Chapter 2
Shortly after, a response was heard and the attendant slowly opened the door. The massive door, carved from a single piece of wood rather than assembled from multiple pieces, opened without a single creak. Blair, who had been standing with perfect posture ingrained from years of practice, moved forward with a neat and elegant gait.
“Oh, Blair.”
“Your Majesty, I present myself before you.”
Blair slightly bowed his head and quickly surveyed the interior of the office. He immediately understood why the attendant had hesitated. There was another person in the imperial office besides the Emperor.
“I present myself to Duke Gladius.”
A young man with pink hair stood up and bowed deeply to Blair. His fair face was flushed, and his red lips were swollen and moist, making it painfully obvious what kind of mischief they had been up to moments before.
“Lord Leonard. It’s been a while since I’ve seen you.”
Blair greeted him with a calm smile. The pink-haired man was the Emperor’s current favorite young man. Though he was a commoner who should never have been able to enter the Emperor’s private office in the inner palace, Blair felt no desire to point this out. If the Emperor, the ruler of this country, wished it so, it wouldn’t be right for a subject to criticize what was improper. That wasn’t a subject’s place.
Regardless of whether Leonard stood there awkwardly or not, Blair had a job to do. He placed the documents he had brought on the desk, which was remarkably neat compared to Aaron’s desk earlier.
“Hmm, so, what is it?”
The Emperor cleared his throat and nodded toward the documents Blair had brought. His honey-gold hair, curled beautifully, flowed past his shoulders. Clearly the hair that had been carefully arranged by several maids that morning was now disheveled, and the reason was obvious. But Blair pretended not to notice and handed the documents to the Emperor.
“Documents requiring your approval, Your Majesty. I’ve brought papers from the Military Affairs Department along with those from the Finance Department provided by the Finance Minister. Please review them and send them back after stamping your seal. The Finance Department’s documents are more urgent, so I would appreciate if you could review those first.”
His voice was composed, his gaze calmly settled, and his posture impeccable. He was the perfect picture of propriety, worthy of being featured in an essential etiquette manual.
While the two caught in their tryst had embarrassed, flushed faces, Blair’s expression remained impassive, as if nothing unusual had happened.
“Ahem, ahem. Understood. You may leave now.”
“As these are urgent documents, please review them promptly and send them down. I will take my leave now.”
Blair slightly bowed his head after stating his business without any unnecessary pleasantries.
Kyle, who was casually flipping through the documents, discreetly glanced at Blair.
“Yes, you may go.”
“Please excuse yourself, Duke Gladius.”
The two men awkwardly bid Blair farewell. After politely completing his bow, Blair turned around. His black hair swayed above his immaculately worn black uniform. Amid his entirely calm, dark appearance, only his violet eyes stood out vividly. The attendant, who saw Blair exit the office, nervously escorted him out.
Had Blair been a nobleman with a nasty temperament, he might have severely reprimanded the attendant for failing to properly serve the Emperor. Many nobles would have deliberately spoken loudly enough for the Emperor inside to hear. The Emperor fooling around with his favorite boy in his office, during official working hours no less—it certainly wasn’t behavior befitting an emperor’s dignity.
“Why are you watching me so nervously? You’ve done nothing wrong.”
Blair smiled slightly, easing the attendant’s tension. He had no intention of scolding the attendant. After all, reprimanding the attendant would essentially mean finding fault with the Emperor. He had no intention of reproaching either the attendant or the Emperor. Rather, the attendant, startled by his words, quickly replied:
“Um, no, not at all. Please proceed, Your Grace.”
“Keep up the good work.”
Blair smiled faintly and left the room. He bit his lip imperceptibly before slowly walking down the long corridor, looking straight ahead. Briefly leaning against the wall, Blair heaved a deep sigh. By now he should have been over it, yet his inconsiderate heart refused to calm down.
Though it wasn’t the first time he had witnessed such a scene, each time his heart ached. His foolish heart never seemed to learn. It was fortunate he had only seen them apart—had he witnessed them kissing and clinging to each other, he would have felt his heart plummet into an abyss.
He felt this way whenever he saw people who suited the Emperor, Kyle. Perhaps the pain that struck the center of his chest marked the seat of his emotions. That aching spot might be where his heart truly resided. They said love, sorrow, and affection were merely abstract concepts that didn’t truly exist. But the pain felt in the center of his heart was certainly no mere concept. No mere concept could cause such heartache.
Fifteen years. A full fifteen years had passed. Aaron had been raging earlier about how incompetent the new civil servants who passed the exams were, but the truly foolish one was Blair himself. Counting from their academy days when they studied together, they had known each other for 17 years now. Ten years since the tumultuous times of battlefield struggles and succession disputes. In the end, Blair had been in love with Kyle for over a decade. He couldn’t object to being called a fool.
Fifteen years had passed since he first realized his unrequited love at eighteen. Enough time for the mountains and rivers to change once and halfway again. Aaron, who used to hang out with them, was already married with a beautiful daughter. Feelings like love and affection, mere concepts as they were, should have worn away long ago. The feelings should have dulled by now; such one-sided emotions as unrequited love should have folded, but the heart didn’t disappear so easily.
It was actually more powerful and persistent than other, more tangible things. Whenever he saw Kyle with someone else, it felt as if sharp, well-manicured nails were tearing at his heart. Perhaps to end his unrequited love, he would truly need to endure until he could rip out that place in his heart. Only when his heart was completely empty would he finally be able to stop.
Now, like the long, thick roots of a great tree stretching out to grip the earth, Blair’s shattered heart was held together by the vines of unrequited love that had settled upon it. Despite all that training, all those wounds, all that pressure, his heart never hardened.
With so many scratches and injuries, his heart should have developed muscles and calluses like those on his arms and legs, becoming tough enough to roll without injury. By now, he should have been able to tumble through a field of thorns without a single scratch. But the heart truly had no capacity to learn. Once wounded areas healed, calluses should form. But with new injuries before scabs could even form, the wounds never had a chance to heal. It was an extremely soft, incompetent, and tender place that couldn’t be trained and couldn’t learn.
Feeling an ache in his chest, he pressed his palm firmly against it. After composing himself, Blair swept back the hair that had fallen over his forehead and smiled faintly. Perhaps it really was time to give up.
Kyle was the Emperor. Blair quietly observed the empresses and imperial consorts that Kyle brought in, as if it were the most natural thing. After seizing the throne following a protracted succession dispute, it was understandable that Kyle would want to solidify his position through political marriages.
And intellectually, Blair could understand that he, as a man, was not included among Kyle’s objects of sexual desire. Though it was unrequited love, if he brainwashed himself into believing it was loyalty to his lord or admiration for a beautiful creation, it wouldn’t be unbearable.
Hair like threads of honey. Blue eyes. An elegant jawline and straight nose. If you lined up all the women yearning to touch this man who looked like a painting, they could circle the imperial capital three times, so it was only natural that Blair, with his ordinary aesthetic sense, would be enchanted.
Kyle rarely slept alone. Countless people seeking beauty and power passed through Kyle’s life. There were endless fools who, like moths to a flame, threw themselves at his burning light.
But after the appearance of the pink-haired young man, Leonard, the atmosphere changed dramatically. The subtle balance collapsed. Kyle, who had seemed to never consider men as objects of sexual desire, began to keep Leonard by his side. He appeared genuinely infatuated, acting differently than he had before. It was unlike his behavior with the empresses and consorts, with whom he merely maintained basic manners.
Although he had been quite strict about separating public and private affairs, he now brought Leonard into his office as seen earlier, and granted enormous benefits to someone who was clearly a commoner. Since Leonard hadn’t shown excessive greed so far, Blair had simply observed, but the gifts Kyle kept bestowing on his male favorite without any title were extravagant.
And who knew what pillow talk they might have exchanged. Even Blair couldn’t know that. It wouldn’t be dignified for a duke of the empire to inquire about the Emperor’s bedroom affairs. No matter what excuse he might make, the root of it would be jealousy, so Blair decided not to look into it and paid no attention.
After it became widely known that the Emperor’s heart was attached to Leonard, there were several rumors that the great nobles were working behind the scenes to establish connections with Leonard. Everything was dissatisfying, but Blair simply observed silently, wondering if he was failing to view the situation objectively because of his jealousy.
But now, whether it was jealousy or whatever else, he no longer wanted to think about it. He just wanted to let it all go. He had no more mental energy to waste. He had been tired for a long time. There was no heart left to use as fuel. Blair’s heart had already been completely burned to ashes. Though it barely maintained the form of a heart, if anyone nudged it, it would crumble immediately, its original shape becoming unrecognizable.
Indeed, he felt he had done enough. Despite countless failures over fifteen years, it was truly time to give up his feelings. And somehow, this time, he felt he could really put things in order. Blair cleared his complicated thoughts. His vivid purple eyes slowly disappeared beneath his eyelids.
The summer imperial palace was thick with greenery. The weather was exceptionally clear and the breeze was cool. After closing his eyes for a while, savoring the scent of grass carried by the wind, Blair suddenly opened his eyes and left his spot.
[To be continued in the next part…]
Author: Hyacinthus B
Hyacinthus
