17
“…What?”
“No, isn’t that right?”
Han Jiwon thrust his hand in front of my face and spread out all five fingers.
“Unless Sanho-ssi is incredibly baby-faced, I seem like the older one.”
His thumb folded down.
“It’s a bit strange for me to say this about myself, but I’m quite mature.”
His index finger followed suit.
“Responsibility. Well, I do take responsibility for my choices, right? Because I’m an adult. I can’t say I’m perfect, but I don’t think I’m the type to just act recklessly and then pretend I don’t know anything about it.”
Bae Taeseong seemed to make a slightly subtle expression, but I appropriately pretended not to notice.
“Beautiful and handsome. Between the two, I think I’m more on the beautiful side.”
“…”
“I’m also affectionate and caring.”
All five fingers had folded down.
Han Jiwon unfolded his fingers one by one as he continued.
“Taking good care of you, smiling for you, waiting for you, expressing things so you don’t feel anxious, not teasing you.”
Having unfolded all five fingers in sequence, he smiled brightly.
“See? That’s exactly Han Jiwon.”
At his words, I glanced over my shoulder at the others, reading the atmosphere. It was a reflexive reaction.
Bae Taeseong was looking at Han Jiwon with his arms crossed, as if to see how far this would go, and Lee Chan… was looking at me.
His light brown eyes seemed to quietly ask me. Is that really true? Is Han Jiwon your ideal type?
No, that was confidence disguised as a question. That it couldn’t be true. That if I were to have feelings for someone, that someone would definitely be him. He was smiling confidently as if the very premise of me looking at someone else while leaving him behind made no sense.
But Lee Chan’s confidence was only half right and half wrong.
I had only liked Lee Chan my whole life, but that wouldn’t necessarily be the case going forward. Because I had resolved to really remove someone like you now, to forget you.
So my ideal type could change as much as I wanted.
“I suppose so.”
Han Jiwon’s eyes curved like crescents. Seeing that eye-smile, I briefly thought of Jin Woohyeon, who had smiled like that while opening the door for me.
Fortunately, this ambiguous atmosphere didn’t last long. As other people returned home, dinner preparation could no longer be postponed.
While sharing food in a harmonious atmosphere, the production team had placed cards containing the next schedule in the mailbox.
Since it was about time for the first date, the gazes clinging to the stiff card were full of anticipation.
“Please read it quickly. I’m curious.”
Hwang Yeonwoo, who had been earnestly chewing tteokbokki, said.
“Isn’t there some evening event? It should be fun.”
And surprisingly, Hwang Yeonwoo was right.
「Shortly, there will be conversation time with your X.」
「After finishing the conversation, you can send ‘inner thoughts messages’ to someone you like through the device provided by the production team.」
I, who had been stretching my neck to read the content, couldn’t help but pause.
This was the first one-on-one opportunity with Lee Chan since entering ‘Can Love Be Transferred Too?’.
That moment I thought would be welcome… somehow wasn’t welcome at all.
* * *
When I went to the address given by the production team, I saw Lee Chan sitting crookedly by the window.
On the table were an oil lighter, a pack of cigarettes, and car keys lined up in a row, as if he had been smoking while waiting.
I quietly looked down at the lighter sparkling in the light. The gold decoration delicately crafted on the edges was unfamiliar.
Lee Chan used to carry around a brass-colored lighter with wing shapes engraved in intaglio. It was a custom-made item he cherished quite a bit, and it was also a gift I had bought him.
Silence flowed as I thought about that changed object, about our relationship where he no longer even pretended to treasure our past. Lee Chan sat with a bored expression, flicking his fingertips playfully, while the camera placed quietly on the opposite table captured us like that.
Soon Lee Chan lifted his head to look at me. His fox-like pretty face filled my vision.
When I just silently met his gaze like that, Lee Chan tilted his head questioningly. It was an attitude of puzzlement.
“…”
So Lee Chan was waiting for me to speak first. Because it was too natural for me to read his mood and even relieve his boredom. Because it was strange and odd that I wasn’t doing my usual behavior and was just sitting quietly.
Feeling a surge of emotion at that gaze, I asked him.
“Don’t you have anything to say to me?”
Then he asked back in a voice that seemed almost innocent.
“Was there supposed to be something?”
I was so dumbfounded that my throat went dry. I quickly gulped down my drink. Ah, I should have ordered something cold. Since it was night and chilly, I ordered something warm, and now the inside of my mouth was all burning hot.
“Wasn’t I the one who had lingering feelings…”
“…”
“You were the one who said you’d do your best to hold on, Yoo Sanho.”
At those words, I let out a hollow laugh. I felt a faint pain around my heart. It seemed like I had burned the inside of my mouth.
“Right. I did say that. Actually, even without that, you never had much to feel sorry about regarding me.”
Having nothing to feel sorry about was fine. Even if being together meant I had to read your moods, throw out topics you might like, draw out your reactions, and struggle not to become a boring and annoying existence to you, that was fine.
Even if I was always the one struggling like that, I wasn’t particularly resentful. Looking back, those weren’t such difficult things to do. I did them because I liked doing them too.
But even if I wasn’t something to feel sorry about, you shouldn’t have deceived me. Taking things lightly and deceiving were separate issues.
“Chan.”
When I looked at him with a serious expression, Lee Chan slightly adjusted his posture.
“Even if you have nothing to say to me, shouldn’t there be something to apologize for?”
“…”
“I think you should apologize.”
It was fine for you to cheat on me countless times. It was fine for you to manipulate me, who didn’t know what to do without you alone. It was fine to eventually break up because you got tired of it. It was even fine that you blocked me for being bothersome.
But you came all the way here wanting to start a new business with your new lover and made me into a supporting character.
Even while clearly knowing that my words pretending to have no lingering feelings, pretending to have forgotten, were lies, you pretended not to know and brought me here.
You just wanted to put the prettiest period on our relationship. For your romantic, sparkling future.
The feelings I had cherished, the time I had built up with you. And therefore the shabby lingering feelings I couldn’t help but have.
They weren’t just material to be laid down beneath your fateful love…
“What apology?”
Lee Chan raised his eyebrows as if it were absurd. He seemed to think I didn’t know about his relationship with An Lei.
I glanced sideways at the camera. If we weren’t filming, I would have spoken honestly, but the situation wasn’t favorable.
Of course, even if I revealed everything in detail, I wouldn’t be the one in trouble. But making Lee Chan into a controversy wouldn’t make me feel better either.
I didn’t want to get revenge on him for not understanding my heart – I just wanted my hurt feelings to be comforted.
But Lee Chan, who interpreted my silence as he pleased, spoke in a somewhat irritated tone.
“Should I apologize for not liking you anymore?”
“…”
“Yoo Sanho. You broke up with me. We’re not dating anymore, and I don’t have any obligation to take care of you.”
The cross-section of his sharply cut words scratched painfully across my heart.
“I just thought it was polite not to give you false hope if I had no intention of getting back together with you. I have no intention of giving you what you want, so I’m just treating you like a stranger, but if you ask me to apologize for that…”
“…”
“Fine, I’m sorry for not liking you. Does saying this make you feel a bit better?”
No. That wasn’t what I meant.
“I think I clearly told you not to expect anything from me… I don’t want to fight with you over something like this, Sanho. I thought we could go back to being friends once you sorted out your feelings properly.”
Feeling like I might burst into tears any moment, I bit down hard on the inside of my numb mouth and swallowed the surging emotions.
“We should each meet people who suit us well. You were popular, weren’t you? Han Jiwon-ssi is obviously showing that he’s interested in you, and you’re often hanging around with Bae Taeseong-ssi too.”
“You…”
My voice had become a bit rough because my throat had tightened.
“Everything is always easy for you, isn’t it, Chan.”
“Right. Objectively, I’m not such a great guy.”
Lee Chan shrugged.
“Isn’t that why you liked me? Because everything was easy, light, and insignificant. Because when things came into my hands, they didn’t seem serious.”
He was right. There was a time when I liked that. There was a time when I thought that was the only comfort. Whenever life was too overwhelming and loneliness was suffocatingly heavy, I would look at Lee Chan and relieve that pressure. Unlike me, who would embrace everything and suffer foolishly, Lee Chan was as decisive about holding on and letting go as he was about connecting and severing.
“Let’s each meet good people.”
“…”
“Separately.”
I only returned to the dormitory 30 minutes after he left the cafe. Only after walking around and around the dormitory area in the cold wind could I manage my expression, but even that seemed inadequate as Bae Taeseong looked at me with a displeased face for quite a while.
After all eight residents had returned, it was time to send ‘inner thoughts messages’.
Having no one in particular to send to, I sent a message to Lee Chan.
[I don’t expect anything from you anymore.]
At first, I wanted to ask in detail about his relationship with An Lei and at least get an apology, but now even that seemed meaningless.
As he said, we were over now.
Instead of a reply, what came back was a notification message.
[Your X did not choose you.]
It didn’t hurt as much as I thought it would.
So I decided to believe that. That nothing in the world lasts forever, and my feelings for you would also gradually wear away and fade.
Just as love crumbles and pain dulls before time.
Our relationship would also go from lovers to friends, from friends to acquaintances…
And someday, even if we ran into each other, there would come a day when I felt absolutely nothing, when we became strangers.
I decided to set that as the ending for you and me.
Author: Hyacinthus B
Hyacinthus
