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Part 2. Some Opportunity
Jang Yeonhu’s gaze looking down at Han Jaekyung was colder than ever before. That Jang Yeonhu, of all people. For Jang Yeonhu, of all people, to look at Han Jaekyung, of all people, with such eyes—this was truly the first time in over twenty years of knowing each other. Though Jaekyung knew well that Jang Yeonhu, who outwardly went around always smiling and pretending to be such a good-natured person, was actually someone who calculated faster than anyone else, Han Jaekyung had believed without a doubt that he alone existed somewhere far removed from all of Yeonhu’s calculations. But this moment was different.
“I’m disappointed, Han Jaekyung.”
So simply. So easily—Jang Yeonhu’s voice expressing disappointment was all too unfamiliar. Perhaps even more so than those cold eyes.
“Wait, my… listen to what I have to say.”
So it was perhaps natural that Han Jaekyung began floundering in something close to panic-like terror. He reflexively grabbed onto the sleeve of Jang Yeonhu, who stood blocking Choi Eunseong protectively, but Yeonhu shook off Jaekyung’s hand with a sharp motion. Jaekyung’s hands began trembling. He couldn’t tell who this was anymore. He truly didn’t know who this strange man before his eyes was. At least it wasn’t the Jang Yeonhu that Han Jaekyung knew. Absolutely not that pushover of a man who would drive through the night from a business trip in the provinces and bring whatever Jaekyung wanted within hours if he so much as complained over the phone.
“Talk? What talk. I don’t need to hear it—it’s obvious. What, our mother… or maybe grandfather. Ah! Or perhaps father?”
Just as I used to listen to whatever you said, you listened to whatever they said, didn’t you. At those mocking words laced with sharp sarcasm, Han Jaekyung’s mind became completely scattered. Even if Yeonhu had said he was angry and asked how he could do such a thing to his lover, dousing him with ice water, it would have been less shocking than this.
The more one’s sore spot is jabbed, the more violently one jumps, doesn’t one? Jaekyung knew well that his character wasn’t particularly admirable. Especially when dealing with Jang Yeonhu. But it had been fine nonetheless, because it came from the confidence born of certainty that Yeonhu alone would unconditionally accept any aspect of Jaekyung.
For Jaekyung, who had no parents to lean on, Jang Yeonhu—whom he had first met around age six or seven and who had given him everything and allowed him everything to an enviable degree—was an irreplaceable existence. It was Yeonhu who had stayed up all night nursing him when he was sick, who had slipped up beside him with a book tucked under his arm when Jaekyung hung his head in dejection over his inability to make friends due to his finicky personality… Even looking after Han Jaekyung’s meals and sleep before important exams—all of these had been Yeonhu’s role.
As a result, Jang Yeonhu had become such a natural presence to Han Jaekyung. Like adolescents who speak kindly enough to others but only grumble in front of their own parents for no reason, Han Jaekyung too had spoken and acted however he pleased in front of Yeonhu without any calculations. He had thought he could do so forever, and had intended to do so forever.
Giving up the status of ‘lover’ had been quite a bone-cutting decision for himself as well… Naturally, he wanted to receive from Yeonhu all the portions except what he could rightfully demand by virtue of that status. Though he was the one who had announced their breakup, it was an incomprehensible sense of injustice. Though Jaekyung didn’t know it, until now Yeonhu had been happily fanning those feelings of injustice from beside Jaekyung.
But after gradually hiding away one person’s attitude and any opportunity for growth, throwing it all in the trash, now Yeonhu had donned a neat mask and stepped back to shower Jaekyung with arrows of criticism in line with society’s ‘common sense.’
With each word that flowed so easily from his lips, Jaekyung’s world crumbled step by step. It was destructive power that could easily accomplish that and more.
“Jaekyung, to you I might have been some pathetic bastard who’d die at your word, but… at least to me you were a real friend. That’s why I trusted you and introduced Eunseong to you before anyone else.”
If it had been the usual Jaekyung, he would have shouted what kind of nonsense that was. How could the relationship between you and me possibly be defined as mere ‘real friends’—he would have grabbed that proud collar and yelled. He would have grabbed Jang Yeonhu’s hair and shaken him unreasonably, not caring about others’ gazes. In the relationship between Han Jaekyung and Jang Yeonhu, there was no flow more natural than that.
Jaekyung’s one and only pushover—that is, Jang Yeonhu who had faithfully followed Jaekyung—was someone who would willingly bow his head and push his crown under those palms if Jaekyung intended to grab his hair.
“…Let’s go, Eunseong. I’m really sorry about today.”
After glaring at Jaekyung for a long while with burning eyes, Yeonhu turned to look at Choi Eunseong with an apologetic expression and bowed his head. His back was completely turned away from Jaekyung. That broad back facing the completely opposite direction gradually grew distant. As if Jaekyung had tried to harm something precious to him, while completely enveloping Choi Eunseong.
“……”
And here. Only Han Jaekyung remained alone, reduced to a pathetically abandoned toy. His hands no longer trembled. He had no strength left to tremble.
Jaekyung slowly, yet with more resolute will than anyone, tried to erase from his mind the retreating figure of Jang Yeonhu by blinking several times and shaking his head, but it was all futile struggling.
“This can’t be… This can’t be happening. This is a dream… It must be a dream… Jang Yeonhu, to me… There’s no way Yeonhu would, no way he could…”
Blood had begun beading red at the tips of his fingernails that he had started gnawing at without realizing. It was Jaekyung’s old habit that unfailingly resurfaced when anxiety reached its peak. When he had become sensitive while preparing for college entrance exams, when the bar exam was just around the corner—Jaekyung had always gnawed his nails like this until not one of his ten fingers remained intact. This habit had been particularly severe just before Jang Yeonhu’s military enlistment.
‘…It must hurt so much. I’d rather you bite my hand instead. It hurts, doesn’t it? Please don’t bite them.’
The man who used to apply ointment with his own more pained expression, carefully blowing gentle breaths whenever Jaekyung bit his nails, had disappeared without a trace. There was no particular way to wake up from this nightmare-like reality.
Han Jaekyung had now finally become completely alone.
* * *
Come to think of it, Jang Yeonhu had confessed his love to Jaekyung quite many times. Even after their brief romance ended, when Jaekyung was dating Moon Yeonu under the pretense of keeping up appearances, it was no exception. After all, he had even suggested they run away together on the very day of his engagement ceremony.
I don’t need the company. I only need you. Let’s run away together somewhere. Every time he heard such pie-in-the-sky talk, young Jaekyung’s heart would shake helplessly too. Sometimes the impulse to just nod recklessly and embrace him would surge up. But for that, Jang Yeonhu was far too beloved a son and grandson. Perhaps because he was an only son born to an only son. Setting aside the family’s wealth, Yeonhu was cherished by his grandparents and parents like a precious jewel that wouldn’t hurt even if placed in their eyes. And what about the maternal grandparents and uncles who came to see their grandson born to their precious daughter every month without fail.
Jaekyung wasn’t even envious of Jang Yeonhu. Envy was an emotion that arose only when there was a gap one could somewhat hope to catch up with. However, in Han Jaekyung’s eyes, the environment Jang Yeonhu was in looked truly ‘perfect.’
Because of that perfection, Han Jaekyung always had to turn back at the final wall.
Whether it was really possible to completely steal Jang Yeonhu away from that perfect world filled with devoted love and complete affection… Young Han Jaekyung, who had nothing but Yeonhu’s meager favor, had no way to judge. Not to mention, he had no confidence to handle the aftermath if he grabbed that hand and ran away only for Yeonhu to have a change of heart.
Deep affection sometimes erupted like hatred and resentment. Why, why are you so perfect. Why are you so perfect that… you make it impossible for me to even dare hope. Yet why, on that subject, do you act so tenderly that I can’t give up either.
When the arrow spun round and round, the bonds of resentment ultimately turned toward himself. From the beginning, like Jang Yeonhu—no, even if not as much as Yeonhu, that would have been fine. Just like others. Just enough that even if abandoned by Jang Yeonhu, he would have at least the minimum safety net guaranteed to somehow rebuild his life again. Just that much, if only he had even ordinary parents. The thought had surged up that perhaps he could recklessly run away impulsively at least once.
It wasn’t that he hadn’t thought of relying on his uncle at all, but… at the time, his uncle’s employers were ultimately the adults of Yeonhu’s family too. Given the nature of his profession, if rumors spread wrongly even once, there was great risk of never being able to find another job.
The precious young master, tired of childish games and missing his family, could just return home and that would be that, but what about the sand shovel left all alone in the spot where that young master had played? Han Jaekyung decided that rather than become a discarded toy, he would become an ornament that would never be sold and only be displayed.
Whether it was fortunate or unfortunate was hard to judge now, but Jang Yeonhu had treated the ornament placed before him quite preciously. So while Han Jaekyung was sometimes wistful, he had never once regretted his choice until now…
‘I’m disappointed, Han Jaekyung.’
Those cold eyes and voice from that day were not easily forgotten. It might be because he hadn’t been able to have a proper conversation with Jang Yeonhu even once since then. Now even at the company, when Yeonhu encountered Han Jaekyung, he would pass by with completely indifferent eyes like he was looking at a stranger. Rather, it was Choi Eunseong beside him who acknowledged him with only his eyes, wearing a more embarrassed expression.
Having thought vaguely that by making this choice, by wearing the guise of friendship, Jang Yeonhu would continue to remain by his side, Han Jaekyung couldn’t adapt at all to the world that had suddenly changed overnight. It was a truly strange sensation. Just one person, Jang Yeonhu, had changed his attitude, yet the entire world surrounding Han Jaekyung had changed 180 degrees.
“…Is Deputy Jang Yeonhu in?”
Before he knew it, his assignment to Woojin Group’s legal team was nearing its end. Han Jaekyung, who had to return to the law firm starting next week, mustered up courage for once and visited the planning team. The employee sitting at the outermost desk smiled kindly and asked, “He’s here, but who should I say is asking?”
“Han Jaekyung from the legal team.”
“Yes, just a moment. I’ll let him know. He’ll be right out.”
As the employee in the well-fitting pencil skirt went inside with clicking heels, and while waiting for that moment when Jang Yeonhu would follow her out, Han Jaekyung was almost on the verge of fainting. His hands and feet were cold and his head wasn’t working well. He didn’t even know how he had spent the past few days. Just, just at least… he felt like he needed to see that face to survive.
“Um… I’m sorry, but Deputy Jang says he’s busy right now and can’t come out.”
“Excuse me?”
“He asked me to pass along just a memo instead. Here it is.”
But contrary to Han Jaekyung’s expectations, Jang Yeonhu didn’t show himself. It felt like someone had struck him hard on the back of the head. Han Jaekyung remained dazed even as he received and unfolded the memo the employee handed him. He couldn’t quite distinguish where reality ended and where the nightmare began. The neat handwriting was familiar.
[Apologize to Eunseong first. Until then, I won’t see you.]
Tears welled up in his eyes. Ah, it’s definitely reality.
Author: Hyacinthus B
Hyacinthus
