#29
I first helped Jin Woohyeon get up and sit down. Despite his legs probably being quite numb, he got up without showing any sign of discomfort and placed his hand on my forehead.
“You seem to have a fever.”
“Maybe it’s because Woohyeon-ssi’s hands are cold.”
“Even considering that, you probably have at least a mild fever.”
The hand that had touched my cheek and nape in turn came down and gently caressed the back of my hand.
“I heard there are constitutions that suffer from severe body aches during cycles, and hyung seems to be exactly that type.”
“That’s right. Even with an IV, this can’t be helped……”
“Suppressants aren’t a cure-all. But they do delay it by a few days and significantly reduce symptoms.”
Jin Woohyeon pulled my other hand closer and wrapped both my hands with his.
“So just rest here today, hyung. I want to stay by your side because I’m worried…… but if it’s really uncomfortable, I’ll leave.”
At those words, I ended up chuckling softly.
“You’re going to just lend me this expensive room?”
“Sick people come first.”
“How kind……”
Jin Woohyeon was still restless and reading the mood, apparently still feeling sorry. So I smiled to convey that it was okay now.
“If you’re really worried, could you do me just one favor?”
He answered immediately.
“Yes, hyung.”
“You’re already agreeing without knowing what the favor is?”
“I should grant any favor. I forced you to come here after all.”
Even if I didn’t dislike it, it was bewildering. As a result, I ended up having a more luxurious night than being alone at home, so it didn’t matter anymore.
I patted the spot next to me and smiled.
“Please release some pheromones.”
Certainly, nothing was as welcome as another manifested person’s pheromones during a cycle. Of course, if the stimulation was too strong, it would be burdensome and overwhelming, but Jin Woohyeon’s pheromones were refreshing and clean without any implications, and I could feel him releasing them very carefully bit by bit, which was comfortable.
Jin Woohyeon confirmed twice if it was really okay, and only after seeing me nod did he climb onto the bed. Sitting side by side next to me, he very slowly released his scent as if protecting me.
The pheromones he carefully released slowly spread through the air. They seemed like a deep blue color, and also felt like the dark green of pine trees hit by midwinter snow. It felt like breathing in the air deep in the mountains after dragging my tired body there – like my breathing was clearing up.
A long silence flowed. He was concentrating on releasing pheromones for me, and I was pondering why his pheromones in particular felt pleasant unlike other people’s.
“This is a topic you don’t have to answer if it’s uncomfortable.”
At the end of the silence, Jin Woohyeon opened his mouth.
“Is the reason hyung became so scared perhaps because of your ex-boyfriend?”
“No.”
I shook my head vigorously.
“Chan is a victim.”
Jin Woohyeon made a subtle expression, but knowing my words weren’t finished, he waited quietly.
“I must have been very frustrating. Since he knew the situation, he naturally said he’d wait at first and tried to help in various ways…… but maybe because we were both young and inexperienced, it didn’t work out well. A few times it had the opposite effect and made things worse.”
He hesitated then said.
“Just in case, Sanho hyung. If it becomes hard while talking, you can stop. I’m not trying to interrogate or blame you.”
“It’s okay.”
I said with courage.
“I made up my mind because I want to change. I’ll try talking slowly.”
Then Jin Woohyeon suddenly lifted my body and pulled me into his arms. It was a position where he was leaning against the bed and hugging me from behind. It was unexpectedly cozy.
With my back against his chest, I told him about an accident that happened very long ago. Including the story of how that incident eventually made things awkward with my uncle, who was my only family.
“I fainted from my first kiss and was taken to the emergency room. That’s when I realized that incident had become a trauma for me.”
“You didn’t know before then?”
“I didn’t tell anyone. I was too afraid to even recall it, so I pushed it deep into my heart and pretended not to know.”
“……”
“Every time we tried to kiss, I thought of that Alpha who approached me. Sometimes it was just a slight flinch……”
“And other times it was unbearably difficult. So hard you couldn’t breathe properly and fainted.”
I nodded heavily.
“I tried, but it didn’t work well. Sometimes I felt pathetic wondering why only I was so seriously affected, but my heart wouldn’t listen. I was also scared of watching him gradually get exhausted.”
The arm loosely hugging my waist tightened.
“Why would that be exhausting?”
“We liked each other, we were dating, and it’s not like I had no desire in that direction, but because one person had a defect…… ugh.”
Unable to overcome the sensation that became so intense it was choking, I frowned and groaned.
“……It hurts.”
“Ah, sorry.”
Jin Woohyeon took a deep breath and slowly exhaled it in parts. Soon the strength gradually left his arms.
“I don’t think that’s your ‘defect,’ hyung.”
“Why not? Because of that, I couldn’t even think about sex.”
“Common sense…… When a person turns pale and has a fit like that, is sex important?”
“Even if it’s not a problem that can be solved in just a year or two?”
“Even if it’s a lifelong homework to solve.”
He let out a deep sigh.
“The one who’s most frustrated, struggling, even scared and feeling like dying is hyung. You’re the victim, not anyone else. Each person accepts the meaning and intensity of an event differently…… and maybe it needs a very long time to heal.”
This was the first person to say such things to me. I lowered my head slightly to look at my waist. Jin Woohyeon’s arms were firmly wrapped around my body. They held strength so I could lean on him comfortably, but if I tried to pull away even a little, he would let me go immediately without stopping me.
“Or maybe the other person’s approach was wrong. Well, since I don’t know the relationship between you two, this isn’t really something I can easily comment on.”
“……”
“Have you tried treatment?”
“I get counseling regularly. When it was really severe, I took medication too.”
“Did you two break up because of this?”
“……”
“You waited, but he didn’t like having a lover who wouldn’t have sex with him, so he said let’s break up?”
“That’s not it. But……”
I hesitated then said.
“……He did go for one-night stands.”
“Ah, shibal.”
He shook my body slightly.
“He continued dating you even after seeing that? What the hell is that bastard? Aren’t you angry, hyung?”
“I thought it was a defect……”
“This is driving me crazy. Wasn’t there a friend to stop you?”
There was. When Gam Seonghan realized Lee Chan had been with one-night partners, he screamed like a dinosaur at my house, so the next day we got scolded by the neighbor lady for two hours.
I stood next to Gam Seonghan as if we were being punished together. I think I was only thinking that I was lucky to have someone get angry for my sake, just to that extent.
“He said he might die of high blood pressure because of me, so I should pay for all his blood pressure medication costs.”
“You had no luck with lovers but good luck with friends.”
I burst into small laughter.
“I must have been possessed by something back then. I only thought about wanting to maintain the relationship with him.”
“What about now?”
“Well……”
I answered with a shrug.
“He met a good person like he wanted, so go ahead and do it to your heart’s content?”
“Haha.”
“I feel sorry, and I also feel like I should have done better…… but seeing that I think more that past things can’t be helped, I guess these are emotions that will eventually be resolved.”
The fantasy that he’d come back if he got tired of that person he met has long been shattered. No matter how much I liked Lee Chan, I didn’t want to like him while being used like that.
It’s just that I need time, as Jin Woohyeon said. I’m slow at everything I do with my head.
“But hearing stories like this, doesn’t it shatter your fantasy?”
I asked, tilting my head.
“You said you liked me. You want to try doing well, but if you hear from the start that I’m actually experiencing problems like this and the road ahead might be rough, isn’t it overwhelming?”
“Not really.”
“Even after hearing the detailed story of breaking up with my ex-boyfriend?”
“I’m actually thinking it’s fortunate.”
Jin Woohyeon answered, resting his chin on my shoulder.
“I’m learning hard. Thinking I shouldn’t act like that bastard.”
“……”
“But from what I heard, it’s all below common sense, so there doesn’t seem to be much to work on, which is slightly deflating.”
“What?”
After I chuckled softly, I added after a brief silence.
“I’m grateful that you’re taking my side, grateful that you don’t do things I hate and take good care of me, and grateful for letting me sleep for a day no matter what……”
Then an expectant voice came back.
“Are you going to give me a reward, hyung?”
Could this be a reward? I thought a little that it might be too trivial and deflating as he said.
I moistened my dry lips several times to prepare, then closed my eyes deeply and opened them.
Soon a slightly trembling voice flowed through my parted lips.
“Woohyeon.”
“……”
“Jin Woohyeon.”
If any possibility arises for me.
“Thank you.”
I hope it would be you.
“Because you’re here……”
For the somewhat selfish reason that things that would be difficult alone might be easy together with you.
“I really think it’s fortunate, today.”
And from the honest acknowledgment that the emotion I felt when I first met you was some kind of attraction.
“It might take some time.”
I wanted to take your outstretched hand.
“Let’s keep in touch, us.”
He hugged me a little tighter and answered.
“I didn’t suggest keeping in touch to just be friends with hyung.”
“I didn’t suggest keeping in touch to just be friends with you either.”
Though I’m not saying let’s date right away, I added.
“I just…… want to try opening the door. What comes after…… I don’t know well either. I’ve lived in this small world for too long, so I’ve never gone outside of it……”
“It doesn’t matter.”
Jin Woohyeon whispered in a slightly husky voice.
“Hyung just needs to open the door. I’ll come pick you up.”
“……”
“Walk with me from the first step. I’ll hold you. So you’ll never fall.”
“Even though I don’t know where to go, you don’t mind?”
“No matter where we have to go, as long as we’re together, I don’t mind.”
That’s enough for me. The voice saying that was soaked in joy. Even the pheromones that had been wrapping around me peacefully were trembling finely.
The scent he poured onto me, the body heat, the words, the gaze, the touch, everything with and without form…….
It all felt like a passionate confession directed at me.
Author: Hyacinthus B
Hyacinthus
