At his sharpened voice, Jaehyuk finally realized what he was angry about.
The lies and everything that had happened so far were fine.
He had already decided to cover it all up and understood it sufficiently.
Looking back, Junghyun had never lied from the beginning.
And he had given countless hints.
At the root, what created this nightmarish situation was the contract that he himself had agreed to.
In that sense, Junyoung was right.
A relationship that begins with deception can never end well.
All relationships are bound by the framework of their beginnings.
So he understood that.
What made him angry was Junghyun’s self-destructive behavior and his unilateral attitude.
Even if he couldn’t hope for trust, he should have at least given him prior notice.
If it was difficult to talk because he was afraid of rejection, he should have expressed it indirectly.
If he had done that…
At that point in his thoughts, Jaehyuk despaired once again.
“Damn it…”
Though unintentional, Junghyun had shown many signs.
He just hadn’t recognized them.
Even looking at Yeonwoo, he had struggled quite a bit in early pregnancy.
He couldn’t eat properly, frequently fell asleep due to hormonal changes, and became emotionally sensitive to the point where his exhaustion was visible. The fact that Junghyun had endured all of that alone made Jaehyuk feel sorry and pitiful, but then he felt resentful again thinking, “why didn’t he tell me earlier?” Ultimately, he became depressed again wondering if Junghyun couldn’t trust him that much.
Since learning about the pregnancy, it had been a constant cycle of these emotions.
“I’m going to develop emotional instability at this rate.”
“I think you already have…”
At Yoonho’s objective assessment, Jaehyuk’s eyes, which had been filled with despair, turned fierce again.
“Shut up.”
As the anger phase began again, Yoonho quietly lowered his gaze and picked up his full glass of alcohol.
And once again, he sipped his drink very cautiously.
Sitting there with a look that could flay flesh with his eyes, then suddenly sighing in despair, and then again looking as if he would burn down the whole world—he definitely didn’t seem in his right mind.
Having seen his condition over the past month and having contributed somewhat to this situation, Yoonho cautiously offered practical advice.
“It might be inappropriate to say this in this situation, but…”
As he began with that preface, Jaehyuk gave him an irritated look.
“Didn’t your parents teach you when you were young?”
“…What?”
“Not to say things that are ‘inappropriate to say.'”
Yoonho thought this manner of speaking was very similar to Junghyun’s, but for the sake of Jaehyuk’s emotional state, he deliberately refrained from mentioning it.
Instead, he immediately started saying what was “inappropriate to say in this situation.”
“I’m sorry, but my parents weren’t the type to be careful enough with their words to teach me such things. So I’ll just say it. That guy’s personality is truly difficult, but honestly, that’s why you liked him, isn’t it?”
At those words that pierced his core, Jaehyuk gritted his teeth.
Now the phase of emptiness and depression was beginning.
“That’s exactly the problem…”
Even in this situation, his mind was filled with countless questions and anxieties that wouldn’t leave: Is he sleeping well alone? What if he wakes up and feels sad because I’m not there? At four months pregnant, his body must be starting to feel difficult—should I go home quickly?
His numerous doubts and anxieties that wouldn’t leave his mind even while drinking made him feel too shabby and worthless.
So as he drank his bitter alcohol as if venting his frustration, Yoonho slowly explained his own process of accepting Junghyun.
“Then just accept him as he is. Trying to change someone doesn’t work easily, and especially that guy won’t change. So what I want to say is…”
Thinking he might be talking too much, Yoonho neatly summarized there.
“…It’s easier if you give up.”
At this empty answer, Jaehyuk silently raised his eyes and glared at Yoonho.
Now, beyond depression and emptiness, another cycle of anger was beginning.
Seeing the face that clearly revealed his thoughts, Yoonho immediately continued.
“Hyung, you’re not going to divorce him, right?”
“…”
“I understand that you’re angry and irritated and want to hit him, but if you want to keep him, you’ll have to give up. But on the other hand, if he accepts something, he’ll fix it well. If you tell him to quit drinking, he’ll definitely quit, and baseball… he probably can’t quit that, but anyway, if you coax him well, Junghyun will do well too. His ability to execute is outstanding.”
It certainly seems that way from any perspective.
Bold, daring, and with a quick temper.
Hearing it put that way, the answer was already clear.
Ultimately, in all human relationships, the one who is more desperate is bound to lose.
He knew that.
That’s why he was even more furious.
“Talking to you has made me feel even worse.”
“…I’m sorry about that. Anyway, he’s still my junior, in that state…”
“And your accomplice too.”
“Please call me a facilitator.”
“What we call that is an accomplice.”
The difference between facilitator and accomplice is just general terminology versus legal terminology.
At Jaehyuk’s look that said not to play with words, Yoonho immediately agreed.
“…That’s true…”
At this docile, almost submissive attitude, Jaehyuk looked at Yoonho’s still-full glass. Then he dropped a command.
“Drink.”
The words “until you die” were omitted, but that’s how it sounded to Yoonho’s ears.
So, he obediently picked up his glass.
Today was a day to die.
* * *
At a time closer to morning than night.
After doing his best to send Yoonho home, Jaehyuk entered the house and quietly closed the inner door.
Knowing full well that Junghyun wouldn’t wake up, he still walked as carefully as possible, muffling even his footsteps as he passed through the hallway and opened the bedroom door, but inside it was silent.
Still, just in case, he carefully approached the bed and sat at the bedside. He looked down at Junghyun, but due to the darkness, he couldn’t see his face properly.
If he didn’t want to wake him, it would be better not to turn on the light, but perhaps due to the alcohol, he felt a strong desire to see him.
So he impulsively turned on the mood light.
Then, in the dim darkness, Junghyun’s peacefully sleeping face was revealed.
He was in exactly the same position that Jaehyuk had neatly arranged before leaving the house.
That meant he hadn’t woken up even once in between.
While he felt relieved, some emotion suddenly began to bubble up again.
Perhaps because of the alcohol, his mood swings were more severe than usual.
It was clear emotional instability.
The other was pregnant. Just barely in the fourth month.
So he had to endure.
As he firmly suppressed his emotions and turned his gaze, his eyes fell on the diary placed on the side table.
Actually, he had looked at it once more before leaving, but feeling curious and wanting to see it again, he opened the diary.
And as he turned to the first page, the ultrasound photo that had been occupying his mind came into view.
As he traced the photo with his hand and lowered his gaze, he saw the date, time, hospital name, and week number written there.
Though it was difficult to make out clearly.
“…Why is the handwriting like this again…”
And why is the content like a lab journal again…
Without any emotional response about the pregnancy or the baby, just a simple report-style maternity notebook—Jaehyuk sighed but continued to read through the dry journal page by page.
March 4th – Good.
March 5th – Good.
March 6th – Good.
Seeing the content filled only with “good,” Jaehyuk laughed in disbelief.
It’s nice that it’s good, but did he really have to write it like this?
Aren’t normal maternity notebooks more detailed? As he was pondering this, the next ultrasound photo appeared.
March 7th – 3.6cm, heart rate 164bpm. Healthy. Arms and legs distinguishable. Signs of a strong baby. Good.
The journal that invariably ended with “good”—looking at the ultrasound again, honestly, he couldn’t tell much.
Just the head and torso were visible.
Yet there was a feeling of something welling up inside him.
It would have been more moving if the handwriting had been neater and the content more sincere, but strangely enough, his heart was stirred even by this dry, lab report-like notebook.
With a surge of emotion, feeling as if hot water was filling up inside his chest, he looked from the world’s most perfunctory maternity notebook back to Junghyun.
And once again, he felt a surge of emotion.
“Damn you…”
With a sudden burst of emotion, Jaehyuk lightly tapped Junghyun’s forehead as he slept, then looked down at the diary before climbing onto the bed.
Honestly, his vision was already swimming.
As remarkable as it was that Yoonho had made it home, it was equally surprising that he himself had returned home in one piece.
Perhaps due to the alcohol, drowsiness overcame him, and without even taking off his outer clothes, he lay down and pulled Junghyun’s head into his arms.
Immediately, darkness enveloped his mind.
And so he fell asleep without even taking a breath.
Author: Hyacinthus B
Hyacinthus
