Can Love Be Transferred Too? 65

#65

‘Can Love Be Transferred Too?’ Week 3 final event, ‘Late Night City Date’.

Three hours given after dinner, with instructions to have an impromptu date after consulting with your partner—a small lottery box was delivered with this explanation.

After the process of dividing all 10 participants into five teams regardless of their manifestation…

‘This is how it turns out?’

An Lei, who had become my partner, hesitated before smiling at me.

“It’s Sanho hyung and me as a pair. Is there anything you want to do?”

“I can’t think of anything in particular right now…”

Glancing to the side, I saw Jeon Yudam and Han Jiwon choosing which cafe to go to, while Bae Taeseong and Choi Eungi were discussing making bets at a nearby shooting range.

Jin Woohyeon and Hwang Yeonwoo, as well as Lee Chan and Kim Sehyeong—everyone seemed a bit flustered but the atmosphere was quite good.

I felt very sorry toward An Lei, but I couldn’t shake the thought that of all people, we two had been paired together. Even though I didn’t have bad feelings toward him.

While I was trying hard to smooth over my awkward attitude, An Lei, who had been seriously contemplating something, asked me.

“Want to go get some fresh air?”

* * *

“Nice, right?”

I couldn’t deny it. I nodded my head repeatedly as I frantically watched the slowly flowing cityscape.

The date An Lei had suggested to me was a Seoul tour bus. Since the weather was good, we could sit on the second floor and go around the city center once while enjoying the night view—and since the ceiling that should have been there was completely open, it was indeed a course for getting fresh air as An Lei had said.

I had heard that tour buses existed, but this was my first time actually riding one. To begin with, I had lived a life far removed from such active leisure activities, so I had never even thought about taking a tour around Seoul.

‘So this is what it feels like…’

The city’s night view from the second-floor bus was extremely refreshing. The place where I was born and raised and walked through every day sometimes looked like some unknown foreign country. The colorful neon sign colors like stars fallen to earth, the tall buildings standing high, people walking busily somewhere. Even the spring breeze gently brushing past between them all.

Moreover, since there were things to see, I didn’t have to worry about how to converse with An Lei every moment. Considering our inevitable awkward situation, it was a wise choice in many ways.

“I first rode this bus when I was ten.”

At An Lei’s voice, I turned my head. The city lights caught on the piercings hanging from both sides, sparkling in various colors.

“It was when I first came to Korea. My parents said I would be living here from now on, so they suggested we take a look around once.”

Imagining a small ten-year-old boy holding his parents’ hands and coming up to the second floor to look around Seoul made me smile naturally. An Lei has such a glamorous and lovely appearance, so he must have been very pretty when he was young too.

“That memory is so good that I often ride it alone now. It’s not as pretty as the scenery I saw then, but I still like it. Seoul is a city where I’ve stayed longer than my hometown, so I have a lot of affection for it.”

“The Seoul scenery you saw at ten was the prettiest probably because you saw it with your parents.”

It wouldn’t have been just an outing—everything would have looked wonderful and made him happy. A ten-year-old’s memory with his parents. I couldn’t help but be envious.

“That’s right, isn’t it? It’s my most precious memory, and you’re the first person I’m telling about it since coming here.”

An Lei’s face sparkled brightly as he said this and smiled.

I had to admit it. An Lei was a lovable person. Bright, radiant, and confident. I could see why he had captured not only Lee Chan’s heart but Jin Woohyeon’s as well.

How much does An Lei know?

He said he didn’t know I was Lee Chan’s ex. Well, Lee Chan wouldn’t have told him every detail about his past. What need would there be to inform him about the existence of a pathetic ex-boyfriend he dated for as long as 10 years?

Then does he know that Lee Chan’s transfer was close to cheating? The fact that he weighed and considered things, thinking it would be okay to switch when it got to this point, and then dumped me? That this wasn’t the first time Lee Chan cheated on me and left me like this?

The fact that I already know they’re dating, that I’m being used in their narrative. Does he know that?

I wanted to ask. Did you think that just as you coolly broke up with Jin Woohyeon after mutual agreement, I would have brushed off Lee Chan the same way? Were you sorry seeing me cry like a fool because I couldn’t organize my feelings at all? Did you feel guilt about deceiving me…

“I’m sorry.”

I was flustered by the sudden apology and turned my head.

“Why are you apologizing…”

“I know that me getting along well with Chan hyung is mean to you, Sanho hyung.”

“…”

“I also know that for us to be honest with our hearts now, we’re being cruel to Sanho hyung whose feelings aren’t completely sorted out yet.”

When I couldn’t say anything and just stared, An Lei continued with a bitter smile.

“Still… just, if I set aside all the circumstances, I don’t dislike you, Sanho hyung. Our relationship can’t help but be awkward, but I hoped you wouldn’t hate me. So… I was really glad that I could come out with you separately like this today.”

I thought it was unfortunate that we two had to meet, but you thought the opposite—that it was fortunate that a place was arranged for us two. I felt unnecessarily guilty.

He was right. We were bound to be awkward with each other. Like An Lei, I didn’t dislike him either. But the discomfort I held had to be greater than the guilt he carried.

“To be honest…”

After hesitating for a long time, I said.

“I don’t have the confidence to congratulate you and Chan getting along well with a comfortable heart yet. It doesn’t mean I want to work things out with Chan now. I know well that there’s no possibility.”

“I know. As I said earlier, it’s because your feelings aren’t completely sorted out. That’s why I’m sorry.”

Of course he’d be sorry. The two of them were dating anyway and had chosen this program for publicity. But he probably didn’t know that I, his only ex, would have this much lingering attachment, or that we had spent such a tremendously long time together.

“…I’m jealous of you.”

At my diminishing voice, An Lei smiled quietly.

“Are you jealous because I’m getting along well with Chan hyung? Or are you jealous because I dated Woohyeon?”

“Both.”

“Hyung likes Woohyeon too?”

An Lei said while arranging his bleached hair that was fluttering in the wind.

“We have one thing in common. Actually, I’m jealous of Sanho hyung too.”

In the end, I had no choice but to return the question he had asked.

“Are you jealous because I’m Chan’s ex? Or are you jealous because I’m getting along well with Woohyeon?”

“Both. Interesting, right?”

It was interesting. Because Lee Chan has no lingering feelings for me whatsoever, and is even cold to me. I only met Jin Woohyeon for barely 6 months, and I heard they sorted things out cleanly to become a relationship with no mutual lingering feelings.

But this was just my opinion—it seemed it wasn’t the case from An Lei’s perspective.

“I’ve never seen Woohyeon follow someone around like that. He was always so relaxed with me, to the point of seeming a bit cold, but with you hyung, he’s really active without considering anything. I never imagined he had that side to him.”

His words felt strange to me. While Jin Woohyeon being a relaxed person was correct, I couldn’t imagine him being cold at all. Well, it would be the same principle as him not seeing Lee Chan’s callousness.

“Besides, to Chan hyung, Sanho hyung is unique. 10 years as friends, 10 years as lovers—that’s almost a lifetime together. There seem to be things that Sanho hyung has that I could never imitate.”

“I’m not that amazing of a person…”

Before we knew it, the bus that had made a big loop around the city center had returned to its original spot. We got off together and took a walk around the dormitory area, holding ice cream.

When we sat on a bench in a small park, the awkward atmosphere had softened considerably compared to the beginning. An Lei seemed to have similar thoughts, as he curved his eyes gently into a smile as soon as our gazes met.

“Later.”

He whispered to me as if telling me a secret.

“I hope we can become friends.”

The ex-boyfriend’s current boyfriend. And the ex-boyfriend of someone I want to get along with. We fastened our first button with an amazing connection, but would there ever come a day when we could develop into a relationship worth calling friendship?

“Will you give me your answer later too?”

When I just opened and closed my mouth, An Lei said that.

“Later. When we can stay in contact even after leaving the dormitory. Please give me your answer then.”

I grabbed the collar of An Lei, who was getting up first. Then I took a deep breath and said in a calm voice.

“I can’t promise now.”

“Yes.”

“I’m jealous, and uncomfortable, and upset… my feelings are complicated.”

“I understand. I would have felt the same if I were you, hyung.”

“But, Lei, I don’t hate you. I can definitely promise that.”

Lei, who had been staring at me blankly, blinked rapidly. Then he tilted his head back and let out a sigh, folding his slightly glistening eyes into a smile.

“Sanho hyung. You’re really a good person.”

“Is that so…”

“Of course.”

When I declined his suggestion to go in together, saying I wanted to organize my thoughts a bit more, An Lei nodded.

“Don’t stay out getting fresh air too long. Woohyeon will worry.”

“I will.”

Despite that promise, it took quite a long time to calmly settle my restless heart.