“We should meet up later and do it together. Let’s meet with the other guys too.”
Hee-ae, who I thought was just observing the others, suddenly turned around and spoke. He glanced sideways at Cho-yeon and said half-heartedly. Hee-ae still seemed to be on awkward terms with Cho-yeon. Their discomfort was obvious at a glance.
“The bell’s about to ring soon, so let’s talk later.”
I said while checking the time. The clock hanging above the classroom showed one minute until class started. I slowly confirmed that the three of them were returning to their seats before sitting down myself.
Now after-school activities were over too. It was because exam period was approaching. The group project seemed like it would be finished just barely before exam period.
As soon as after-school activities ended, we were bound together again by the group project. Only our seats had moved apart, but everything else was still stuck together as usual.
***
The next morning, my mother was sitting and staring blankly into space. She said the weather was getting cold quickly and was already preparing for winter. Mother had taken out autumn clothes, and I was sorting through old summer clothes to discard.
“Should I throw away those books?”
Mother stopped taking out clothes and asked. I thought for a long time about what “those books” meant. Eventually, perhaps frustrated, Mother spoke again.
“I mean the bookshelf in your room. There are tons of books there, don’t you have anything to throw away?”
“Ah, that bookshelf… Just leave it as is. I already sorted through everything a long time ago, so there’s nothing to throw away.”
“Do you even read the books there? You seemed to read them a lot last year, but I haven’t seen you reading them once this year.”
“I will read them.”
I answered with a smile and stopped organizing the clothes. I’d thought about getting rid of the books completely for a long time. I’d been scared for a long time that I might go back.
But I decided it was better to leave them as they were. As long as I didn’t touch them, it would be fine, and there was always the possibility of unexpected situations. So I couldn’t throw them away yet. Mother advised me.
“If you don’t read something, you’ll almost never read it later either.”
It was time to leave. I roughly sorted through the miscellaneous items scattered in front of me and prepared to go to school. As I was leaving, I shouted once more.
“Really, you don’t have to clean up that bookshelf. Just leave it as is.”
The living room was quiet. I spoke again as I went out the door.
“You have to leave it as is!”
In-sae was waiting for me in front of my house.
“Is there anyone who hasn’t decided on a group?”
The classroom was quiet with no one answering. The teacher seemed to take that as meaning there wasn’t anyone, tapped the teacher’s desk with their hand, and proceeded with class with an unchanged expressionless face.
“Everyone’s unified on topics. But don’t copy what the kids next to you are doing.”
The teacher started class again. I could feel In-sae’s gaze. When I mouthed “why?” to him, he made a puzzled expression.
“Don’t have conversations by mouthing words, go to the back.”
The teacher said without even turning around. I quietly went to the back. The teacher explained more about the group project.
As soon as the break bell rang, I asked.
“What were you trying to say earlier?”
“I was asking why you were staring.”
My curiosity vanished in an instant. I thought he had said something important.
The next period was a moving class, so I gathered my textbooks and came out. In-sae chose a path that went around a bit. He put his hand on the wall and went down the stairs. Some time had passed when In-sae asked.
“But Han Cho-yeon also had a lot of strange parts like you. Is he the same as you too?”
“Cho-yeon? I’m not really sure about that far.”
I answered as if I knew nothing at all. That was it. In-sae didn’t seem to have any more curiosity about Cho-yeon. He didn’t seem to have the curiosity to interrogate me to the end like he did with me. Seeing In-sae like that, my feelings became strange.
It was already time for the bell to have rung, but the teacher hadn’t come in. The seat next to me was Hee-ae’s, and Cho-yeon sat in the seat in front of me. In-sae was in the awkward position of being in the section next to me. Cho-yeon, who had been looking at the schoolyard, said.
“It’s a bit regrettable that the dog hole in the gym storage was blocked. It would be convenient to go in and out of school through there.”
“The P.E. teacher has been watching it day and night in case kids would do that.”
I answered while leaning over to look toward the auditorium. As I said, the P.E. teacher was walking around the auditorium area. Cho-yeon looked at me and said.
“Clear your schedule today.”
“Today?”
It was out of the blue. Moreover, Cho-yeon spoke not in a tone of asking me but in a commanding tone. I asked, flustered by Cho-yeon’s sudden words.
“What’s that supposed to mean? Because of the group project?”
“Yeah. I looked into it and there aren’t many related books in our school library. What a situation.”
“Really? Then we’ll have to go to another library.”
I answered Cho-yeon’s words and pondered. As always, I didn’t have anything to do today anyway.
“Let’s go together after school ends. But how did you research it? Phone during class?”
I asked as a question arose in the middle of speaking, but Cho-yeon just looked at the window rattling in the wind. It seemed he hadn’t been listening to class diligently.
After waiting a moment for the teacher to come, something suddenly came to mind. I stretched out my arm and poked Cho-yeon as I spoke.
“I don’t think we need to go to the library. We can just search on the internet.”
“I don’t want to.”
Cho-yeon answered indifferently.
“Do you like books? The analog is better than digital, that kind of thing?”
I asked while even gesturing with my hands. Cho-yeon made an expression like that was absurd. He said quietly so those around couldn’t hear.
“It’s boring being alone at home all the time too. But it’s not like I can go meet my family who I’m not even close with.”
“Is that the only reason?”
“Were you hoping for more? That’s it.”
Cho-yeon’s attitude in answering was resolute. It was enough to make me feel hurt instead. As I kept looking at Cho-yeon, something came to mind.
“I should return that side dish container, but I forgot about it.”
“Ah, come give it to me later. Today we can go to the library together.”
Cho-yeon made an expression like he’d realized something belatedly. Had he forgotten about it in the meantime after giving it to me?
A while later the teacher came. Cho-yeon didn’t seem pleased with such a teacher.
After class ended, we headed to a nearby library. People’s footsteps followed sparsely. Not many people were sitting in the library chairs.
“They built this library quite large.”
Cho-yeon said as if adding a comment. He seemed to look around, then gave up on that too. I looked around on my own with fascination.
“The library here is really spacious. It looked big from the outside, but it looks even bigger from the inside.”
When I suddenly looked around, Cho-yeon had disappeared. I was misunderstanding that he’d gotten lost in the meantime when Cho-yeon reappeared and handed me a small piece of cut paper while explaining.
“I found the locations of the books.”
“Why are you so fast? You’re doing everything by yourself.”
In any case, it was convenient for me. Cho-yeon and I passed by bookshelves. Then at Cho-yeon’s suggestion, we split up in the middle. It was because the book locations were in opposite directions.
When I found my book and turned around, Cho-yeon was walking toward me. The passage between the bookshelves was narrow, so it didn’t seem like two people could pass through. I nodded toward Cho-yeon and said.
“The next one is on your side, right? It looks like you can just turn back and go straight.”
I stood still, hoping he would turn back and go. But Cho-yeon didn’t move and just stood still like me. I pointed at Cho-yeon and said quietly.
“Did you decide to become a statue here? The dignified statue of an ancient library. Blocking the way to the next bookshelf, the clothes you’re wearing and the bag you’re carrying seem to be decorations characteristic of a gatekeeper.”
At my words, Cho-yeon, who had been continuously staring at me, chuckled. He was still blocking my way, then finally moved. I said awkwardly.
“I thought you were going to move aside now.”
“You’re supposed to be quiet in a library. You keep chattering away, so we’re going to get kicked out soon.”
Cho-yeon retorted and hugged me.
If it were the past, I probably would have laughed and pushed him away and backed off. Or I would have been flustered and at a loss for words. But I decided to do nothing and just stay still.
“Looking at the situation now, I’m relieved that I won’t be kicked out alone.”
However, I didn’t keep my mouth shut. I wasn’t at all accustomed to this kind of atmosphere. I was earnestly looking for books until just now, and I don’t know what the hell we’re doing now.
Cho-yeon frowned as if I was annoying. Even though Cho-yeon made all sorts of faces, I didn’t give up and continued to nag.
“No matter how much of a corner this is, people pass by.”
“There’s no one around, you didn’t look around properly, did you?”
Cho-yeon released his arms that had been hugging me without hesitation and stepped away. He seemed to have gotten angry at my nagging. He even walked quite far away.
In the end, I was the one who approached first and held out my hand. He hesitated as if pondering whether to push me away more. I held his hand and walked around looking for books.
“Stop moving your hand.”
I reprimanded Cho-yeon. Cho-yeon, who had been fidgeting with his hand, flinched in surprise. He seemed to move his hand even more, but soon gave up on his own and left it still.
In the library, there’s quite a lot of space between bookshelves. Especially as you go deeper in, there are more such places.
There’s no particular reason why I’m suddenly saying this. It’s because we ended up coming all the way to a corner among corners, a place that doesn’t seem like anyone would enter unless they were looking for a specific book.
Author: Hyacinthus B
Hyacinthus
