He’d probably be scared if he saw me. I could feel my heart pumping as if it were about to burst. Judging by how dry my eyes felt, it seemed like even the tiny blood vessels had ruptured.
Even though I knew I had to pull it up, the corner of my lips refused to rise, and I felt my cheeks growing cold.
This was my real face—one I could never show anyone, especially not Cha Jungwoo.
After everything I’d endured until now, I couldn’t let it all collapse because of a single moment.
That was why I exhaled shakily, steadied my breathing, and pressed my hands over my face, forcing the tension out of my eyes.
Maybe I’d succeeded in controlling my expression, because when our eyes met, Cha Jungwoo looked awkward and lowered his gaze. I felt a brief sense of relief at having smoothed things over, then immediately turned to Go Heemin.
“Ah, right. Thanks for letting me use this.”
Go Heemin lifted the jumper that had been draped over him.
“Uh, yeah….”
…Right. That was exactly what had almost caused a scene. Why were you the one wearing it? My teeth ground together at Go Heemin’s unintentional interference.
If he hadn’t been someone close to Cha Jungwoo—if he’d just said something even slightly careless—I would’ve gotten rid of him without hesitation.
Or I would’ve used some dirty trick to shove these bastards aside. But Go Heemin was too thorough, too meticulous a person, and that made him a headache.
Should I keep him close or not? Tilting my head with lingering reluctance, I spoke.
“…Jungwoo, where are the others?”
“Oh, right. Heemin, shouldn’t Kang Taeyoon be finishing soon?”
“Yeah, looks like it. Then shall we get moving~”
Truthfully, I didn’t want to stay in this lecture hall any longer either.
So I used the excuse of checking on the situation to hint that I wanted to leave.
Whether fortunate or unfortunate, Cha Jungwoo seemed to be thinking the same thing. Urging Go Heemin along, he gathered his things and gave off the clear impression that he wanted to get out of the classroom.
Go Heemin stood up and gestured toward the exit. Almost at the same moment, Cha Jungwoo glanced back at me, then hurried after him.
Through the gap in the curtain swaying in the wind, his silhouette drifted farther and farther away.
It felt like I could grab him if I just reached out my hand—yet I held myself back, and that restraint felt unfamiliar.
Watching Cha Jungwoo, and then watching him again, I felt a hollow numbness spreading to my fingertips.
Jungwoo… I missed you this time, but there won’t be a second.
If I were to define this feeling as love… then love didn’t seem like something purely noble after all.
***
Ever since the day I’d mistaken Go Heemin for Cha Jungwoo and reached out my hand, Cha Jungwoo’s guard had grown noticeably tighter.
It was good that he tried not to show it. Honestly, my instincts were probably just too sharp.
Normally I’d run into him easily after class ended. Seeing Cha Jungwoo suddenly nowhere to be found made a dry laugh slip out.
If you want to be considerate, just stay still and let me hold you. The memory of Cha Jungwoo darting his eyes around while trying to avoid skinship made my insides boil.
Right after my class ended, I moved without even finishing packing up. After confirming the empty seats and the undergrads filing out, I picked up my phone and started typing a message.
I’d tried calling Cha Jungwoo, but when he didn’t answer, I went looking for other people instead.
[Has anyone seen Jungwoo? I need to discuss something about class, but he’s not answering.]
Well, Jungwoo was the diligent type. There was a high chance he just couldn’t pick up because of a lecture.
[Cha Jungwoo? He said something earlier about a department gathering. Said he’d go right after class. Haven’t you heard? You’ve been hanging around them a lot lately. By the way, Min Siheon, are you going too? Since when do you do stuff like that?]
Feeling the long vibration, I checked the message and turned my steps around. These were connections I’d built after entering second year, suppressing my old reckless tendencies and carefully managing my image.
Cha Jungwoo had been the biggest help in shaping that image—but now my daily routine had become chasing after him using the very connections I’d built for his sake.
After sending a brief, polite thank-you reply, I searched through my phone for the Business Administration department notice that had to be somewhere. The yearly drinking gathering couldn’t have come at a better time.
“Daehangno, ○○○○.”
Once I checked the date and location, everything I needed to do became clear.
I shoved my phone roughly into my pocket and set off on my search for Cha Jungwoo.
***
I arrived at the bar after walking briskly. If you asked just how diligent Cha Jungwoo was, the answer would be this: I found him exactly where I’d been told the department gathering would be.
He must’ve just arrived. I spotted his back near the entrance, standing blankly as if looking for a seat.
As he glanced around, his soft hair swayed gently, and under the dim bar lighting, Cha Jungwoo’s face glowed pale.
…I’m seriously gone. I didn’t even think he was that pale of a type. The fact that I could only see Cha Jungwoo in this noisy crowd felt absurd.
Ignoring the loud chatter, I approached him.
Watching the people walking ahead of me, I seized the perfect moment and grabbed Cha Jungwoo’s shoulder.
Feeling the firm line of his shoulder bone through the fabric in my hand, a deep smile spread across my face, satisfaction rising within me.
Yes. This was exactly what I’d been searching for all along—the one whose mere presence made the air feel different.
“Jungwoo.”
“What, it’s you?”
“You didn’t answer your phone, so I thought I’d check. Figures you were already here.”
“You called? Sorry, I put my phone on silent for class and must’ve forgotten to turn it back on.”
That was probably the truth. Even the way he avoided me seemed more like an unconscious reaction.
Struggling slightly, Cha Jungwoo met my eyes and smiled. The way his eyes curved softly and the way his lips lifted when greeting someone were ridiculously addictive.
Before I knew it, I smiled back, and Cha Jungwoo let out a small huff of laughter.
He could make such defenseless expressions only because he didn’t know how I felt.
It would be impossible to keep this hidden forever. That thought had me wanting to look at him as much as I could while I still had the chance.
Just as I naturally moved to take the seat beside him and join his group, the guys walking ahead turned around and looked at me.
My eyes met the person closest to me.
…Go Heemin. There was no doubt his opinion had played a part in why we ended up coming separately.
With a sinking gaze, I stared at him, irritation creeping in. He tilted his head with a nauseatingly innocent expression.
“Oh? What, Min Siheon? You sitting with us too?”
“Yeah, I’ll join you guys.”
That’s enough for today. So get lost already.
Because of Cha Jungwoo’s relationships, I usually tolerated his interference a few times a day.
But maybe it was because of the strange distance that had grown between us lately—today, I couldn’t let it slide anymore.
Go Heemin must’ve sensed my mood. With a reluctant look, he headed toward Yoo In-ho’s table together with Kang Taeyoon.
“Suit yourself. …I’m not getting involved anymore~”
“What’s with him now?”
As satisfaction flooded in, I looked at Cha Jungwoo. Kind and naive as ever, he immediately tried to worry about me first.
The casual yet gentle hand patting my back made me want to pull him straight into an embrace.
Ah, if that happened, it would be just Cha Jungwoo and me—isolated here together.
Part of me wanted him to understand this twisted feeling… and another part wanted him to never know.
“He’s just shy, even if it doesn’t look like it. Don’t worry about it.”
“Yeah, I get it.”
Regardless of whether I liked them or not, I understood how they felt.
Go Heemin, and Kang Taeyoon beside him. There was no way they’d want to hand someone as kind as Cha Jungwoo over to someone like me.
But what can they do? I already found him. If they didn’t want him taken, they should’ve kept a better eye on him from the start.
No matter what anyone said, I had no intention of backing down.
***
Inside the bar, heated by Yoo In-ho and the other undergrads, the atmosphere buzzed. I’d been sitting beside Cha Jungwoo, killing time comfortably.
I could’ve chased after him. The memory of the wrist that slipped out of my grasp came back to me. Like a child who’d lost a toy, I stared at my empty palm, then clenched my fist tightly in frustration.
As I repeatedly opened and closed my hand, Go Heemin—who’d been watching me—propped his chin on his arm atop the table.
Judging by his expression, he’d been waiting for this moment.
“…Hey, Yoo In-ho. Someone’s calling you over there.”
“Huh? Go Heemin, you sobered up? Where? Who’s calling me?”
“Over there.”
Maybe it was just a convenient setup, but right on cue, someone from the direction Go Heemin pointed called out to Yoo In-ho. Confirming it, Yoo In-ho got up and left the table.
“Yoo In-ho! Come here for a sec!”
“Ah, the burden of popularity~ Alright, I’m coming! Hey, if Cha Jung finds me, tell him I’m over there, okay?”
“Yeah, got it.”
And just like that, only three of us remained at the table: me, Go Heemin, and Kang Taeyoon.
He’d probably been aiming for this from the start. Go Heemin straightened his posture and poured himself a drink.
What an act. I’d known for a while he wasn’t actually drunk. A guy famous for holding his liquor suddenly slurring after a few beers had been suspicious from the beginning.
More than anything, the biggest hint was that Kang Taeyoon hadn’t actively stopped him from drinking.
At first, Kang Taeyoon had stayed close under the pretense of supporting him—but at some point, he’d stepped away and just watched Go Heemin sway side to side.
There was only one reason for that: to play along with Go Heemin’s performance.
Even Cha Jungwoo falling for such a flimsy act felt oddly cute. The more I thought about Cha Jungwoo, the more I wanted to see him again.
I stared at Go Heemin as if to say that if he didn’t start talking now, I’d go after Cha Jungwoo immediately. Letting out a sigh, Go Heemin handed his beer glass to Kang Taeyoon.
“Taeyoon, thanks.”
“I’ll make sure you pay me back for this.”
“All because of this Jungwoo situation, I’m the one who’s gonna suffer for nothing.”
Kang Taeyoon let out a faint laugh, and seeing that, Go Heemin tipped back his glass and drank it in one go.
I had no interest in whatever they were talking about. The only thing on my mind right now was Cha Jungwoo, who’d left earlier.
What if that warm personality of his ended up captivating someone else while I wasn’t around?
Absolutely not. I was already barely holding my temper together as it was—if more people started hovering around him, I wouldn’t be able to endure it. My impatience kept growing stronger.
