#74
‘What should you do when you feel like you’ll regret whatever you choose, Sanho hyung?’
‘Well… I think I’d ask for the other person’s opinion. They might have a slightly better answer than what I came up with.’
‘…’
‘So ask Eungi hyung too. What he was thinking. What he wants to do. Shouldn’t hyung also know what kind of worries you have?’
At those words, Jeon Yudam could neither say he would nor that he couldn’t, just smiled. I too had simply answered his question and didn’t want to force him to accomplish something right away.
It would need time. For Jeon Yudam as it was for me, and for Choi Eungi as well.
I could only hope that this filming would become an opportunity for all of us to move in a better direction.
When I trudged back to find no one in the room, I laid down comfortably on the sofa. I knew in my head that I needed to organize the things I’d bought, wash up, and pack my suitcase.
“Ah, whatever.”
My body, drained of tension, became infinitely lazy. The throbbing pain in my ankle had now spread to the top of my foot, and I really felt like not moving at all if possible.
‘Travel isn’t something just anyone can do.’
But very unfortunately, this wasn’t a problem that could be solved by trying hard.
As I lay sprawled out, letting out a long sigh, there was a clicking sound and the door opened.
Naturally thinking it would be An Lei, today’s roommate, I murmured without even lifting my head.
“You can use the bathroom first. I’ll use it a little later…”
Then an unexpected response came back.
“Are you very tired?”
Just as I was about to bolt upright in confusion, a large hand gently pressed down on my back.
“Be careful. Especially with low blood pressure.”
“Woohyeon.”
As I just blinked in confusion at Jin Woohyeon’s sudden appearance, he smiled quietly while making eye contact with me.
“Got it. I’ll answer one by one.”
He plopped down on the floor without a care and said.
“I got the card key from Lei hyung. I met him on the first floor. It seemed like it was about time for hyung to come back, so I wanted to see your face before sleeping.”
“…”
“I found out about your low blood pressure when I helped you get an IV before. I took a simple measurement then.”
I didn’t remember having my blood pressure taken when we went to the hospital together, I thought as I tilted my head, then fully understood his words a bit later.
‘When we first met.’
I had gotten an IV that night when I first met him too, but I had no memory since I was unconscious the whole time. It seemed he had taken a simple measurement then.
“And the reason I bothered to come find hyung, who would want to sleep even one second earlier because you’re tired from walking around all day, is…”
Careful hands grasped my ankle. When I flinched reflexively, he gently stroked along the outline of my ankle bone with his thumb as if wanting to reassure me.
“I was worried that you would have trotted around diligently without showing any sign of pain to match excited Yudam’s pace.”
I hesitated, then asked.
“You thought of me?”
“I’m always thinking of hyung.”
That voice mixed with quiet laughter sounded so peaceful and delightful that I couldn’t help but smile back.
“You can keep lying down.”
“…How can you be like this.”
When I squirmed up and sat leaning against the sofa, he placed my feet on his thighs and began properly massaging my ankle.
Thanks to his careful hands pressing not only my instep and ankle but also my shins and knees, the fatigue that had been building up gradually subsided.
“How was today?”
I told him about my time with Jeon Yudam in a rambling but cheerful voice. About looking at cute interior accessories and toys sold at claw machine stores, the snacks we ate at tasting corners, and how we got to see people walking around to our heart’s content.
Even though it was just obvious and common impressions anyone could feel, Jin Woohyeon listened as if it were an incredibly amazing story.
“It must have been fun.”
Jin Woohyeon, who had made me sit while he went to the bathroom, came back and settled down again, then placed what he’d brought on my feet after pulling off my socks. A warm sensation emanated from the wet towel.
Was he going to wipe them? As I watched quietly, he suddenly held out his hand to me.
When I placed my hand on his without much deliberation, he smiled brightly with his eyes curved like crescents.
“You give me your hand so well now.”
Even while giving it, I inwardly wondered why he suddenly wanted to hold hands, but sure enough there was another reason. He firmly grasped my obedient hand, then quickly rolled up my sleeve with his other hand.
“I thought so.”
On my fully exposed wrist remained reddish marks. Traces left from being grabbed by Lee Chan during the day.
“How did you know?”
“How could I not know? I’m always watching hyung.”
It seemed he had noticed when he saw Lee Chan following me to the bathroom earlier, and when I showed pain when Jeon Yudam briefly grabbed my wrist. I thought he didn’t know since he said nothing at the time.
I was about to say the pain had subsided and I was fine when I saw Jin Woohyeon’s face and shut my mouth tight. His expression looked not just serious but almost menacing.
In the awkward silence, I carefully gauged his mood and asked.
“…What are you thinking?”
“Exactly what hyung is expecting.”
I had expected he was cursing Lee Chan internally.
“No. It’s probably a bit more violent than that.”
“…”
“Because his habit with his hands is like this, hyung gets so scared.”
Jin Woohyeon pressed along his eyebrow bone and made a low groaning sound.
“Sanho hyung. Aren’t you angry?”
“…”
“Were you just scared and flustered?”
“It’s not that I wasn’t angry, but I didn’t have the time.”
It might sound like an excuse, but it really was like that. My mind was completely elsewhere, completely unfocused. It would be more accurate to say I didn’t have the emotional or temporal leisure to feel any particular sentiment toward Lee Chan.
“Someday, I want to see hyung jumping mad and getting angry at Chan hyung. I wish you would confront him furiously asking why he does that, why he treated you like such garbage.”
“If I do that…”
“Not thoughts like ‘the other person would be troubled,’ ‘the atmosphere would turn bad,’ ‘the relationship would become awkward and uncomfortable,’ ‘that person might get angry.'”
“…”
“I wish there could be a moment, even just once, when hyung’s emotions come before any of those reasons hyung thinks of.”
Jin Woohyeon doesn’t know, but I had already done that once. The day I came back covered in Bae Taeseong’s pheromones after my heat cycle. I had poured out my overflowing heart to Lee Chan then.
I thought I’d feel refreshed after pouring out everything inside, but surprisingly I didn’t. Was it because my relationship with Lee Chan wasn’t neatly resolved? The cold wind filled the inner feelings I had tried to empty somehow by lashing out, leaving only a clear, cold and bitter sensation.
“I’d rather not.”
I didn’t want to have to do that twice. Because.
“I… don’t want to get angry at Chan, don’t want to confront him, don’t want to cry in front of him.”
“…”
“It’s just, such effort feels like a waste. I’ve already boiled inside too much because of him. I… well, if possible, I just want to live freely.”
Life is only once, and the time we have left is decreasing even at this very moment.
So I wanted to decorate my garden as beautifully as possible before eternal winter came. I wanted to fill it only with things I cherished and loved, and care for them as preciously as possible.
Because I now knew that the time I had abandoned for the sole reason of pursuing love was too long.
“I’m worried because our hyung is too kind…”
Jin Woohyeon’s quiet voice was thoroughly soaked with regret he couldn’t quite hide.
“But thinking that we met because hyung is that kind of person, I know it’s not entirely something to complain about. And that aspect of Sanho hyung is also one of the reasons I like hyung.”
So it’ll be okay, Jin Woohyeon added. At that voice promising something, sediment I didn’t even know was inside me melted away and disappeared.
“I’ll go in now. We have to move early from tomorrow morning too.”
Jin Woohyeon, who had gathered up the towel before I could say I’d clean up, pulled down the sleeves and pant cuffs he had rolled up in order.
“Sweet dreams, hyung.”
Looking steadily at him, who seemed infinitely relieved as if he’d finished all his tasks, I answered as if blurting it out.
“I will.”
“…”
“I’ll dream of you.”
Then Jin Woohyeon smiled brightly at me.
“I’d like that.”
So the sun can rise even on such a deep night.
It was a moment when I couldn’t help but be captivated by such a thought.
Author: Hyacinthus B
Hyacinthus
I’m with Woohyeon! I need another confrontation 🤭