81.
How could anyone be born without parents? Haseo had parents too. A gentle but weak-hearted mother who always suffered at the hands of his father. A violent father who took out his frustrations on his family whenever things went wrong. His father always prioritized himself over his family. Perhaps that’s why? His mother couldn’t endure his father any longer. So one day, she left Haseo in a cold room and disappeared.
‘What about father?’
After his mother disappeared, his father rarely came home. Even when he did, he would just look around the empty house, click his tongue, and leave. So how had the young Haseo survived until now? One of the memories he had been forgetting all this time slowly began to surface.
‘Grandmother.’
His mother was an orphan, so he had never met anyone from her family, but on his father’s side, there was a grandmother. With a bent back and wrinkled face from a lifetime of hardship, his grandmother had saved him.
“Yes, that’s right.”
Haseo mumbled vacantly.
“Hyung?”
Jisu called from beside him, but Haseo didn’t hear him.
“Why, why did I…?”
Why had he forgotten his grandmother all this time? This was no time for this. He needed to hurry and find his grandmother.
‘And then what?’
His grandmother wasn’t from a wealthy family either. No, rather, the room had gotten even smaller and shabbier. Because his grandmother’s poor health limited the work she could do, she couldn’t earn much money. Despite barely being able to support herself, she had taken in Haseo. So he should find his grandmother and repay her kindness. Haseo looked down at his palm.
He had grown up now and was old enough to work instead of his grandmother. But his weak body limited the kinds of work he could do. If he had gone to the military, he could have reduced one mouth to feed and been able to give some money to his grandmother.
‘Why didn’t I go?’
Because that money wouldn’t have been enough to save his grandmother. When his thoughts reached that point, Haseo covered his mouth and lowered his head.
“Why?”
Why would it be difficult to save his grandmother? Just as he thought that, someone gently covered Haseo’s nose and mouth with a large hand. Only then did his ragged breathing begin to steady.
“Haseo.”
Lifting his head and looking through blurry eyes, he saw Choi Mujin. He was looking at Haseo with an indecipherable gaze.
“Ah, ah.”
Haseo shook his head vigorously. Then his foggy, confused mind seemed to clear a bit.
“Are you hurting somewhere?”
When Choi Mujin asked, Haseo slowly shook his head.
“No. I’m not hurting.”
“Lying again.”
Choi Mujin lightly pinched Haseo’s cheek and turned his gaze away. Following his line of sight, Haseo saw Jisu standing frozen, holding corn.
“If you’re going to be like this anyway, come inside to play.”
“Ah. Is that okay?”
“Why wouldn’t it be?”
Choi Mujin said this and tried to lift Haseo again. But not wanting to show such a scene in front of Jisu, Haseo gently pushed away Choi Mujin’s hands that were reaching for him. Then he spoke to the fidgeting Jisu.
“Jisu, let’s go inside together. We’ll give you a ride home later.”
“Uh, um.”
Jisu glanced at Choi Mujin and then nodded.
“Okay.”
They didn’t do anything special inside. They finished eating the remaining corn and drank the hot cocoa that Choi Mujin had prepared. After drinking the cocoa with marshmallows floating in it, Jisu seemed to be in a better mood.
“You’re different from how you look, mister.”
“I told you he was kind.”
“I guess so?”
Jisu said this and deliciously finished the remaining cocoa. Afterward, he went home in the car that Choi Mujin drove. He said he had dropped him off at the entrance of the village instead of right in front of his house because he would have been scolded.
When Choi Mujin returned, he sat below Haseo’s chair and rested his chin on Haseo’s thigh.
“Haseo. Do you like children?”
“Children?”
“Yes, small children like Jisu.”
“I do, don’t you find it cute when children play?”
“Hmm, then what about me? Me, who’s not cute and just big?”
Wait, is he jealous of a child? Haseo burst into laughter without realizing it.
“You’re cute too, hyung. So cute I want to bite you.”
“Where would you bite?”
Choi Mujin willingly offered his hand to Haseo. Haseo slowly examined the large, firm hand and bit the index finger. When he bit down quite hard, it left teeth marks that looked like the impression of a ring that had been put on and taken off. Later, when he recovered and earned money, he wanted to buy a ring for Choi Mujin. Haseo naturally kissed Choi Mujin’s face, which had drawn closer. He lightly kissed his forehead, lingered on the tip of his nose, and then reached his lips.
While kissing, he brushed Choi Mujin’s hair with his hand. Choi Mujin closed his eyes and quietly enjoyed Haseo’s touch.
“By the way, about the doctor. When is he coming next?”
“Tomorrow. Why do you ask?”
“There’s something I want to ask him.”
The memory that surfaced during the day had half disappeared, but some of it remained. He wasn’t sure if he could ask his lover Choi Mujin about it, but somehow he felt reluctant. The doubts that he had been trying to suppress all this time surfaced again. This place was too remote to be considered a spot for recuperation. Although a doctor visited every few days, it was a dangerous place for someone who occasionally had seizures.
He felt he needed to know everything that had happened before coming here. Such dramatic things couldn’t possibly happen in real life, but he needed to know everything to love Choi Mujin fully. That’s why, even while embracing Choi Mujin, Haseo waited for the doctor’s visit.
“Hello.”
The doctor was a man who seemed somewhat timid. His age was around early to mid-30s, which meant his career as a doctor wasn’t particularly long.
“Hello.”
Even during consultations, Choi Mujin was always present.
“Has anything special happened in the past few days?”
“Something special…”
Haseo rolled his eyes and looked at Choi Mujin.
“Yes, there has.”
“What happened?”
“I remembered a little bit.”
“Ah.”
The doctor’s hand holding the pen trembled slightly.
“Can you tell me what you remembered?”
“I can, but…”
Haseo turned his head and whispered softly to Choi Mujin.
“Hyung, could you step outside for a moment?”
“Why?”
“Well, what I remembered is something embarrassing to tell you.”
Haseo fidgeted with his fingers as he asked Choi Mujin.
“What could be so embarrassing?”
“Well. Sex.”
The last word was spoken quickly, almost mumbled.
“Ah.”
But Choi Mujin seemed to have understood it well.
“I see, but it’s okay. Why be embarrassed about such things between us?”
He had no hesitation in expressing affection even in front of the doctor. Did the doctor also know about our relationship? He didn’t look particularly surprised.
“B-but still!”
Haseo stood up and pushed Choi Mujin’s body firmly with his hands.
“Please step outside for a moment!”
Choi Mujin pretended to give in and let himself be pushed.
“I’m telling you it’s fine.”
He seemed reluctant, but in the end, Haseo succeeded in pushing him out the door. Haseo sat back in the chair and gestured to the doctor. Ignoring the doctor’s puzzled look, he snatched the notebook and pen the doctor was holding. The doctor was taller than Haseo, but he didn’t seem to have much strength. Or perhaps he had been caught off guard.
Belatedly alarmed, he gestured as if asking for it back, but Haseo ignored him and examined the notebook. However, there wasn’t much content in it. Haseo’s stories were written down, but they were just routine notes. Haseo opened to a suitable page and wrote something with the pen. He did this out of concern that Choi Mujin might be eavesdropping from outside.
“Doctor.”
“Y-yes?”
“I’ve been having some concerns lately.”
The doctor glanced at the notebook that Haseo was scribbling in and spoke.
“What concerns?”
“Well, it’s about my relationship…”
Haseo handed the completed notebook to the doctor.
“I don’t know much about relationships.”
The doctor received the notebook and read what was written there.
「You know about my past, don’t you?」
A troubled expression briefly crossed the doctor’s face. He shook his head and continued speaking.
“But I can at least listen to your concerns.”
He then folded the notebook and tried to put it in his bag. The doctor didn’t seem to want to answer Haseo’s question.
“Yes, please tell me your concerns.”
Left with no choice, Haseo listed ordinary concerns that one might have in a relationship. There are times when he’s not sure if Choi Mujin truly loves him. How can he strengthen their relationship? As he dragged out the conversation, eventually even trivial things came up.
The doctor gave perfunctory answers, and after 30 minutes, he picked up his bag.
“That’s all for today.”
“So, how is my condition?”
“You seem fine.”
Around that time, Choi Mujin also came inside. He smiled good-naturedly and saw the doctor out. Haseo stood beside him, pressing his palm firmly with his fingernail. He had tried approaching the doctor just in case, but he hadn’t gotten any results.
Well, a doctor who comes all the way here must be employed by Choi Mujin, so he wouldn’t be on Haseo’s side. Besides, Haseo didn’t appear to be unhappy, so he probably hadn’t gained the doctor’s sympathy either.
Author: Hyacinthus B
Hyacinthus
