ‘favorable feeling’ had the same nuance as the ‘favorable feeling’ Han Jiwon was talking about, the answer was no. This was just goodwill in the human realm.
“It’s probably not the kind of feelings you’re thinking of, hyung.”
I continued in a calm voice.
“And I can’t think of things by setting other people aside, Jiwon hyung.”
Distinguishing emotions in detail and defining them in the purest way is important. Sometimes there are moments when that’s absolutely necessary.
But not now. To me, the situation was as important as emotions, and measuring whether I had favorable feelings or not while setting everything aside felt meaningless.
If I were to step out of this arduous first love and take a step toward a new path, it would be for Jin Woohyeon, not Bae Taeseong. As firm as Jin Woohyeon’s feelings were, my feelings were equally clear.
“My favorable feelings belong to Woohyeon. Does that answer your question?”
“Yeah.”
After a brief silence, Han Jiwon nodded.
“Thank you for answering, Sanho.”
Jin Woohyeon popped a fresh blueberry into my mouth and asked.
“Hyung, don’t you have anything you’re curious about regarding other people?”
Coincidentally, I did. I turned my head toward Choi Eungi while gripping the bottle that had become much lighter.
“Eungi hyung.”
Instead of answering, Choi Eungi looked at me with a silent gaze.
“Do you have any intention of asking Yudam to meet again, or not?”
It was a question that came to mind because of what Choi Eungi had said to Jeon Yudam before. Those words telling him to think only of himself in their relationship seemed like they were said knowing Jeon Yudam’s heart, who had announced their breakup due to family opposition.
If he disagreed with a breakup that happened because of others. If he said that because he wanted to try again, since both of them still had feelings left, wouldn’t that be something?
If Choi Eungi showed confidence, wouldn’t Jeon Yudam also find courage? Even though we’d only known each other for about a month, I knew they were quite good people, so I hoped things would work out well for them.
Like everyone else, I also thought Choi Eungi would give a positive answer.
“No.”
I was taken aback by his voice that sounded almost blunt.
“I have no intention of asking to meet.”
I wasn’t the only one shaken. Jin Woohyeon raised his eyebrows as if surprised, and even Lee Chan, who had been playing with An Lei’s hands, turned his head.
Jeon Yudam shouted as if yelping.
“Why? When did you, when did you… When was it that you told me to think only of you? Of course, um, of course I know I don’t have the right to say such things…”
“You do have the right.”
Choi Eungi reached out to take the bottle from my hands, then filled a glass. His gaze remained directed at Jeon Yudam.
“But responsibility is needed.”
“…”
“If Yudam-ssi was the one who said let’s break up, shouldn’t Yudam-ssi also be the one to make efforts to meet again?”
Anyway, since Choi Eungi had answered honestly, I, having satisfied my curiosity, had to drink this alcohol. I declined Jin Woohyeon’s offer to be my black knight with a smile and downed the contents of the glass in one go.
As I was savoring the bitter aftertaste, this time a canapé slipped into my mouth. The salty and savory taste from mashed potatoes and pickled tomatoes softened the sharp aftertaste of the alcohol.
“You got some on you, hyung.”
Jin Woohyeon gently rubbed the corner of my mouth with his thumb. When our eyes met, he showed me an extremely gentle smile, looking very pleased.
Curious about why he looked so happy, I stared at him blankly, and as if reading my inner thoughts, he pressed my lower lip and smiled softly.
“Your favorable feelings are mine?”
“…Then whose would they be?”
Realizing that Jin Woohyeon himself had heard those words, embarrassment rushed over me belatedly.
“If you don’t like it, should I give them to someone else?”
“That absolutely can’t happen.”
He gently caught my hand that was fiddling with the glass for no reason and answered while softly rubbing my hand with his thumb.
“Give them only to me. Okay?”
Even without him saying it like that, my heart was already allocated to Jin Woohyeon.
But when you look at me like that…
“You.”
I glanced around and whispered as quietly as possible.
“Keep… um, anyway. Don’t do that. Especially when other people are around.”
“Like what?”
“Like, staring, smiling at me, talking like that…”
Expressing it this way made me feel even more embarrassed. I whispered while trying to ignore the heat warming my nape and ear tips.
“Anyway, you can’t.”
Jin Woohyeon, who had slightly frowned to gauge the symbols omitted between my words, let out a small “ah” sigh.
“Does it seem like I’m openly hitting on you, making you feel awkward?”
“…”
“Are you getting too excited or something?”
“You, really…”
It was the moment I was about to say more.
“Yoo Sanho.”
My heart sank at the sharp voice. It felt like a corner of my heart that had been fluffy and swollen suddenly deflated.
Lee Chan poured me alcohol. He filled it so full that the amber liquid almost overflowed.
I was about to ask why he was filling my glass first when I hadn’t even heard the question yet.
“In a few days, we’ll be leaving here.”
Time had passed like that before I knew it. A month had felt so long it seemed endless, and at first I had no idea how to spend it.
‘Once I actually came in, I wasn’t in my right mind at all.’
Swept up in dates and events, I had arrived at today in an instant.
Before I could fully savor such reflections, Lee Chan asked me.
“You said it. That you’d leave as strangers with me.”
“Yeah. I said that.”
“Then can you never see me for the rest of your life?”
I was silent for a moment.
I had already lost affection for Lee Chan and had no desire to try anything again.
That’s why I had said that. Let’s live completely separately and meet again much later. Since we can’t be friends, at least that way you might become a memory to me.
Could Lee Chan and Yoo Sanho never meet for the rest of their lives?
After hesitating briefly, I drank the alcohol. The glass shook and some of the spilled contents wet my fingertips, spreading a sharp pain. The alcohol must have touched a scratch I got from the table edge earlier.
Then when I lifted my head, my eyes met Lee Chan’s. An “I knew it” smile was spreading across his smooth face.
Suddenly I became curious about the reason for this question. Was it because he wanted the title of having broken up amicably, or was there something he wanted to make up for? It could be one or the other, both, or neither.
‘Whatever.’
I answered in a calm voice.
“I couldn’t answer because it’s a problem I’ve never thought about. That’s why I drank the alcohol.”
“…”
“My goal isn’t to become someone who absolutely never encounters you for life. It’s to become someone who wouldn’t be affected even if I met you.”
That’s what becoming strangers meant. It’s not about never encountering each other. It’s not about being so far apart that we can’t even hear about each other’s situations through rumors.
It’s just that our lives would be completely cut off and the distance in our hearts would grow far apart. So I wanted to become unshaken by the other person’s mood, situation, or even whatever they might say to me.
So that even if we accidentally encountered each other on the street someday, we’d be indifferent enough not to even notice we met and just go our separate ways.
That’s how I wanted to become with him.
“They say that’s usually how it becomes when you break up.”
At my calm words, Lee Chan’s smile wavered aimlessly before slowly scattering.
I poured alcohol into my empty glass again. Since it was strong alcohol, after a few glasses my head started throbbing and I was getting drunk.
“I hope I can definitely drink this alcohol.”
I lifted my head and looked into Lee Chan’s eyes as I asked.
“You said you regretted not being able to be a better person to me.”
“…Yeah.”
“Then.”
I closed my eyes deeply and opened them as I asked.
“Don’t treat Lei the way you treated me. Can you answer that?”
Lee Chan nodded after a long while, and the last drink I had that day seeped into me, leaving a relieved sweet taste.
Author: Hyacinthus B
Hyacinthus
Everyone really pulled no punches with these questions 🤭🍿