#10
Ex-lover introduction letters.
I knew they would be revealed someday. I had written one myself at the production team’s request.
However, I didn’t expect that the X themselves would read it aloud in front of all the participants. And on the second day, no less.
‘Expression management. Expression management…’
After reading the letters, Han Jiwon suggested we eat dinner, so we each took our seats. I pretended to get water from the refrigerator while busily catching my breath.
“I’ll read first.”
Bae Taeseong took out his letter and unfolded it with a nonchalant attitude. It was an attitude that felt indifferent rather than calm.
“‘Bae Taeseong is a bastard of the world’… Ah, shibal. Really. Who throws out a topic like this? Huh? Is this broadcast a joke? Anyway, what a dropout.”
People burst into laughter at his thick complaints.
Bae Taeseong seemed angry but didn’t appear to be truly upset. He probably bickered frequently with his X when they were dating.
‘Interesting.’
The omegas besides me are An Lei, Hwang Yeonwoo, and Kim Sehyeong. So one of those three wrote this letter, but I couldn’t easily imagine it.
An Lei definitely doesn’t seem like it, and Kim Sehyeong is even more unimaginable. Maybe it’s Hwang Yeonwoo, who seems playful and a bit young?
While I was puzzled, Bae Taeseong’s blunt voice continued.
“‘Bae Taeseong’s life consists of rules. Waking up at 6 AM, running, work, drinking cold water after showering, reading for 30 minutes before bed, going to the cinema once a month without fail, etc.'”
“…”
“‘That daily routine, which sometimes feels even strict, taught me stability. No matter what happens, tomorrow Bae Taeseong will wake up at 6 and run until he’s drenched in sweat. If I call then, he’ll answer in 3 seconds. The stability that fact provides is tremendous.'”
Bae Taeseong’s expression became subtle as the sentences continued.
“‘He looks rough and coarse, but he’s actually quite affectionate. He’s soft toward weak and pitiful things, and perhaps because he’s inherently good, he also hates deceiving and betraying people. I hope you’ll recognize those aspects of him.'”
I quietly agreed with those words.
This morning, Bae Taeseong, who had returned early from his run, found me rattling around in the kitchen. He looked like he had no talent for cooking, but seemed uncomfortable leaving cooking he couldn’t help with to me, so he wandered around like a ghost.
‘Why are you making this alone?’
‘Well…’
It was because of Lee Chan. More precisely, because of foolish me wanting to prepare breakfast for Lee Chan.
He was the type who needed to eat breakfast to feel energized, and among those, he especially liked the brunch sets I made for him. Among the groceries bought yesterday, I had spotted sausages that I often included in my brunch sets. That was the problem.
If Lee Chan picked this out, wouldn’t it be nice to make this for breakfast… If I hadn’t known, it would be one thing, but once I knew, my personality couldn’t pretend not to know. I did it even knowing it was foolish.
‘I just… thought it would be nice if we all ate together.’
‘You’re making breakfast for your X?’
‘…’
Bae Taeseong, who took my silence as confirmation, sat at the dining table with a displeased expression. Instead of talking, he just occupied that spot the whole time, then heartily ate the generous breakfast I had made considering everyone’s portions before leaving. It was a more enthusiastic attitude than anyone else in the dorm.
‘Maybe he was being considerate in case I’d be disappointed if Lee Chan didn’t eat.’
Thanks to that, I wasn’t too upset even though I couldn’t hear thanks from the person concerned. I felt sufficiently refreshed just from having prepared breakfast.
Maybe during this month, I could slowly sort out Lee Chan. Although I had been restless yesterday, it would gradually get better as days passed. I was even harboring such hopes.
“‘Lee Chan is a charming person.'”
I flinched and stiffened at Lee Chan’s voice.
“‘I think you’ll come to like him before you know it, and won’t forget him for a long time. Because that’s what happened to me.'”
The words I had written calmly settled on his tongue.
“‘I hope Chan will be happy wherever he is. He’s someone who made me very happy, and he’s really a good person.'”
The words written in the letter were only half true. I wanted Lee Chan to be happy by anyone’s side, but at the same time, I hoped he wouldn’t get along too well without me.
He was a good person and simultaneously not a good person. I was happy because of Lee Chan, and hurt by exactly that much.
But sometimes white lies were necessary. Everything that happened here would be covered as broadcast material, so I didn’t want to unnecessarily expose uncomfortable truths and humiliate him.
The turn went round and round, and Lee Chan’s X introduction letter came into my hands.
“‘Yoo Sanho is delicate and sensitive.'”
I quickly cleared my throat to avoid showing disappointment at the content that was only a few lines, and continued.
“‘He’s equally affectionate and considerate, so he’ll definitely treat you well. I hope he meets a warm person.'”
A sense of futility washed over me.
You really don’t have even the slightest intention of getting back together with me. His words, plain to the point of being dry, felt as if he found me bothersome.
If there was one fortunate thing, it was that I was accustomed to misery. It wasn’t the first time Lee Chan had hurt my feelings. So I could at least read the letter to the end without wavering.
But very cruelly, my heartbreak didn’t end there.
“Sushi okay for dinner? Lei-ssi said he likes sushi, so I remembered and bought some. There’s a place near where I work that does it cleanly and well.”
“Wow, amazing. You remembered that, Chan-ssi?”
“Yeah, well. Haha. It seems like we have similar tastes. So I remembered.”
I can’t eat sushi. I have no immunity to the fishy smell unique to seafood, so just smelling raw fish makes me lose my appetite completely.
Lee Chan, who absolutely couldn’t not know this, placed a pack of sushi in front of me too. It was a natural attitude.
Did he have to hide the fact that we had dated to this extent? I became depressed.
“Sanho-ssi, please try some too.”
“Yes…”
It was hard to refuse. Most of all, I didn’t want to hear the response “Ah, really? I didn’t know” that would come if I said I couldn’t eat it. Because it would feel like we had truly become strangers. I hated that…
While holding my breath and chewing and swallowing egg sushi, I heard murmuring conversation.
“Then Lei-ssi mainly eats Japanese food?”
“I suppose so? Because I’m used to it. I lived in Sapporo until I was twenty.”
“Then Japanese food must feel like home cooking.”
“Oh, similar. But I do eat Korean food often too. I consistently buy and eat kimchi.”
“Hey, kimchi is really best when made at home. It’s soul food.”
I felt strangely uneasy. Why was that? Something seemed to shimmer just out of reach…
Meanwhile, I heard conversation between Han Jiwon and Bae Taeseong, who were sitting next to me.
“Taeseong-ssi, you said you left your car for repair? Why? Did you crash it?”
“Crash what… It went in for inspection. Regular inspection.”
“Ah.”
“After a few years, you have to check regularly before things break down. Didn’t you say you have a car too?”
“Yes, I got a new one recently?”
“Take good care of it.”
“Of course. Unlike someone, I use it gently and drive peacefully.”
Maybe because alphas were put together, the two had a slightly bickering feeling. Well, even with the same trait, their personalities were polar opposites, so it made sense.
When I achieved victory in my third life-or-death battle with sushi, Han Jiwon smacked his lips.
“Mm. The amount seems a bit insufficient.”
I brightened and pushed my sushi plate toward him.
“Would you like to have mine? I ate it cleanly.”
“I’m grateful, but… three pieces? Is that enough? You eat too little.”
“I picked at various snacks, so I’m not very hungry. But it was delicious.”
Just three pieces already made me feel like the fishy smell filled up to my throat. I really didn’t want to look at it anymore.
I made a suitable excuse and left the dorm to walk around the neighborhood. I had come out thinking of buying and drinking a warm beverage, but the more I walked, the more nauseous I felt, to the point of indigestion, so I gave up.
“Ah, Sanho-ssi. Are you going in now? We’re on our way home from work. Would a brief interview be okay?”
I forced a smile at the pleased-looking PD. My stomach began to stab painfully.
“…I’m sorry. I’m feeling really unwell. If it’s not urgent, could we do it tomorrow?”
“Yes, yes. That’s fine. Are you very sick? Should I ask the staff if they have medicine?”
“It’s not that serious. Thank you.”
This often happened when I was stressed. At times like this, I’d be fine after just sleeping deeply. Fortunately, I was practically unemployed until the restaurant opened.
I’ll sleep covered with blankets up to my head. Making that resolution, I climbed the stairs. Each time I moved my steps with difficulty, the pain around my solar plexus worsened. I wanted to rest quickly.
But just as I was about to enter my room.
“What is it? So cute.”
“Right? Our cat is totally smart. Want to see this too?”
“The voice was recorded together too. You’re speaking Japanese to the cat.”
“At least with Japanese, he pretends to listen.”
From inside the unlit room, An Lei and Lee Chan’s voices flowed out.
“Then this one’s name is Hasegawa Rara?”
“Yes. He’s my son.”
An Lei. Mixed-race from Hokkaido. Hasegawa Lei.
‘He probably hasn’t even broken up with that Hasegawa or Hashibal-wa or whatever, and they were doing shopping mall business together or something. Shibal, why the hell is he going on a dating program when he has a model lover?’
The fashionable attire of both people. The atmosphere that had no particular awkwardness…
The pieces that had been rolling around stabbing my insides fit together perfectly.
‘They’re dating.’
Lee Chan and An Lei are already dating. From 6 months ago when we broke up until now, continuously. Maybe they pretended to break up for the broadcast, but anyway, it wouldn’t be a real breakup like mine and Lee Chan’s.
They want to raise their recognition through the program and promote the shopping mall they’ll open later. While also taking the image of falling in love at first sight with each other.
“…Ha.”
I had to admit it. I was just used for their ‘romance narrative.’ Because of the rule that you can’t enter without an X, I had merely taken on the role of Lee Chan’s pathetic ex-lover.
Lee Chan is truly an amazing person. He shows me an even lower bottom when I’m always prepared for the worst.
‘Ah… I’m screwed.’
There must be cameras somewhere in the hallway too. Before I could even realize it, tears dropped. Once the tears overflowed, they immediately began falling in drops. They poured out uncontrollably.
Lee Chan, you’re really cruel. How could you do this much? Did you absolutely, absolutely have to go this far?
If you had at least subtly hinted that you were playing around, I wouldn’t have felt so fooled.
I couldn’t enter my room, so I turned around hastily. Going downstairs, the dorm was noisy because of people cleaning up.
Having no choice, I quickly went upstairs. I hurried out to the rooftop and slumped onto the sofa, curling up my body.
I silently poured out tears. If I completely drained what was painfully pooled inside, if I extracted it all like wringing out sweat from tightly worn clothes, it seemed like days would come when I wouldn’t hurt no matter what Lee Chan did.
How long did I cry while my shoulders shook?
“Ah, huu… it hurts.”
The stomach pain worsened. It was a precursor to stomach cramps. Pain arose as if something was stabbing and then scratching my solar plexus. I hugged my knees, which I had drawn toward my torso while panting, even tighter.
It has to pass. It has to pass. It has to pass…
“Sanho-ssi.”
“…”
“Yoo Sanho-ssi!”
Someone roughly shook my shoulders. I shook my head, but the hand forcibly lifting my chin was harsh.
In my vision blurred from streaming tears, someone’s shadow wavered. I could smell a light woody scent. Whose pheromones were these? I think I smelled them this morning…
“You’re not even smoking, so what are you doing like this? Why are you crying?”
It was Bae Taeseong.
“Huu…”
“No, tears, what… Sanho-ssi. Pull yourself together. What’s going on?”
“No, I… nothing’s… wrong.”
There was something, but that had become unimportant. Because the pain was more severe.
Eventually I said while sobbing.
“My… stomach hurts so much.”
“…”
“My stomach, really… I’m sorry, it hurts… so much.”
“Your complexion looks terrible. I’m calling an ambulance.”
At the mention of an ambulance, I felt what little blood remained drain away completely. I shook my head desperately.
I hated that above all else. Just hearing the word ambulance reminded me of that day when my parents were taken away from me forever.
When I earnestly muttered “I don’t want that,” Bae Taeseong roughly tousled his hair.
“Ah, shibal. I left my car for repair. I can’t drive right now.”
“…”
“It doesn’t seem like a condition that picking up some medicine will fix. You can’t move, right?”
“Uh…”
“This is driving me crazy. Who has a license? An Lei-ssi and Hwang Yeonwoo-ssi said they don’t. Kim Sehyeong-ssi drank beer… Lee Chan-ssi. Should I ask Lee Chan-ssi…”
Not Lee Chan. Not Lee Chan, really not. Even if I died from stomach pain, I hated that option.
When I started crying again, Bae Taeseong cursed irritably.
“No, shibal. What do we do? Huh? Why the hell don’t you want Lee Chan-ssi to drive…”
“…”
“Ah, don’t tell me.”
Quick-witted Bae Taeseong pieced together the fragments inside him. Black eyes that realized something stared at me silently for a moment. He had realized that we two were X’s.
Me who had prepared breakfast for Lee Chan. But Lee Chan who bought sushi for An Lei. And finally me who got sick from eating food I couldn’t eat.
Bae Taeseong, who examined the series of situations in order, muttered “shibal” again and then lifted me up.
“It’s all going to be revealed anyway… Well, since I found out unintentionally, I’ll play fair.”
He carried me down to the 3rd floor. I squeezed my eyes shut because I felt nauseous every time my body swayed.
Instead of going further down, Bae Taeseong went to his room. He seemed to be trying to ask his roommate for help.
So Bae Taeseong’s roommate was…
“Hey, Han Jiwon.”
“…Taeseong-ah?”
“Where are your car keys? Come out with them.”
No, Bae Taeseong’s X was.
It was Han Jiwon.
Author: Hyacinthus B
Hyacinthus
