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With his head down, Bunhong muttered to himself.
“……When will I be able to escape from this?”
Even though there had been absolutely no contact with Lee Hanbit since his regression, whenever his self-esteem dropped even a little, thoughts of that guy would inevitably come to mind.
He would unconsciously compare himself, thinking things like ‘Lee Hanbit wouldn’t have been like this.’
After finishing his shower and entering his room, music was flowing from the Bluetooth speaker that Lucy must have turned on.
Surprised by the familiar melody, Bunhong asked.
“Oh, how do you know this song?”
Lucy, who was sitting in a corner of the bed fiddling with his phone, answered.
“This band is famous. They’re all over social media these days too.”
It was exactly the band that Hangeul had introduced him to. Since he was thinking about it anyway, Bunhong decided he should look into the band a bit more and immediately started searching for information about them.
As Lucy had said, they seemed to be very popular with the general public too.
‘So this is the kind of music he likes.’
It was a melody with a similar sensibility to the music Hangeul had played during his street busking performance. Just learning the name of one more singer he liked somehow made him feel closer to him.
He suddenly remembered how Hangeul had looked at the band’s performance and asked if they didn’t look free, genuinely envious.
Had he been envious of being able to freely make the music they wanted?
Curious, he spent a while watching videos on his bed and unknowingly drifted off to sleep.
* * *
The next day, when Bunhong woke up, he realized.
‘Yesterday… I didn’t have nightmares.’
Surprisingly, it had been a really long time since he’d slept comfortably. Just like last night, music was still flowing softly, and he bolted upright in bed. He had forgotten to turn off the power when he fell asleep, but it seemed Lucy had done the same.
When Lucy woke up, he checked his phone that was connected to the speaker and whined that the battery had completely died.
After that minor commotion, they headed to the practice room.
The preparations for their follow-up song activities were finally reaching the final stages.
“Guys. Make your movements a bit bigger here.”
“Yes.”
Although the final choreography check was finished, they continued to match up with the members while modifying their positions according to the choreography teacher’s lead for a perfect stage.
Among them, what unexpectedly caused delays was Bunhong.
Despite having already experienced this stage before his regression, this was already the third time he’d been criticized for the same part.
“Kim Bunhong.”
“……”
“How many times have I told you about making mistakes here? You know what tomorrow’s filming is for. Won’t you get it together?”
Even though the choreography teacher was angry after repeating the same thing several times, Bunhong couldn’t make any excuses.
Unlike the song Neverland, which had been practically Bunhong’s solo stage, JOKER, which was chosen as the follow-up song, had many pair choreographies between members.
So naturally, physical contact was unavoidable. On top of that, the problem was that as Bunhong took on some of Hanbit’s choreography, his parts with Ido increased.
He had definitely thought he was okay, but apparently not.
Perhaps his anger subsided due to Bunhong’s obedient attitude, as the choreography teacher turned his head sharply and said.
“If you make one more mistake, I’m really going to scold you.”
“Yes. I understand.”
Unlike himself who kept getting confused, Jeong Ido’s dancing was disgustingly perfect, which made him let out a hollow laugh.
He remembered the song that Ido had said he wrote for him. Then, who had he written this song that BLACK was now performing for?
The situation of still having to sing and dance to a song that Ido had written, even after knowing the truth, was disgusting. In the end, he went to the bathroom and threw up everything he’d eaten that morning.
“Urgh.”
It was agonizing. Even after vomiting endlessly, the lump of old emotions filling his chest remained the same, making him feel suffocated.
Bunhong leaned against the wall to avoid stumbling and falling, roughly running his hands through his hair. Without realizing it, harsh curses slipped through his teeth.
“Fuck……”
He didn’t know why everything had suddenly become unbearable. Maybe he’d been having a long, long dream since right after he died. An endless nightmare.
“……”
It seemed like new flesh hadn’t grown over the wounds in his heart yet. Otherwise, there was no reason for just a brush of skin to sting like a burn.
He suddenly wondered if hearts could take visible form. If you could see them with your eyes, they wouldn’t be trampled on so carelessly.
‘Why… did you……?’
He roughly wiped away the tears that had formed in his eyes from all the vomiting. He muttered emptily.
“How could you write such songs and……”
In contrast to the harsh cigarette smoke that was always mixed in Ido’s scent, there were beautiful melodies that rose from his fingertips.
Whenever he watched his lover play piano, he would fall in love as if every moment was the first time.
He had believed that the uncertain, intangible emotions that Bunhong possessed could only be defined by his hands.
So when he mulled over the lyrics that Ido wrote, maybe he had hoped that his own heart, which had been meaningless and unable to find direction because it couldn’t reach anywhere, could someday become something plausible too.
In his memory, past Bunhong had carefully spoken to Ido who was playing the instrument.
‘Hyung. Could I try playing it once too?’
Actually, he had wanted to regain the attention that had been stolen by the piano. Ido nodded indifferently and stood up, and Bunhong sat down on the chair.
Unlike Ido who had played skillfully, the moment he looked up with an awkward smile at his clumsy playing, a kiss began.
Leaning against him, Ido’s palm pressed down on the keyboard, causing harsh discord to ring out like a warning.
He was always a lover who thought about endings, but all of that made him want to sing.
Damn it all, even as he tried to get up and walk again,
“Ha.”
Before he could even take a few steps, he collapsed. His strength kept draining away, his knees naturally gave way and he was face-down on the wet floor.
It was the moment he was glaring at the floor and gasping for breath that he heard the sound of a door opening and Bunhong hurriedly looked up.
“……”
Then he saw a face.
Well, what timing – ironically, just then he saw Ido opening the door and coming in.
Author: Hyacinthus B
Hyacinthus
