Chapter 114
I’ve been going for walks frequently these days. Well, it’s called a walk, but I’ve been roaming the streets for two or three hours without a set destination. I’m not going out because I enjoy walking, but because of a declaration I made to Mitchell.
The declaration that I would go to auditions.
I’m in a difficult situation after throwing out those words in a fit of anger. In fact, it’s because I haven’t decided what to do yet.
As usual, I wandered the streets alone under the guise of a walk. Before I knew it, I had arrived at a bustling area.
I was quite surprised to find myself in a place I hadn’t expected at all. The distance from home to here was quite far. Since I had arrived here by aimlessly following where my feet took me, I didn’t even know exactly how long I had walked.
“Hmm.”
I looked up. The largest billboard in this busy area caught my eye. A preview for some new movie was playing.
I stood alone among the passing people, staring up at the billboard. Surprisingly, Mitchell appeared. It must be a movie he had filmed before.
Even on the screen, he was delivering a serious performance with a shining face. Seeing Mitchell on the billboard rather than in person, I felt a sudden sharp pain in my chest. I couldn’t take my eyes off the billboard until the movie preview ended, an advertisement played, and the preview started again.
‘You idiot. Aren’t you going to act?’
At that moment, the desire lurking in a corner of my heart whispered to me. My heart gradually began to race, and my breath quickened. Thanks to my heart pumping in earnest, blood rushed through my body. Even my face felt hot.
“I want to.”
Without realizing it, I voiced the true feelings I had hidden deep inside. As my suppressed true intentions suddenly burst out, a scene naturally came to mind.
Me acting alongside Mitchell.
I’m not sure what kind of movie or genre it would be, but I could see us acting together as equals.
Suddenly, I felt the urge to show Mitchell how great a person I am.
But how could I?
In truth, my confidence as an actor had dropped significantly. It was largely due to unintentionally having to leave two projects in a row.
The agency had given me some decent new scripts for projects filming near LA, but none of them appealed to me. Until now, I thought it was because I didn’t like the projects, but watching Mitchell’s movie on the billboard made me realize something.
The problem wasn’t the projects, it was me.
I was afraid of failing again. My feet were truly in a swamp. Unable to move forward and standing still, I was gradually sinking deeper.
“I should act…”
While knowing the way to achieve success on my own, I deliberately turned a blind eye. Afraid of failure, I wandered for a while. I stopped still, unable to even think about escaping the swamp that was gradually pulling me in.
I just kept running away.
“…Shit.”
I grimaced as if collapsing from the shock of being hit on the head.
It was me who put the final period on my downfall. It was all my doing. Now was the time to pull myself out.
Foolish idiot. To realize this only now.
Half-buried in the swamp, I struggled hard and crawled out. As I crossed the crosswalk, the mud of failure and frustration that had clung to my body fell off on its own. Thanks to that, my body felt lighter.
On my way back home, I kept thinking about acting. I tried to imitate the acting of the actor I saw on the billboard, and I mentally recited lines from Korean movies I had completely forgotten.
The return journey provided enough time to organize my thoughts.
I need to act.
I need to become a better person.
I need to do what I love.
After going through numerous resolutions and deliberations to reach this conclusion, a layer of inexplicable anxiety peeled away.
I decided to become that kind of person.
For myself, and to perfectly possess Mitchell.
***
I went straight to the agency first. None of the people I saw when I signed the contract were there, and an unfamiliar employee was manning the desk.
I asked the employee for a list of auditions. The employee, wearing red horn-rimmed glasses, kindly provided not only audition pamphlets but also printed out information found on the internet.
I thanked the employee and left the building. Returning to my car, I carefully examined each audition information sheet.
“This one’s out… This one, hmm, on hold… In this one, I’d appear for less than 10 minutes? Out. This one’s good. Oh, this one’s good too…”
I selected auditions as if I were a judge. I chose based on good scripts and auditions scheduled within a month.
In Korea, scripts naturally come to actors with name value, but in the US, casting is usually decided through auditions. Even fairly successful actors audition.
However, since I have a career in Korea, some scripts for me did come to the agency. But from now on, I intend to start from scratch and compete.
That’s right.
I decided to become an aspiring actor.
With the mindset of breaking through auditions myself! The ambition to climb step by step and devour all of Hollywood!
As my mindset changed, my goals grew endlessly. Even so, there wasn’t enough time to catch up to Mitchell, who was running far ahead.
Who knows?
Maybe I’ll become an even greater actor than Mitchell.
Hehe. I imagined standing proudly next to Mitchell, grinning like a mischievous kid. The frustration that had been bothering me for a while disappeared, and I felt a pleasant stirring inside.
This feeling was similar to what I felt when I directly confirmed that Mitchell was head over heels for me.
It was an emotion I only felt when it was related to my target…
…It was strange.
Anyway, I narrowed down the auditions to about 9 and returned home. Considering additional information about the directors and production companies I found online, I further reduced it to 5. I completed the final selection of auditions I would participate in.
I briefly wondered if I should inform Mitchell of my progress in detail. I had already told him I would be auditioning, and since he’s the agency president, I thought he might already know.
I found out the next day that my prediction wasn’t wrong.
***
Mitchell, who woke up early in the morning, went to the kitchen after finishing his shower. He heated up the soup prepared by the helper and took out instant rice.
He himself just had cereal. He ate cereal while standing next to the bubbling pot. He greeted the quiet and somewhat lonely morning alone.
It was always like this, so he didn’t think much of it, but what was a bit different from other days was that delicious smells kept wafting from beside him.
He suddenly thought it might be nice to have breakfast together with Geon-woo.
Right then, he heard a voice calling, “Mitchell-“. The trembling voice sounded like a goat’s bleat or a cat’s meow. Either way, it was Geon-woo’s voice, not fully awake yet.
Mitchell turned off the induction stove, put the empty bowl in the sink, and went to the bedroom. He saw Geon-woo sitting at the edge of the bed, rubbing his eyes.
“Why are you up so early?”
“I smelled something delicious. Are you going straight to filming?”
Mitchell glanced at the wall clock.
“Yeah. I think it’s about time to leave.”
Just then, Mitchell’s phone rang in his pocket. It was David calling to let him know he had arrived near the house, right on time.
Jack was supposed to come originally, but David was coming today as he had other schedules as well.
“He says he’ll be here soon.”
As Mitchell, who had ended the call, came out to the living room, Geon-woo followed behind him.
“That.”
Mitchell pointed to the pot on the induction stove. It meant for Geon-woo to eat it himself.
“Thanks.”
Geon-woo, who had been briefly clinging to Mitchell, put on his clothes. On days with early filming schedules, there were many times when he couldn’t even say goodbye, but today he was fortunately able to see Mitchell off.
“I heard you’re preparing for auditions?”
Mitchell said as they were coming down the hill path and approaching the iron gate. His voice was somewhat cold.
