Since the Captain’s funeral, Min Yugeon had been avoiding me. …And I had no idea why.
The eyes that used to watch me with unwavering focus now drifted off into space no matter what I said, and every time we found ourselves face to face, he managed to slip away with a finesse that was so absurdly smooth it left me speechless. He did it so naturally. At first, I wasn’t even sure if he was deliberately avoiding me, and I frowned so much trying to figure it out that my head actually started to ache.
“Uh… If that’s the case…”
Lee Seo-rim hesitated, watching my reaction closely.
“Maybe your friend feels hurt about something and doesn’t know how to express it?”
“Would you act like that, Seo-rim?”
“Yes.”
I gave her a brief rundown of the situation, partly because she was as socially adept as Min Yugeon and I thought her insight might help. Seo-rim offered her opinion carefully, with a sincere and thoughtful tone.
“Why don’t you just ask him directly what’s wrong?”
“…”
I could, technically—but this was the first time Min Yugeon had actively avoided me for three days straight, so I wanted to approach it with caution. If he wasn’t being upfront about his feelings, there had to be a reason.
Seo-rim, watching the tension knot between my brows, suddenly clapped her hands.
“Oh! Or maybe… alcohol?”
“…Alcohol?”
“Yes. Maybe it’s something too hard to talk about sober, so he’s keeping it in. But if he drinks a little, he might open up, and the mood won’t get too tense either, you know?”
It made sense. Min Yugeon wasn’t the type to get drunk easily, but if I just managed how much went into each of our glasses, I could make it work. Taking Seo-rim’s suggestion, I grabbed some drinks after work and headed home a bit earlier than usual. It helped that both of us had the day off tomorrow—made the decision easier.
When I got home, Yugeon was already back and the sound of running water came from the bathroom in his room—he was showering. I set the table with some alcohol, snacks, and a light meal. Still had time to spare, so I went and took a shower myself.
“What’s with the booze?”
He tossed out the line I’d once used, brushing his wet hair back as he glanced at the table—carefully avoiding eye contact.
“You can’t tell just by looking?”
My tone came out more irritated than intended, and I flinched slightly, but Yugeon didn’t seem to care. That somehow annoyed me even more.
Wasn’t something off? Not with him—with me.
I shook my head and sat down. Yugeon stood there for a while as if weighing his options, then finally sat across from me.
After a few sips of alcohol in silence, I stared at him. It was stupid, but he must’ve felt my gaze because he looked up like he was meeting my eyes—but his focus was clearly locked somewhere around my chin.
“What?”
“What what?”
“…Huh?
“I said, what’s up?”
I tried to keep my voice gentle, but it came out sharp. Only then did Yugeon meet my eyes directly. It might’ve sounded like I was just picking a fight out of nowhere, but instead of looking taken aback, his expression was puzzled.
“What is?”
“What’s your problem with me? You’re mad at me, aren’t you?”
His fingers froze around his glass, lips parting slightly in shock. I exhaled slowly, locking eyes with him.
“You must have your reasons. I’ll fix it. Just… tell me honestly.”
I wasn’t even buzzed yet. So much for subtlety—I’d just asked him outright with no pretense.
“There’s nothing, Suho. Really. You’re misunderstanding—”
“Misunderstanding? You were going out of your way not to make eye contact just a second ago.”
“…”
“You’ve been making food but not eating with me. Just leaving it there for us to eat separately.”
I glanced at the untouched food. It was all stuff from the fridge that had just been plated.
“What’s the reason? I don’t care who it is—I don’t like you doing that.”
I ignored the fact that my tone was starting to sound like his and pressed him for an answer. Yugeon fell silent, switching glances between me and his drink with a complicated look. Then he finally let out a long, heavy sigh—like he’d given up.
And strangely enough, a smile tugged at the corners of his lips.
“It’s hard to say.”
“Why?”
“Because if I do, I’ll sound like a total piece of shit.”
“…”
What the hell? I squinted at him. He just shrugged.
“More accurately… I was scared you’d be disgusted with me. That’s why I couldn’t say anything. But you still want me to be honest?”
Of course, I nodded.
“…That day—the day the Captain passed away. We ran into each other there, remember?”
Yugeon’s voice was quiet. He’d come with his fellow engineers, paid a quick tribute, and said he had to return to duty. But I’d overheard his coworkers afterward wondering why he left so quickly—wasn’t he already off for the day? That’s when I realized he’d lied.
“I was really angry that day.”
“Why?”
“Because you were with the Vice-Captain… no, the new Captain now…”
Yugeon’s expression twisted—whether from the memory or the words he was trying to say.
“You were probably just trying to comfort him. I know that. Anyone could see that. But I’d never seen you that close with someone else before. And for a second… I blanked out.
And then I hated myself for being angry about it.”
In short, he’d felt rage at seeing me hug the Vice-Captain, even though it was clearly a gesture of comfort. And that rage made him feel disgusted with himself.
“I was terrified you’d feel the same way about me if I told you. That you’d be disgusted too.”
“…Why the hell would I be disgusted?”
So that’s what he was worried about. It was absurd.
“Whether it’s a five-year-old afraid of losing a friend or a grown man, I don’t care.”
The words came out with a sigh.
“Do emotions ever go the way we want them to? No, right?”
“…”
“If I’m okay with it, then stop beating yourself up. Don’t dig yourself into a hole.”
I downed the rest of my drink in frustration and wiped my lips. I could feel the buzz starting to kick in, but since it was Yugeon sitting across from me, I felt safe.
I stood up, walked around the table, and sat down beside him. Gently took his face and turned it toward me, locking eyes.
“Got it?”
“…Yeah.”
Yugeon answered quietly, letting out a soft, breathy laugh.
His expression was a mix of relief, joy, and sadness all at once.
***
Still, if he had to say, Min Yugeon was definitely in a good mood now.
“I hate it when it’s you acting that way, not anyone else.”
That line had struck deep.
“Want another drink?”
He asked, trying to hold back a grin but still wearing a bit of lingering guilt. Seo Suho frowned and set his glass down, clearly torn about it. He said nothing as his face started to flush slightly.
With such pale skin, the heat rising in his cheeks was obvious. Yugeon found his eyes being drawn to that warm red. Suho noticed and shook his head.
“I’m good.”
“But we’re off tomorrow. And it’s not even that late.”
“Even if it’s with you, I’m not comfortable getting sloppy drunk.”
He still remembered the mess he’d made in front of Yeo Wonjin all too well. And even though this was Min Yugeon, he didn’t want to go that far again.
“I don’t think we drank that much. Is this stuff that strong?”
Suho picked up the bottle and gave it a light shake. His hand looked unsteady—like he might drop it at any moment. Watching anxiously, Yugeon gently reached out and tried to take the bottle away.
“Okay, okay. Let’s say it is.”
“…”
Suho quietly watched as Yugeon took the bottle from his hand—one hand holding Suho’s, the other removing the bottle. Then Suho slipped his fingers between Yugeon’s and laced them together. It almost felt like Yugeon had initiated it first.
“…!”
“…Thanks.”
Yugeon’s eyes went wide as he stared directly at Suho.
“For everything. Always.”
It slipped out on impulse. But maybe this was a good chance to say things he couldn’t normally say—alcohol or not.
“I wouldn’t have been able to do anything without you.”
Yugeon looked deeply into Suho’s eyes.
“…You think you’re the only one?”
He tightened his grip on their hands and murmured,
“I would’ve lived a wreck without you too.”
“You?”
Suho tilted his head. Yugeon always struck him as someone who could take care of himself just fine.
Yugeon let out a soft, incredulous laugh, clearly seeing through his thoughts. His entire life was tied to Seo Suho—it wouldn’t be an exaggeration to say Suho filled every part of it. And yet Suho was the only one who didn’t realize it.
Of course, Suho probably knew he was important to Yugeon. But he likely thought it was just the bond of long-time friendship.
If he ever found out that wasn’t the case… what would he think?
“Yeah. If it weren’t for you.”
Yugeon looked at him as he said it, firm and clear. Heat slowly bloomed between their joined hands.
“…”
“…”
The faint smile faded from both their faces as they quietly held each other’s gaze.
