“I’m going crazy. A crush….”
I never thought I’d end up experiencing something like a crush at this age.
In a hazy daze, I staggered to my feet. I was planning to at least go out to the living room and drink some cold water.
But after only a few steps, I dropped back down into a squat.
…Can I even do this? The moment I realized I liked Min Siheon, my body stopped functioning properly.
Just thinking about him left me like this, so there was no way I’d be able to act calm if he were right in front of me.
The feelings were so completely different from any relationship I’d had before that it was tormenting. I’d liked people before, sure—but I’d never felt like I was burning up with a fever like this.
…I do feel a little sorry for them. But this isn’t something I can control.
I did like them back then. But this—this is my first time feeling something like this.
Still squatting, I buried my head into my knees when my phone, sitting on the desk, began to vibrate.
Bzzz— The continuous buzzing of notifications drew my gaze.
But not long after, I squeezed my eyes shut again. Right now, all I wanted was to run away from reality.
“Please, just stop calling….”
I didn’t even need to check to know who it was. The one who’d been tormenting my phone since Friday. Min Siheon—who clearly sounded angry.
Even from the last time I’d heard his voice, I could tell he wasn’t in a good mood.
I knew that even someone as mild-tempered as Min Siheon would have a hard time holding back after I’d cut off all contact for over two days.
So a few days ago—Friday afternoon—I was with Kang Taeyoon when I got a call from Min Siheon.
It was just a simple question about where I was. But maybe because I felt like I’d done something wrong, I ended up lying without even meaning to.
At first, I thought I was just avoiding him out of guilt for asking about that female sunbae he’d been rumored to be involved with.
But in truth, it wasn’t something that simple.
It was because I liked him. I’d been jealous of other people over Min Siheon.
Because of that, when he asked if I was heading to his place, I couldn’t answer easily. Instead, the urge to avoid him bubbled up from deep in my chest.
With my mind clouded, I agonized for a long time over what I should say.
Watching Kang Taeyoon shake his head while sipping his coffee, I realized the only one I could rely on was myself.
“Th-then I’ll just go home. Where else would I go?”
—……
After I barely managed to say that, Min Siheon didn’t respond. It sounded noisy around him, so I figured he was in a lecture hall. I tilted my head when I couldn’t hear his voice.
“Ts.”
“Hey…! Be quiet!”
Kang Taeyoon, sitting across from me, clicked his tongue low when he saw the cold sweat on my face.
The café was quieter than I’d expected, so I was worried Min Siheon might overhear.
So I raised a finger to my lips again and quietly asked Kang Taeyoon to keep it down.
Kang Taeyoon, who was staring somewhere out the window with an annoyed expression, wasn’t important right now.
“Ha.”
Then Kang Taeyoon let out a disbelieving scoff. Leaning his elbow on the table, chin propped on his hand, he wore an expression that looked like a sneer.
Is he insane? Seeing him act like some delinquent just because Go Heemin wasn’t around made my headache double.
After warning him once more to keep quiet, I called out to Min Siheon through the phone.
“Uh, Siheon, I’m heading to the subway right now. Is it okay if I call you later?”
—…Ah, the subway.
“Yeah. Then have a good weekend, and I’ll contact you again.”
—Cha Jungwoo, you—
In my haste, I pressed the end-call button without even listening to him finish calling my name.
Even though the air conditioner was running inside, my back was drenched in cold sweat.
As soon as the call ended, I gulped down the coffee on the table.
Brushing my fallen bangs back, I hurriedly gathered my things. Kang Taeyoon, who had been looking out the window, turned his head toward me.
“What are you doing?”
“Home. I’m going home now. Kang Taeyoon, thanks for making time today. Uh, next time I’ll treat you and Go Heemin to a meal. You were the one who got Heemin’s birthday present, after all.”
“Do whatever.”
Just as I was about to stand, Kang Taeyoon spoke in a low voice. He crossed his arms and leaned back against the sofa.
“Hey, leave through the side door.”
“…What?”
His sudden comment made me pause in confusion. He still looked troubled.
“Just listen to me.”
“What kind of bullshit is that?”
“Don’t go through the first floor. Take the outside stairs. It’s closer to the station.”
“Then you should’ve said that from the start. I’m really leaving.”
“Go.”
That was the last thing before I moved away from Kang Taeyoon, who let out a sigh.
…It felt suspicious, but he’d made time for me. I figured I’d listen to him at least once and left through the exit he’d told me about.
“…And that’s how it started.”
These never-ending calls.
After that phone call at the café on Friday, my phone had been quiet for about thirty minutes. But after that, messages started pouring in at a frightening pace.
I checked, wondering if something had happened—and every single sender was the same person. Min Siheon. As if something urgent had come up, he kept pressing me to contact him.
[Why aren’t you answering your phone?]
[Are you still on your way home?]
[Call me when you see this.]
:
:
[Jungwoo, how much longer do I have to wait?]
After reading that last message, I couldn’t think straight.
I was still in the middle of realizing my feelings for Min Siheon, so answering him felt almost impossible.
No—if I can’t even handle a phone call, how am I supposed to face him?
I dropped from my squat and sat down heavily on the floor.
It was now the third day of deliberately ignoring him. Since yesterday, Yoo In-ho’s messages had started flooding in too.
If only they’d been about something else—but every single one of them was related to Min Siheon.
[Cha Jung, what the hell is going on? Why is that bastard Min Siheon losing his shit??? He says he’s not angry but his voice is scary as hell. And why doesn’t he just call you directly? Why’s he asking me about you?]
[Did you two fight? You’re not elementary schoolers, what are you even doing?]
[You crazy bastard! I’m gonna get a neurosis at this rate! Min Siheon’s obsession is insane! I’ve gotten 47 calls and texts from him in two days! Is he my ex-girlfriend? Is he my ex?? Answer his damn calls!]
[…You’re not dead, right? You didn’t collapse somewhere on the street, did you?]
[Hello. I’m a friend of the owner of this phone. If something has happened to them or the phone has been lost, please contact 000-0000-0000.]
After receiving that last message, I had no choice but to reply to Yoo In-ho. It didn’t feel right to make him worry any more than this.
[I’m the owner of the phone. I’m alive and well. I just had something going on and couldn’t answer. And it’s nothing serious. What are we, high schoolers? I’ll be at school on Monday, so just ignore it. …Sorry for making you worry. I’ll buy you a drink next time.]
Thankfully, Yoo In-ho didn’t get angry when he saw my message. True to his straightforward nature, he replied coolly.
[Then you should’ve answered sooner, I was fucking worried. Yeah, knowing you and him, it’s probably not something huge. The great Yoo In-ho will endure the weekend somehow. If I get pissed, I’m blocking Min Siheon. …And honestly, if I had to choose between you and him, I’m on your side. LOL. I didn’t tell Min Siheon that I’m on his side, though? LOLLLLL. See you Monday. You better load up your wallet now, ’cause I’m drinking you dry soon.]
Feeling relieved, I checked the rest of my messages and saw that Go Heemin had contacted me too. It wasn’t as desperate as Yoo In-ho’s, but I could tell there was concern for me underneath.
…Seriously, I can’t hate him. I pictured him nagging with that aloof expression. As Min Siheon’s unrequited love, he was really a good guy.
[Are you okay?]
What on earth did he hear…. I didn’t know the details, but I figured I should just say I was fine.
[Yeah. I think I ended up causing trouble for people here and there. Sorry. See you at school.]
It felt wrong dragging other people into our fight for no reason, so I ended up feeling guilty instead.
But I was too emotionally exhausted to write a long reply. I knew he was kind and a good person—but realizing my feelings made everything hurt too much.
Before I knew it, that agonizing weekend was finally coming to an end.
Sitting on the floor, I looked out the window into the darkness. I prayed that this night wouldn’t end if possible.
A curse rose to the tip of my tongue. Of course, it was meant for myself.
***
“You skipped your morning class again today?? Are you insane? You’ve been going off the rails lately. Are you planning to have me attend the fall semester for you~”
“What the hell, Yoo In-ho. How’d you even find this place….”
Monday at lunchtime, inside the empty department club room. I was sitting alone on the sofa when Yoo In-ho burst in through the door.
“How? I asked around! What the hell happened for you to be acting like this?”
“…I told you, it’s nothing. I’m just feeling unsettled. Hey, you know better than anyone that I usually attend class properly.”
Yoo In-ho walked over toward me. Even while talking, he lifted his arms and scratched both shoulders like he’d gotten goosebumps.
Seeing his deeply furrowed expression only made me more anxious.
When I looked at him with concern, he tilted his head and clicked his tongue low.
“Yeah, whatever. More importantly—why is Min Siheon in such a bad mood? I ran into him earlier. …Crazy, I’m still getting chills. I’ve never seen him like that! His face was like….”
“…You ran into Min Siheon?”
Yoo In-ho tossed his bag onto the table and flopped down onto the sofa beside me. I felt the cushion bounce from his weight, but that wasn’t important right now.
“Yeah. …Hey, he asked me where you were, but I kept my mouth shut like I didn’t know anything. Pretty awesome, right? Now hurry up and say ‘All hail Yoo In-ho.’”
“…All hail Yoo In-ho.”
“Oh? You actually said it. But why’d you leave out the ‘nim’? Anyway, what seriously happened? Why’s that bastard so pissed?”
How am I supposed to explain this? I couldn’t possibly tell Yoo In-ho the truth about the situation.
That I was avoiding Min Siheon because I was afraid of facing him—and that Min Siheon was angry because of it.
